Not One Alike
Chapter 9
Ell
*Flashback 1 (Takes place when They’re about to head to Nandos)*
Harry grabbed my right arm and pulled me forcefully into the nearest room.
“What the hell, Harry?” I said between laughs.
“What’s gotten into you?” I looked up at him and drew in a sharp breath. Harry looked like he was about to cry or something.
“Ellabree Kowals stop fucking laughing!” He hissed at me, shutting the door of what I had soon noticed to be a coat closet.
“Ok, ok.” I tried to defuse the situation. “May I ask about why we are sitting in your coat closet when we are alone in your house?”
I tried to keep my tone light, disguising the fact that I almost orgasmed in that second.
Harry was making the most adorable expression ever. It’s like, if a puppy and a unicorn had a baby and it lost a candy bar.
Shut up, Ell! You fucking don’t like Harry!
He’s a motherfucking player, I told myself.
Or is he?
“Ellabree, listen, please. I need to tell you something.”
I rolled my eyes lightly. “What, Harry?”
It couldn’t be anything THAT bad, so I wasn’t that worried.
He cleared his throat, and looked at me like his future life depended on what he was going to say. “This is really important. If this gets out to the media, I, along with you, will be eternally screwed.”
I snapped my head in his direction.
WHAT?!?!??!?!?!? “Excuse me?” I turned my sass on, not holding back any more. “You better muthafuckin tell me what you did, Styles.”
I put my hand on my hip
. “Enlighten me.”
He took a deep breath.
“Well, you have APIS, don’t you?”
Shit shit shit. How did he know? “Yes,” my voice was suddenly very quiet. Now I didn’t’ feel like the sassy bitch that told Harry to “muthafuckin tell me”.
APIS stands for anxiety passive insomnia syndrome. It means that when I get anxiety attacks, I will pass out, but, for a brief period of time, I’ll do this thing where I’ll ‘wake up’ from being unconscious. But I’m not awake, I’m just ‘sleepwalking’, the doctors call it. T
he insomnia part comes to the fact that it takes me longer to wake up from the coma because I’m conscious for a period of a time.
“Well, when you passed out, I pout you down for bed, at maybe 2:45. Well, at like 4, you wake up. I thought you were fully awake and you said some stuff and I-“
he broke off, looking away, his cheeks reddening.
“Did you do whatever I told you to do or say!” I demanded angrily. I
talk about whatever my minds going to, but my brain can take part in a full conversation, as long as it revolves around what I was thinking about.
Harry looked at me, so much hurt churning through his beautiful eyes.
“Yes, Ell. You told me to … do something. We did, and you have the right to know since you can’t remember.”
Those eyes will be the death of me if I keep staring into them like this.
They seemed to stare straight into my soul, as if they were begging for forgiveness… “Ell,” Harry wiped away a tear falling from his eye.
Harry fucking Styles is crying?
“We… we had sex.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Flashback 2 (When Ell goes crazy for the 1st time)
I’m suddenly quite happy. I don’t know why, every part of me is just bursting with energy.
I jumped into my clothes quickly as I skipped out of Harry’s room.
I don’t fucking care if I look 5, I’m happy
(cue Pharrell… lol)
I stumbled in the family room, about to call out Harry’s name, but I came across an interesting site there. Kenzie and Harry were hugging.
Umm, isn’t that my job, Kenzie?
Oh my god snap out of it Ell!
I coulnd’t hear what they were saying, but it sounded pretty heated.
Whatever, it’s probably nothing. I was about to leave the kitchen when I caught the familiar glance of someone’s normally energetic eyes.
Joey.
His now turned gray eyes flashed with panic as he tried to get Harry’s attention. Why would he need to get Harry’s attention?
I’m just confused all over. Harry leaned down to Kenzie’s head, probably trying to tell her something, to whisper in her ear.
Although he seemed to be headed right, straight towards her head.
(#Takeahint)
Isn’t he going to stop, it almost looks like he’s going to kiss…
No.
No.
No!!
