Harry's POV

I just stare at her staring. Her eyes don't hold any shine or emotion, they don't hold any life. She resembles a dead carcass, her body just waiting for a vulture to appear and begin devouring its flesh. But the thing is that not even a vulture would have the heart to do that.... Eating an innocent sad girl. Especially that the sad girl is Jane, the most innocent of all.

My arms are locked in place around her as we continue laying in my bed. Due to the darkness that is screaming at me from my window in the corner, I know that the night sky has finally come to greet us and we have just been in this position for hours, not moving, not wanting to move. I'm utterly exhausted, my eyelids beginning to sting due to their dryness and greedy craving to close. But I won't have it.

She wanted to die, she wants to die and right now all of my remaining sanity and spec of emotional strength is dependant on the pace of her breathing that is releasing from her pale lips. If it slows, I know I'll act on my first exaggerated and overly concerned instinct which would be to turn her around and shake her until she just breathes normally again. I won't let her leave me. No matter how wonderful Neverland is, I won't.

If her breathing quickens, I'll tighten my grip around her, nuzzling my face into her red silky hair, leaving kisses upon her head and making sure that she just knows that I'm here.

She drained herself in my trembling arms in the balcony only a few hours ago, and not just the liquid from her body which completely came out of her as she vomited in the hall on the way to my room with the mixture of her never ending tears, but just her. I know she lost a part of herself in that balcony. I'm guessing when she reached out her hand to the white cloaked person she was talking about, she was willingly tearing a piece of her and handing it to that hallucination. And I don't care if that person was all a figment of her glorious imagination, I want to find that thief and retrieve that back for her. That was just a selfish act and I know I should look at the one who's talking, but I don't know. I guess I'm just a biased bigot.

My mind quickly alerts back into reality as I hear a sound.

"Jane?" I question, my hopes rising a little, but then, just as quickly crashing when I hear the front door unlock along with the sounds of two voices. Niall and Louis.

"Harry!" I hear Niall scream, most likely checking all the rooms in search of me. I sit myself up, my hands gripping into the mattress beneath me as my tongue glides over my chapped lips. I look over at the closed door, then at Jane, and then back at the door.

If I don't see them then they'll disturb Jane even more with their annoying screaming, but if I just leave her here than she might do something and I much prefer the screaming. But I just don't want her to feel any discomfort at all, so after leaving a quick kiss on the back of her head, I lean my lips toward her ear.

"I'll take care of them don't worry." I whisper, receiving nothing other than the same response I have been receiving for the passed hours.

I'm about to finally roll myself out until my eyes widen in realization and I quickly bend down back to her level again.

"And I love you by the way." I add before nodding to myself and finally retreating out from the warm and alcohol scented bed.

I saunter myself to the door, turning around and looking over at her once again just to make sure she's still there.

Yes Harry. She's still there.

I just nod again, responding to my own mind before opening the door and revealing only half of my body.

I lick my lips once again before taking a deep breath.

"Uh Niall. N-niall I'm over here in my room." I state loud enough for them to hear me, but quiet enough for it to not be considered a scream.

I glance back at Jane again before quickly turning around when I feel their presence. Just checking.

Niall looks fucking pissed with his inked arms crossed over his chest and Louis is just standing next to him, his hands in his pockets, wearing a face that seems to hold no emotion at all. He most likely just came to hang out with Niall, and just wants to get this over with so they could both go to his room and play fifa like they usually do.

"Harry. Where the fuck were you?! SImon was bloody pissed that you didn't show up." The blonde begins, frustration perceptible in his tone.

Louis' eyes flicker to my overall stance and he just raises an eyebrow.

"I-" I begin, but am soon interrupted by Louis as his eyes try to observe my room from behind me, me trying to conceal it as I try closing the door a little more, my body beginning to squish slightly as it stands with the upper half out and the other half still in my room. I have to suck it up.

"Whatcha hiding?" Louis questions, Niall now beginning to look inquisitively at me as well.

"Um I-"

Louis leans his head to the side, trying to peek in, but then holds a face of amusement when he sees how I just close the door even tighter on my torso to block as much as I can from them. If they find out what Jane was trying to do or just anything that has happened in the last few hours, they would take her away from me. Or at least try, because I won't let her leave again and I will most definitely not leave her.

