I continued to feel incredibly surprised, if not confused and stunned, by the way Eric suddenly chose to handle our situation; We had a blast at the rehearsal along with the others and it was really hard to tell that there had been anything going on between us only a few minutes earlier. I regained some of my respect for him, when he obviously decided on making this as easy as possible for both of us, by keeping everybody else out of this mess, but I was still a tiny bit afraid that that was just one of his many ways of covering up any other feelings and that he would secretly plan on another one of his unexpected attacks. He had too many times promised me one thing and then did something else and this time I planned on being prepared for it and not rely on the fact that he’d told me that a friendship would be fine with him.


So when we were about to leave for the tube to head towards home around eleven o’clock I felt my nerves build again. If he had planned on trying to get to me again, I don’t know what I’d do. All I could by that time was to once again blindly trust that he didn’t want any more from me than the friendship that I could offer.

So I firmly kept my distance and made sure that our shoulders weren’t touching each other as we headed back towards the tube station, but at the same tried to seem just as unaffected as he did, even though I was very confused with how incredibly easy he seemed to have gotten over my rejection. I knew that it was Eric that we were talking about, but still. Luckily it didn’t feel as awkward between us as I’d expected, thanks to the passion for folk music that we shared.
We discussed different bands, styles and traditions all the way to the train and all until he would get off after a few stops. When I sat alone in the tube I still couldn’t get over with how casual he’d been acting, like absolutely nothing had happened between us.

When I thought about the way that he’d looked when he’d been revealing his feelings for me earlier that night, I couldn’t help but remember his face expression that signaled vulnerability and honesty about what he told me. If he’d just been joking about all of it, he would one hell of a good actor and one hell of an asshole that I hadn’t realized ever existed.

After only about two minutes after Eric had left the train my phone buzzed and I looked down to see that it was a message from him.

Don’t expect me to act like something ever happened, I’m not one to show any feelings. I know you probably feel a bit confused with how easy going I acted around you, but rejection is just not my thing and I don’t plan on showing it to anybody, not even you. That’s just not the way I roll. Eric.

Even though the topic of the text was serious I couldn’t help but imagine his light tone to his voice, if he’d told me this to my face, the same tone that he’d signaled through this text, and it made me smile. I now knew that it wasn’t just fun for him, but that he just didn’t like the idea of revealing too much to anybody but himself - very much like me actually. To have anything in common with an emotionally blocked and cocky person like Eric was a bit scary, but at the same time I felt a tiny bit bad for him. Cause I knew exactly what he was going through. He was a 25 year old man, but emotionally just as evolved as a teenager. Almost like my younger brother, Niels. Jeez, I really hoped that that Sarah managed to help him get rid of some of that cocky attitude that he had going on as well.

You’re right, I was a bit confused, but it’s cool. I respect that. I would just be so grateful if we could be friends, you’re awesome to hang out with. Maja.

After my respond I quickly texted Niels to hear if he had time to talk, even though it was late and I wasn’t sure whether he would be up or not. The thought of the similarities between him and Eric had made me wonder how everything went with Sarah, cause last time I spoke to him about it was when he wanted my advice, that was weeks ago.

When he answered a simple “yes” back to me I got on Viber to call him.


“Maja?” his voice sounded through my phone a few seconds later.

“Niels, hi!” I exclaimed and suddenly realized how I was missing home and looking forward to get back for Christmas.

“What’s up?” he asked. He sounded happy. I think so.

“Not much, just on my way home from rehearsal with a folk band. You?”

“I’m at Sarah’s place.”

“Really?! Oh, how’s everything going with you two? Is it going well then? Are you treating her well?”

People sitting around me had started to stare a bit as I went on rambling in Danish in my high pitched voice that would always come out of my mouth whenever I would get excited, so I quickly managed to lower my voice just a tad, remembering how I always used to hate on every other girl who would do that.

“Wow, relax, one question at the time!” Niels replied, I could tell that he was smiling when he said: “It’s going really well, yes. We’re just watching a movie.”

“Oh I’m sorry, I interrupted you guys! Were you busy? Or wait, I don’t want to know!” I quickly corrected myself as my voice had gone back to its higher pitch. God, I must be really annoying sometimes. My brother was laughing at my foolish behavior as he answered:

“No, it’s fine.”

Man, I really, really wanted to see his face right now. He just sounded so genuinely happy and also a bit shy, which was a whole new person that I hadn’t experienced in my life as his sister before, I was going out of my mind with curiosity.

“So, will I get to meet her this Christmas when I’m home?” I asked.

