Countless
Chapter 1 - Positive Recognition and a Dress Fitting
I’m Jamie.
My favourite colour is green.
I have a cat called Sinatra.
I’m twenty one.
…Twenty two! Sorry.
I’m a special ops soldier.
No, wait, I was a special ops soldier- I’m not anymore.
I’m unemployed… more like unemployable…
I rolled my eyes and leant back against the pillows in another stranger’s bed. My head throbbing but not any more than normal… well, my normal. I tried pointlessly to use Doctor Ivan’s method of positive recognition which was something he’d banged on about since the accident. I recount all of the things I know for certain and then move on to what is more… blurry. It’s supposed to help me retain control or I don’t know… give my brain something to hold on to when really it’s floundering.
He says it’s supposed to help me cope. But personally, I think it’s making it worse. Everything I thought was definite had changed throwing me into the hurricane of confusion. So to be honest, I’d decided to just enjoy the ride rather than fight the inevitable headache of ignorance.
You see, I don’t remember the last four years of my life. Well that’s a slight exaggeration, I’ve been getting little clips but nothing helpful; making toast in Tam’s flat, getting dressed one morning apparently from when I was in Iraq… etc. I know… pretty shit. Get the fiddles out.
How’d it happen you ask? That’s what I’d asked them and apparently I was hit by a car. It happened on hour five of my twenty-six hour leave from duty outside my best friend’s house as I was crossing the street to see her for the first time in two years. That’s right, I’ve survived the harshest and most hostile climates on earth and I finally got done by a drunk kid behind the wheel of a car. There’s irony for you.
I chuckled to myself and staggered out from the matted pillows to grab my clothes from the carpet floor. I pulled on my underwear and then tucked the rest of my clothes into a bundle under my arm along with my bag and heels. I tiptoed out of the door without another look at the sleeping man in the bed that I’m not even going to pretend I know the name of.
As I got into the living room, I pulled my denim shorts up my legs and pulled my top over my head followed by my jacket but didn’t bother with the shoes. A short blaring of Imagine Dragon’s On Top Of the World shot through the haze in my brain just as I got to the front door. I scrambled through my bag for my phone as I jumped through the front door into the corridor.
‘Hello?’ I whispered as I padded quickly across to the staircase of the fancy apartment block.
‘Jamie?!’ I heard my name being screeched down the line, ‘Where the hell are you?’
‘Jesus! Take it down a couple of octaves, Sis.’ I said holding the phone away from my ear to reduce the volume.
‘Please tell me you’re round the corner or something because I really don’t need the stress right now, J!’ I heard my sister Tamsin stressing through the phone as I jogged down the staircase to the foyer. ‘You’re fifteen minutes late…’
Shit! The dress fitting! It’s official; I’m the worst sister in the world! I glanced down at my watch and saw that it was near quarter past eleven.
‘I’m so sorry, Tammy! I’ll be there in ten, I promise!’ I gushed running to my motorbike parked badly up on the pavement. Shit, I drove last night? I probably wasn’t the best idea from me… oh well, saves me trying to get a taxi now.
‘You forgot didn’t you?’ She questioned as I switched my phone to my earpiece and pulled on my helmet stuffing my bag into the compartment under the seat.
‘What?!’ I scoffed, starting the engine. ‘You really think I would forget something as important as dress fittings for my sister’s wedding!’
‘Well, yes actually…’
‘It’s just terrible traffic! I’ll be there before you know it!’ I replied hitting the gas harder.
‘Jamie!’ She tried again.
‘LOVE YOU, TAM!’ I yelled into the receiver before hanging up.
I miraculously got to the dress shop eight minutes later after weaving between the traffic, pushing my speed a lot faster than the limit (- hey, at least I was wearing a helmet, what more do you want from me? ) and jumping three red lights. I parked my bike on the pavement and quickly chained it up before grabbing my bag and running into the shop.
‘I’m so sorry, I’m late!!!’ I exclaimed immediately hugging Tam.
‘It’s ok, don’t worry. We did Mum first.’ She said rolling her eyes.
I suppressed a groan, no wonder Tam was chugging the champagne faster than it could be produced by the sales assistant. Our mother, Courtney, was undeniably a major reason I’d joined the army at sixteen and gone abroad as soon as it became available to me. Saying she was difficult would be the biggest understatement in history. How could I put this without being mean? She was…. she was…. No, actually I couldn’t describe her without being mean.
‘Jamieson, darling!’ I heard her overly pronounced words fill the room as she announced her arrival to the little room. I turned to look at her after taking a deep breath to calm myself- even her presence pissed me off.