Niall just raises an eyebrow in curiosity as his arms cross in front of his chest, Louis and him looking at each other.

It's as if they're conversing with each other through telepathy so I won't hear and I'm just wanting them to finish their dramatic ass lecture so I could return back to my Jane.

Niall just nods weakly at Louis before he glances back at me, his arms looser and his face showing his disappointment.

"I thought that you stopped this." Niall whispers, Louis obviously forcing a smile when in fact he is probably just as disappointed at me as well for something I'm still unsure that I did. But Louis is not really the person that expresses any form of sadness or pain, since I remember how he informed how it's a sign of weakness and how there always has to be a person that has to be strong for everyone in the room.

My confusion must be evident since Niall just releases a sigh from his lips.

"Cut the bull shit. We both know that you're hiding yet again another one of those girls. That's why you didn't show up didn't you? You went to a club."

I just stand there unsure of what to do until I see Niall lean his face slightly closer to me. He begins to sniff and shakes his head again before returning to his previous position.

"You reak of alcohol." He says, notably speaking his minds since his eyes are now darted at the wall beside me.

Before I can even answer, he just continues.

"What about Jane? Where is she? I called her over an-"

Louis' face suddenly changes, his eyes widening and his face turning to Niall.

"Why the fuck did you invite Jane over here?!" Louis questions, shock and a hint of anger in his tone.

I feel my own body tense a little as I try to take in Niall's words. He's the one that invited her, the reason why she came over in the first place. But it still isn't his fault of course. My anger towards myself is just continuing to grow.

"She's the one that's in the room isn't she?"

My whole mind goes completely blank and my hands begin to sweat as I rub them together nervously with one another.

Louis is staring at me with his eyes narrowed, yet a calm demeanor as if he already can tell what the answer is. Even though he loathes my entire existence, he knows me. He knows me too well and I don't know how I'm going to be able to lie now.

I just shake my head.

"She's not... Um Niall was right. It was just some girl from a club." I lie, my mouth forming into a straight line and my face forcing itself to seem serious to make my response believable.

Niall looks unsure, but can most likely be persuaded while on the other side, Louis looks completely unconvinced, looking at me as if I'm completely deranged for even thinking that I could sell him on my lies in the first place.

"Why are you hiding her?" Louis questions, his eyes never leaving mine.
I shake my head quickly, too quickly.

"I'm not-"

"Harry shut the fuck up and tell me!"

Both Niall and I both jump a little at his sudden rough tone and again, I shake my head with my eyes gaping at the ground.

"Don't take her away from me. Y-you can't. I need her." I mutter the last part and I feel my eyes close shut as Louis pushes me inside, forcing himself into my room.

"Jane!" I hear him yell as he most likely spots her frozen, her eyes probably still staring at the empty soda can in the corner of the room.

"Harry what happened?" I hear Niall ask, his hands placed on my shoulders.

"Why the fuck is she like this!?!" Louis adds from behind me.

I take a deep breath as my eyes finally reveal themselves again, seeing just how confused and worried the blonde truly is about me which he shouldn't be. All I am is a thing, and people shouldn't care about things since they are inanimate. Well I'm not inanimate yet, but when she leaves, that's probably what I will mutate myself to be.

I killed Skylar, I killed her father, and I almost killed her. Why do I keep on doing this? Was I created to just destroy everything and everyone around me? Maybe it would be better if- well just if, because there are just so many things that I could do to better the situation that it's strangling my brain and anyway I have to focus everything on Jane right now and nothing more.

"Don't take her away from me." I repeat, my eyes begging.

Niall's hands slip down back to his sides and he just stares into my eyes as if he has never seen something like me before.

"Her father he-he died and she found out." I whisper, feeling the pit of my stomach beginning to numb as all the pain I'm feeling is beginning to spread. I wish I was like Louis sometimes. I wish I could be the strong one right now, but I'm just not like that and it's fucking pathetic of me.
Niall glances behind me at her and I can hear Louis just mumbling some things to her that I can't quite make out.

