“I just met Ellie Goulding,” I said to the girls once I joined them again a while later. I had had the most funny and cool conversation with her, she seemed like such a nice person and we’d gotten along really well, it was only because she had to leave to catch a flight to The States for a couple of shows that we didn’t get to talk much further. “Just thought that you might would want that information.” I smirked at my own ironic joke and so did they.

“Thank you so much!” Em laughed. “What is she like?”

“So nice! Had to leave though, you have to meet her properly one day,” I told her.

“Great!” Aida smiled.

“I bumped in to Sheila earlier,” I then began as their eyes widened at me.

“Really? What did she say?” Em asked.

“She was… rude. And… so evil,” I admitted with a low voice.

“Well what happened?” Em asked, she was looking slightly concerned at me.

“Just the usual stuff about me, and now also you, being selfish and commanding and making all the decisions in our relationships. Haters will love this,” I sighed.

“How can she just act that way? What did we ever do to piss her off?” Em said sounding a bit hurt.

“And when Ellie asked me if I wanted to hit the buffet, while Sheila was there she said… That ‘Sure she will’”, I told them.

“Seriously?!” Aida exclaimed way too loudly compared to the low voices we’d kept so far in order for nobody to hear.

“Keep it down!” I hissed. “The last thing we need is for anyone to think that we’re talking behind anyone’s back or something.”

“I’m going to kill her,” Aida then whispered vigorously. “I am, I’m not kidding.”

“I’m not doubting that,” I smiled.

“She’s a total bitch!” she cursed.

“Who’s a total bitch?” Niall suddenly asked making all of us jump slightly, no one had noticed his arrival.

“Oh, hi Niall!” I exclaimed a bit too cheerfully. “Uhm… no one special. Hey, thank you for introducing me to Ellie, she’s so nice.” I didn’t want to mention the things about Sheila, I knew he felt bad because of her been mean to me and he had been trying to deal with this before, but apparently that wasn’t enough.

“Yeah, sure,” he replied looking at me with a confused expression. “Yeah, you seemed to get along pretty well.”



As I predicted, it didn’t take her more than a few hours to spread some rumors about us girls again. When we and the boys left the party around one o’clock – we couldn’t stay out too late, since Aida, Em and I had a flight at 10 o’clock the following morning – there were already masses of paparazzi’s and journalists waiting outside the building asking questions about whether or not the boys were happy and relieved to be apart from us during Christmas, and stuff like that. Sheila sure did know whose hands to drop shit like that in to.

None of the questions came as a surprise to us, so we just went on walking past them to get to the cars that were picking us up. I managed to keep my eyes pinned to the ground and just let Niall’s hand in mine lead the way through the crowd.


“Hey Niall, aren’t you happy to have a girlfriend who loves to eat?”


That made me stop.

And Niall as well.

Great.



It was inevitable. I mean, look at me. I didn’t exactly live up to the standards of Hollywood’s body image at all. But still… I had lost weight. I thought that I looked pretty beautiful tonight with my classic bun and red lipstick. And except for today, I had actually managed to keep my diet for an entire week without eating anything wrong, it had made me feel good about myself.

But my newly found confidence was crumbling in to dust, slipping through my fingers, I could literally feel it and hear the sound of it getting caught by the wind and flying as far away from me as possible.

If only he had kept on walking, then I knew that he wasn’t marked by the question at all, by now I knew that he was aware that this would get to me. He was aware of how insecure I was, how unhappy with my looks. Just when I thought that I’d done everything in my will power to show off a confident and happy outer.

Fucking great. Just fucking great.


I felt the hand in mine change directions and turn towards the man that had said the words out loud, the words that everybody was thinking.


“You don’t speak to other people like that,” he said in a very calm and icy tone, but the look in his eyes told otherwise. He was pissed off. Really pissed off.

I pulled in his hand trying to get him away from them as fast as possible. Standing there in the flashing lights that were only enhanced by my boyfriend’s actions was the most humiliating and mocking thing of all and when he didn’t seem to want to follow me within the next second I just let go of him and turned around heading straight towards the car that seemed like it was parked miles away. My feet moved faster than I thought possible in heels like my Christian Louboutin pumps, but as I felt the tears blurry my vision I knew I had to get out of there, before anyone would notice.


Just walk, Maja, just keep on walking, one foot in front of the other. Look at your feet, don’t think about what was said about you, don’t think about the fact that Niall knew it would hurt you. Just walk.


Louis, who had been walking right in front of Niall and I, along with Eleanor turned around at the sound of Niall firing back at the journalist. According to the arm he wrapped around my shoulders, he had immediately sensed how I was feeling right now. Firmly holding on to me he lead the way through the many people pressing against us, now even harder because of the scene happening behind me. I was still dizzy from the amount of alcohol that I’d consumed during the night and the feeling of getting suffocated didn’t help on that one bit.

