Loose Change (Harry Styles) [BOOK 2]

As I walk to the edge of the balcony, I can't help but fall to the ground. I lay my head in my hands and I bring my knees up to my chest, tears rolling down my face at a slow, aching pace. I hate feeling this weak, lonely, unloved, and just terrible. A cool breeze suddenly hits me, causing me to tremble and shiver. The best thing to do right now would be to go back inside and warm up, but I just want to stay here. I'm just expecting my father to come and hug me, telling me that everything will be okay, but no. He's gone. He doesn't want you...you're just a pest...
I feel my eyes tighten at the thought and I begin to shake more. It's as if the dark thoughts are just lowering the temperature, trying to torture me more. But it's just probably because my arms and hands are soaked with my tears and I'm only wearing a loose shirt and boxers.
I remove my hands from my face and I quickly wrap my arms around myself as if I'm my own jacket. I sit up and I just let my head dangle a little, causing my hair to cover my face completely as I continue to cry.
I feel my body begin to relax a little as a fabric is put over my body. I slowly lift up my head, already knowing who it most likely is.
I sniffle and take off the big brown jacket, handing it back to him.
"You're cold. You need this." He whispers.
I quickly get up and I wipe away the moisture on my face.
"I'm going inside." I say as I walk passed Harry, with my arms still wrapped around myself.
He is the last person I want to talk to now or ever again.
"Jane!" I hear yelled behind me.
I ignore the deep british voice from behind me and I continue to head towards the room or shall I say...my room.
My arms begin to fall back to my sides as warmth holds me in a tight embrace.
I've never felt this feeling...I feel that even though I'm warm on the outside, the inside of me is cold...nonexistent even.
It's called depression.
I would usually fight with my mind, but right now I don't have any energy to. Sometimes I think I'm just crazy.
As I walk down the hallway where th- my room is, I see how Louis is standing outside my room, staring at his phone screen.
"Get out." I say.
His eyes quickly dart to me and a smug smile appears on his face.
"A little feisty aren't we?"
I roll my eyes.
I really just want to sleep right now.
"What no answer?" He adds as he walks up to me, stopping me in my tracks.
I look passed him, staring at a Beige wall. I don't want to give him the satisfaction of fighting back.
"Look at me." He commands.
I try to walk around him, but he stops me.
"Look at me." He repeats, his tone becoming more serious.
I sigh and look into his crystal blue eyes. If he wasn't such a jerk, I would find him very attractive. His perfectly colored side swept brown hair covering his eyebrows slightly, his nicely structured jaw line, and his bright pink lips would make anyone think that he was just some 'pretty boy', but other features make them as well as I think otherwise. He has slight facial hair around his lips and tracing his jaw line, is wearing a black band T-shirt, dark denim jeans, black sneakers, and has an un caring, rude attitude.
"What?" I choke out, trying to hold back my tears. Dang, don't cry in front of him. Especially not him.
He stares into my eyes more intensely and looks a little guilty.
"What happened with your dad?" He asks.
I shake my head a little and I set my sight on the ground.
"I just want to sleep." I respond.
He tilts my head up and observes my soaked face.
"Oh Harry." He says, a mixture of emotion in his voice.
As I'm about to answer, I see how he let's go of my chin and looks behind me. I try to turn around to see what he's staring at, but he holds on to my shoulders and guides me to my room.
"Lou-"
"Jane! Please just let me explain." I hear Harry's voice from behind me. Oh. That's why...Wait, why is Louis helping me?
"Jane lock yourself into the room and I'll take care of everything." Louis states as he pushes me slightly into my room.
Before I can question, he shuts the door and I do as he says. I lock the door and I crawl into the undone bed.
Why did he want me to lock the do-
"Jane!" I hear said through the door, followed with repetitive knocking.
I grab the white comforter and I hold it up to my face, trying to hide in a way behind it.
"Jane, please." I heard said again.
"Leave her the fuck alone." Another voice, I'm guessing Louis'.
"Don't tell me what to do. This is my fucking house not yours!"
"You little shit! Didn't you see her? She's in there crying her eyes out and I know it's not because she broke a nail or dropped a beer bottle like the other dumb ass sluts you bring cry over."
I slide myself under the blanket completely and I try to hold in my sobs.
"Let me talk to her Lou!"
"No! And don't call me Lou, only my fucking friends can call me that."
Silence.
"Get out of my house." I hear Harry say, his voice sounding a little..pained.