This isn’t happening! I
let out a sob as I flew back into Harry’s room, locking the door, tears rushing down my face. I was out of control: I could barely hear Kenzie’s shouts from the doorway.
Anxiety taking over completely, I smashed things at random, not being able to see anything because of the tears falling at a rapid pace. Everything was just ion a haze, the only thing I remember clearly was sitting down on Harry’s bed with Kenzie and Harry, having Louis lock the door. “Ok, now, talk it out.”
Kenzie launched into this big speech about how it was a nothing kiss, blah blah blah. After like 30 minutes of her talking, I accepted her apology as we hugged it out for another 25.
She wasn’t the one I was mad at.
Kenzie and I got up to leave, but Louis stepped in front of us. “Aren’t you forgetting something?” he gestured to Harry, who smiled like he was the king of the world.
I groaned.
“I don’t think so.” I smiled sweetly as Kenzie tried to get the key from Louis.
“No, you and Harry need to talk it out.” Louis kept his ground.
I shook my head like the bitch I am, and Louis sighed.
Harry coughed, as everyone looked at him. “
May I say something?”
Oh you sound like such an angel now, Styles. Wait ‘till I rip your vocal chords out.
Then you’ll sound so angelic with no voice.
“I don’t really see why Ell’s so upset with me,” Harry started off, getting a ‘say-any-more-and-you’re-going-to-hell’ look by Kenzie, and a ‘mate-I-would-stop-before-you-lose-your-dick’ look by Louis.
He continued, being the stubborn prick he is.
“I mean all I did was a kiss. Ell you need to realize that I can kiss who I want. You weren’t even there to see the context of this. I mean, why so you care so much?”
I am so mad right now.
You could say I’m, So. Frickin. Pissed. I mean, I am a white girl.
Harry kept droning on and on about how perfect he is and now amazing he is and how much of a clueless slut I am.
“You wanna know why I’m so mad, Harry?” I can’t take this anymore. He raised his eyebrows, a smirk playing at lips. “Yes, I sure would.”
“Because I…”
Oh no. the tears came back.
There triumphant return, when I’m about to tell a sex god that I like him even though I don’t.
But I do.
And I don’t at the same time.
“Cat got your tongue?”
He was holding back a laugh now.
Fuck yeah, Styles.
A Cheshire Cat’s got my tongue.
(A;N. Catch my drift?)
I coulnd’t speak, I couldn’t move. The tears just kept coming.
“Well,” Harry stood up and grabbed the a=kay from unprepared Louis. “I guess were done here, I suppose!” He unlocked the door, and I suddenly found my voice. “
IT’S BECAUSE I FUCKING LIKE YOU STYLES!” I shouted, running out of the room. I don’t know where, just running.
Running.
Running.
Away from Kenz.
Away from Harry.
Running away, just like how I solve everything in my life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Flashback 3 (takes place right before Perrie comes)*
I stifled a laugh as I saw Louis shiver as I saw Kenzie whisper in his ear. That boy is so in love with her, and she doesn’t even know it.
Hell, he probably doesn’t even know it.
I felt Harry’s eyes pierce into the side of my skull, as I tried to look away. I know that I was acting like everything was fine before, but I never really knew the importance of this until Joey made some stupid joke about Harry’s 139754698 girlfriends (typical Joey)
I’m one of them, though.
I’m just one of the bajillion humps-and-dumps that Harry seems to enjoy.
I’m too stressed to even THINK about this going out to the media.
The media. Holy shit.
If someone finds out about this, even Kenzie or someone, they will tell.
I turned around to see Harry, Joey, and Zayn yelling like 2 year olds on their first sugar high. I caught Liam’s eye, and he mouthed “I think my eardrums exploded.”
With a big grin on his face.,
I giggled and mouthed back, “They could power London with that much energy.”
He laughed, and I felt some sort of connection to that laugh, to Liam.
Although this wasn’t even a real conversation, I still can’t fathom what that feeling was.
Friendship, I’ll go with friendship.
Liam would be an amazing friend, I remind myself.
I like Harry, remember?
Wait, what did I just say?
“Harry, shut up.” Liam chuckled.