"I want to keep her. I-I promised I wouldn't leave her." I feel myself say, all of my remaining strength deteriorating when I turn around to see Louis bent down next to her, her hand being held in his. She's still looking at the can as he tries grabbing her attention and all I can think of at the moment is how I've ruined her.

"You're going to have to let her go." He speaks behind me, his hand reassuringly placed on my shoulder blade again.

"I don't know if I can this time."

He takes a deep breath.

"I know."
...

Louis stayed for about three and a half hours. Half of the time was spent with her as he tried getting her to speak or even just move, but she only would leave to use the restroom. Those were the most suspenseful times for me. My razor blades are in those drawers. There's a bathtub she could drown herself in and towels she could hang herself with or-

I take a deep breath as I try changing the subject in my mind. She didn't try anything and when I checked her arms and legs, they were completely untouched besides the few scrapes from when she was in the balcony I'm guessing. But she's fine and I pray to God that she doesn't try anything like that again.

Now the other half was spent with screams repeatedly thrown at my face from him. I took them without defending myself or fighting back this time. I deserve pain. I deserve agony.

Louis and Niall promised not to speak of this to anyone as long as I allowed her to go back to Katherine tomorrow. They already called her and notified her of everything. They don't know about her suicide attempt though, and I am sure to keep it that way. She will never injure herself or try anything like that again. Not as long as I'm still breathing.

I heard the sobs from the phone when Niall broke the news to the old woman. I just stared at him, my fingernails digging deep into my hands as I formed them into fists, trying to control myself. I just kept repeatedly apologizing to myself like a lunatic as if she could actually hear me, as if Ted could actually hear me. But Katherine was on the phone with Niall, not me and I killed Ted so he couldn't hear me and never will be able to again.

Louis looked at me with an unknown emotion revealing itself upon his face and to be honest I didn't really care. I just wanted to be with Jane again and so I did. And when Louis left and when Niall went to sleep, I pulled myself under the covers beside her and I just wrapped my arms around her waist and I brought her closer to me. I kissed the top of her head again, before explaining to her my feelings for her and finally drifting off into sleep. I pushed myself as far as I could to stay awake, but my eyes just began drooping to the point where I lost all jurisdiction over my actions and I just couldn't happen. They fell, and I went to sleep. And now my mind is just black as my eyelids continue to remain shut.

"He died."

What?

I quickly open my eyes when I feel Jane sitting herself up, removing my arms away from her.

"What?" I ask as I sit myself up as well, stroking her arm softly.

Her bottom lip is quivering again and my chest begins hurting when her glossy eyes meet mine.

"He died." She repeats, her voice cracking at the end, leading to her uncontainable and uncontrollable sobs.

I embrace her in my arms again, hearing her heart beat slowly within her chest as if just saying those words are suffocating her.

"He died." She says again, screams of pain echoing through the room and leaving me to hold her even tighter.

"I know baby. I know." I whisper, her arms finally looping themselves around me desperately.
...

The open casket is today.

I haven't seen her in three days and have been going insane because of it. Katherine notified me almost hourly of how she has been doing. She visited Rose I remember she told me, and when she came back she actually went to sleep for a few hours. The thoughts and sounds of her screaming from her past nightmares just wired themselves in my mind. I wonder if she had a nightmare, if she cried, if she is recovering, if-

"Are you going to go up?"

I turn around to face Niall who came with me for support. He's wearing a respectable black dress shirt with matching dress trousers. He gives me a weak smile and I just nod.

"Um I'm not sure." I say honestly.

Ted and I weren't very good friends, fuck I don't even know if I would even consider our relationship a friendship. So I just don't think of myself as worthy enough. And besides, I walked past him and saw his cold lifeless body laying in there with his eyes closed. They stuffed him, the skin of his face sagging and his appearance just overall different.

I felt as if this were all just one big hallucination. That when my mind would finally go back to reality, I would see how I was just in my room the whole time and that Ted is alive and Jane is happy.

My eyes begin roaming around the room at all the people. There are about twenty people, most of them volunteers from the several homeless shelters he has stayed at and the others co workers from the bank.

