Clarity

Once Anne left I was in seclusion with the birds and bugs.
I sat there for a long time, staring at nothing in particular as I processed the story, trying hard not to let it get to me.
Eventually I grew restless with sitting on the hard picnic table, so decided to walk around the garden, and explore. I would've gone back inside, but I didn't want to risk confrontation with Gemma, for fear I would say something out of line, and regret it later.
It was a nice day though. It was cool out, not to an unbearable point, and the sun was beating down over the crips grass that had been littered with colorful leaves from the dying tree's. The yard had something appetizing about it's appearance, it seemed to perfectly fit this November day.
November. I could scarcely believe that such little time had passed since me and Harry first met. It almost didn't seem real, I mean, for so much to happen in two months? That went far off the charts for a normal relationship, yet seemed to make sense in Shakespere's world.
I mean, Romeo and Juliet had been two extremely young teenagers that fell in love, and were married then dead less then a week later. At least me and Harry restrained ourselves from going that far yet.
With that thought being thoughted, I glanced down at my promise ring as I paused in the mist of my walk beneath a canopy tree. The ring looked nothing like an engagement ring, I'd definately tell you that.
It was a smooth, thin, inscripted, silver band that fit perfectly on my ring finger, and I couldn't help but marvel at how right it seemed to have it there.
I would never forget the night Harry gave it to me, I would never forget that night Harry made me feel love that I'd kill for, leave loved one's for, cross oceans for, do anything for. It was a bit comical that me of all people had fallen for a male though, because in school my friends voted me least likely to be gay.
Sighing, I leaned back against the tree, slipping off the ring, and twisting it around inbetween my fingers to admire it.
"It wasn't all to expensive, which is a shocker because it's such a beautiful piece of jewlary." I heard an all to familiar extensive voice call out, one that made me smile and jump out of my skin because I had adjusted to the silent nature of the yard.
"Harry! Don't sneak up on me!" I shouted, and he laughed as he stepped out from behind one of the tree's a sapling away, holding his hand behind his back as he grinned. "Sorry, I thought you knew I came out here." He said.
"I didn't, I was wrapped up in my thoughts." I sighed, standing up straight, and wondering over to him to give him a hug.
"Well then, perhaps you wouldn't mind an interuption?" He asked, then pulling out one of his arms from behind his back, and in it he had a bouquet of dark blue roses wrapped in plastic at the stem.
"For you." He said, holding them out once I had walked over close enough to reach them. "Oh Harry, there awesome!" I said, eagerly taking the gift, because never before had I seen real blue roses, so I had to make sure these were for real.
"I thought you might like them." He chuckled, folding his arms over his chest with a dimpled smile as I examined the flowers. "These are perfect." I say, meaning it. This would defiantely brighten up my apartment. Wait. Shouldn't he be teaching class.
"Hey, why aren't you in class?" I then asked, speaking out upon my thoughts and Harry shrugged. "Believe it or not, half day because yesterday was Halloween." He informed, biting his lip as I nodded and looked back down at the flowers, noticing a small card attatched to them.
"Is there anything in the card?" I asked, fumbling with it so I could see if there was anything inside. "Yes." He simply said, the moment I got the blasted paper open, and read what was written in flawless cursive.
'The boy with the golden heart and truthfully blue eyes. Forever in my heart. ~The Darkened Soul'
After reading the phrase at least five times over, I sighed, and moved the flowers to one hand so I could give Harry a hug, one he returned eagerly with both arms, while I only used one.
"Your not a dark soul Harry, just a little lost." I said softly, looking up at those prepossessing green eyes that held so many secrets, so much unspeakable, uncomprehendable pain, and he peered back.
"I will allow you to believe whatever makes you happy." He sighed, kissing my forehead. We were both then quiet for a moment as I leaned into him, and he tightened his grip on me. Being careful not to crush the flowers of course.
I then broke the silence, afraid my mind would slip into thoughts of the horrible things Gemma said to me this morning about him, and such. "I love the roses, thank you." I said, tilting my head back and puckering my lips for a kiss.
"I'm glad you do, they took awhile to find." Harry said, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he pressed his on mine softly, moving a slender hand to clutch my cheek as we both melted into a osculate of passion.
Finally after a moment or two, we pulled our lips away from each other as he looked down at me, and I looked up at him.
My heart fluttered then in an inhumanly way.
I loved this boy so much I didn't know how to handle it, and to think two month's was all it took.
"Harry?" I then said, biting my lip as he cocked his head curiously. "Yes Louis?" "Can you make me a promise?" I asked, and he fell silent as his arm slipped around the back of my neck to hold me more securely.
"Depends on the promise." He said, his voice becoming quiet now as the curiousity on his face deepened. I then took a big shaky breath.
"Promise me, next time you want to cut, cut me to. Only harder and deeper. Cut me as many times as you do so you won't have to go through so much pain a-alone." I said sincerely, my voice cracking at the end of pleaing promise.
The whole time I had been walking around the garden thinking, another thought on my mind had been the fact that Harry had cut himself, he had hurt himself, and never again was he going to be alone. In pain or happiness, I would be by his side enduring it to.
I couldn't bare to hear or tell another story of him self-harming or attempting. In a way I was hoping the promise would prevent the shatter of his resistence from becoming unclean once again.
