Nicolette

I tugged my coat tighter around my body as I pushed past the people on the streets, desperate to find my car. The wind crashed against my body relentlessly, followed by the soft patter of raindrops hitting the stone floor of the sidewalks. I pulled my hood over my head and gripped my grocery bags tighter, pushing past another man before reaching my car.
I'd never been so happy to step inside the warmth of my vehicle, but after walking on the streets of London for nearly half a day, it was all I could ask for. I turned the ignition key and sunk into my seat, desperate to warm up before hitting the road. I stretched my hands out towards the heaters and let them do their magic, unfreezing my pale skin. The rain visibly began to freeze on the front window, signaling me to get a move on. There was no way I would be able to drive if a sheet of ice was blocking my sight of the road.
As I drove home, I dreaded seeing my father's face. Every year on this day, he would cry. And he wouldn't stop. Nate and I would have to make some stupid excuse to Noelle for his sudden depression, since he was normally a cheerful person. Our excuse had always been that his parents had divorced on this day, and he was really sensitive about it. Nate and I knew that my dad was all sorrow and tears underneath that happy-go-lucky persona he managed to pull, and that tore me apart.
I unlocked the front door of our house and hurried inside, letting the door swing shut behind me due to the force of the wind. The familiar smell of home hit my nose all at once, a mixture of vanilla candles and the small hint of baked goods. Noelle was always baking when she could, like now, for example. I followed the smell of strawberry tarts into the kitchen to see my little sister in the middle of pulling a tray of the pastries out of the oven.
"Hey," I said, setting the bags of food down on the floor. "How's dad doing?"
"He's alright." Noelle shrugged, closing the oven door. "It's quite a storm out there, isn't it?"
"That's an understatement," I laughed lightly, resting against the kitchen island. "Is Nate home yet?"
"Yeah, I saw him go upstairs a while ago." Noelle replied, poking at the tarts with her finger to make sure they were cooked well enough. She hissed and pulled her hand away at the heat, declaring them cooked. "Can you take a few of these up for dad?"
I nodded and grabbed a small plate from the dishwasher, piling it with strawberry tarts. Noelle grabbed one of my own, sinking her teeth into the pastry with a tiny groan. Of course, her favorite part of baking things was eating them. I smiled at her and headed upstairs.
The door to my dad's room was closed, but even then, his sobbing could be heard from the end of the hall. I sighed before knocking lightly on the door, waiting for him to call me in. I heard a soft mumble, which was the closest thing to talking my dad ever did on this day, so I assumed it was alright for me to come in.
Seeing my dad so broken was heartbreaking. Nate refused to see my dad on this day because he knew if he did, he wouldn't be able to handle it. My dad was sitting on the floor, resting against the edge of his bed. He stared at a picture of my mom, the only picture of my mom still in existence. The lights in his room were dimmed, only adding to his sullen mood. I approached him cautiously, knowing how fragile he was at the moment.
"Daddy, I brought you something to eat." I whispered softly, setting the plate down by his side. He looked up, and my breath hitched at how terrible he looked. His eyes were bloodshot, drooping down with pain. His cheeks were tearstained, and his nose was red from the countless times he had wiped it on his sleeve. I bit the inside of my cheek and knelt beside him, wrapping my arms around his weak body. He was barely staying put together, for the sake of Noelle.
"I miss her so much." he croaked shakily. "So damn much."
In that moment, I felt his pain. I felt the love he had for my mother, who had been taken away from us so many years ago. It was amazing how much he believed in her, believed that she was still alive. I believed in her, too. I believed she was still out there, crying for my father, and for us. Missing us the way we missed her. I believed she spent her days, wondering what her youngest daughter had turned out to be like, wondering if we had managed to live without her. I believed she still loved my dad the way he loved her, and that their love would someday, bring them back together.
But that was all in my head.
I was losing hope. Today marked the thirteenth year my mother had gone missing. Thirteen years without a mother. Thirteen years that one this day, my father would lose all his strength and collapse in his own pool of misery. The days were flying by, and my mother wasn't back. I didn't expect her to just pop out of no where, but I expected her to come back. I wanted her. I needed her.
I didn't know how much longer I could keep a secret from Noelle. I didn't know how much longer anyone could keep a secret from Noelle. She was so smart, so keen, and her figuring out the truth about our mother was inevitable. Judging by her deep thinking and her quiet, yet observant demeanor, she would find out the secret we had been keeping from her for her entire life. I could only imagine how she react.