“Yes, she’s coming to Lars’ birthday party on the 22nd,” he said with something that sounded like a… proud? Tone to his voice.

“Wow, I’m really looking forward to meet her!” I smiled excitedly.

“Yeah, me too. Hey Maja?”

“Yes?”

“Uhm… I have to ask you something…”

Okay?

“What is it?” The slightly different sound in his voice was making me a bit anxious, especially when he took a few seconds to figure out how to begin his sentence.

“Mom will probably discuss this with you as well, so I just wanted to warn you. It’s uhm…”

“What?” I asked after some more seconds of silence.

“There are people at home. Like… outside our house. Especially lately. I think they’re waiting for you to get home. I don’t spend that much time there at the moment, it’s a bit uncomfortable with everybody asking you a thousand questions on your way through the driveway.”

“What?!” I asked horrified. “Are they like… fans or something?”

“I think so. They’re asking for you and the girls all the time, I know that it’s because you’re with the boys from One Erection…”

“Direction.”

“Yeah well, most of them are girls. And they’re insane.”

“God, Niels,” I sighed still having trouble wrapping my head around what he’d just told me. “How long has this been going on?”

“I don’t know. For a while, but lately is has gotten worse.”

“I’m really sorry. Fuck... Why haven’t you told me?”

“I don’t think any of us wanted to bother you with any of it, you seem to be so busy all the time, we didn’t want to cause any more stress or something.”

“Oh please!” I was getting a bit sad and angry by now. “Don’t think that way.”

“Well, it’s not all bad. I think Laura is enjoying the attention quite a lot actually,” he chuckled.

“I can imagine,” I laughed along. His comment had brightened up my mood a bit. “What about you? Is it bothering you, like a lot?”

“You know, I used to love having girls chasing me all the way home to my house. But now when… you know… I find it a bit exhausting.”

Even though he was clearly quite serious I couldn’t hold back a smile and a comment on how cute and in love he sounded, which made him tell me to fuck off with my teasing.

“Is she listening?” I asked with a smirk on my lips.

“No, I went out to the bathroom to talk of course. I knew you would ask about her, it would be weird to talk about our relationship with you, right in front of her.”

Man, was he a cutie.


We got off the phone a few minutes later, when I was getting off the train and due to my horrible ability of multitasking I had to hang up on him a lot earlier than I wanted to, despite knowing that I was bothering their time together just a bit.


I hurried home, I planned on discussing this with my mom immediately, I knew she wouldn’t be asleep yet, she was always staying up late doing things she couldn’t manage to get done during the day where she would never find any peace and calm to do it.

As I walked down the streets there were still – despite the late night hours – a couple of girls chasing me, and then it suddenly hit me that it wasn’t so weird that there were already people outside our houses back home in Denmark, I clearly remembered how scared I’d gotten in the beginning with having people walking behind me asking me questions so many places I went, but I must’ve gotten used to it, since I found it so crazy that somebody would actually go as far as visiting my home.


As I predicted, mum was wide awake when I texted her around midnight – which would make it one in the morning in Denmark. The apartment was quiet when I got home, the girls must’ve gone to sleep, so I tried to keep my voice down a bit when I heard my mother’s comforting voice coming through the speakers on my computer.


“Hello Maja,” she said happily in a way that only mums can say it. That way always made me realize how much I’d missed her. The last time we’d spoken together was last week when I’d called her to tell her about what had happened in the bar in Camden. Her support and comfort, really just the sound of her voice, had helped me more than anything.

“Hi mum,” I said when my voice suddenly cracked. Before I knew it, I had tears building up in my eyes and the picture of my mum’s beautiful face on the computer screen became blurry making me violently rub the liquid away. I didn’t want to let go of her in any way. Why was I crying?

“Oh Maja…” she said with a frowning forehead. “Is everything a bit stressful?”

Yes. That was it. Yes it was. So stressful.

I nodded.

“How are you doing after… last Thursday?” she asked trying to get me to express how I felt, something she’d been practicing with me my entire life.

“I thought I was… d-doing good…” I managed to say between several sobs, desperately struggling to hold them back, the last thing I needed was for Em and Aida to wake up. “B-but that was u-until… I h-heard you speak…”

She smiled kindly back at me and I swear I almost hugged my computer trying to capture as much of her love for me as possible, it soothed me more than anything in the wide world.
I took a few seconds to control my breathing to make it easier for me to speak. Mum just sat waiting with the same soft glare in her eyes and I knew that if I’d been sitting in front of her she would’ve taken my hand.