"Fine. I don't give a shit. But, just leave her alone. She's already been through enough and she doesn't need your stupid crap right now."
My crying begins to die down as my eye lids begin to fall.
"Fine. Just... just leave Louis." I barely hear Harry say.
"Just leave."
...
I awaken to the sounds of chirping and I actually am annoyed. I just want silence. Dead silence. I groan as I open my eye lids slowly. The blanket is no longer wet and sunshine is spread throughout the whole room through the window that is near me. The day seems so enlightening today, but too bad I don't and most likely won't feel that way anytime soon.
I feel sad, lonely, disgusting, and smelly. Maybe that's what I need... a shower. Maybe if I get rid of one terrible thing, I'll feel a little better.
I roll out of bed and begin to walk towards the bathroom that is thankfully in the room. As I walk to the bathroom door, I notice how my room door is open...But I locked it. Didn't I?
I stare at it a while longer before closing and locking it again. That's odd. I would usually investigate, but all I want to do right now is shower away my mind.
I walk to the bathroom and I lock the door behind me. The bathroom isn't as big as I thought it would be, but it's still pretty fancy. The floor is made of dark brown wood, the counter with the sink is made of a nice white marble, and the walls are a nice aqua color. I glance at a hook hanging next to the bathtub to see how there are two white clean towels hanging. Thank god.
I begin to slip off the oversized clothing and my undergarments before stepping into the medium sized tub. I'm kind of glad it isn't a shower. In my opinion, tubs are more relaxing anyway and trust me...I need a good relaxing session.
I twist the crystal looking knobs that releases the water and I flinch a little at the sudden hot liquid. My body quickly relaxes and adjusts to the temperature. As the water begins to fill the tub, my body sinks and I can't help but close my eyes.
I wonder what my life will be in the future.
You'll just be homeless. Nothing will change.
No you're lying...
Am I?
Y-yes you are.
Don't sound too confident there sweetie.
I quickly shake my thoughts and I open my eyes. I realize how I'm still underwater and I pull my head out. My breathing begins to quicken as I try to catch my breath. Calm down Jane. Breathe. Like Niall said... All you have to do is breathe.
I finally catch my breath and I feel relieved. Another panic attack would not be good.
I look to the edge of the tub to see a bar of soap and two bottles. Shampoo and Conditioner.
I rub the thick scented liquid into my hair and I already feel refreshed. Maybe that's all I needed...a good bath.
...
I walk out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped securely around my body, water droplets dripping from my hair. I'll dry that later.
I instantly face palm when I realize that I don't have any clothes. Why didn't I think of that before? Dang I can be such an idiot sometimes.
I quickly glance to the bathroom and contemplate with myself whether or not I should just put on the same clothes. I gag a little at the thought. No. Not gonna happen.
I bite my bottom lip as my eyes begin to roam the room for any possible ideas. The dresser!
But I doubt it will have anything...But then again, you never know.
I walk to the vintage white dresser and I slide open one of the drawers. My eyes widen. It's filled with women underwear and strapless bras. The bras look more like tube tops, but it's better than nothing.
If they're clothes in the first drawer than maybe...
The second drawer is filled with petite black and white shirts and pairs of jeans...for women...
I feel a little confused, but never look a gift horse in the mouth as Katherine used to say. Katherine... Rose... I wonder if they know...Sadness begins to overcome me again as I slip on the clothing. I thought the bath would cleanse me, inside and out but I guess that's why baths are only known for cleaning people's bodies. I'm so foolish.
Once I'm done, I notice how empty I feel. The thing is I'm unsure if it's because I'm hungry or because I have no one...
I sigh and walk up to the bedroom door, unlocking it and walking out. Maybe, I should eat something. But what if he's there?
I stop in my tracks and I begin to listen for any signs of Harry. Nothing. the house is completely silent.
I'll have to eat fast, so I can go back to my room without facing him. Wait, why should I care? If I see him, then I'll just ignore him. I shouldn't have to hide from someone. It's childish.
I decide to man up and I slowly walk to the kitchen.
As I walk in, I can't help but feel a little relieved. Good.
I walk to the pantry and I begin to scan what they have. Each food has a small paper stuck to it. Some say Harry, while the others read Niall. Dang. I can't help but sigh.
"You can have anything you want you know."
I slowly close the pantry door to see Harry standing behind it. He's wearing a plain white t-shirt with black basketball shorts and a headband is pulling back his hair from his face.
"Um are you hungry?' he asks.
