I looked at Liam singing on stage of the first concert from backstage. I just wished he would talk to me. I mean, I know I made a mistake. I’m not perfect and I never claimed to be. I thought I was doing something nice for someone who I thought was my friend… but when I started to fall for him… I just wanted it all to be over. Hence why I just want Danielle to stay, the fuck, away.

I don’t care what people say when we’re together!

You know I wanna be the one to hold you when you sleep
I just want it to be you and I forever


I know you wanna leave


So, c'mon baby be with me


So happily…

They finished up the song and started saying good night to their fans.

“We love you, you crazy mofos!” Niall said.

“Stay beautiful!” Harry smiled, blowing kisses. Liam said good night to a few girls in the front row… all these girls… he’d rather talk to any of them over me. They started to walk toward me and Val and my heartbeat spiked.

“He’ll forgive you.” She smiled, trying to reassure me.

“Sure he will.” I said sarcastically, but I toned it down so she wouldn’t get it. She just kept smiling as the boys came around, Harry engulfing her in a big hug and kissing her lips. Fuck relationships. When Liam stepped out of the line of vision of his million fans, he wrapped an arm around me and led me outside. I didn’t even bother getting excited because, well… it was all for show. And I knew that.

As soon as we stepped into the sticky, arid wind, paps were all over us. They were snapping multiple pictures. For the most part, the guys tried to avoid the cameras but they stopped and posed for a few pictures. There was this one time when Liam leaned over and kissed my cheek and even though I knew better, my heart gave a little flutter. He led me to the big, black SUV and Paul pushed us in, making sure the other guards got the boys and their girls in their cars safely.

I waited a while, hoping Liam would just up and say something. But after ten minutes of an awkwardly quiet car ride, I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Will you please just talk to me?” I asked, looking away as soon as I said it. He didn’t say anything for a moment, but when he did, I liked his silence better.

“Talk about what? How you used me? How you made me feel like a fool? How you lied? Is that what you want to talk about, Kay? Because besides for that, we have nothing left to talk about.” I felt tears slide down my face and I was glad he couldn’t see me. As I looked at the fans, trying to claw their way into the cars, I realized what I should have as soon as I told him what went down with Danielle and me.

I had lost him. The way he looked at me… the way he talked to me… I had already lost him. And there was no way he was coming back to me. That’s why I had to leave. Why I was leaving. And all these girls? They’d be trying to grab his attention as soon as I was out of the picture.

---

I woke up with Liam’s arm wrapped around my waist. I knew he didn’t mean to, but him being 5’11, the couch was too small for him to sleep on again. So, he ended up sleeping in the bed with me, but as far away from me as he could get. I know why he’s mad. I would be, too. I bet he’s questioning if I even meant it when I said I loved him… which I did— do. And nothing will change that.

I looked at his sleeping face and smiled. He looked so innocent when he slept… I nuzzled my face in his chest, cherishing the few moments I had without Liam hating me.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered, kissing his cheek softly. I, then, got up, careful not to wake him. I went through my bag and picked out my phone, immediately going to TicketMaster. I went to buy a ticket for home and pulled out my credit card. I typed in the number, completing the purchase. There. Now, it’s a done deal. I just need to find a printer…

I hid my phone and took a quick shower, changing into something more presentable than my PJ’s. I blow dried my hair, making my wild curls more wavy. When I walked out, Liam was still asleep. I checked to make sure I had my room key because last night, I left it and Liam had to let me back in, which he wasn’t too happy about. It seems like everything I do irritates him now.

I pulled out my phone to check my iMessages, which is where the girls and I group chat but at the last second, I ran smack into someone in the hall.

“Crap. I’m so sor- oh, hey, Kay.” Rachel said, standing at the same time as me, brushing herself off.

“Hey, Rach. What are you doing up?” I asked, locking my phone and sliding it in my back pocket.

