Behind Her Smile [Louis]

Come here” He whispered. I laid down beside him and even if I didn’t want to – I did want to- I had to lay against him since the bed was so incredibly small. He softly pressed his lips against my forehead and I closed my eyes to enjoy it even more.
What are we actually?
He wrapped his arm around my body and placed his head in the crook of my neck.
“You smell nice” He mumbled sleepily. I smiled but didn’t answer because his breaths felt heavier against my chest and he didn’t say anything anymore so I assumed he was asleep.
I wish his face wasn’t hidden in the crook of my neck so that I could examine his peaceful face. Instead I intertwined my fingers with his hair and started massaging his scalpel even though it’s no use since he’s sleeping. But it calms me down and it feels right.
A soft moan escaped his lips, though. And I smiled.
I smiled, and it felt so naturally because it didn’t feel heavy on my lips. It felt so good to actually smile without being forced to do so.
I’ve been laying here wide awake for the past two hours and I don’t feel like falling asleep soon. My fingers are numb from making figures in Louis’ hair so I stopped massaging his head, when I do so a quiet protesting sigh escaped Louis lips. I tried to escape from Louis’ grip – what was harder than expected- but when I finally did I woke him up.
“I am soooo sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up” I whispered.
“Why were you going?” His voice sounded adorably sleepy but his eyes were confused and disappointed.
“Oh no! I just couldn’t sleep so I was about to go read” I pointed at the other side.
“Come back please” he begged and I couldn’t say no. Like I literally couldn’t say no, because he was already dragging me to his bed again.
“I had the best dream ever” he smiled cutely when I laid in his arms again.
“I’m happy for you, dude” I chuckled at my comment and laid my head on his chest to hear his heartbeat.
“Please tell me why you were so upset before” His hands were softly caressing my back. And with his words I instantly froze.
I’ve never talked about my life with anyone. But Louis is different, right? We are sort of together, aren’t we?
I let out a trembling sigh.
“Please” He whispered softly.
“Okay.” I took a moment and then started.
“Well, uhh” I covered my face in his chest to I don’t know protect myself? “I never talked to someone about this ever, so feel honored.” I slapped him playfully on his shoulder right above my face.
“Okay , okay. I feel honored” He chuckled. I waited until he stopped chuckling so that my face wouldn’t go up and down whenever I whispered a word.
“So When I was younger I was really happy and had this amazing guy friend who I did everything with. We were the best friends ever and I was madly in love with him, well madly in love around the age of five.” Louis sighed.
“I don’t think I can handle you talking about your ex boyfriends. I promise I won’t hurt you” He whispered back.
“Please let me finish, this is really hard for me.” I tilted my head to look at him for a second, but then placed it on his chest again. His fingers immediately found my arm again and started to caress it softly.
“So around the age of seven my mom died” I sucked in a breath when I remembered how devastated my dad was when he told me.
“Laura was one or two. And my dad was devastated, he changed. So he kept me inside to do some things like cleaning and stuff. I didn’t go to school for 3 years so my friend, called Max moved without saying goodbye apparently he wrote me a letter to tell me he was in love with me and he wanted me to come with him but my dad hided it for me and I only found it a few months ago.” I didn’t say anything for a while.
“I didn’t had any friends anymore because I barely left the house and Max was gone so the only person I saw was my sister. But then my dad started drinking and we had so much debt, we had to move out and leave in some slum house, it was horrible. My dad started drinking and he became very violent, so after a while I convinced him to go to school and work afterwards. So I did. I started working for our family, for Laura because she deserved better. So once, when I was in school-” I started chuckling a little and only then I realized my cheeks were wet. Louis thumbs were stroking gently on my soaked cheeks and he kissed my forehead softly.
“I was very awkward in school and everybody thought I was the weirdest girl they had ever seen, but I was so little around people that I didn’t know how to act around them so I was not myself with them. But one guy told me he liked my laugh and he was so gorgeous himself and was talking to me, the freak. I really liked him because he said one thing to me, but later I heard from someone else he had to tell that for a bet with his friends. It was always like that, I had no friends and people rather stayed away from me than say one word to me.” I sighed and moved my head a little so that I could see Louis. His eyes were red and filled with tears.
“Is this caused by him?” his voice cracked when his fingertip slowly followed the line on my arm.
I nodded embarrassed.
“How?”
“Knife” I whispered.
“He cut your arm?” I didn’t answer because it was so obvious.
“Did he beat you?” I nodded again and covered my head in the crook of his neck, I didn’t dare to look at him.
“But” his whisper trembled. “But you are so sweet and beautiful” I blushed lightly and his arms tightened around me.
“Please look at me.” He begged.
I looked up, but I barely could see anything because of the curtain of tears in my eyes.
“You know I truly want you to be here, right?” He looked hopeful. To be honest, I was still waiting to tell him he’s paid to be with me and break my heart afterwards.
I shrugged softly.
“Jess, I love you” My heart stopped but I couldn’t bring out one word.
“I mean it with all I’ve got.” I burst out in tears again, I am so scared he’ll break my heart because he will break everything. He literally has my soul in his hands.
I hid my face in his chest again while he held me, caressing softly my back again.
“I’m so sorry” He kept whispering, kissing my hair softly.

Notes