“Stop yelling.”
“Ha, funny.” Harry shot us a crooked grin.
“That’s not what Ell was saying a couple weeks ago.”
WHAT IN THE FLYING FUCKS DID HE JUST SAY?!?!?!?
Everyone burst out into laughter as I shot to my feet.
I grabbed Harry’s arm, pulling him upstairs. I flung him into my room, slamming and locking it behind me. “What the fuck Harry? This is the second time I’ve stopped you from spilling that shit! The hell of wrong with you?”
I paced along the side of my bed as Harry sat down.
“Cool it, Ellabree.” He gently said
I’ll admit, I am pissed at him and I want to cut out his lungs right now, but I did get the chills when he said Ellabree. Shit, I didn’t know people could give you chills.
I opened the door back up, so I had an excuse to be shivering. “I can’t “cool it,” Harry!” I practically yelled. So much for being subtle, Ell.
Harry placed his arm around me., trying to make me feel better, I think.
Again with the shivers!
“C’mon, Ell. I come up here to talk for, what, 2 minutes? You’re already yelling at me even though I did nothing wrong!” “
You know what you fucking did wrong.” I snapped, shooting my best ‘if-my-eyes-could-shoot-lasers’- glare at Harry.
“And you almost told Kenz and Louis, and I saved your ass, even though I don’t even know that half of the story. All I know is that you took advantage of me somehow when I was passed out.”.
I know what we did, but they could here is downstairs so I didn’t want to blatantly yell, ‘
Oh, yeah, Harry completely fucked me, out of the blue, 3 weeks ago!’
“I know,’ Harry shook his head, his curls bouncing around.
They were like those toy mobiles, like the ones where you pull on the floating snowman or something. I wish his hair replaced the snowman. I might have had a half-decent life if I could pull his luscious curls during my free time.
“I made a stupid mistake. But it’s not that often that someone as beautiful as you shows up at my house passed out. I really couldn’t resist.”
I grinned, mentally bitch-slapping the shit out of myself.
That was cute in all, but it was pretty perverted. Sounds like a 12 year old pick up line. “Whatever. It happened, so let’s just try to get past that and look to the future. I want to spend more time with you, Harry, so let’s just pretend nothing happened between us.”
“I’ll keep it a secret if you do,” Harry pulled me up and wrapped his arms around me, ignoring the awkward little squeak I made as he did this.
Harry laughed a little bit and let go of my hands.
I impulsively grabbed his right hand back, pulling him closer to me, where I could feel his breath on my forehead.
“Please don’t stop.”
I looked up at Harry, who had already started to lean in.
I didn’t even know what I was doing. All of a sudden, I was acting like a hormonal teenager, and the next I had the softest, most plump lips meet mine. I pressed forward instinctively, and he responded with him wrapping his arms around my waist, making our bodies fit as one.
He broke our quick little peck to ‘explore’, trailing kisses near my jawbone and neck. He reached my ear, tugging it lightly, and I couldn’t take it any longer.
I had never really done anything with a guy, so this was my first real “important” kiss. I pulled his head up my his indulgent waves as I surged forward, brining my lips to reunite with mine.
His lips moved against mine like they were made just to fit my mouth. He kissed me like he was programmed to be perfect to me.
The pressure of his lips.
The movement, the way his lips brushed mine as he moved them, making room for his tongue, which licked my bottom lip, asking for entrance.
As soon as I opened my mouth the slightest, karma decided to be it’s bitchy self.
I heard a “Holy Shit!’ as I jumped apart from Harry, freaked out. I saw a flash as someone bolted down the stairs.
I shrugged at Harry, tears already pooling up in my eyes as I raced after the person who saw us.
Harry and I, kissing.
Something that I’ve never done with anyone, ever.
And, of course, karma (along with the ‘holy-shit’ guy) had to ruin it.
When I get my hands on them, I swear they will want to warn their grandchildren about me.
I am so mad. Uggh, right now I could just strangle…
Louis??
*Flashback 1 (Takes place when They’re about to head to Nandos)*
Harry grabbed my right arm and pulled me forcefully into the nearest room.