None of them are really grieving. They're just all chatting amongst themselves, scattered in groups and cliques like high school students in a cafeteria and it just pisses me off. They don't know who Ted truly is as a person, what he's been through and how giving he was. No. They're all just standing around, avoiding the man and taking sips of the cheap champagne in their glasses conversing about how young he was and how he could've had a wonderful life.

But the thing is that I don't think he would have.

His best friend was a fucking psychopathic dick head and he was fucking homeless for five years. His life was shit and he most likely would've ended up dying anyway from alcohol poisoning or some shit. I feel like a dick for thinking these things on the day of the man's funeral, but I can't help it. All of these snobs think they know this man, that they have the right to speak about him as if they were so close, when they weren't. And I just want them all to leave so Jane won't have to witness it, but when I see her walk in hand in hand with Katherine, I know she will.

"She's here." Niall states.

"Yeah." I reply.

She's wearing a black skirt that reaches past her knees slightly along with a simple long sleeved black blouse and white converse. The one's I got her.

Her hair is up in a sleek ponytail and the bags under her eyes are as dark as her apparel. She had the nightmares. I know it.

Her free hand is clenched in a fist, something being held within it and I'm quite curious about it.

"Are you going to say hi?" Niall asks.

I see how Jane is beginning to greet all the people, a forced smile playing on her lips as she obviously doesn't recognize any of them.

"I don't know."

"Why not?"

"I-I just don't know."

I'm not sure if she wants to see me or if she even wanted me to come.

"I'll be right back alright? I'm going to get some champagne." Niall comments.

"Okay." I respond, my eyes still on her.

"You want a glass?"

"No s' fine. Thanks."

He nods before finally departing himself to one of the white covered tables near the entrance.

Katherine releases her hand from hers and she just nods at Jane before giving her a reassuring smile. Jane looks down at the floor and she just stares at her hand, opening it to reveal a watch I think.

It's a gold watch that has a brown leather wrist band. By the dark tone of the gold, I can tell that it's in fact real and not some plastic painted to resemble the real thing. But why does she have it?

She begins walking closer to me and I feel my heart beginning to beat a little quick in the confinement of my chest.

Her eyes are still on the floor, and when she turns to the right and begins walking herself to the casket, I can't help but follow behind her silently.

I keep a safe distance, standing beside one of the fancy potted plants.

"Hi." She barely says, my brain trying to block out the sound of everyone else so I could pay attention.

Her hand raises and sets itself inside the casket, most likely grabbing a hold of his hand.
I hear her beginning to sniffle and I have to use all of the self control I bear to hold me back so I won't intervene and ruin her moment with my worry.

Even though I can only see the back of her, I know she's crying by the way her head is dangled down.

"I-I finally got you the watch." She whispers, shredding me.

Her hand returns back to her side and with her fisted one, she opens it wide and places the watch in her father's new home.

"It has the brown leather band like you used to have it. Remember?"

She chuckles a little, her constant sniffles interrupting them.

"I love you." She adds as she nods.

"Mate. Why are you-"

I quickly turn around and place my hand on Niall's mouth before he could say another word.

He's holding a half empty glass of that almost clear looking bubbly liquid and I glance over at Jane to see how she didn't hear Niall or to see that she just ignored him.

"Come on. Let's go over there." I speak as I grab Niall by his arm and begin dragging him towards the front.

"I think I actually do need some champagne."
...

I thought the open casket was going to be menacing when in fact the burial was worse. I guess it's just different since in the open casket, you know you can't ever hear his voice again, but in the burial, it hits you that you can't ever see him again. He's not here living amongst us anymore. He now lives within the community of buried flesh, his body beginning to already decay until it finally turns into dust and Ted Anderson is officially no more.

All of us just live so we could die and I don't really know why people find living to be so beautiful anymore.

"Why don't you go talk to her."

I glance to the right at Niall to see how he's staring at Jane who is just staring at the dark gray marbled tombstone that has been newly placed.

People are beginning to leave and Katherine is saying her goodbyes to all of them.

"I do-"

"Yes, you do know Harry. You love her and after today you might never see her again." Niall interrupts me, my eyes shutting tight at his last words.

"Do you truly think I won't ever see her again?"

He sighs, my eyes opening.

"To be honest lad, I don't know."

I look over at him again.

