The thought of the fact she might not made my trembling limbs go even more out of control than before. Em looked so incredibly up giving, which didn’t make this shit the slightest bit easier at all. I think she noticed my desperation as she instantly forced herself away from me, since she was in no position of being strong at all. This must be just as terrible for her, if not worse.

Instead Liam took a hesitating step closer, I think he was nervous that I might react the same way as Em had done it a couple of weeks ago when the same thing had happened to her. He sat down next to my restless form that had his now also blood stained flannel shirt over it. The cuts in my chest were still bleeding, but they didn’t hurt. It seemed like my entire body had gone numb from pain, after having received way too much of it.

It took a couple of much stronger arms to hold back some of the shivers that went through me, but not even Liam’s warm embrace seemed to help the slightest bit, I couldn’t control it and I was starting to give on even trying.


“Niall is on his way,” Liam mumbled and I stared up at him.

“No,” I just stuttered. “He’s… supposed… to be with… with his friend. He shouldn’t… spend time… on this.”

“Calm down, he’s on his way,” he told me as my condition started to get worse than it already was. Every once in a while Harry would sent me concerned look before returning to Aida in his arms.

Would she ever wake up? Would her green eyes grow shut forever?


In a shift movement I pushed him away from me. And then I threw up. All these things happening at once became too much for my system to cope with, it felt like there so much emotion trapped in one person’s body that the had to get rid of everything else. It felt like I was throwing up my heart, my liver, my kidneys and my lungs.
I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t feel an actual fucking thing besides pain and an endless amount of shivers going through me.


The only positive thing I could think of at that point was that no one asked me anything, no one wanted me to tell them anything, and I was in no condition of giving a proper answer and I was helplessly trying to forget the terrible thing that took place just a few minutes ago, it was all one big blurry memory of hell.

I didn’t let Aida out of sight at any point but the seconds felt like they went by slower and slower, you’d think that I would get better after a while, but the more time that went by, the more anxious I got.

When my dear friend finally started moving the tiniest bit in Harry’s arms I was shaking like never before, Liam had to use all his force to keep me in the spot on the floor.

I instantly moved out of his grip and crawled over the floor on my hands and knees to get closer to the two of them. Em joined me and we both sat staring at her poor form next to Harry. She snuggled around for a bit, before Harry couldn’t restrain himself from asking:

“Aida? Love?”

She groaned and fumbled around before opening her green eyes. She was looking back and forth between the four of us.

“My head hurts,” was all she mumbled before closing them again.


None of the three friends got to ask her any more questions, before blue flash lights came in through the window and several people in yellow coats came in the door with two stretchers, let in by a very concerned and anxious waitress that seemed just as frightened as the rest of us. That poor woman.

There were three men and one woman, who split up in two and went over to each of us, we were probably easily recognized as the rape victims with blood stained clothes, bruises all over our faces and my constantly shaking body.

“Hello, what’s your name?” one of the two men in front of me asked.

I was about to tell them what my name was, but not a single sound came over my lips. I couldn’t speak, the shivers that were now worse than ever seemed to block every word in my mind.

“She’s in shock,” the other one mumbled before squatting down in front of me. He looked in to my eyes, probably doing his best to appear cool and calm me down that way, but all I could see in his eyes was… darkness. And evil. Disgust.
I fell back against the wall not being able to let go of his eyes, I wouldn’t let that sick bastard out of sight if he had some terrible things in mind to do to me.

“Yeah…” the first one mumbled back at him.

“It’s okay, Maja,” Liam whispered to me from next to me and I immediately stared at him with wide eyes.

“It’s okay,” he just repeated giving me an approving nod.


Some more of those blue flashing lights. And then a lot of policemen, I have no idea how many. But I know that Liam had to leave me with the two ambulance men, to go give them as much information about what had happened, and suddenly I once again didn’t feel safe at all. Em seemed to notice and quickly scooted over right next to me.

“Come on, let’s get you out, ok?” she said to me. I nodded, without knowing why. The two men lifted up my restless body on to the stretcher and put a blanket over me. I glanced over at Aida and saw that the woman and the other man was doing the same to her, while Harry didn’t let go of her hand at any point, he seemed really reluctant at letting her out of his arms.



Everything was still blurry from then on. I remember Em insisting on coming with me in the ambulance as Harry went with Aida in the other one, she wanted to be with the both of us, but the four people carrying us outside wanted to keep us separate in order to treat us most effectively or something. Liam would meet us there and drive his own car picking up Eleanor and Louis on the way.

In some weird way that I don’t remember either, I stopped crying. The shaking and trembles didn’t go away, but the tears did, it felt like my eyes had been watering for eternity by now, like I had used up the amount of tears that I was allowed tonight.

The two men in the ambulance pointed at my eyes with a small flash light, that was terribly annoying, they must’ve known that I already was fucking awake? Jesus Christ. Em tried to keep me somewhat comfortable by brushing my hand with her fingers, she was still crying a lot though, that poor girl. I’m sure she probably thought that all of this was her fault. I desperately wanted her to know that it definitely wasn’t, but I was way too exhausted to be doing anything than shivering, speaking really wasn’t an option at that point.