I realize that I have been staring at him and I just close the pantry, avoiding eye contact with him.
"It's fine." I say with a blank expression as I begin to walk away.
I know I said I would just ignore him and not leave, but my hatred for him is growing and I don't enjoy feeling negative. I already feel negative enough.
"Hey, don't leave. I'll leave. Just eat something." He whispers a little saddened.
I turn around to face him and I see how his green eyes are piercing into mine.
"No. It's fine. I'm not hungry anyway." I lie.
"Yes you are. When was the last time you ate?" he asks with concerned eyes.
I haven't eaten since yesterday afternoon, but I'm not going to tell him that.
"It's fi-"
"If you say it's fine again, I'm going to get pissed off." He says as he sits himself down in a chair.
I feel my anger begin to rise as I walk up to him.
"You pissed? How about me!? You freaking just ruined my life and you're acting as if nothing happened. So I really do not care if you get pissed. I could actually care less!" I scream as I lean into his face, trying to make myself seem more intimidating.
I know he wasn't on the subject of last night, but I don't care. I have to let everything out before I explode.
His hands meet the edge of the table and he holds it tightly. I step back, a little afraid.
"I didn't ruin your fucking life! It's not my fault your father left you here! And don't you dare talk to me that way!" He screams as he gets out of the chair, now towering over me.
Tears begin to form in my eyes and I push them back as much as I can.
I feel my hands clench at my sides as I walk even closer to him.
"Why? Why are you doing this to me?! You could've stopped him you know! I thought we we're...friends. Why couldn't you just-" I stop as soon as a tear begins to roll down my cheek. Ugh. I freaking cry too much. I need to stop, it's becoming a habit.
I quickly turn away, not wanting him to see.
"Just leave me alone Harry." I whisper, trying to control my emotions.
I feel him turn me around and I see how is features are now softened and he looks hurt.
"Jane..."
"Yes Harry that's my name. Can you please say something other than Jane? For once in your life can you answer me like a real human being?"
His hand is holding my right arm and I feel uncomfortable as well as confused.
"Let me explain." He whispers, his eyes beginning to gloss.
I bite my bottom lip and I shake my head a little.
"No. Those words too... That's all you ever say you know. Nothing else. Are you going to actually explain to me or am I just wasting my time?" I mutter, looking straight into his eyes trying to search for an answer...anything.
He stares at his hand around my arms and quickly let's go. He shuts his eyes closed before walking to a pantry and taking out a mug.
I just stand there waiting for him to do something, but I'm unsure if he actually is.
He fills the cup with water from the faucet and sits back down in the chair he was in before. He stares at it as if it's the only thing in the room and takes a sip.
"I guess I'm wasting my time." I say.
I see how his grip around his mug tightens a little and I wipe the tear on my face away before I turn around.
I stop in my tracks and I quickly walk back to the kitchen.
"Where's Niall?" I ask.
He responds by drinking another sip of his water.
I walk up to him and I place my hands on the table in front of him.
"Just tell me where he is." I beg.
He sighs and slowly looks back at me.
"Why do you want to know?"
"That's none of your concern. Just tell me." I say.
"Why?" He repeats his question.
I roll my eyes.
"I just need someone to talk to. I'm lone- I just want to talk to him." I retort.
Silence.
He stares down at his mug and begins to think.
"He's with Zayn. He's helping Zayn pick out a gift for his little sister's birthday." He says, still looking at his cup.
I groan.
I really don't want to hang out with Louis... Even though he kinda defended me, I feel like he's just going to ask me questions the whole time. Wait... Liam! I almost forgot about him.
"What about Liam?" I ask.
He takes another sip of his water and all I want to do is grab the cup and throw it at the freaking wall.
"He's at the hotel."
I cock an eyebrow. Does Louis and Zayn stay at a hotel too? Why don't they have a house like Harry and Niall? I'll ask Liam if I see him. I don't like talking to Harry and this conversation is already annoying me.
"Can you possibly call him to come?" I ask.
"I think he's busy today..." I can tell he's lying.
"Fine, then I'll just walk to the hotel."
"Don't be ridiculous. You don't even know what hotel he's at." He says.
"Then I'll ask some teenage girl. One of them must know." I say.
He laughs a little and rolls his eyes.
"You just enjoy panic attacks don't you?"
I form a fist and lightly hit the table. I almost forgot. People now know who I am.
"Can you just please do it. Please." I ask, my pride and dignity fading.