She most definitely would not be happy.
I left my dad in his room with his untouched strawberry tarts before I broke down myself. Today was a day to stay strong, for my dad's sake, and for my sister's sake. I couldn't afford to show how weak I felt when my dad counted on me to be a role model for my sister, since he obviously couldn't. I knew he would be okay tomorrow. He would act as if nothing happened, and go back to his fake happy attitude he charmed everyone with. Noelle would be confused. She would wonder how he got over it so quick, but that's all she would be. Just confused. She wouldn't know.
I was perfectly fine with that.
I went into my room and took a second to relax into my comfortable bed, before picking up my cellphone from the bedside table. I checked for any missed calls and messages, declaring myself unpopular when my inbox was shown empty. In that moment, an incoming call appeared, flashing on my screen. I read the caller I.D. and felt my heart flutter before taking the call.
"Hey, hot stuff."
"Hey sexy."
I laughed at our failed attempt to flirt, before sighing loudly into the mic. "Why are you calling?"
"Just wanted to make sure you're doing okay." Will breathed softly. "I know today is the day."
"Well, I'm alright." I told my best friend. "But my dad is absolutely terrible. I don't know how much longer he's going to cry, but he just turned down Elle's strawberry tarts, so it's got to be pretty bad."
"Damn right." Will huffed. "No one can turn down Elle's strawberry tarts. Or anything she bakes for that matter. I swear she going to open her own bakery shop one day."
"I'll be the first customer, no doubt."
"I'll beat you there, and you won't even know." Will challenged. "You're no match for me, Nic. The truth hurts."
I laughed softly, turning on my side before speaking again. "So, how did the date go?"
"It was okay, I guess." Will mumbled. "Emma talks a lot, though. She barely gave me time to reply to anything she said. And she's got this weird obsession about only eating salad. It was sort of upsetting, since I spent so much time figuring out the perfect seafood place and she ordered a fucking salad."
"Well, she needs to keep her Barbie figure in tow." I joked, trying not to sound jealous. It wasn't like I hadn't experienced my best friend ranting to me about his failed dates. I'd heard him talk about different girls plenty of times, so it wasn't anything new to me.
"Well, I'm just not her Ken." Will sighed. "I swear, she's even got a pink car and a wardrobe full of pink. It's sort of scary how she's so similar to Barbie."
"Well change it up, then." I suggested, wondering if I sounded like I was hinting at him. I definitely wasn't trying to. There was no way Will would ever see me as anything but a friend. I was pushed so far into the friend zone that I was practically drowning in it. "Do you have your eye on any other non-Barbie like girls?"
"Well, there's one." Will admitted slowly. Please be me. Shut up, Nic. There's no way it could be you. "I met this one chick in Tesco's and she was pretty hot. Gave me her number, too."
"Oh, damn." I smirked. "Better call and make sure it's not fake."
"Actually, turns out it was the number to her mom's phone." Will pouted. "I guess she was trying to hook me up with her mom or something. Which is gross, might I add."
"Hey, who knows." I shrugged. "Maybe you're a cougar kind of guy and you don't even know it."
"You're the one who dated that Zachary guy." Will fired back, making me blush. Thank god he couldn't see my face. "Anyone could see he was immature and a total douchebag. Not to mention he was three years younger than you."
"What? He was cute." I only dated him to get over you, and that didn't exactly work out.
"Sure, sure." Will gave a throaty laugh, one that made my heart swell at the sound. I bit my lip and tried not to confess my love to him right then and there. "Mom's calling me down for dinner. I'll be over when the rain stops, though."
"Okay." I said softly, waiting until he hung up to throw my phone on the bed. I buried my face in my hands and wondered how ridiculous it was to be blushing just from a phone call with him. It was extremely ridiculous. Then again, so was my crush on Will. Everything about our friendship was ridiculous, to me atleast.
It had broken my heart to see him dating so many girls, telling me about them without knowing what he was truly doing to me. It wasn't his fault that I was in love with him and he didn't know. He was oblivious to the way his smile and laugh made my heart flutter, and how giddy I felt when he gave me a friendly hug. It would always be that way, and I had gotten used to it. There was no doubt that we would be friends forever, and only friends.