"You thought you would never see Elizabeth again bu-"

"I know. I know, but that was different. I- I don't know. That was just sheer luck and luck doesn't work all the time, you know?"

"People like me don't deserve luck."

His eyes widen and he quickly shakes his head.

"No. That's not what I meant I-"

I force out a chuckle.

"I know."

My attention turns back to her and she just is holding this look of utter frustration, her hand running up and down her face.

"I'm gonna go to her." I say.

"Good. I have to talk to Katherine um about something anyway."

I raise an eyebrow when my eyes meet his.

"About what?"

He shrugs before clearing his throat.

"Just need to speak to her about the champagne. Wanted to know what it's called."

I just nod and he nods back before we both go our separate ways.

My feet feel like cement for some reason. I feel that one wrong step might lead to another form of destruction and I want to be as careful as I can.

I approach her, and the tenseness of her body remains as she just continues looking at the expensive rock, mumbling to herself.

My eyes follow hers and I just begin reading the engraved words.

'Ted Weck
1971-2014
Good friend and good father.'

"They couldn't even put Anderson."

I glance at her and I see how her eyes are just reading the words over and over again as if at one point it will magically change for her.

"Ted Weck isn't him. Ted Weck could be a worker in Maine or a father maybe in Oklahoma or something, but he is definitely not my father. His name is Ted Anderson. That's my father."
Her eyes close for just a second and I can just feel the war that she is having with herself. Her brain must be exploding with bombs of self destruction.

"And I mean if he was a good father then he would've told me sooner, I mean he would, he would-"

She snorts and just shakes her head disapprovingly and I just stay there listening.

"And good friend? To who?! Those people that came?? I never have heard of any of them!"
I place my hand on her shoulder and her eyes finally meet mine. They widen and it seems as if she didn't expect anyone to be beside her. She was just speaking her thoughts to herself.

"Did my father hang out with any of those people?" She asks, her voice more soft and calm.
I shove my hand back down in my pocket and I shrug.

"Not that I know of."

She rolls her eyes.

"The nerve they have to even show up. They probably just came for the champagne."

Jane isn't really the type of person that complains, so seeing her like this is different and I know that she just wants to blow off steam so I don't comment.

"Geez I can't believe I'm actually whining at his funeral. God, what the fuck is wrong with me?"

Her right hand is placed on her forehead as she just shakes it.

"Nothing is wrong with you."

"But like I mean, I don't have any right to complain. Maybe they were his friend and I-I just- I don't know."

"You out of all people deserve to complain."

Her eyes are red and puffy and her voice is a little faint. She's probably going to lose her voice soon due to all of her crying. I wish I could somehow just hold all of her sadness, stress, anguish, anger and just every negative thought out of her body so she won't have to deal with those things anymore. They all became amplified by me anyway.

"Maybe you're right. You know what, you are right!"

Her eyes are narrowed in concentration now as she looks at me. The image of the branches and trees surrounding us are reflected through them with a glow on the corners and I don't tear myself away.

"I am."

And that's the last thing I say to her before Katherine calls her over, her eyes observantly and oddly on me.

Jane just nodded at me as a goodbye and I waved before I returned back in my car with Niall who has been patiently waiting there for a few minutes. I guess the talk with Katherine wasn't that long, but I kinda wish he stalled her a bit longer so I could've talked to Jane more. But I'm not a lucky person.

"So where did she get the champagne from?" I ask as I buckle in my seat belt.

"What do you mean? What champagne?"

I look over at him confused to see how he looks confused himself.

"Isn't that what you talked to her about?"

His eyes widen and he nods, his face flushing from realization and a little bit of humiliation.

"Oh yeah. Um well she-"

"What did you talk to her about Niall?"

My arms are crossed and I refuse to drive out of this place until I get my answer.

"Champagne I-"

"Niall."

He sighs.

"I gave her something to give to Jane from you."

"From me?"

I don't remember fucking handing him anything.

"Yeah."

My eyes roam around the parking lot and I notice how we're the only remaining car. Even Katherine and Jane left.

What did he give her?

Wait...

"What did you give her Niall?!"

He turns away and begins observing the windshield as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.

"Niall what did you fucking give her?!"

"Your promise."

Notes

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