“Left,” Louis quietly instructed me so that I wouldn’t have to look up and let the photographers see my glossy eyes. Eleanor let go of her fiancé’s other hand and went in front of us to create more space with the help from one of the many bodyguards that followed the boys. She sent me the most understanding and kind smile on her way and I had to use every little bit left of my will power to keep myself from breaking down right then and there.

“Here,” I heard her say through the noise right before I was shoved in to one of the big cars, where I plumped down in the back seat just as two tears escaped each of my eyes. I quickly wiped them away, they were the humiliating proof that I hadn’t been able to stand the spotlight, my self-esteem simply was too low. And it was frustrating and embarrassing, I felt horrible.
Niall was right behind me and scooted in next to me in the back seat, and luckily by the time he turned towards me, I had destroyed hopefully all evidence of my breakdown.

“I’m sorry,” he said to me quietly.

“Don’t be,” I immediately replied without any emotion at all. I kept my eyes glued to the window, not looking at anything in particular, but I knew that if I looked into Niall’s blue eyes I would not be able to hide anything from him. And I mostly certainly wasn’t in the mood for revealing any secrets at that point. I heard him let out a sigh, I couldn’t decide whether it was from relief or defeat, and Em and Liam climbed in to the car as well before I began moving down the street. I didn’t dare looking at any of them, knowing that Em’s glare would have the same effect on me as Niall’s.

As I stared down at my hands I felt my fishnet stockings and perfectly painted nails mocking me, I suddenly felt the need to rip it all off of me, I was such an idiot. Thinking that a nice hairstyle and a pair of red lips could save me from the obvious extra couple of inches around my hips and thighs, seemed so ridiculous now.


After a few minutes of driving I felt his hand sneak its way back in to mine. I didn’t move away from it.



By the time we reached the parking lot at the boys’ building I had managed to compose my feelings enough to keep my shoulders somewhat back and a reasonably high held head. I knew that this would be the last time I would see most of the guys before going home for Christmas.

“Thank you for helping,” I said quietly in to Louis’ neck once I hugged him when everybody had gotten out of the cars.

“No problem,” he nodded understanding. Him and Eleanor somehow reminded so much about each other, yet they were complete opposites in some ways. Louis could be the bubbliest and loudest person ever, but he also had this calm and incredibly caring side that I had just had the privilege to get to know and experience through the past couple of months, and even more when he’d helped me tonight.

“Have a great Christmas,” Harry said to me smiling widely, it was nice that he didn’t act like there was any pressing mood or atmosphere from what had happened, it made me smile as well. “Say hello to your family.”

“You too,” I said before moving on to Zayn, Perrie and Liam.

“Oh, I’m going with you to the airport tomorrow morning,” Liam informed me when I hugged him.

“You are? Great!” I said.

“Management won’t let Niall and I go with you though,” Harry told me which made us three girls frown deeply.

“I don’t understand?” Aida asked him.

“We can’t go, because it’s important to… maintain the image of Liam and Em being the, you know… cute couple that everybody likes or something,” he said.

“Really?” Em exclaimed. “That’s how it works?”

“Yeah, apparently it pleases the fans and makes them keep their devotion despite the fact that none of us is available anymore.” As he spoke it became clearer how outrageous all this worked, but at the same time, it seemed kind of logic as well.

“That’s crazy,” Em responded.

“Relax, at least it works to your advantage, girl,” I cut in. “Don’t mind me, I’m going to be fine.”

My joke caused the laughs to spread, I did my best not to notice how they did so a lot quicker than normal, guess they were still – for some reason – feeling bad about what had happened earlier. It certainly wasn’t as funny as they acted.


“See you in a week,” I winked at Eleanor before heading further upstairs to Niall’s apartment.

“Looking forward!” she smiled widely at me along with Louis, man, they were so perfect for each other. No wonder they wanted to get married.



“Thank God,” I groaned loudly once I stepped out of my pumps as soon as Niall had closed the door behind us. My feet almost went in to spasms when they got a chance to stretch out properly and I had to grip on to his shoulder in order not to fall over.

“I’ve always wondered how you girls are walking in those things,” he mumbled as he waited patiently for me to catch my balance.

“Still a mystery to me as well,” I replied trying to take a few steps forward heading straight towards the bed room.

“Wow, I’m glad I’m not getting on a plane tomorrow morning,” I heard him mumble behind me, he sounded really drunk as well. I turned around to look in to his eyes, and yes, they were as blood shot as they used to be, he had taken off his jacket and his hair was even messier than Lou Teasdale had done it, I wanted to tangle my fingers in to it and… Yeah.