‘Mother.’ I gave her a strained smile. ‘How are you?’
‘You look very grey, dear! Are you feeling ill?’ She said ignoring the pleasantries and instead grabbing my chin harshly twisting it back and forth to examine my face.
‘Nope.’ I said popping the p to annoy her more. ‘It’s just my face.’
‘Oh.’ She drawled looking at me pointedly before spinning to a sales assistant. ‘You-hooo! I think this hemline needs a few alterations!’
‘You survived.’ Tam said squeezing my shoulder sympathetically.
‘God, I hate her.’ I muttered back chugging the expensive champagne she handed me.
‘We all do.’ She chuckled.
‘Not everyone.’ I chuckled rolling my eyes as my other sister, Alicia, skipped over to me from my mother’s side smirking.
‘Be nice.’ Tam warned me through a tight lipped smile.
‘I will, after I pull out those fake blonde extentions of hers.’ I chuckled.
Tam shot me a look but was interrupted by our sister, saving me from a lecture.
‘Nice of you to show up to support but I think I have it covered.’ Alicia said grinning fakely at me. ‘As the only useful sister to the bride…’
‘If you’re so useful why aren’t you Maid of Honour?’ I asked before laughing, ‘Oh, that’s right, because I am.’
‘Oh yeah?’ she scoffed unable to think of a comeback.
‘Yes.’ I laughed at her stupidity.
‘At least, I don’t have to get hit by a car to get out of doing any actual work?’ She spat. ‘Such an attention seeker…’
‘Alicia!’ Tammy hissed.
She continued to scold our sister but Alicia’s eyes stayed fixed on me. My face clearly said it all because she slowly got paler and paler. I saw my reflection in her eyes and saw my fury even scaring myself.
‘You think I’m an attention seeker??’ I laughed through the pounding in my ears.
‘I- I’m…’ I watched her stutter but struggled to focus as her face began to get blurry.
My eyes flickered open and closed as I tried to clear my vision but it got worse. No, no, no! Not here, not now, not with them... Sand and...and khakis and bright blue skis... Not a single cloud... a tent... a massive tent...
I sat down on the bench and struggled to control my shaking hands that caused me to drop the empty champagne glass onto the thick carpet.
‘Jamie…’ Tammy murmured quietly raising her hand to touch my shoulder but didn’t knowing any contact could set me off.
I fake laughed and smirked at the two of them. ‘Can I hit her now?’
Spinning quickly, I staggered over to the changing rooms. I shut the door quickly and dropped to the floor snapping my eyes shut.
‘Jamie?’ I heard Tammy call to me from behind the door.
I felt it start in my chest and then felt dizzy from lack of oxygen as panic attacked my brain. I swallowed trying to control my breathing.
---1---2-—3--4—5—6—7—8—9-----1—2—3—4—5…
‘I thought she’d got over that…’ I heard Alicia say croakily. Weird, she actually sounded worried…
6—7—8—9—1---2---3—4—5—6—7—8—9—1--
‘No, she hasn’t. She was just trying to get the doctor off her back.’ Tam snapped. ‘I’d like to see you ‘get over’ what she has. Imagine a car accident left you in a fucking coma for months then you woke up not remembering the years of your life.’
‘I didn’t mean to…’ Alicia tried.
‘Oh, you never mean to, Alicia.’ Tam snarled.
‘Is the Maid of Honour ready for her fitting?’ I heard someone ask my sisters.
‘Umm, I think maybe Alicia should go first actually. If that’s alright?’ Tammy replied.
‘That’s absolutely fine, Miss Tamsin.’ I heard a sigh and footsteps retreat from the door.
‘Jam?’ Tammy whispered my old nickname through the door worriedly which calmed me slightly.
I took two more deep breaths. The splitting headache stayed as I uncurled from my place on the floor but I felt my breathing reach a more normal pace. I nodded to the assistant and walked out of the changing room.
‘Sorry.’ I croaked embarrassed.
‘It’s ok.’ She replied simply, smiling genuinely at me.
‘I really don’t like her.’ I strained a chuckle.
She didn't acknowledge my statement instead she watched me worriedly. ‘Jam, you really need to sort this shit out…’
‘I know I do…’ I murmured before being interrupted.
‘Why are you changing the schedule, girls? Apparently, Alicia is being fitted before Jamison?? What are we running here? A circus?’ My mother babbled storming dramatically into the room. She paused looking at the two of us. ‘Oh dear, I feel like I’ve walked into the middle of an episode of Dr Phil… What’s happened now, Jamieson?’
Right, that’s it. I’m done.
My favourite colour is green.