“I haven’t really noticed much change in my behavior or anything, since you know… the… rape,” I told her. “I don’t know why, but I just haven’t. So many things have happened, I’ve been extremely busy lately with different gigs, work, planning the wedding that I told you about and some guy Eric…”

“Wait, what? Who’s Eric?” She suddenly looked a bit confused and… disappointed. I don’t know if she thought that I was dating him instead of Niall or something, but I hurried to say:

“I’m not dating him or anything, he’s just… He plays in the folk band with me and often eats at the bagel shop and he’s… been trying to, you know get to me, but I’ve rejected him several times, he just didn’t get that I was with Niall. Tonight he told me that he had feelings for me, but I think that this time I managed to be clear enough for even him to get the point. It’s really a relief. But I’m just so tired, mum.”

The tears quickly reappeared as I finally put words on everything that had been going on and occupying my mind for longer than I’d realized until now.

“And then I spoke to Niels just now…” I began as the sobs returned as well. “And h-he told me h-how people are at y-your house! I’m so sorry, mum!”

Right then and there, sitting in my room on my bed in front of my laptop, I broke down covering my face with a couple of trembling hands.

“Maja, sweetie…” my mother said. “Was that just the drop that made the cup run over?”

I nodded looking up at the screen seeking the comfort I knew that would find in her eyes. “It’s my fault that your privacy is destroyed! If it gets really bad, then I guess I’ll have to end things with Niall, but I really don’t want to, he’s a-amazing…”

“Maja!” she then shouted and at that point I suddenly realized that she’d been trying to cut through my rambling a couple of times but without success. I now instantly shut my mouth, curious of what she had to say. “Will you please stop thinking that way?”

I kept quiet while she continued:

“Yes, it isn’t very pleasant to have girls in your driveway in the afternoon, but it hasn’t been that bad at all, only around Christmas. I can tell that Niall truly makes you happy, even when you’re crying right now, you’re still smiling when his name is mentioned. No one wants you to end anything, I’m positively sure that it will all calm down as time goes by. I understand that you’re stressed out. It sounds like the busy city is keeping you busy as well. Don’t feel bad for anything, to be honest, there’s no one in the house who feels really annoyed about it that much. We’re doing just fine.”

Her smile was so wise and kind, which was made me tear up at that time, it no longer evolved around myself, but just the fact that I had the best mother in the world to take care of me, even when I was in a whole other country.

“I’ve spoken to Aida’s and Em’s parents as well, and they’re experiencing the same kind of attention from strangers as us. It’s nice to have others in the same boat as yourself, you probably know what I mean,” she said.

“I just can’t believe that people are already going this far, I mean… We’re not like… that famous, you know,” I said frowning.

“I don’t know, you seem pretty famous back here at home,” she told me which made my frown even deeper. “Relax, we’re Danes, we don’t have much else to do in our small country than to gush about the ones among us that actually manage to become something.”

I smiled. I couldn’t help it. Cause it was true.

“I think you should get some rest, I’m guessing you’re about to get up early tomorrow morning for work, right?” she asked and I nodded. “What else are you girls doing in the weekend?”

“The girls and I are doing a small gig tomorrow night at a jazz club, actually, I don’t know why they want us to play, but we get paid so that’s not something we would turn down, and then… We’re going to a charity event on Saturday night with the boys.”

“Uh, exciting! We’re all really looking forward to get you home for Christmas next week though. We miss you.”

“I miss you too!”

God, just the thought of relaxing for a few days and hang out with the family was making me happier in the matter of just a second. Several days spent at home… Oh wait. Shit.

“Uhm… mum?”

“Yes, dear?”

“I… I have to tell you something.”

“Go ahead.”

Shit.

“Uhm… I’m kind of… smoking,” I admitted waiting for a response with my eyes shut closed. I had been dreading about telling her this, it was quite embarrassing, even though she and her boyfriend, Christian, used to be smokers for most of their lives, just until a few years ago.

“Oh, I already knew that,” she said which literally made my eyes almost pop out of my head.

“What?! How?!” I exclaimed immediately remembering to keep my voice down, it had quickly risen at the thought of her knowing things without my permission.

“There has been paparazzi photos taken of you and the girls and the boys, you’re all over several papers and magazines holding a cigarette.”

Damn. Fucking hell.

“Oh.” That was all I managed to say.

“It’s fine, I can’t blame you. I remember how a cigarette used to calm my nerves when my schedule would get too packed and stuff like that.”

“Yeah,” I sighed while rubbing my tired eyes.

“Go to sleep, you have a long day tomorrow,” she smiled back at me.



I did as she told me. Mothers always know best.

Notes