In fact, we were so close that he could be my brother, if I didn't have such a magnificent crush of him. Will Tomlinson knew things about me that no one else did. He knew me as a person better than anyone else did. He knew me better than I knew myself. That is why I couldn't give up our friendship just for admitting my stupid crush to him. Losing him would mean losing my other half. I had already lost my mother.
I would not lose him.

---

Dinner was quiet without our dad. Nate picked at his pasta, looking bored and worried at the same time. Nate definitely took our mom's disappearance harder than I did, but not as hard as dad. He was still a lot more frustrated in general, wondering why Dad refused to let Noelle know about her mother. It made Nate angry, but he would never go against our dad. Nate respected what our dad wanted, even if his wishes were unsettling.
I myself thought that it was stupid to leave Noelle clueless. She wasn't immature. Infact, she was just about the most mature thirteen year old girl I'd ever known. She had the right to know, except the more I thought about, the more I realized that she probably wouldn't believe. She was convinced that our mother was a cheating whore who left us after breaking our dad's heart. Noelle hated our mother and she didn't even know the truth.
I wanted her to know. I had debated on telling her more times than I could imagine. It felt like the right thing to do, but Dad would not be impressed. So for thirteen years, I kept to myself, bottling up all the things I wanted to tell Noelle but couldn't.
Noelle frowned heavily when Nate excused himself from the table, taking his untouched plate of food with him. From the way her eyebrows creased, I imagined that she was upset with Nate for not eating with us. She didn't bother to voice her thoughts, instead continuing to eat her pasta.
"Why is he Nate so sad about Dad's parents divorce?" Noelle wondered. "How does it even relate to him?"
"Nate's a huge softie." I rolled my eyes. "He care's too much about everything."
Noelle smiled at my blunt insult, finishing up the rest of her pasta. She waited politely for me to clear my own plate, then gathered both our plates and took them to the sink to wash them clean.
Making my way upstairs, I received a text message from Will, saying that the rain had stopped and he would be coming over in a few minutes. I quickened my steps to my bedroom to unlock my french windows so Will would be able to get in without a problem.
Will used the window as his entrance because my father wasn't exactly the biggest fan of guys being in the house past six o'clock. To my dad, it didn't matter that I was eighteen, technically an adult. He still saw me as that vulnerable four year old girl who promised to love daddy and only daddy. My dad hated when I went on dates with other guys and despised every guy I dated before he even met them. It was amusing, really.
After showering and changing into my pajamas of black boyshorts and a long grey v-neck, the clock read 11:03. I sighed and sat down on my bed, grabbing my laptop from the night table. I opened up the screen to see the homepage of Oxford University blaring before me. I'd applied to the college after receiving my stellar CLEP scores, and I'd gotten into the University without a problem.
I'd always dreamed of going to Oxford, ever since I could remember, but now that it was finally happening, I couldn't help but feel a bit sick. Oxford was a good four hours from where I lived, which meant a good four hours away from my family. Nate of course, had chosen a college closer to home, University College London. It was still a top school, and he could be there for Noelle and Dad.
I scrolled down the homepage, looking at picture of the campus. It was surreal, knowing that I would be walking through that campus as an official student in just a few months. I was beyond terrified of what the environment would be like, more specifically the people. I'd had countless dreams of being stuck with a snobby guy or a slacking girl on a major project, and it wasn't the most delightful thing to dream of. I just prayed I would be okay.
I only knew one other person who was already studying at Oxford, thankfully, my best friend. Will didn't have trouble finding his place, already playing for Oxford's football team. He promised that he would always be by my side, but I just couldn't see it happening. In fact, I expected him to forget about me once he got settled with his college friends in the fall.
There was a loud rap on my bedroom window, followed by the french glass being pushed open from the outside. I looked up to see Will climbing into my room, his hair a bit damp and glistening from the water droplets falling from his hair and onto his forehead. Most people would think it was a romantic gesture for him to be climbing into my room at eleven o'clock at night. It was far from that, though. The late hours of the night were the only times we could talk about our parents, my parents more specifically. There was nothing romantic about it, though I wouldn't mind him sneaking in a kiss or two. Not that he ever would.
"Hey," he whispered, looking around my bedroom. "You got a towel or something?" He gestured to his damp hair, shaking his head playfully to get some water on me. I nodded and set my laptop down, heading into my bathroom to find a towel. When I came out, Will was looking at my laptop, eyes set on Oxford's homepage.