“What the hell, Harry?” I said between laughs.
“What’s gotten into you?” I looked up at him and drew in a sharp breath. Harry looked like he was about to cry or something.
“Ellabree Kowals stop fucking laughing!” He hissed at me, shutting the door of what I had soon noticed to be a coat closet.
“Ok, ok.” I tried to defuse the situation. “May I ask about why we are sitting in your coat closet when we are alone in your house?”
I tried to keep my tone light, disguising the fact that I almost orgasmed in that second.
Harry was making the most adorable expression ever. It’s like, if a puppy and a unicorn had a baby and it lost a candy bar.
Shut up, Ell! You fucking don’t like Harry!
He’s a motherfucking player, I told myself.
Or is he?
“Ellabree, listen, please. I need to tell you something.”
I rolled my eyes lightly. “What, Harry?”
It couldn’t be anything THAT bad, so I wasn’t that worried.
He cleared his throat, and looked at me like his future life depended on what he was going to say. “This is really important. If this gets out to the media, I, along with you, will be eternally screwed.”
I snapped my head in his direction.
WHAT?!?!??!?!?!? “Excuse me?” I turned my sass on, not holding back any more. “You better muthafuckin tell me what you did, Styles.”
I put my hand on my hip
. “Enlighten me.”
He took a deep breath.
“Well, you have APIS, don’t you?”
Shit shit shit. How did he know? “Yes,” my voice was suddenly very quiet. Now I didn’t’ feel like the sassy bitch that told Harry to “muthafuckin tell me”.
APIS stands for anxiety passive insomnia syndrome. It means that when I get anxiety attacks, I will pass out, but, for a brief period of time, I’ll do this thing where I’ll ‘wake up’ from being unconscious. But I’m not awake, I’m just ‘sleepwalking’, the doctors call it. T
he insomnia part comes to the fact that it takes me longer to wake up from the coma because I’m conscious for a period of a time.
“Well, when you passed out, I pout you down for bed, at maybe 2:45. Well, at like 4, you wake up. I thought you were fully awake and you said some stuff and I-“
he broke off, looking away, his cheeks reddening.
“Did you do whatever I told you to do or say!” I demanded angrily. I
talk about whatever my minds going to, but my brain can take part in a full conversation, as long as it revolves around what I was thinking about.
Harry looked at me, so much hurt churning through his beautiful eyes.
“Yes, Ell. You told me to … do something. We did, and you have the right to know since you can’t remember.”
Those eyes will be the death of me if I keep staring into them like this.
They seemed to stare straight into my soul, as if they were begging for forgiveness… “Ell,” Harry wiped away a tear falling from his eye.
Harry fucking Styles is crying?
“We… we had sex.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Flashback 2 (When Ell goes crazy for the 1st time)
I’m suddenly quite happy. I don’t know why, every part of me is just bursting with energy.
I jumped into my clothes quickly as I skipped out of Harry’s room.
I don’t fucking care if I look 5, I’m happy
(cue Pharrell… lol)
I stumbled in the family room, about to call out Harry’s name, but I came across an interesting site there. Kenzie and Harry were hugging.
Umm, isn’t that my job, Kenzie?
Oh my god snap out of it Ell!
I coulnd’t hear what they were saying, but it sounded pretty heated.
Whatever, it’s probably nothing. I was about to leave the kitchen when I caught the familiar glance of someone’s normally energetic eyes.
Joey.
His now turned gray eyes flashed with panic as he tried to get Harry’s attention. Why would he need to get Harry’s attention?
I’m just confused all over. Harry leaned down to Kenzie’s head, probably trying to tell her something, to whisper in her ear.
Although he seemed to be headed right, straight towards her head.
(#Takeahint)
Isn’t he going to stop, it almost looks like he’s going to kiss…
No.
No.
No!!
This isn’t happening! I
let out a sob as I flew back into Harry’s room, locking the door, tears rushing down my face. I was out of control: I could barely hear Kenzie’s shouts from the doorway.
