Behind Her Smile [Louis]

Is it pathetic to only have books as friends? I know, It’s just such an easy escape from my horrible life.
I sigh as I put my book at the very end of my bed, you can’t really call it a bed though, it’s more a very old – almost ancient- mattress covered with the curtains of our previous home. It was nice to think of home, when mom was still alive. It’s all a blur now, almost like a dream. Maybe it is a dream, anyway there is no prove in any way that I was ever in a happy family.
The whispering tone of my sister shook me awake from those thoughts.
“Jess” her eyes looked at me with a mix from fear, pity and hope. My name would have been enough though.
“It’s okay, just pretend you’re asleep, he can’t do anything to you.” I was scared, I was always scared. But no one could know. “I wouldn’t let him touch you” I whispered afterwards.
I heard his footsteps, and quickly thought of all the things I had done. Made dinner, put my money I earned on the ‘table’, did the laundry, .. He would find something though, if he wanted to. I really really hope he isn’t drunk. I open a book and sat straight.
Before he opened mine and my sisters door, I quickly buried the bruises –caused by him- with my sleeve.
“You dirty slut” he opened the door and I looked at him with fear. How stupid could I be? If I wouldn’t be so afraid he couldn’t hurt me so much, because he wouldn’t like it so much. He grinned when he smelled my fear.
“Are, are y-you afraid?” a wave of alcohol hit my nose when he opened his mouth. But seeing at his eyes he wasn’t only drunk. He was stoned. This made everything so much worse.
“I did everything you asked.” I said –to my surprise- on a monotone. He was shocked for a moment because of my blunt reaction. But then he smirked again when he saw my trembling hands.
“No you didn’t.”
Silence.
“I want you to pleasure me” my eyes shot open, by realizing what he meant.
“No way!” I almost screamed, and I shouldn’t of done that. He turned around and hurried to the kitchen. I couldn’t even move before he was back, with a huge knife in his hands. I shook my head over and over again, and for the first time since mom died, I cried in front of his eyes. A tear escaped my eyes.
“Darling, you just should have listened”
“Please, everything but the knife” I begged. I don’t beg, but it was over anyway.
I felt his fist against the side of my head and then I felt nothing anymore.
“Jess” Laura’s voice whispered in panic.
I slowly opened my eyes.
“We have to go, please we have to go Jess” my little sister begged.
“We can’t, Laura” I mumbled weakly.
“Why not?” Her eyes said confusingly.
“He’s my dad.” You have to understand, I still believe he turns into the same smiling guy I knew 8 years ago. I loved him, so much.
“Are you even hearing yourself?” my 9 years old sister asked me.
I didn’t answer.
“Please” her look penetrated my soul.
“Dad will kill us.” I meant it literally, if he finds us he will kill us. Guaranteed.
“We have to risk it, I don’t want to lose you too” her hand quickly reached to her face to wipe away her tears.
“Lower your voice” I hissed, when I heard his footsteps again.
“Is she awake already?” I heard him ask.
I think Laura shook her head because of his answer.
“Who were you talking to, then?”
“I was reading.” She whispered back.
“Gosh, don’t become a failure like your sister. All she does is reading.” It’s not even quite the truth. All I want to do is reading, but when I’m not in school I have to work to earn money to buy me and my sister food, to survive.
You’re probably wondering why I didn’t call the police before. I simply have no mobile phone, or a computer. And after school I don’t have time, besides if dad notices I’m not on my work or school he will beat me up until I can’t talk anymore.
“He’s gone” My sister touches my arm, and I felt a huge pang on my arm, but other than a soft moan, I ignored it.
“Tomorrow, I promise. Make sure you have your valuable stuff in your backpack, before you leave for school.” I whispered faintly.

Notes