HALF A HEART
Chapter 30
Four Days Later…
It was official…. Harry wasn’t going to be here anymore…He’d miss graduation…. He’d miss Prom… He’d miss going to college and starting a life for himself… He’d never write another song… One Direction wouldn’t be One Direction anymore… The music would stop… or not be the same at least… He’d never get a chance to go to the big stage with them when I know that that’s what they had wanted to do even if they never expressed their dreams very much…
He’d never be married…. He’d never have a family… He’d never have children… He’d never be the head of a house… He’d never go to all of his children’s Soccer games… He’d never go to their ballet recitals…He’d never see his children live and make a life for themselves… And what if this life would have been with me? What if I was it for him? What if I was his world? What if I was his anything and everything?
You were Annie… You were…
“And remember!” I bellowed as the crowd began to chant with me like they always do. “Beauty! Confidence! Acceptance! Individuality!” I waved and jogged off of the stage.
I greeted the principal like I always do and shook their hand. “That was amazing what you just did in there.”
“Thank you,” I said catching my breath, “ I really appreciate it.”
“Not many teenagers would be able to go on stage in front of people their own age and produce a speech like that. Nor can they inspire them that affectively.”
I nodded, “I think that they just connect with me BECAUSE I’m the same age. They can relate to me more, I know EXACTLY what they’re going through.”
“That does make sense. Well thank you very much for coming in and speaking to them. It appears that you’ve had a grand affect on them so hopefully we’ll start seeing some changes for the better around here.”
I shook his hand again and then gathered my things as I walked out of the school. My spirits have died. I want to inspire people… I want people to be motivated to stand up for others and what they believe in… But…. How can I do that when Harry isn’t here…. Where will I find the strength to continue when my heart has died…
I walked into my hotel room in Miami, Florida and plopped on my bed. I put the CD that Louis and the boys made me into the stereo and listened as “Little Things” echoed off of the ivory walls. I let my eyes fill with tears and my breath quicken as I thought of what was going to happen in less than a week. Harry… My Harry… Hazza… He’s not going to be here… He won’t be with me anymore…
These thoughts continued to own my mind and were always accompanied with a juggernaut of emotions… I can’t do this… I can’t lose him…
I reached in the drawer of my dresser and grabbed the scrapbook that Eleanor and Louis made me. I flicked through the pages and ran my fingers along the edges of the pictures. Tears of joy and sorrow rushed down my cheeks as I remembered almost every picture that was in this book; I remember every feeling I had and every thought that was running through my mind.
I can’t imagine not having him in my life anymore. I can’t imagine going through life without him by my side. I can’t imagine going into that hospital on Thursday morning as my other half is being taken out of this world and being taken away from me. I can’t imagine the tears that will be flowing as his last heartbeat clicks on the monitor and then goes still…
I can’t… I don’t WANT to imagine the funeral…Harry’s cold body lying motionless and pale in the coffin. I can’t handle thinking of the speech that I will be writing and saying in memory of him… The tears that will splatter the crinkled paper on the podium as I look out at the faces grieving for him as well…
I don’t want to think of how the boys will take it… Harry…. One of their best friends… band mate… their brother… gone… forever…
But of course… Those are the only thoughts that my mind will let me think… These are the only emotions that my body will let me feel… Pain…
I closed the scrapbook and set it on top of the dresser. I placed both of my hands on the surface of the dresser and bent my head as sobs escaped my mouth and tears burned down my cheeks like acid. I collapsed onto the floor and pulled my knees to my chest and put my face in my hands as more tears came out of my eyes and more sobs escaped my mouth.
I whipped my head up as I heard my phone ring in my bag across the room. Ugh I don’t want to talk to anyone right now. I just want to be left alone… I want to go home…
I let the phone cease ringing and then I got up to check the voicemail:
“Annie, It’s Louis. Call me as SOON as you get this!”
