Behind Her Smile [Louis]

“I think I should go” his eyes wandered from some point in the distance to my face again. I followed his glance to see Louis walking away in the opposite way of us. Zayn was already gone before I could say something.
After a few minutes I started to hear some sounds. Mostly some voices scream through the microphone and unfinished songs. Probably sound check. I let the sound penetrate my ear as I closed my eyes. Pain and disappointment overwhelmed me as I let memories of all times enter my brain. I am so lost in the millions of thoughts that doesn’t seem to let me alone. They literally haunt me. I want to be the careless child again, like I used to be. I remember my older brother like I’ve seen him yesterday. He used to dress up in superman and chase after me, I screamed every time when he caught me in his arms, and later he would tell me those breathtaking stories while laying on the trampoline watching the clouds. He was so good in seeing things in the clouds, he was my hero and I craved to be to Laura what he was to me. But I failed so miserably like everything else. I wish I could see him again, I needed him so much.
“Louis, come back” the voice barely reached my ears because it was so far away. I didn’t even notice I had been crying until I opened my eyes, my cheeks were like a river. Cold and wet.
I wiped them away just before Louis entered the small aisle.
“You know, Zayn is engaged.” His eyes locked on mine and I couldn’t read his facial expression at all.
“Okay?” I almost whispered by his sudden outburst.
“He loves Perrie a lot.” He barks again.
“That’s great.” I stood up, taking his wrist when he wanted to walk away. “I’m sorry” I said a little louder but still very nervous.
“For what?” I perplexed. He wasn’t serious right?
“Not kissing you back?” I tried. And he started to laugh like I told him the most hilarious joke he’d ever heard. A laugh without the slightest kind of happiness.
“I would never want kiss you, we’re friends.” My heart broke at the words.
“I thought..” He was being sooo childish, I mean he just came to me to say Zayn was engaged right? Why would he say that if he didn’t had feelings for me. “Oh, sorry” I mumbled as I looked around to find a restroom.
“Don’t be sorry. I know where you’re going through. I hate it too, I disappoint a lot of girls.
“I mean. I am sorry I damaged your damn big ego” I shot back and walked away. I immediately regret my words, I mean I basically am depended from him and I just hurt him even more. I turned around to see Louis still standing there looking in my direction. When he saw me he looked the other way, but I saw what ached my heart. He was so hurt and it was my fault.
“I’m so sorry” I mouthed and walked back in his direction. I would bet he would walk away if he wasn’t paralyzed by my sudden harsh tone.
He didn’t say anything.
I was only a few feet away and I seriously had the intension to kiss him, the way I should of let him yesterday. But before I had the chance he turned around and walked away.
“Rot in hell.” His voice strong.
Why, Jess? Why would you fuck up again if you got a second chance.
It was only 10 minutes before they were supposed to perform. I had no idea what to do. Should I go back home? How? I had certainly not enough money..
I called Rick , but as soon as I heard his voice through his voicemail I hang up.
Louis was rude right?
I deserved it anyway.
I really wanted to run into their dressing room and tell him I loved him. But that would be sooooo incredibly creepy.
“You’re still alive in there?” An Irish accent echoed through the small restroom.
“Barely” I opened the door, to see a familiar smile. I smiled along when seeing his cheeks flushed, twinkles in his eyes and excitingly jumping in the air.
“Tell me what’s wrong.” He stopped jumping in the air, pulling me in a hug.
“You have to go rock this place” I pushed him away with a lot of mental effort.
“Tell me later.” He looked sternly.
“Goooooo” I pushed him in the shoulder.
“No, not until you promise you’ll tell me what’s wrong.”
“Niall!” a low voice made the entire building go silent. Well at least all the people in the aisle, mostly crew.
You could still hear the hysterical girls screaming things, I couldn’t even understand because everything was so loud.
“Go, before you get killed” I remark sarcastically.
“Come watch us, please.” He begs, his lips pouting.
“I’ll be there in just a second. I promise.”
“You better keep your promises” It looked like he didn’t really mean this promise. I did I promise someone something else? Or him? Or why am I over thinking again?
***
“Have you ever heard them before?” Paul asked curiously, probably my tongue was somewhere on the ground of amazement.
I shook my head.
“They’re incredible.” In some way I disliked that. I didn’t want them to be so good, I just wanted them as my friends, who lived back in London so that I wouldn’t feel this shitty being here without any good reason.
“I know they are” Paul looked almost proud, like they belonged to him. I smiled at his reaction.
“This is their last song.” Disappointment . Again.
Louis looked so lost on that huge stage. His hair was so fluffy and I really wanted to touch it, he was so cute. Yet I think he’d kill me if I called him cute. I mean back when we were friend, now he’d kill me if I said anything at all.
“Harry was talking to the crowd, like all the others but Louis sat down on one of those huge blocks. He looked at his hands and sadness raged into my veins. It was like poison, it was suffocating me.
“Byeeeeee, you guys were incredible. Thanks for having us” Niall finished as they walked backstage. Should I run away, for not bothering you know, Louis? Or ? should I tell them how incredible they were. They wouldn’t care anyway I’m just a number. Just the countless girl. The girl without a name. I’m probably the fly around their ears that keeps annoying me today.
Zayn looked at me and I was probably looking very sad, without even wanting it. He tugged at Louis’ shirt and pulled him by his arm and started talking.
“And?” Niall laughed. Really laughed from joy. I loved to see him like this.
“How were we?” Harry’s eyes were soft. This boy confuses me like no other person ever did.
“I have no words. I, I just can’t explain” I gave up trying I started chuckling a little bit when Harry grinned at me.
Niall hugged me out of the blue, what made me want to punch him off me out of reflex, but I controlled myself just on time.
“Eww Niall, you’re sweaty” I complained pushing him away after all. Niall didn’t let me go until an arm pulled my body away from him.
“I need to talk to you.” His eyes just like a few hours before. Lifelessly.
I wanted to say something hurtful back, but shut my mouth. Not again.
“I am sorry…” I started but he cut me off.
“Let me talk first.” His lips parted and his forehead lightly furrowed. He didn’t look at me like he always did, he stared through me with his lifeless eyes. He looked tired, but still so cute. His eyes pointing in every direction and his pupils so big almost unnaturally.
“Okay.” I breathed out.
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