school boys

Slowly... ever so slowly... Niall slid to the floor as did I.

"I...I... I did this. I'm killing zayn ! He's to young to die. He...He hasn't finished school...our gone to college... or got married... or had kids. I'm sorry... so sorry." I said.

"Hey... at the rate he was going... and the way he acted nobody was going to want to marry or have kids with him." Perrie mentioned. I can't fucking believe what just came out of her mouth. I reached up and slapped her. She was shocked.

"I'M THE REASON ZAYN IS IN THERE! HE CAN'T FUNCTION ON HIS OWN PERRIE... I FUCKED HIM UP. He's so far beyond repair."

Niall reached over to Perrie and grabbed her once she finally started to realize how bad this situation was.

I watched Harry walk over to us. He sat down next to me and grabbed my waist. He lifted me up onto his lap where I burst into tears. I grabbed his shirt in my fists and cried into his neck.

"I'm so sorry Harry... I never meant to hurt zayn. I never meant for this to happen. I'm so sorry baby. Please don't hate me."
He grabbed my body and pulled me close to him as he silently cried.

Niall reached into his pocket and pulled out a paper that was folded up. It had my name written on it. He held it out to me. I gently grabbed it from his hand still slightly crying.

As I opened he mumbled something saying it was from zayn. I felt my heart break into a million pieces. He wrote me this before he attempted suicide.





Dear makayla,


I honestly hope you're not blaming yourself for this. I'm sorry we only got to know each other for a short amount of time. So... here's the basics...

The only reason I do things like this is because...

1.) I'm scared. I'm scared she won't like me for who I truly am. I know being an ass isn't the right way... but I'm scared she'll walk away and fund someone better.

2.) She gets on my nerves. I know it sounds bad but she does. She's so fucking perfect. And the thought that I can't have her hurts tremendously.

3.) There's still a deep hole in my heart. I don't know why but I can't fill this void in my heart. It pains me to see Perrie react the way she does when I make a rude comment about her. It pains me to see the way you cringe at the sight of me coming towards you and her sometimes.

4.) For some reason I want somebody to feel my pain and understand. I want somebody to understand what it feels like to be hurt for doing absolutely nothing to anybody.

5.) Because I was the odd one out. I was always picked on. And before you came along I thought it was normal. I thought it was the way of life. I thought it was ok. But I'm becoming a monster.



Makayla... these are the reasons I can't be here anymore. I'm only hurting people the way I've been hurt. Things like this stick with you for a long time. I'm sorry for being a prick. You deserve better. I know with the heart you have you will make the world a better place.

I know Perrie deserves more than this... (A.N. cause I can give you more than this... Yeah... sorry.... I had to...keep reading!)


Everyone deserves to have a life without me. I'm not good enough for anyone. I'm a stupid Muslim. I'm worthless to society. I'm a failure. I'm a terrible person. And to make it up to everyone... I'm getting out of the way. I hope you guys understand and don't grieve over me. I'm not someone to mourn over.




Best regards, zayn malik.



I stared at the paper in disbelief. How could he be do selfish!?!?!?

I threw it at the ground. I grabbed fist fulls of my hair and pulled while screaming out. In the reason zayn attempted suicide. I'm a bitch. I ruin everything like Harry said. Why? Why did I have to be the cause of this? Couldn't he have fought back and made fun of me?

WHY DID HE HAVE TO BE SELFISH?!?!?! I NEEDED HIM!

Then doctor Lizzy came out to us. She reached her hand out and I grabbed it. She lightly pulled me up. She wrapped her arms around me and whispered in my ear. I pulled away shocked. What about zayn?

"What? Wait did you-" she cut me off by nodding.

Notes