I put my hand to my chest and felt my heart begin to pound painfully against my ribcage. This can’t be happening… the urgency in his voice… pain threaded into the cracks of his words… He’s gone…. I know it… Harry’s gone…. My love… My heart… My everything…
He’s gone…
I picked up my phone as my breath came out of my lungs like I was suffocating and I couldn’t see my phone through my blurred vision. I managed to find Louis’ number and clicked on his name. I heard the phone ring on the other end and then he picked up…
“Annie!”
“He’s gone isn’t he!?” I wailed. “I’ll never see him alive again! Oh Louis what am I going to do!?”
“Annie he—“
“I KNEW I shouldn’t have listened to Liam!”
“Annie—“
“I should’ve come home as soon as he told me they were taking him off life support!”
“He—“
“Why the hell did I stay here? Why didn’t I come home?”
“Listen—“
“I wanted to be by his side as he was leaving,” I started to sob, “I wanted to hold his hand as he went so he would be comforted a—and peaceful!”
“Annie!”
“Louis, what am I going to do without him!? I can’t do this! I feel like my heart has been ripped to shreds!” I put my face in my hand.
“Annie! Listen to me!” Louis bellowed.
“What? What could you possibly say? He’s gone. H—Harry’s gone! Forever!” I wailed.
“Annie!!”
“What?!” I yelled frustrated with Louis’ lack of sympathy for my emotions.
“Annie! Harry’s awake! He’s okay!”
I flinched and my mouth formed a perfect “o” as my phone slipped out of my hand and a whole new emotion washed over me. My heart began to beat even faster with anticipation.
I heard Louis’ muffled voice coming from my phone on the floor. I picked it up quickly. “Annie? Annie are you there?”
“Y—yes,” I cleared my throat, “H—He… He’s awake?” I started laughing. “He’s alive!?”
“Yes Annie! Come home! Come home!”
“I—I’m coming! I’m coming!” I squealed and hit the end button.
HARRY’S AWAKE!!!!
It was official…. Harry wasn’t going to be here anymore…He’d miss graduation…. He’d miss Prom… He’d miss going to college and starting a life for himself… He’d never write another song… One Direction wouldn’t be One Direction anymore… The music would stop… or not be the same at least… He’d never get a chance to go to the big stage with them when I know that that’s what they had wanted to do even if they never expressed their dreams very much…
He’d never be married…. He’d never have a family… He’d never have children… He’d never be the head of a house… He’d never go to all of his children’s Soccer games… He’d never go to their ballet recitals…He’d never see his children live and make a life for themselves… And what if this life would have been with me? What if I was it for him? What if I was his world? What if I was his anything and everything?
You were Annie… You were…
“And remember!” I bellowed as the crowd began to chant with me like they always do. “Beauty! Confidence! Acceptance! Individuality!” I waved and jogged off of the stage.
I greeted the principal like I always do and shook their hand. “That was amazing what you just did in there.”
“Thank you,” I said catching my breath, “ I really appreciate it.”
“Not many teenagers would be able to go on stage in front of people their own age and produce a speech like that. Nor can they inspire them that affectively.”
I nodded, “I think that they just connect with me BECAUSE I’m the same age. They can relate to me more, I know EXACTLY what they’re going through.”
“That does make sense. Well thank you very much for coming in and speaking to them. It appears that you’ve had a grand affect on them so hopefully we’ll start seeing some changes for the better around here.”
I shook his hand again and then gathered my things as I walked out of the school. My spirits have died. I want to inspire people… I want people to be motivated to stand up for others and what they believe in… But…. How can I do that when Harry isn’t here…. Where will I find the strength to continue when my heart has died…
I walked into my hotel room in Miami, Florida and plopped on my bed. I put the CD that Louis and the boys made me into the stereo and listened as “Little Things” echoed off of the ivory walls. I let my eyes fill with tears and my breath quicken as I thought of what was going to happen in less than a week. Harry… My Harry… Hazza… He’s not going to be here… He won’t be with me anymore…
These thoughts continued to own my mind and were always accompanied with a juggernaut of emotions… I can’t do this… I can’t lose him…
I reached in the drawer of my dresser and grabbed the scrapbook that Eleanor and Louis made me. I flicked through the pages and ran my fingers along the edges of the pictures. Tears of joy and sorrow rushed down my cheeks as I remembered almost every picture that was in this book; I remember every feeling I had and every thought that was running through my mind.
