Just some Imagines

What a cold saturday afternoon. The rain patters against the window in my living room. My emotionless face stares at the television, my mind not realising what's going on there. My thoughts are far, far away. My thoughts are with Harry and how I'm supposed to survive the next nine months without Harry next to me, without Harry cheering me up whenever I'm down. I rest my chin on my knee and pull the blanket higher. Harry wanted to be here twenty minutes ago. We wanted to spend our last night together before he has to leave for tour. But he didn't ring the door bell nor did he text or call me. In the same moment as I make it myself even more comfortable on the couch and close my eyes, I hear the door bell ring. I immediately open my eyes and throw the blanket away to run toward the front door. I open the door zestfully and a smile appears on my face when I see my beautiful boyfriend standing right in front of me. His hair is wet from the rain and a few rain drops are rolling down his nose. I take a step to the side to gesture him to come in. Harry runs his fingers through his wet hair to move it out of his face. His green eyes look a bit tired and dark circles are right under his gorgeous green eyes. "Wow, when did you sleep the last time?" I ask him and walk into the bathroom to get him a towel. He rubs the towel over his hair and face and hands it back to me. We walk into the living room and I plop down onto the couch but Harry remains in the middle of the room. "I couldn't really sleep the past few days." Harry mumbles and buries his hands in the pockets of his tight black jeans. "Oh what is wrong?" I ask him worried. I thought he would be excited about starting his second tour, this tour even bigger than the first one. "I've been thinking a lot." "About what?" "Things." Harry murmurs and refuses to look at me. He faces the painting above my head. His long and slender fingers touching his full and pink lips."Don't you want to sit down and tell me those things you've been thinking about?" "My clothes are wet." Harry reminds me and raises both his eyebrows. "I don't care." I reply and pat the free space next to me. Harry sighs and sits down, uncomfortable shifting in his seat, "What is wrong? You seem to be uncomfortable. Did I do something wrong?" "You did nothing wrong." Harry says, still not looking at me. Is that this type of 'Not-you-did-nothing-wrong-I-did-something-wrong- conversation'? Because I'm not doing this. "Then what is wrong, Harry? You look like a..like a walking zombie and you're going on tour starts tomorrow." "Thanks." Harry says quiet and finally looks at me, his eyes having a sad expression in it, "As I said I've been thinking a lot about us and well I came to a decision." "Harry, you're scaring me." I say with a quiet voice, my bottom lip between my teeth. "You know, when I met you I immediately knew that you're something special. I wanted to know you better and I know how selfish it was to ask you to be my girlfriend and-" "But I wanted to be your girlfriend." The shocked expression on my face gets replaced by a shocked one. "But it was selfish from me to even ask you because everyday I have to see with what kind of hate you have to deal with and this is not fair. I can't make you happy if I see you everyday crying because of me." "I'm not crying because of you." "You're crying because of what I and my job put you through." Harry corrects me and himself, "I'm going to be away for nine months, we could only see us a few times, I won't be there to cheer you up or to help you through a tough time. I just won't be here." "We already had this conversation, Harry. Why are you bringing this up again? I told you I will surive it." I smile at him, desperate that he is just worried about me and wants the best for me. "[Y/N], listen. I want the best for you but the best thing for you is not me." Harry says and stands up from the couch. My eyebrows draw together when I hear the words slipping out of his mouth.
Why is he telling me so much bullshit? "What are you saying? Of course you are-" "No, I'm not. You're better off without me." He continues and my bottom lip trembles while I try to interrupt him. I want him to stop telling me those things, those things that I don't want to hear, those things that my heart can't take. "I love you, [Y/N] and you know that. And I know you love me but this won't work, not with so much pressure from the outside." Suddenly I jump up from the couch and stand right in front of him. I place both of my hands on his chest and push him away. Anger, sadness and pain - I feel all this at the same time. "You know what? Then go, leave! Go on and leave and don't you dare to come back!" I scream and push him again. Harry holds his hands up in defence while he stumbles out of my living room. "[Y/N], please don't be mad at me." "Mad at you? I'm not mad!" I answer sarcastically and open the front door for him, "I hope you have a great time on tour, Harold. But I hope you know that there is no living soul on this planet that loves you more than I do." My head is spinning and tears are running down my cheeks. "You know that I love you too." "You do? You love me, oh really? You sure about that? Because I'm not! Why would you break up with me if you love me, huh?" "I don't want you getting hurt by me." Harry begs and I snort. "Great job, you just did." I whisper and close the door before I break down into sobs. Harry knocks on the door while I close my eyes and ignore the words that are coming through the door. After a while the knocking stops and I wipe the smeared mascara away from under my eyes. I lean my ear against the front foor but I hear nothing. Harry left me.

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