*Reagan’s POV*

Silence can speak volumes and the hush that fell between us was loud enough to let me know that Harry was still trying to process what I’d just told him. His lip was between his thumb and fore finger, but it was the only move he’d made for several minutes. His gaze was either set on the raindrops that had now begun to drone harder against the awning, picking up with the warm breeze, or the way that the pool water below began to slosh over the sides, overflowing as the thick of the storm neared us; whatever the case may be, his eyes were everywhere but with me. I sat waiting patiently for any kind of reply, so still, though everything inside of me was rapid and screaming. I would give him his time to freak out whether it was happening inwardly or building to form one of his perpetual explosions. God knows I had my time to let it all go, but whatever he was going to do, I wished that he would do it quickly. Hold me and tell me that everything will be okay, even though I had the feeling that it wouldn’t be.

“Harry?” I whispered as if approaching a feral animal, but I received no response in return.

As we sat outside and the winds continued to gust the rain in every direction possible, lightning could be seen what seemed like thousands of miles away; the low growl of thunder from the forming storm began to rumble throughout the California sky, we had began to get wet from the impact of the thousands of rain droplets that fell, but we stayed in place still. This storm was nothing compared to the the one that was brewing inside of the man that sat across from me.

Finally he stood pushing his chair in before he grabbed on to the balcony rail. His knuckles turning white from the grip that he had on the railing, made me want to reevaluate my timing. Though Harry has adapted to not getting the proper sleeping hours, I can still tell that he’s tired. He was excited to be here, to come and see me, to not be a prisoner of his actions after the trial, but he was still utterly exhausted and I’m sure that this doesn’t help the matter. However, I didn’t get pregnant by myself and the longer he stays silent, the longer my focused side gives me reason to be upset with him.

“How long have you known?”

I’m startled out of my thoughts when he finally speaks. His voice isn’t strained like he’s trying to hold in any anger, but it shows no emotion either. One of the tricks Harry learned in Maudsley that I hate. The only time that he’s like this is if he’s taken too many of his mood stabilizers. I found out months ago however that he’s learned to mimic the emotionless shell of himself that he would become in his minor overdose just to make people believe that he was calm and collected even though inside he was anything but.

“I took three tests yesterday.”

“If you took three tests then how is it that you only think that you’re pregnant?” The word think came out harshly and though I don’t like the change in his tone, it lets me know that he’s beginning to crack and the wall that he just so quickly built is coming down.

“Two of the test were positive, one wasn’t.”

Harry turned his head to finally face me with one eyebrow quirked, loosening his vise on the railing. His bottom lip went into his mouth as he let go of the rail completely, bouncing his balled up right fist on it instead.

“One negative?”

“Yes, but I hope you’re not banking on that to be our save all.”

“What else am I supposed to do?! We’re not fit to be parents, Reagan! Neither of us! Not now, not fucking ever!”

I jumped as his voice raised and his words went through me like daggers. Even in the dark I could see that the crystal green of his eyes now reflected an emerald. His patience has vanished but honestly, I don’t know why I expected it to turn out any other way.

Harry took a deep breath before chuckling humorlessly to himself facing the backyard again.

“Its like we get past one hurdle and then run straight into a fucking wall...Maybe she was right. I don’t want to listen to her but maybe I should, maybe she's right.”

“Wow, Harry. Maybe who was right? What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, no one. Nothing except we should have never done it without some kind of protection and I specifically remember saying–”

“Don’t you fucking dare! Don’t you dare try and blame me you fucking asshole! Because last time I checked, I didn’t do this on my own!”

Harry shakes his head before running a hand through his damp hair to try and remove it from his face. “I’m not saying that you did. I’m not saying that its your fault. I just– Fuck!”

I remove my glasses and stand from my chair turning to leave the balcony, not wanting to break in front of him. I’m pissed and can’t believe him. I can barely stand to look at him. Before I can reach the balcony door I feel him grab my wrist, pulling me back in.

“Let me go!”

“NO! You don’t get to walk out and I just got you back!”

I tried to fight against his hold, but he overpowered me as he always does. Emotionally, I always have a way of letting Harry in even when I know that I should stand strong and resist. The only thing that keeps me from feeling futile in his hold every time the same pattern resets itself is knowing that he has the same weakness as I do.

He held my arms next to my side and pinned my back against the railing of the balcony. His eyes finally softening to the clear sage color as he waited for me to calm down. The thunder loudly cracked in the background, scaring me and making me grateful at the same time. I’m sure that the storm has drowned out our argument, or at least I hope it has. Harry’s eyebrows stayed furrowed though his stare was less intense than it was only moments ago. My chest heaved up and down as I tried to get my breathing under control, but the more I thought about it the angrier I got.

“I can’t believe you!”

