Behind Her Smile [Louis]

I could feel his breath against my lips. I closed my eyes slowly and suddenly everything was a blur. Where was I?
“No, no, no, no” I opened my eyes quickly, the fear in Louis’ eyes made me realize it was me who was causing all this. I am so confused? Why would I back off ? I wanted this, didn’t I?
“Sorry, I thought…” His eyes softened again and wandered to his hands in his lap.
“No,..” I wanted to continue and explain myself, but I couldn’t. I loved him so much and I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I stood up, looked back at Louis. He looked back at me with this concerned look in his eyes. I opened my mouth to say something, but closed it before leaving Louis alone.
“Hey” Zayn smiled friendly, when he bumped into me as I closed my door. He grabbed my wrist and looked sternly at me for a few seconds before opening his mouth again.
“Are you okay?”
“No” My voice cracked as I decided not to lie.
“What happened?” He whispered while giving me a hug.
“I don’t know, I’m so stupid.” I lowered my shoulders as I breathe out.
“No, you’re not”
There was a silence for a while, what made time to think about what happened. But I didn’t want to think about it, it was probably the only chance I had with the guy I was in love with, and I blew it. Like I ruin every chance I get.
Besides, Zayn’s shirt made forced me not to think of anything else than the scent of cinnamon and a little mint
“You didn’t kill anyone tough, huh?”
“No” I laughed.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Maybe later” I sighed as I let him go.
“You want me to make you think of something else?” He asked friendly.
“uh” I hesitated.
“Let’s just watch a movie in my room” He smiled.
“Where were you going before I ran into you?”
“Niall’s, we were about to go out. But don’t worry” damn, I hate to be that girl ruining everything. “Or do you want to come along?” I had no idea what I wanted.
But going to my room is not an option. How badly I want to go back to there and erase Louis’ mind for the past 5 minutes. It’s not really realistic.
“Let’s just go to Niall’s and we’ll see, ok?” I nodded.
“Hey, Jess!” Harry’s dorky smile appeared as I walked in.
I waved shyly at him, not really knowing what to do.
“Where’s Louis?” Niall asked, wondering.
“Uh, in my room. Or not, I don’t know”
“What are our plans?” Zayn saved me from an incredibly awkward conversation.
“uh, I don’t know” Niall shrugged.
“I’m not really in the mood for going out” he admitted then.
“C’mon dude, you promised!” Harry’s voice raised.
“I’m sorry”
“I’m going to find Lou” He sighed and stood up.
“No!” I immediately reacted.
“Chill out, I mean female Lou, you know Louise Teasdale?” Both Niall and Zayn’s eyebrows were raised.
“And don’t tell me what to do” his voice cold and threatening. Shivers went through my entire spine, when he left the room.
Zayn and Niall’s eyes begged for an explanation, but I pretended I didn’t notice and just sat down on Niall’s bed.
We spent the entire evening doing nothing specific , just talking and Niall playing some guitar. Not something big, but I had a nice time.
“I should go” Louis probably won’t be in my room anymore.
“Are you coming to watch our show tomorrow?” Zayn craned his neck to see me better.
“I wish I could” I pouted.
“You can’t come?” Niall jumped of his bed. “No Jess, you have to come” he grabbed my shoulders and looked me in the eyes. “You have to”
“I really wish I could” I say once more.
“What do you have to do then?” Zayn looked disappointed.
“You guys are sold out, I can’t come in. Have you seen those bodyguards?” I chuckled as Niall looked mad at me.
“You” he rested his index finger on my forehead, what made me look rather silly. “Are so incredibly mean” he breathed out as he pushed me away.
“I love you too” I smirked. “But really, how am I supposed to come in?” I asked seriously again.
“Don’t worry about that, besides they all know who you are.” I adored how Zayn calmed me down even if I wasn’t tensed.
“Thank you for letting me hang out with you guys tonight” I smiled thankfully and walked out of their door.
Before I closed the door of my hotel room , I saw Louis stumbling into his own room.
I wanted to talk to him so badly, but maybe it was not such a good idea since he looked pretty drunk.
_
It was already 11 AM when I woke up. When I entered the restaurant of the hotel, there was no one familiar. So I decided to go to that coffee shop, not that far away.