A horrified look then crossed his face as he pulled back, throwing his arms up in the air like an angry italian.
"Are you fucking insane?! I would never hurt you! Never ever. And I'm certainly not going to do that to you! It's a nasty, horrible habit." He shouted, and I felt my stomach curl with a sense of hurt. He didn't have to be so dramatic about me wanting to help him.
Yet I was going to remain calm about his reaction, because I wanted him to see sincereity, not the demand for control.
Oh no.
"Then you try not to, for me. Please." I begged, with the shrug of my shoulders, because I didn't know what else to say. I wasn't really the type of guy who had a back up plan.
I just wanted assurance that he wasn't going to do anything stupid, because all these stories I've been hearing were scaring me senseless. I needed assurance.
Harry then stepped foreward and grabbed my upper arms, not hard enough to hurt, but hard enough so I would stay in place. "Louis I already did!" He says, and I nodded in understanding.
"I know. This is my way of telling you that your not longer alone, and to please never do it again." I said softly, placing my free hand on his cheek, as his features twisted.
"But I already did...Louis..I didn't it r-recently." He choked out, and immediately I felt my heart drop into my stomach as I pulled my hand away. ''You didn't." I choked out, my expression immediately dropping as he let go of my arms and broke down sobbing.
"Don't look at me like that!" He screamed, covering his face as I placed a hand over my mouth, my heart raging.
How was I suppose to react? I didn't know what to do.
Then, releasing a slow breath, I placed the flowers down next to the tree, and sat down on the ground crossed legged.
"Come here baby." I begged, holding out my arms for him, and immediately he dropped to his knee's and crawled into my lap. "I-I'm s-so s-sorry Louis!" He shouted, wrapping his arms around my waist and clinging to me tightly as he curled up his larger body ontop of my smaller one.
"Shhh. Harry. Please calm down, and tell me why sweetheart." I coaxed, wrapping my arms around him and holding him tightly as I rocked him the best I could with out falling over.
"B-Because of w-what Gemma said in the c-car. I d-did it today why I-I was o-on b-break." He sighed miserably, laying his head on my shoulder, and I nuzzled my face into his hair. " At that my breathing deepened to an uncomfortable rate, one that was making my chest tighten.
He cut.
At school.
Because of Gemma.
This was my fault!
"Where did you cut?" I asked, trying to control my breathing, and stay calm as I held him just a bit tighter. "My thighs." He mumbled, sniffling, and only then I noticed the dark stain on his black dress pants.
Blood.
Dried up blood.
With that being said, and seen I needed to take a moment of silence to process this. I couldn't believe Harry had so little control on his painstaking emotions, that he cut at school. On break. The words replayed in my head like the laugh that played before Chucky killed you, and it made me sick.
Not only did it make my stomach feel sick, but it made my chest tight with guilt. This was my fault, I had suggested bringing Gemma here, and now she was only going to make him miserable. I couldn't let her make him miserable.
Not on my watch.
"I want to send Gemma home." I then found myself blurting out, but Harry shook his head. "You know we can't Louis." He sighed, burying his face in my neck, and I took a painful breath.
He was right. It would arise hell if we tried to kick her out, we needed to wait until she had money and somewhere else to go. Then we could ditch the witch.
"I'm sorry." I mumbled, looking down at his lap as I bit my trembling bottom lip. The incrediable amount of guilt I felt right now was far from fair. It was highly unfair.
"No I'm sorry baby. I'm so sorry! It's a horrible habit, but I promise I'll try and stop for you because I love you and I want to live for you until your last breath." Harry stated, looking up at me with red swollen eyes that had dark circles beneath them.
Even though he looked like a miserable wreck, he still managed to look like the most handsome, innocent person I'd ever laid eyes on.
"I love you more Harry, I really do. Sometimes I might suck at showing it, but it's true. You mean so much to me that it's as if I'm holding my universe in my arms this very moment!" I proclaimed honestly, slowly pressing my lips to his temple and fluttering my eyes shut as he sighed.
"I've always dreamed of having a fairytale life, perfect family and everything. Well I have the money, the car's, everything a guy needs, but a screwed up family. That taught me that being rich wasn't going to solve my problems. There is only one thing that keeps me going, the light of all the darkness around me, and that's you. You Louis William Tomlinson! Every time I kiss you it's not a spark but fire! I've fallen so foolishly in love with you, and angel what scares me the most is that I'm gonna just turn you dark, evil, and vile just like me. I want your heart to stay pure and golden. I'm far from perfect or pure. You make me want to be good, you make me want to try! I'm your darkened soul, and your my pure golden angel."
He then pulled my head down so he could peck my lips with his moist salty ones.
Once our lips pulled back, I smiled.
"Your going to get it Harry. That fairytale. Perfect life, with me. If things keep going the this way then we will end up together for eternity and have beautiful children. You can never make me dark and vile, and I would never dare call you those things because I see nothing but your perfections." I said softly back, my heart beating with each word as I brushed my lips over his, and he cupped my cheek, sitting up a bit.
"Louis William Styles..hmmm..I like it!"
He said, before pulling our lips together in another one of our many passionate kisses.

Notes