You’d probably think that I would have so many horrifying memories and nightmares to fill up my poor mind, but that wasn’t the situation.
Instead I felt like a dead fish floating in a sea with absolutely no prospects of anything nearby. So much happened around me, people running around, asking me questions or investigating the cuts in my chest, but I didn’t take a single of those things in, I felt unconscious.

But at the same time it felt so real to just rethink some of the terrible things that had taken place in the past couple of hours, so terrifying that I would rather let not only my body, but my brain as well, stay completely numb. It was really hard though, cause all around me there were endless rows of evidence on what had happened – what I couldn’t escape from; The blinding white walls at the hospital, Em and Harry’s tears, Liam’s frowning forehead and Aida’s still blurry mind condition were the things that made me flinch at the thought of why they’d started to appear.
I thought that the presence of more of my dear friends would comfort me, but seeing them looking just as sad and concerned as the ones that were already in my face, just made it harder for my shaking body to calm down and had really started to get on my nerves quite a lot that I couldn’t relax one bit, no matter how hard I tried.

I was lying on a bed in a room that was a bit smaller than the one Em had stayed in. Aida, who had just gotten back from an hour of investigations of any possible damage that could’ve been done to her head, was in the bed next to me holding Harry’s hand tightly in a hopeless attempt to comfort him, but he was still crying constantly, mostly completely silent though, which was nice.

I didn’t feel exactly sad or scared, like I’d felt earlier, I was just… frustrated. Yeah, frustrated like hell. Frustrated that I couldn’t seem to be present at any time, frustrated that I had to force my thoughts away from the bar in Camden over and over again and frustrated that there seemed to be people in my face the entire fucking time. It merely was exhausting, the only thing I wanted to do was to run out of that hospital as fast as I could and pretend this whole evening never happened.

Man, that would actually be really nice…



“Maja…” I suddenly heard a voice sighing from the door. People had been sighing like that for so long now, but this time it was an easily recognizable voice that immediately brought me back to reality, it made it seem so easy to be present, why had I been frustrated because of that moments earlier?

I looked up to see Niall’s eyes gaze in to mine. The contrast between the blue bright color and the now red area around them made him appear a slightly bit scarier than usual, or as scary as Niall could ever be. His chest was moving up and down rapidly, like he’d been exercising or something.

But then my view went blurry again for maybe the hundredth time that night, because of the tears reappearing and running down my cheeks. I instantly started sobbing harder than I’d ever done which was quite an accomplishment, but I don’t know why. Seeing him just made me finally realize what terrible things that I and my friends had gone through, it made me so incredibly sad to know that Niall was just as affected by it as I was. I could kill myself for ruining his happy life once again, not to mention that the time that he was supposed to spend with his old friend was now interrupted as well.

He rushed over to my bed and sat down right next to me to pull me in to his chest, where my sobs increased to a ramming speed, Louis and Eleanor hadn’t seen me cry at all tonight and now I was merely exploding with liquid from my swollen eyes to all sides. Niall held tightly around my back and kept me as close to him as possible, which I was very grateful for.

“Ssh…” he hummed in to my hair. “Don’t worry. It’s going to be okay.”

“No it isn’t!” I cried in a high pitched tone. Those were the exact same words that I’d said to Liam a couple of hours before and I still hadn’t changed my mind one bit. It wasn’t going to be fine.

How could one person that didn’t have that much worries before, suddenly stand going through all this? By this time it seemed as though I had been more trouble than happiness for that poor innocent guy sitting right next to me.

“Yes, it is,” he persisted with a slightly demanding tone to his deep and soft voice. “It is going to be okay.”

I was just about to fire back at him, wanting him to know that he lived in a dream world, that he didn’t realize what I’d done to him through the past couple of months and that he deserved so much better than to spending another night with me at this shitty hospital, worrying about a person not worth any tiny bit of his worry. But I was too exhausted, I was too selfish to spend energy that I didn’t have in order to help another person.

His words just felt so comforting to think of, the thought of everything being fine seemed a lot more appealing than the thoughts that had been travelling through my mind the entire evening. I was an easy victim to anything happy at that point, I instantly surrendered myself to all that positive energy that Niall owned, he seemed to be my one and only light in this fucking dark that I was in.
And I wished more than anything that I could somehow be his light in the dark times that he may be going through at times, but no, that would be impossible. I mean, look at us. I was more likely to be described as the dark in his bright world, I was always causing trouble whenever I would relax just a tiny bit and not hold up my guards. Then shit like this happens. Fuck.


When I pulled myself out of my thoughts and back in to that room full of people in the hospital, I immediately noticed a change in me.
The shivers that had been going through my body for what seemed like eternity had now disappeared. I was completely calm. And that wasn’t just physically. My mind was calm and determined as well. I knew what I had to do. It would be clear to everybody after tonight’s happenings. I could almost see the answer to all this mess written on all of their faces; they also knew what had to be done.
Cause this couldn’t continue, without me ending up destroying this precious boy completely.

“Niall…” I whispered and pulled away to look up at him. “Can I talk to you outside?”

Notes

Okay, so apparently the drama wasn't everybody's cup of tea... 2 subscribers less and a lower rating... Makes me a bit sad.
But hey, done is done, and I hope that you will like the happier things about to happen now in the story, so please stick with me... and maybe subscribe? And vote? Please???
Anyway, I still love you, I hope you will continue to read my story, despite the fact that it's not just all hearts and flowers right now <3