I have a cat called Sinatra.
I’m twenty one.
…Twenty two! Sorry.
I’m a special ops soldier.
No, wait, I was a special ops soldier- I’m not anymore.
I’m unemployed… more like unemployable…
I rolled my eyes and leant back against the pillows in another stranger’s bed. My head throbbing but not any more than normal… well, my normal. I tried pointlessly to use Doctor Ivan’s method of positive recognition which was something he’d banged on about since the accident. I recount all of the things I know for certain and then move on to what is more… blurry. It’s supposed to help me retain control or I don’t know… give my brain something to hold on to when really it’s floundering.
He says it’s supposed to help me cope. But personally, I think it’s making it worse. Everything I thought was definite had changed throwing me into the hurricane of confusion. So to be honest, I’d decided to just enjoy the ride rather than fight the inevitable headache of ignorance.
You see, I don’t remember the last four years of my life. Well that’s a slight exaggeration, I’ve been getting little clips but nothing helpful; making toast in Tam’s flat, getting dressed one morning apparently from when I was in Iraq… etc. I know… pretty shit. Get the fiddles out.
How’d it happen you ask? That’s what I’d asked them and apparently I was hit by a car. It happened on hour five of my twenty-six hour leave from duty outside my best friend’s house as I was crossing the street to see her for the first time in two years. That’s right, I’ve survived the harshest and most hostile climates on earth and I finally got done by a drunk kid behind the wheel of a car. There’s irony for you.
I chuckled to myself and staggered out from the matted pillows to grab my clothes from the carpet floor. I pulled on my underwear and then tucked the rest of my clothes into a bundle under my arm along with my bag and heels. I tiptoed out of the door without another look at the sleeping man in the bed that I’m not even going to pretend I know the name of.
As I got into the living room, I pulled my denim shorts up my legs and pulled my top over my head followed by my jacket but didn’t bother with the shoes. A short blaring of Imagine Dragon’s On Top Of the World shot through the haze in my brain just as I got to the front door. I scrambled through my bag for my phone as I jumped through the front door into the corridor.
‘Hello?’ I whispered as I padded quickly across to the staircase of the fancy apartment block.
‘Jamie?!’ I heard my name being screeched down the line, ‘Where the hell are you?’
‘Jesus! Take it down a couple of octaves, Sis.’ I said holding the phone away from my ear to reduce the volume.
‘Please tell me you’re round the corner or something because I really don’t need the stress right now, J!’ I heard my sister Tamsin stressing through the phone as I jogged down the staircase to the foyer. ‘You’re fifteen minutes late…’
Shit! The dress fitting! It’s official; I’m the worst sister in the world! I glanced down at my watch and saw that it was near quarter past eleven.
‘I’m so sorry, Tammy! I’ll be there in ten, I promise!’ I gushed running to my motorbike parked badly up on the pavement. Shit, I drove last night? I probably wasn’t the best idea from me… oh well, saves me trying to get a taxi now.
‘You forgot didn’t you?’ She questioned as I switched my phone to my earpiece and pulled on my helmet stuffing my bag into the compartment under the seat.
‘What?!’ I scoffed, starting the engine. ‘You really think I would forget something as important as dress fittings for my sister’s wedding!’
‘Well, yes actually…’
‘It’s just terrible traffic! I’ll be there before you know it!’ I replied hitting the gas harder.
‘Jamie!’ She tried again.
‘LOVE YOU, TAM!’ I yelled into the receiver before hanging up.
I miraculously got to the dress shop eight minutes later after weaving between the traffic, pushing my speed a lot faster than the limit (- hey, at least I was wearing a helmet, what more do you want from me? ) and jumping three red lights. I parked my bike on the pavement and quickly chained it up before grabbing my bag and running into the shop.
‘I’m so sorry, I’m late!!!’ I exclaimed immediately hugging Tam.
‘It’s ok, don’t worry. We did Mum first.’ She said rolling her eyes.
I suppressed a groan, no wonder Tam was chugging the champagne faster than it could be produced by the sales assistant. Our mother, Courtney, was undeniably a major reason I’d joined the army at sixteen and gone abroad as soon as it became available to me. Saying she was difficult would be the biggest understatement in history. How could I put this without being mean? She was…. she was…. No, actually I couldn’t describe her without being mean.
‘Jamieson, darling!’ I heard her overly pronounced words fill the room as she announced her arrival to the little room. I turned to look at her after taking a deep breath to calm myself- even her presence pissed me off.
‘Mother.’ I gave her a strained smile. ‘How are you?’
