Why do You do This to Me?

I embrace the warm water touching my skin cleaning away the awful events from last night. I close my eyes taking in the relaxing feeling of the water and I see him, James, in front of me pushing against the wall. I scream and open my eyes, after realizing it was my mind playing an awful joke on me I catch my breathe. I end up being in the shower for an hour the majority of it sitting on the ground letting the water overtake me and hugging myself. I finally pull myself up and actually finish what I tried to start and eventually get out. I find a pair of clean athletic shorts and a big t-shirt, I put it on and it reaches my knees. I find Niall on the couch watching a basketball game on T.V.
“Hey, thanks for the clothes and letting me use the shower.” I quietly thank him.
“Yeah, no problem.” he tells me finally looking at me.
“So do you want to tell me what happened last night you seemed really freaked out when I drove you?” He begs patting the couch beckoning me to sit down and I do as he requests. “ Well, I don’t really want to talk about it, but i suppose I have to.” I say as I study my fingers.
“OK… tell me.” he says while looking into my eyes, but I quickly look away.
I told him everything but I could tell he was was angry and confused, I look away and try to not notice him staring at me.
“But… he didn’t” he said but stopped and took a deep sigh.
“No,” I say still not looking at him.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, i’m fine,” that was a lie.
“I’m a bit tired” I say trying to change the subject.
“Oh, yeah you can sleep in the guest room.”
“Okay.”
He stood up and held his hand out as I took it and stood next to him, he guided me up the stairs into the the hallway to a door, he opened it to a clean white bedroom.
“I’m just across the hall” he says.
“Thank you” I say
“No problem” he says and walks to his room.
I walk in the room and close the door and jump on the bed and lay there staring at the blank wall and replay all what happened today. If I knew what happened today I would have never left the house. I get comfortable and find myself in the covers and close my eyes and see James and quickly sit up, “go away” I say quietly. I close my eyes again and see him with a big grin on his face. “Please, go away” I say a little louder and feel a tear on my cheek. I stand and walk, I open the door and walk across the hall and open the door and see Niall rubbing his eyes under the covers. “Is there something wrong?” he asked. “Can I stay here with you?” I ask a bit embarrassed. “Yeah, sure” he says and puts his fingers through his hair. I walk to the bed and and lay next to him as he puts the covers on me. I close my eyes and feel more relaxed and put my head on his warm bare chest. “Thank you” I say softly and fall swiftly asleep.

Notes