Falling Hard

I slowly sat myself down on the chair in twelfth row with shaky legs, put my bag under the chair in front of me and took a deep breath. A mixture of butterflies and big bolding rocks where flying around in my stomach. I had the feeling that I was breaking my connection to gravity and couldn't really find my way down again. Where was my hold? To leave everything that is familiar and everything that makes you feel safe and move on to new unknown places. That's what I'm about to do and it's scaring the life out of me.

I fastened my seatbelt and looked out the window of the plane seeing the sun slowly rising from the ground. I was thankful that I got a window seat. I leaned my head back against the headrest and closed my eyes when the flight attendant started talking about safety. I felt a little nauseous.
I've had a tough year. It started with me loosing one of my best friends in an horrible accident, it broke me so bad, I miss her like crazy. But then, just a few weeks later, I found out that my boyfriend since four years, had been cheating on me – and not just once. I honestly thought that I would die right then and there. My heart was broken and felt like he was stomping on it over and over. I felt so betrayed and disgusted over what he had done to me, but the worst feeling was that I didn't have my best friend there to talk to and tell me what an ass he was and that I was better of without him.
I tried to move on, I really did. But it was hard. My whole life was surrounded by him. We had lived together, had the same friends and his family basically was mine by know.

I was broken.

I had my routine down, I woke up, got in the shower and sat down on the floor crying for about fifteen minutes until I eventually got out and dried myself. I didn't really have an appetite anymore so I usually just drank some tea before I left for work. After work I visited my parents, my mom insisted on it so she knew that I got a real meal in me. They where scared for me, I knew that and I loved them for it. After I forced down some food I walked home, put on some bad TV and usually fell asleep on the couch crying. I would wake up around midnight, brush my teeth and go to bed and then it all started all over.

Not much for a life. The weekends where the worst, because then I didn't have my work as a distraction. I usually spent them with my family, faking that I was fine – no one really believed me. But I also met some of my old friends, I still had a group of girls I've known since before I met my ex. They were wonderful friends, but it was a little weird since my best friend wasn't there anymore. We all felt it. Anna was probably the one in the group that I was closest with, she was so sweet and came and kept me company some nights. She was fine with just watching a movie and not talk too much.

But I felt trapped in my life, I didn't know how to get out of this bad route that I was on. But it was comfortable to know exactly how my days was going to go. I didn't really question it to much.
It wasn't until my mom and dad sat me down one sunday and told me that I really needed to make a change, that I couldn't live like this anymore – it had been six month now – that I started to think about it for real. That following monday after work I sat down on my couch without turning the TV on, I got a pen and paper out and started writing down things I wanted to do in my life. Tings like see different places, have kids, write a book and so on. I wrote down everything I could imagine. The list got long before I put it aside and went to bed.

I let the list rest for the whole week before I sat down on friday to take a look at it. I watch it for a long while before I circled some things that I felt like doing at the moment, even if it scared me. The biggest circle went around England, the second was around trying something different and the third about challenging myself. The choice was obvious. I open up my laptop to search for information about moving to England. My hands was shaking a little when I typed the words. I felt crazy for even considering this.

Now here I was, on the plane to my new reality. It was two months ago I sat on that couch making the decision to change my life forever. My parents wasn't trilled about the idea, especially my mother. I think she was afraid that she couldn't check up on me all the time. But when they realized how much I had studied about what needed to get done before the move, they figured that it was a good idea to get me out of where I was, even if they would have liked it to be a city nearby.

There was a lot to be done, I needed to find a place to live, search for a job and find someone to rent my apartment to. I decided that I didn't want to live in a big city since that would make it to big and scary, I could start by something smaller. If I didn't like it I would move to London or something. I searched a long time for different city's to move to and found several really nice looking, but it was a lot and I felt confused by it. But it all got decided by my subconscious when I had a dream about this sweet town I had looked at called Holmes Chapel. When I looked at the picture the next morning I knew it was the right town to go to. It was small but pretty close to Manchester so I could go there if I needed anything from a bigger town.
After that everything seemed to fall into place. I found a small apartment just outside of town, but still with walking distance downtown. I even found a nice girl who wanted to rent my apartment back home.

It was hard to pack my things away and storing them, but it felt good. I only brought what I needed in things like clothes, the rest I would get when I got there.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we have started our descent in preparation for landing, please make sure your...” The flight attendant started talking but I tuned her out. The nausea came creeping back. What had I done? Why was I doing this? I started breading hard, the man beside me gave me a strange look. I decided to cite the same thing I had in the last couple of weeks. “I need this”, “It's all going to be alright”, “This is going to be perfect”, “You can do this”. Over and over in my head while the plane descend to the ground. I opened my eyes when the plane hit the ground and felt my heart skip a beat.

Notes

This is just the introduction of the story. Does it seem interesting?

Rate/Comment and I will update soon!