“I didn’t mean it that way, but you have to be honest with yourself, Reagan. As soon as we get through one thing, we’re pelted with something else. Do you honestly think that we’re fit to be parents now?”

“I never said that we were, but I expected more support from you than what you showed me!”

“I am bloody supportive, but forgive me if I’m not ecstatic about this! You’re not either and I can see it in your eyes. I don’t like it, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not going to be there for you, for us. I’m always fucking here, but you always find a way to get around telling me important things until its too late.”

I pushed past Harry and got the balcony door open, tired of the conversation and the rain soaking into my pores. Harry slammed his fist against the balcony rail one more time before he trailed behind me, both us us leaving small puddles of water in the shape of footsteps on the hardwood floors. Harry closed the sliding door behind him before he went through his bag that still sat at the side of my bed. Taking two pills out of his prescription, he popped two pills of his aripiprazole before he grabbed me again, this time pushing my back against my bedroom door.

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re not! You meant what you said!”

“I didn’t mean everything I said, just some of it. You know I didn’t mean everything. I couldn’t control it. You know that my reaction was going to be different because of the way I am.”

“Bullshit! You–”

Harry covered his hand over my mouth while furrowing his eyebrows once more, keeping it there firmly but gently before he spoke again.“Because you took me outside to tell me I’m going to assume your mum doesn’t know about this. If you want her to know then keep screaming, if not then shh! When I move my hand will you speak quietly?”

I glared at H. before stiffly nodding my head one time. As soon as he removed his hand however, I couldn’t help but say what I needed to regardless to if my voice raised a full octave or not.

“You have no fucking clue about what I went through when I found out. I broke down because I know that this isn’t ideal for either one of us. I beat myself up enough about it and I never said that I expected you to be excited. I knew that I should give you time to freak out about it the way that I did. But do you know how it makes me feel for you to try and put it all on me?! I am just as scared as you are! I was so scared when you weren’t here, but now I see that it doesn’t make a difference if you are or if you aren’t.”

“Don’t say that!”

“Its true.”

“No it’s not!” H. ran a hand through his hair out of frustration, but his body kept me pressed against the wall leaving me feeling suffocated, yet craving him to be closer at the same time. “I should have handled it better. Shouldn’t have gotten so angry and blamed you. We’ll figure out what to do together. I’m trying. I am. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m fucking sorry. I don’t want to argue with you. I missed you, I’m tired and its raining, and I’m hungry, and I’m wet, and so are you….and you have on a white t-shirt and I love you.”

Harry nudged his nose in the crook of my neck and his cold wet skin sent shivers down my spine. I hate the way my body reacts to him even when I’m upset with him. His light stubble scratched my skin making my pulse quicken as he pressed a light kiss to my neck.

“Do you forgive me?”

“No.”

“Liar.”

“I’m serious.”

Harry brushed his stubble against my neck again nudging my head to the side to give him more access and I tried to suppress the laugh that threatened to escape my lips. I’m still mad, but he makes it hard to stay that way.

“You’re so damn stubborn, glasses. Forgive me right now.”

“You can’t order someone to forgive you.”

Harry pulled away from my neck so that our eyes could meet before he rested his forehead against mine, brushing our noses and then our lips together.

“Please forgive me, love? I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Despite my better judgement, I tilted my head back to press our lips together properly. I teased him with my tongue only to have him open his mouth and allow me access willingly before I stopped the kiss, not wanting it to go any farther.

“Make a doctors appointment?” Harry spoke with his forehead still resting against mine. His eyes were closed and though he was trying to act like he was coping better, I could see him unravelling behind his facade.

“Yes, I’m going to make a doctors appointment.”

Harry grinned before pressing another kiss to my lips and then all over my face making me laugh until a rough knock was heard on the other side of the door. H. jumped and then stepped away from me quickly going to stand by my bed, preparing to sit.

“Don’t sit down. You’re wet.”

Lifting an eyebrow and smirking as if to challenge me, he slowly lowered himself down.

“Harry don’t!”

A chuckle escaped his lips as he plopped down on the bed and then lied backwards, thrashing his arms about as if he were making a snow angel. As soon as I opened the door however he stood up quickly biting the sides of his cheeks. My dad stood with a stern look on his face on the opposite side of the door before he walked into my room, kissing my forehead then reaching out a hand for Harry to shake.

Notes

Hello loves! I have an update for you all because I couldn't keep you all in that much suspense! How are you all? What did you think of this chapter??? Do you agree with Harry or Reagan orrr are you on the fence and see both sides of the argument? I cant wait for feedback! I was definitely in shock writing the chapter, because its not the way I planned it out in my head but when I started writing the characters took over aha. SOOOO please comment because it makes me so happy :) Also please vote vote vote and sub guys it would mean so much to me and let me know that you're reading and enjoying! As always I LOVE ALL OF YOU BEAUTIES FOR READING!~ Xx