“Maja…” Niall then began speaking as we entered his bedroom. “I really am sorry for what happened tonight. That must have been so hurtful for you…”

“Please don’t, Niall,” I sighed. “It’s only hurtful if you let it get to you.”

“Do you… uhm… let it get to you?” he asked hesitatingly after a few seconds.

At first I didn’t know what to answer, whether I wanted to be honest with him or not.

“Yes,” I admitted, immediately regretting it when I saw the look on his face.

“Really? I’m so sorry, don’t do that, there’s honestly nothing true about what that asshole…”

“People are only rude, because they’re jealous,” I cut him off. “People are ruder to me than the others and I think I know why.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m like everybody else. Like… Em and Aida are both insanely beautiful and out almost everybody’s reach, but I… I’m completely normal. I think it might annoy some people that I was just so incredibly lucky to be with you and that it might as well could have been them.”

“What are you talking about?”

“It’s true, Niall, and you know it. It’s okay though. I just thought I had gotten over the influence from the rude comments, but they somehow still hit me.”


He was quiet for a while, looking like there was so much he wanted to say, he kept opening his mouth to speak, but not a single word came across his lips. I didn’t blame him. There weren’t exactly much to say. His sad eyes made me want to punch that journalist right in the face, not because of how he hurt me, but how he hurt my Niall.
Niall, who didn’t give people anything but love and happiness, didn’t deserve to feel this way about anything.


I decided to speak up:

“I guess it takes even more guts to deal with those bastards than I thought…”

“It does, I guess.” He was looking nervously down at his hands.

“I’ll just have to grow some more then.”

That made him look up at me, his face lid up at the sound of my words. I smiled back at him, desperately wanting him to know that this hadn’t gotten me in any doubt about us. Why would he even think that?

But then I quickly realized how many times I’d openly spoken about my doubtful thoughts about being with him. I had cut him off when he told me about Sheila, afterwards it had taken me quite some time to be shown with him in public, I was too nervous about what people would say and after the rape in Camden I had almost ended things with him completely.
No wonder that boy was anxious about me getting a terrible experience like this one. And then now incredibly relieved that I apparently wasn’t going to let shit like this come between us.

“Really?” he asked looking at me with eyes sparkling with happiness. “Are you sure everything is ok with you and I?”

“Of course I am,” I said calmly to him in a serious tone, I wanted him to know that I had at least gotten past the doubt. I hadn’t gotten past letting the rude comments get to me, but no matter how unhappy they would make me, Niall would always make me feel the exact opposite way.

“What on Earth did I do to deserve you?” he asked shaking his head as he closed the space between us by taking a few steps forwards.

“I feel the same way,” I responded.

“I’m sorry that those people can make you doubt yourself,” he said quietly as he pulled me in to his chest and placing a kiss on my forehead. “I honestly don’t get why you would ever let them.”

“It’s not that simple, Niall,” I told him.

“And somehow it actually is really simple…” I looked up at him with a confused expression. “I mean, look at you. You look… so incredibly… hot. Seriously. Those stockings have made me go crazy all night, that’s way I had to be away from you and keep myself preoccupied every once in a while. Dress pants aren’t the best ones to hide a boner.”

“Niall!” I swatted him at his chest and couldn’t hold back my giggle. He would always get so honest when he got drunk. I absolutely loved it. “Well, thank you so much.”

“I know you don’t believe me,” he said with a smirk. “But… I’m serious though. Olly Murs asked who you were and if I knew you.”

“He did not…” I groaned back at him. That couldn’t be true.

“No, it’s true. He had seen us two just talking, but apparently he didn’t know that we were together.”

“Are you serious?” I heard myself ask, even though it was a stupid question since he’d already told me the answer to that one seconds earlier. “Well what did you tell him?”

“That you wet yourself in your sleep and that you have scabies.”

“Oh my God!” I laughed loudly at his joke. “You’re an idiot.”

I turned away from him and started pulling out my hair from the tall bun, which was a bit sad, since I don’t think I’d ever had such a perfect one before. My hair fell down against my neck and shoulders before I felt a hand brushing away again.

“Never claimed that I wasn’t…” Niall breathed against my skin causing goose bumps to rise all over it before placing a soft kiss on my neck.

Notes

I'm so thrilled to see that I got another vote that made my rank 9.2 instead of 9.1 - whoever you are that gave me that vote, then I think you're AWESOME!! Please continue to help me, it just brightens up my mood so much, you literally have no idea, and then I can easier keep on writing for you guys as well :D
I love you all!! <3