Anxiety taking over completely, I smashed things at random, not being able to see anything because of the tears falling at a rapid pace. Everything was just ion a haze, the only thing I remember clearly was sitting down on Harry’s bed with Kenzie and Harry, having Louis lock the door. “Ok, now, talk it out.”
Kenzie launched into this big speech about how it was a nothing kiss, blah blah blah. After like 30 minutes of her talking, I accepted her apology as we hugged it out for another 25.
She wasn’t the one I was mad at.
Kenzie and I got up to leave, but Louis stepped in front of us. “Aren’t you forgetting something?” he gestured to Harry, who smiled like he was the king of the world.
I groaned.
“I don’t think so.” I smiled sweetly as Kenzie tried to get the key from Louis.
“No, you and Harry need to talk it out.” Louis kept his ground.
I shook my head like the bitch I am, and Louis sighed.
Harry coughed, as everyone looked at him. “
May I say something?”
Oh you sound like such an angel now, Styles. Wait ‘till I rip your vocal chords out.
Then you’ll sound so angelic with no voice.
“I don’t really see why Ell’s so upset with me,” Harry started off, getting a ‘say-any-more-and-you’re-going-to-hell’ look by Kenzie, and a ‘mate-I-would-stop-before-you-lose-your-dick’ look by Louis.
He continued, being the stubborn prick he is.
“I mean all I did was a kiss. Ell you need to realize that I can kiss who I want. You weren’t even there to see the context of this. I mean, why so you care so much?”
I am so mad right now.
You could say I’m, So. Frickin. Pissed. I mean, I am a white girl.
Harry kept droning on and on about how perfect he is and now amazing he is and how much of a clueless slut I am.
“You wanna know why I’m so mad, Harry?” I can’t take this anymore. He raised his eyebrows, a smirk playing at lips. “Yes, I sure would.”
“Because I…”
Oh no. the tears came back.
There triumphant return, when I’m about to tell a sex god that I like him even though I don’t.
But I do.
And I don’t at the same time.
“Cat got your tongue?”
He was holding back a laugh now.
Fuck yeah, Styles.
A Cheshire Cat’s got my tongue.
(A;N. Catch my drift?)
I coulnd’t speak, I couldn’t move. The tears just kept coming.
“Well,” Harry stood up and grabbed the a=kay from unprepared Louis. “I guess were done here, I suppose!” He unlocked the door, and I suddenly found my voice. “
IT’S BECAUSE I FUCKING LIKE YOU STYLES!” I shouted, running out of the room. I don’t know where, just running.
Running.
Running.
Away from Kenz.
Away from Harry.
Running away, just like how I solve everything in my life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Flashback 3 (takes place right before Perrie comes)*
I stifled a laugh as I saw Louis shiver as I saw Kenzie whisper in his ear. That boy is so in love with her, and she doesn’t even know it.
Hell, he probably doesn’t even know it.
I felt Harry’s eyes pierce into the side of my skull, as I tried to look away. I know that I was acting like everything was fine before, but I never really knew the importance of this until Joey made some stupid joke about Harry’s 139754698 girlfriends (typical Joey)
I’m one of them, though.
I’m just one of the bajillion humps-and-dumps that Harry seems to enjoy.
I’m too stressed to even THINK about this going out to the media.
The media. Holy shit.
If someone finds out about this, even Kenzie or someone, they will tell.
I turned around to see Harry, Joey, and Zayn yelling like 2 year olds on their first sugar high. I caught Liam’s eye, and he mouthed “I think my eardrums exploded.”
With a big grin on his face.,
I giggled and mouthed back, “They could power London with that much energy.”
He laughed, and I felt some sort of connection to that laugh, to Liam.
Although this wasn’t even a real conversation, I still can’t fathom what that feeling was.
Friendship, I’ll go with friendship.
Liam would be an amazing friend, I remind myself.
I like Harry, remember?
Wait, what did I just say?
“Harry, shut up.” Liam chuckled.
“Stop yelling.”
“Ha, funny.” Harry shot us a crooked grin.