"I'm honestly terrified." I sighed, throwing the towel to him. He caught it in one hand, pushing the laptop aside with the other so he could sit down on the bed.
"Why?" he frowned, beginning to run the towel through his hair in attempt to dry it from the soft sprinkle outside. "I'll be there with you. I even talked to your dad about moving out of my dorm and sharing one with you."
My head snapped up at his confession. "What? What did he say?"
Will smirked, rubbing the towel through his dark brown hair one last time before throwing it aside. "Well, first he asked me if I was crazy." he chuckled. "But then he said he would think about it, which pretty much means yes. So you're welcome."
"He'll say no." I sighed, sitting down beside Will. "He's totally against me dating guys. Why would he let me room with one?"
"Because I'm not just any guy." Will shrugged matter-o-factly. "I'm your best friend."
The words should have brought warmth to my heart, but they truly only made me feel colder. That's all I would ever be to Will. A best friend. It should have been enough for me, but it wasn't. I was terrible, being so close to him, but not being able to kiss him the way I would kill to. The worst part was that he didn't even know how I felt. He never would.
"Still, you're a guy." I smirked knowingly. "My dad is literally against the male population when it comes to dating. I swear, he'd be happier if I were lesbian."
Will made a face, clamping his lips shut. He shook his head vigorously, as if to say that being lesbian was not a good idea. I laughed and patted his dark hair lightly, getting up to put the towel away. I pulled my shirt down in the process, though I shouldn't have cared. WIll had seen me in my sleepwear countless times, yet I still felt nervous wearing such little clothing around him. Then again, sleeping in a parka wouldn't be very comfortable.
"So how's your dad doing?" Will wondered when I came to sit beside him again. I shrugged, because there really weren't any words to describe how he was.
"Definitely not at his best."
Will sighed and stretched his left arm out to wrap it around my shoulders, pulling me into his side. I let my head rest in the crook of his neck, taking in his refreshing scent. "He'll be okay." Will assured, pressing her perfectly chapped lips to my forehead. We stayed in an embrace, no words spoken between us. I knew that he knew what I was thinking. He knew how worried I was about my dad and I didn't even have to tell him.
"Valerie came home today." Will said suddenly, pulling away. A new spark set off in bright blue eyes that made me smile; everything about him made me smile. "She asked me to tell you to come over tomorrow."
"Is that you're way of saying you want me to come over?" I cocked an eyebrow at him. Will rolled his eyes, taking his arm away from my shoulder.
"You wish."
"Don't worry, Will." I giggled softly. "All you have to do is ask."
"Shut up, Nic." he groaned, rolling his blue eyes again. He threw his legs onto the bed and rested his head on my pillows, patting the spot beside him for me to do the same. I joined him on the bed, and he stretched his arm out to the side to play as a pillow for me. Will grabbed my right wrist gently and pressed it to his left wrist, connecting our Yin Yang tattoos together. I winced at the memory of needles being pricked into my skin, but quickly regained my content smile when I remembered the way Will had been holding my hand tightly the entire time.
"I want to tell Noelle." I whispered, flipping onto my side. "Dad will be pissed at me, but I still want to."
"Are you going to?" Will queried, raising an eyebrow. "It may be the right thing to do, but it's not the smartest, especially in your situation. Your dad had done everything he can to keep your mom a secret from Noelle. He knows that you and Nate could tell her, but he trusts you. You don't want to break that trust."
"It's just a hard position to be in." I averted my gaze to the sheets. "I have so many chances to just tell her, but Dad is always there. It makes me wonder what Mom would want."
"She'd want your dad to be happy." Will said slowly."but she'd probably also want her youngest daughter to know who she was."
"Exactly." I agreed. "But I can't even talk to Dad about it. He'll dismiss me before I can even finish my sentence."
"That makes sense," Will shrugged. "Why would he give up and tell Noelle if he's succeeded at hiding it from year for fourteen years?"
I sighed and rested my head back on his stretched arm, feeling him close his arm arms my body. "I can't even think about it anymore." I whispered. "It makes my brain hurt."
"What brain?" Will smirked. I rolled my eyes, wondering how it possible for someone to be so lame.
"Go to sleep, Tomlinson."

Notes

Notes
Hey guys! This is the first chapter of Little Secrets, the third and final book to the Little Things Series. I hope you all enjoy this story as I will enjoy writing it.
Thanks for reading!!