It was killing me not hearing something from Louis. I am so stupid, how could I fuck everything up?
To: Louis Tomlinson
Can we talk?
I waited so long, but he didn’t reply. Maybe he didn’t check his phone?
He always replies within 5 minutes, now it’s already been 2 hours.
My heart starts to race when my phone buzzed. But I couldn’t help myself to be disappointed if I read it was not Louis.
From: Zayn Malik
We’re going to leave in 10 minutes, could you come back or have you changed your mind?
I sighed as I replied.
To: Zayn Malik
No, not at all. Be there in 5!
As I entered the hotel, only Liam was downstairs. They were others, but I didn’t recognize them. As soon as Liam saw my face, he laid his hand on the shoulder of the man he was talking to, said something and walked in my direction.
“What did you do?” His voice was friendly, but it was still a dagger into my heart.
“Hello to you too? What do you mean?”
“Louis.. I don’t even wanna know. But please fix it.” I felt the blood rush to my cheeks.
“He doesn’t want to talk to me.” I admitted, I was so embarrassed.
Both Liam and I looked up at the elevator when we heard the familiar ‘ting’ sound , where of course.. Louis was coming out. As soon as he saw me he looked away and walked into the public bathroom.
“Jeeeeez, Liam could you please go find Harry , Louis, Zayn and Niall?” Paul asked after giving me a friendly smile.
“Can I please come with you?”
“No, you go find Louis. I’ll find the others” his voice was harsh.
“You know where he is, I can’t go-“ I stopped as his eyes met mine. “okay” I just couldn’t say no to Liam. He was so sweet, but…
“Hey” a voice I’ve never heard before said casually, as I turned around I saw a guy around the same age as Louis.
“Hi?” I smiled friendly, but I couldn’t help to frown.
“So you’re the famous Jess, huh?”
“You are the famous one, I suppose?” I smirked at the irony.
“I’m Josh, the drummer. Not that I want to mess with your feelings or something. But what have you done to Louis?” he was exactly doing what he didn’t want to, he so was messing with my feelings.
“Oh” I groaned out in frustration.
“Nothing, what’s wrong with Louis?” I was becoming impatient here.
“He hasn’t said a word today. And if you know Louis. That’s not normal.” He laughed, and I laughed along. It was so inappropriate , but it was true.
“I don’t think I can help, he’s not letting me near him.” I sigh.
“Let’s go to the car already. Harry and Louis are driving themselves.” A guy around his fifties yelled. Oh no, I have no idea what to do.
“Jess, come!” Paul motioned to me to come, but I was literally glued to the ground.
“Come on” Liam appeared from nowhere and grabbed my arm walking to a van.
Just before Liam closed the door Niall’s hand stopped his action. “Wait I’m coming with you. Harry already left. And Louis is waiting for Sandy to leave, they will leave as soon as possible.” Niall told someone in a black suit breathlessly.
***
I was feeling so useless and for the thousand time this day I was searching for a reason I was actually here.
Zayn sat down next to me on the ground.
“What are you doing on the ground?” he asked me grinning a little;
“I could ask you the same thing”
“Do you want to talk?” It was more ‘do you please want to tell me what’s going on I’m so curious, please please please tell me’
“Louis tried to kiss me and I didn’t let him and walked away without saying anything” I was literally shocked when that came out of my mouth.
“wow” was all he said. “No wonder he doesn’t want to talk. It’s not that normal to be rejected in these days.”
“I love him.” What am I doing? Fucking think before you speak. I suppose Zayn was as shocked as I was when the words left my lips, but he pulled himself together before answering.
“Why would you pull away then?” I’m glad I told Zayn and not someone else, because Zayn didn’t look at me like I did something wrong. No judgment at all.
“I don’t know” If I was already telling the truth so far, it wouldn’t made such a different to tell everything.
I sighed deeply before I looked at his face.
“You should tell him.” I really wanted to, but he doesn’t let me near him.
“I’m so scared, Zayn” what is coming out of my mouth?
“How so?” he didn’t seem to matter I was being so open, and it bothered me.
“I don’t know” I looked at my hands in my lap, before staring to the wall in front of us.

Notes