“Um… I went to breakfast and then Niall came… and then Sami came so I just left them alone to… yeah. Do whatever it is Nialls and Samis do.” I laughed a little and we just started walking. We hadn’t seen much of the hotel since we’d been here but I guess that was going to change. We walked toward the elevator and I noticed she didn’t seem as upset as yesterday.

“So, have you and Lou talked yet?” I asked, trying to speak over the horrible elevator music,

“We almost did. But I told him we would later and he went to sleep.” She said, fiddling with her fingers. “Will you tell me what happened with you and Liam?” She asked. My eyes began to tear up and I looked away but before I could stop it, everything tumbled out.

“I did something really bad and I thought that it was good at the time but when Liam found out he got really mad and he won’t talk to me! I can’t take it… I never thought I’d fall for him but when I did, I tried to take it back! I tried! But it’s like… he isn’t hearing a word I’m saying and I don’t know what to do!”

“Just calm down, he’ll forgive you.” She kept saying, rubbing my back. When we stepped out into the lobby, people were staring as I continued my ugly crying. Once it finally stopped, we went out to the back of the hotel. I noticed two guards posted at every door. Wow, they were on us.

Rachel and I walked around and talked for a little while until I made up some excuse to leave. I had a ticket to print. Once I got back to the lobby, I connected my cell phone to the computer and printed the ticket. I folded it neatly, placing it in my back pocket.

“Hey, Kay. What’s up?” Val said, coming around the corner. I, hurriedly, closed to the window and stuck my phone back in my pocket.

“You wanna catch lunch with me? I was gonna go to the mall to get my dress for tonight.”

“Yeah sure.” I told her I had to run to my room to grab my credit card. When I got up there, Liam was getting dressed. He made a point not to make eye contact with me. I quickly placed the ticket in my suitcase and grabbed my card.

She stayed at the door, not wanting to come in after last time, but smiled when I came out.

“You ready?”

“Always.” I showed my teeth, as if I was smiling, but inside, I was crying. It hurts to love someone who’s decided they don’t love you back, anymore.

---

I sat on the plane, exhausted from the party. There was a little PDA, some dancing, and a few directors and such the boys needed to talk to. Overall, it was okay. But you can’t have fun when your heart is breaking. When I saw Liam talking to Sophia… well, I couldn’t take it anymore.

He was sitting next to Hannah and I was next to Zayn, an arrangement neither Hannah, nor Zayn, were happy about. We’d already been on for a few hours. California, here we come.

When the plane finally landed, security was barricading the way, blocking anyone from getting to us. Somehow, these Directioners found us everywhere!

“Come on, Kay.” Rachel said, trying to wait for me.

“I’m gonna go get a souvenir from the Airport shop. You guys can go and I’ll catch a taxi to the hotel. Great Wolf Lodge, right?”

“Yeah.” She said, skeptically. I grabbed my bags, hefting my duffle on my back and rolling my other two suitcases. Once they were out of site, I ran to the other end of the airport, dodging security and pulling out my other plane ticket. I went through airport security again, but once the green light signaled my stuff and I were all clear, I was free to enter.

I felt tears pricking my eyes from what I was about to do. This is for the best, Kay. I tried to smile through my tears. I found my seat on the plane and sat down.

You can still get off… you still have time…

But I willed myself to stay seated.

When the pilot said, “Everyone buckle up and turn off all cellular devices. We will be taking flight in a few minutes,” my heart dropped into my stomach. I pressed my hand to the cool window, wishing I could have said goodbye. Our last good memory was… him scaring the shit out of me in the pool the other day, actually.

My chest started to hurt and I cried, the entire flight.

I’d rather have not loved at all than loved and lost.

Notes

`A/N: Heyyy lovelies! Emotional chappy! I cried... cus I'm a pussy. I know, I know. But yeah... don't think it's over tho. There's wayyy more to come. Also, thanks you to everyone who helped with our little issue... they took down their story, btw :) Also, thanks for the 20 votes!! We love you!! -Kay