I can’t imagine not having him in my life anymore. I can’t imagine going through life without him by my side. I can’t imagine going into that hospital on Thursday morning as my other half is being taken out of this world and being taken away from me. I can’t imagine the tears that will be flowing as his last heartbeat clicks on the monitor and then goes still…
I can’t… I don’t WANT to imagine the funeral…Harry’s cold body lying motionless and pale in the coffin. I can’t handle thinking of the speech that I will be writing and saying in memory of him… The tears that will splatter the crinkled paper on the podium as I look out at the faces grieving for him as well…
I don’t want to think of how the boys will take it… Harry…. One of their best friends… band mate… their brother… gone… forever…
But of course… Those are the only thoughts that my mind will let me think… These are the only emotions that my body will let me feel… Pain…
I closed the scrapbook and set it on top of the dresser. I placed both of my hands on the surface of the dresser and bent my head as sobs escaped my mouth and tears burned down my cheeks like acid. I collapsed onto the floor and pulled my knees to my chest and put my face in my hands as more tears came out of my eyes and more sobs escaped my mouth.
I whipped my head up as I heard my phone ring in my bag across the room. Ugh I don’t want to talk to anyone right now. I just want to be left alone… I want to go home…
I let the phone cease ringing and then I got up to check the voicemail:
“Annie, It’s Louis. Call me as SOON as you get this!”
I put my hand to my chest and felt my heart begin to pound painfully against my ribcage. This can’t be happening… the urgency in his voice… pain threaded into the cracks of his words… He’s gone…. I know it… Harry’s gone…. My love… My heart… My everything…
He’s gone…
I picked up my phone as my breath came out of my lungs like I was suffocating and I couldn’t see my phone through my blurred vision. I managed to find Louis’ number and clicked on his name. I heard the phone ring on the other end and then he picked up…
“Annie!”
“He’s gone isn’t he!?” I wailed. “I’ll never see him alive again! Oh Louis what am I going to do!?”
“Annie he—“
“I KNEW I shouldn’t have listened to Liam!”
“Annie—“
“I should’ve come home as soon as he told me they were taking him off life support!”
“He—“
“Why the hell did I stay here? Why didn’t I come home?”
“Listen—“
“I wanted to be by his side as he was leaving,” I started to sob, “I wanted to hold his hand as he went so he would be comforted a—and peaceful!”
“Annie!”
“Louis, what am I going to do without him!? I can’t do this! I feel like my heart has been ripped to shreds!” I put my face in my hand.
“Annie! Listen to me!” Louis bellowed.
“What? What could you possibly say? He’s gone. H—Harry’s gone! Forever!” I wailed.
“Annie!!”
“What?!” I yelled frustrated with Louis’ lack of sympathy for my emotions.
“Annie! Harry’s awake! He’s okay!”
I flinched and my mouth formed a perfect “o” as my phone slipped out of my hand and a whole new emotion washed over me. My heart began to beat even faster with anticipation.
I heard Louis’ muffled voice coming from my phone on the floor. I picked it up quickly. “Annie? Annie are you there?”
“Y—yes,” I cleared my throat, “H—He… He’s awake?” I started laughing. “He’s alive!?”
“Yes Annie! Come home! Come home!”
“I—I’m coming! I’m coming!” I squealed and hit the end button.
HARRY’S AWAKE!!!!
Notes
Hey guysss!!! IM 18 NOW AAAAHHHH!!!!! The end of this chapter was so fun to write(: FINALLY THE DAY HAS COME!!!
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Chapter 22 is my fav chapter!!
11/9/16