I look into his eyes sincerely, causing him to sigh.
"Fine."
I nod my head.
"Thanks."
"Ya...anytime..."
...
My hair is now fully dry and I'm kind of relieved that Liam is coming. I don't want to be in a house alone with Harry. It nauseates me and is also very awkward.
There's a sudden knock on the door and I quickly run to it. As I open the door I see his charismatic smile and it almost instantly brightens up the room.
"Hey. Thank you for coming. I hope it wasn't a bother." I say.
I move aside, letting him walk in.
"It's no bother at all Jane." He replies as he walks in.
I close the door and follow him into the living room.
"Where's Harry?" He asks as he plops himself onto the couch.
I sit down in the couch next to it.
"He went out. He didn't tell me where and to be honest I don't care." I state a little rude. But hey, I don't care right now.
He takes off his grey snapback and begins to fix his hair before putting it back on.
"I really hope he's not dr-" he stops himself as he looks at me.
"Nothing, never mind. So how are you?" He states.
I kinda want to know what he was going to say, but he obviously doesn't want to talk about it so I don't push him.
"Well, my father ditched me, Harry hates my guts, and oh I met the very sweet and charming Louis yesterday." I state sarcastically.
He chuckles a little.
"Well ya Louis is quite the charmer, isn't he?"
I chuckle a little myself.
"Ya definitely. Especially when he called me a slut and a hooker."
His eyes widen a little in disbelief.
"I apologize for him. I'm sorry it's just that ever since Harry began to-"
Why does he keep on stopping when it comes to Harry? I mean i don't care about Harry, but I'm curious. Maybe he knows why Harry is this way.
"Began to what?" I ask.
He opens his mouth but quickly closes it and shakes his head.
"Nothing. nevermind."
"No, please tell me." I plead.
He bites his bottom lip and stares at me for a while.
"I won't say anything. I just want to know why Harry is 'that' way." i add.
He takes a deep breath and looks to the ground for a second before meeting my eyes again.
"Harry and Louis used to be very good mates. They even lived together... But a couple of months ago, people started talking disgustingly about Harry..."
"What did they say?"
"They said he was a womanizer, horrible, uncaring, and even named him a villain."
Well Harry is uncaring and horrible, but I'm unsure if I would label him as a villain.
"What happened?"
"No one would defend him. He was completely innocent. He never cheated on women and was the nicest lad. You should've seen him Jane. He used to smile all the time and he was hilarious! But then he started locking himself in his room and would stay there for hours...he wouldn't talk to anyone and I guess one day he cracked. He became an alcoholic and started taking women home each day... Louis stopped talking to him and I don't know what he was thinking and or is thinking..."
I wonder what made Harry crack? I mean tabloids are just tabloids. They lie all the time. Everyone knows that.
"But wait...what about me? I'm sure you know what happened yesterday and the past week...why am I here?" I ask. hoping he knows the answer.
"I'm sorry Jane, but I'm completely lost about Harry when it comes to you. Neither of the boys know. Not even Niall and he lives with him."
I sigh as my hopes fall flat.
"Why does my life have to be so complicated?" I ask while I twirl a piece of hair around my finger.
I hear him get up and walk closer to me. He sits down next to me and I look up at him. He gives me a soft smile.
"Everything's going to work out. I promise."
I look at his confident eyes and I just nod slightly. I know it's not going to, but I don't want to burden Liam with my problems any further.
"When was the last time you watched a movie?" He asks.
I look up at the ceiling and begin to think.
"When I was seven, I think. It was The Little Mermaid."
I smile at the memory for a quick second before I feel my wrist being grabbed.
"Well since Harry and Niall have a collection of movies and we have the TV to ourselves, we are going to watch a marathon." He says with the brightest smile I've ever seen.
I just laugh and nod as he leads me to I don't know where.
I'm glad Liam's here.
...
It's night time already and Liam and I have watched about eight movies. Half of them we're scary movies and I didn't get scared one bit. We binged all day on chocolate and popcorn and I haven't been this happy in a while.
Niall came back and brought along Zayn two hours ago and decided to join our mini marathon. Harry has not come back yet and the boys all seem nervous.
"He's not answering his phone." Niall says as he stares at his phone screen nervously.
"What time is it?" Zayn asks.
"It's almost one in the morning." Niall responds as he tangles his fingers in his hair.
Wow. How am I still up?
"Maybe we should tell Paul." Liam suggests.