‘You look very grey, dear! Are you feeling ill?’ She said ignoring the pleasantries and instead grabbing my chin harshly twisting it back and forth to examine my face.
‘Nope.’ I said popping the p to annoy her more. ‘It’s just my face.’
‘Oh.’ She drawled looking at me pointedly before spinning to a sales assistant. ‘You-hooo! I think this hemline needs a few alterations!’
‘You survived.’ Tam said squeezing my shoulder sympathetically.
‘God, I hate her.’ I muttered back chugging the expensive champagne she handed me.
‘We all do.’ She chuckled.
‘Not everyone.’ I chuckled rolling my eyes as my other sister, Alicia, skipped over to me from my mother’s side smirking.
‘Be nice.’ Tam warned me through a tight lipped smile.
‘I will, after I pull out those fake blonde extentions of hers.’ I chuckled.
Tam shot me a look but was interrupted by our sister, saving me from a lecture.
‘Nice of you to show up to support but I think I have it covered.’ Alicia said grinning fakely at me. ‘As the only useful sister to the bride…’
‘If you’re so useful why aren’t you Maid of Honour?’ I asked before laughing, ‘Oh, that’s right, because I am.’
‘Oh yeah?’ she scoffed unable to think of a comeback.
‘Yes.’ I laughed at her stupidity.
‘At least, I don’t have to get hit by a car to get out of doing any actual work?’ She spat. ‘Such an attention seeker…’
‘Alicia!’ Tammy hissed.
She continued to scold our sister but Alicia’s eyes stayed fixed on me. My face clearly said it all because she slowly got paler and paler. I saw my reflection in her eyes and saw my fury even scaring myself.
‘You think I’m an attention seeker??’ I laughed through the pounding in my ears.
‘I- I’m…’ I watched her stutter but struggled to focus as her face began to get blurry.
My eyes flickered open and closed as I tried to clear my vision but it got worse. No, no, no! Not here, not now, not with them... Sand and...and khakis and bright blue skis... Not a single cloud... a tent... a massive tent...
I sat down on the bench and struggled to control my shaking hands that caused me to drop the empty champagne glass onto the thick carpet.
‘Jamie…’ Tammy murmured quietly raising her hand to touch my shoulder but didn’t knowing any contact could set me off.
I fake laughed and smirked at the two of them. ‘Can I hit her now?’
Spinning quickly, I staggered over to the changing rooms. I shut the door quickly and dropped to the floor snapping my eyes shut.
‘Jamie?’ I heard Tammy call to me from behind the door.
I felt it start in my chest and then felt dizzy from lack of oxygen as panic attacked my brain. I swallowed trying to control my breathing.
---1---2-—3--4—5—6—7—8—9-----1—2—3—4—5…
‘I thought she’d got over that…’ I heard Alicia say croakily. Weird, she actually sounded worried…
6—7—8—9—1---2---3—4—5—6—7—8—9—1--
‘No, she hasn’t. She was just trying to get the doctor off her back.’ Tam snapped. ‘I’d like to see you ‘get over’ what she has. Imagine a car accident left you in a fucking coma for months then you woke up not remembering the years of your life.’
‘I didn’t mean to…’ Alicia tried.
‘Oh, you never mean to, Alicia.’ Tam snarled.
‘Is the Maid of Honour ready for her fitting?’ I heard someone ask my sisters.
‘Umm, I think maybe Alicia should go first actually. If that’s alright?’ Tammy replied.
‘That’s absolutely fine, Miss Tamsin.’ I heard a sigh and footsteps retreat from the door.
‘Jam?’ Tammy whispered my old nickname through the door worriedly which calmed me slightly.
I took two more deep breaths. The splitting headache stayed as I uncurled from my place on the floor but I felt my breathing reach a more normal pace. I nodded to the assistant and walked out of the changing room.
‘Sorry.’ I croaked embarrassed.
‘It’s ok.’ She replied simply, smiling genuinely at me.
‘I really don’t like her.’ I strained a chuckle.
She didn't acknowledge my statement instead she watched me worriedly. ‘Jam, you really need to sort this shit out…’
‘I know I do…’ I murmured before being interrupted.
‘Why are you changing the schedule, girls? Apparently, Alicia is being fitted before Jamison?? What are we running here? A circus?’ My mother babbled storming dramatically into the room. She paused looking at the two of us. ‘Oh dear, I feel like I’ve walked into the middle of an episode of Dr Phil… What’s happened now, Jamieson?’
Right, that’s it. I’m done.
Notes
Hi guys,
Started a new story. Hope you liked the intro chapter.
Comment, like and subscribe if you want another chapter!
T xx
Love the story it's great!
6/17/14