“That’s not what Ell was saying a couple weeks ago.”
WHAT IN THE FLYING FUCKS DID HE JUST SAY?!?!?!?
Everyone burst out into laughter as I shot to my feet.
I grabbed Harry’s arm, pulling him upstairs. I flung him into my room, slamming and locking it behind me. “What the fuck Harry? This is the second time I’ve stopped you from spilling that shit! The hell of wrong with you?”
I paced along the side of my bed as Harry sat down.
“Cool it, Ellabree.” He gently said
I’ll admit, I am pissed at him and I want to cut out his lungs right now, but I did get the chills when he said Ellabree. Shit, I didn’t know people could give you chills.
I opened the door back up, so I had an excuse to be shivering. “I can’t “cool it,” Harry!” I practically yelled. So much for being subtle, Ell.
Harry placed his arm around me., trying to make me feel better, I think.
Again with the shivers!
“C’mon, Ell. I come up here to talk for, what, 2 minutes? You’re already yelling at me even though I did nothing wrong!” “
You know what you fucking did wrong.” I snapped, shooting my best ‘if-my-eyes-could-shoot-lasers’- glare at Harry.
“And you almost told Kenz and Louis, and I saved your ass, even though I don’t even know that half of the story. All I know is that you took advantage of me somehow when I was passed out.”.
I know what we did, but they could here is downstairs so I didn’t want to blatantly yell, ‘
Oh, yeah, Harry completely fucked me, out of the blue, 3 weeks ago!’
“I know,’ Harry shook his head, his curls bouncing around.
They were like those toy mobiles, like the ones where you pull on the floating snowman or something. I wish his hair replaced the snowman. I might have had a half-decent life if I could pull his luscious curls during my free time.
“I made a stupid mistake. But it’s not that often that someone as beautiful as you shows up at my house passed out. I really couldn’t resist.”
I grinned, mentally bitch-slapping the shit out of myself.
That was cute in all, but it was pretty perverted. Sounds like a 12 year old pick up line. “Whatever. It happened, so let’s just try to get past that and look to the future. I want to spend more time with you, Harry, so let’s just pretend nothing happened between us.”
“I’ll keep it a secret if you do,” Harry pulled me up and wrapped his arms around me, ignoring the awkward little squeak I made as he did this.
Harry laughed a little bit and let go of my hands.
I impulsively grabbed his right hand back, pulling him closer to me, where I could feel his breath on my forehead.
“Please don’t stop.”
I looked up at Harry, who had already started to lean in.
I didn’t even know what I was doing. All of a sudden, I was acting like a hormonal teenager, and the next I had the softest, most plump lips meet mine. I pressed forward instinctively, and he responded with him wrapping his arms around my waist, making our bodies fit as one.
He broke our quick little peck to ‘explore’, trailing kisses near my jawbone and neck. He reached my ear, tugging it lightly, and I couldn’t take it any longer.
I had never really done anything with a guy, so this was my first real “important” kiss. I pulled his head up my his indulgent waves as I surged forward, brining my lips to reunite with mine.
His lips moved against mine like they were made just to fit my mouth. He kissed me like he was programmed to be perfect to me.
The pressure of his lips.
The movement, the way his lips brushed mine as he moved them, making room for his tongue, which licked my bottom lip, asking for entrance.
As soon as I opened my mouth the slightest, karma decided to be it’s bitchy self.
I heard a “Holy Shit!’ as I jumped apart from Harry, freaked out. I saw a flash as someone bolted down the stairs.
I shrugged at Harry, tears already pooling up in my eyes as I raced after the person who saw us.
Harry and I, kissing.
Something that I’ve never done with anyone, ever.
And, of course, karma (along with the ‘holy-shit’ guy) had to ruin it.
When I get my hands on them, I swear they will want to warn their grandchildren about me.
I am so mad. Uggh, right now I could just strangle…
Louis??
Notes
Horray for the shitty chapter...
Hope that explained a lot, though. It was suppose to, but knowing me, I probably messed it up in some way.
Soooooooooooooooo yeahhhhhh
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7/14/15