"How would that help? The police will just get involved, causing a huge scene." Zayn states.
Liam sighs and all the boys begin to pace back and forth, while I'm still on the couch drinking a can of soda.
"Guys, he'll come." I say trying to strengthen their hopes.
"Thanks Jane, but I don't think he is. What if he's drunk and he's driving?!" Niall comments as he begins to breathe heavily.
"Breathe Niall." Liam advices.
Niall takes a deep breath and nods his head.
"I-I'm fine. It's ju-"
Niall is interrupted by the sound of the front door unlocking.
All the boys quickly run, leaving me behind and I decide to follow.
Harry walks through the door with a brunette on his left and a red head on his right. They are giggling immensely and I feel as if someone is dragging their fingernails against a chalk board.
"Harry, what the fuck man!" Niall screams.
Harry walks up to us with his arms still around the women. Gross.
"I'm going to my room." He says as he begins to walk passed us.
He's not even drunk.
I can't help but stare at him with disgust. The sight is truly revolting.
The red head begins to kiss his neck and I want to throw up. She seems wasted.
"Why the hell didn't you answer your phone!?" Zayn asks.
He shrugs and continues walking passed us.
Liam looks frozen in place, unsure what to do.
"We've been worried sick Harry." I say as I walk in front of him, stopping him.
The two girls look me up and down and laugh even more. Calm down Jane. Physical violence won't help anything.
"We?" Harry asks as he laughs himself.
"You don't give a shit about me so stop lying." He states.
I stare at him in silence and his laughter dies down.
"You can't fool me." He whispers as he walks around me.
"Harry." I say.
He stops, let's go of the girls and walks up to me.
"I know my own name Jane!" He states angrily, copying what I said to him from before.
"I don't care Harry. Don't do this. There drunk. They don't even know what they're doing."
He looks behind him and glances at the girls who are giggling before meeting my gaze again.
"I'm Harry fucking Styles. They won't regret anything."
The words come out of him like poison and I can't believe he's that heartless.
I feel sick.
"And you wonder why your mum won't even talk to you!" I hear Liam scream. Harry and I both turn around to face Liam and the boys who are standing next to him.
His mom won't talk to him?
I glance at Harry, waiting for him to scream at Liam or worse and by the look on the boy's faces, even Liam, they're waiting for the same thing.
Harry looks at the ground, trying to avoid everyone's stare.
"I'm going to bed." He mutters before he turns around and disappears, leaving the girls behind.
"What just happened?" I ask, staring at the hallway Harry walked into.
I turn back around to see Liam sigh.
"He's never going to change." he says to himself.
I walk up to him and I rest my hand on his shoulder in a comforting way.
"Everything's going to work out. I promise." I repeat the words he told me earlier and he gives me a fake smile. It's not like his real ones and in fact is heart breaking to see.
"I'll be fine Jane. Go to bed it's late. Zayn and I are going to head back to the hotel now and we'll get the girl's a room too for the night, so they won't feel scared." he says.
"That's nice of you." I reply.
"Thanks... Well bye." he sadly states before waving goodbye and leaving with Zayn and the girls.
When they leave, Niall heads to his room and I begin to go to mine.
As I walk down the hall way, I begin to hear...crying?
I stop in my tracks and I stare at the closed door. It's coming from Harry's room...
He can't possibly be crying.
I put my ear against the door and I try to hear.
He is crying...
I remember Liam telling me how he would lock himself in his room for hours...and what happened with his mom? Why won't his own mother talk to him?
I think Harry's just lonely...I mean Louis doesn't even consider Harry his friend anymore, Harry doesn't really talk to anyone, and he always brings easy women back... maybe that's all he needs...a friend. Harry and I may not be similar, but we do have something in common. We're both pretty lonely.
I move my head away from the door and I twist the door knob, opening it. When I walk in, I notice how Harry is sitting at the edge of the bed crying into his hands. His head shoots up almost instantly as he hears me walk in.
"Leave." He commands as he wipes his tears away.
He looks so vulnerable and I feel my heart ache for him.
"Leave!" He repeats in a louder tone.
I ignore him completely and I just walk up to him. His eyes begin to fill with confusion as he observes me up and down.
When I'm in front of him, I bend down a little and I wrap my arms around him.
He doesn't hug me back, but I don't care...I feel like he needs one. Whether he knows it or not.
"I meant what I said Harry... I was worried too." I whisper.
I feel his arms slowly wrap around me as well and he holds me tight, not letting go.

Notes