I typed his number again when I realized, to my horror, that he wasn’t there anymore. But he didn’t pick up. Not one of the many times I tried to reach him, instead I left endless messages on his answering machine apologizing once again and begging him to forgive me. After having no success after five more calls I decided that it wouldn’t help if I kept probably annoying him with my many calls, but sleeping was absolutely impossible as I could only lie down on my brand new bed in my brand new room staring up at the ceiling with tears escaping my eyes every once in a while.

Even though I did my very best convincing myself that he wouldn’t break up because of that little insignificant thing, but the thought of him feeling so sad for something I’d done was killing me, I felt like the shittiest person in the world.

That entire night with no sleep at all I constantly wondered how I could ever had cut him off the way I’d done it a few weeks ago, when he told me about Sheila. We’d both been feeling terrible, because of that but I’d only made it twice as worse by acting the way I did. Having done that to my dear Niall now seemed completely unbelievable and I hated myself for it.



It always has to be this way; you spend all night struggling to fall asleep, but without the slightest chance of succeeding. Or at least, not until an hour before your alarm clock will wake you up again. This way you will achieve the biggest amount of exhaustion and crankiness and thereby the worst possible way to start the day.


As I dragged my tired ass out to the kitchen I noticed another familiar feeling and that was the lack of appetite that I would’ve never imagined me getting just a few months ago, but although it seemed like it had become one of the “go to’s” in my moody behavior.

And so my meals started consisting of Marlboro Lights and Coca Cola Zero for the next two days that I spent working all day, calling Niall and leaving messages at his machine about ten times a day, but having no time left to visit him in the evening, when he would be done recording, because I would have to rehearse with the girls.


The last mentioned was the only positive thing I could name in those days. Our music sounded really great and I was actually looking forward to be playing that concert on Saturday. Well, not if Niall wasn’t going to be there, he made me feel so secure and like everything would be all right, but now when he wouldn’t as much as talk to me I felt terribly alone and sad, he hadn’t been answering any of my calls at all.



On top of my problems Aida was struggling with her own thoughts as well. She was spending the late nights and every spare moment to Skype with her family trying to show them her concern and love as much as possible in a tough time like this and hearing their voices briefly took away her fear that something might have happened to them. The conversations she was having with her computer in the living room made me miss my family as well.

It must really be hard for her to not be able to be with them in any real way and in those few days I think she was experiencing more tears than she’d had in her entire life.

But she was amazing; Getting up early in the morning, go to work all day, come home, cook dinner, talk with her family, rehearse for hours, more talking with her family in the late night, getting a minimum of sleep and then get up the next morning doing to exact same thing over again.

The only person that seemed to convince her that everything was going to be all right, was Harry. He was spending a few nights at our place that week, arriving late and leaving early for recording. I was relieved that he would be there for her, when no matter what Em and I did we couldn’t get to her, just his presence in the room seemed to lighten up her mood a bit and forget about all her concerns for a moment.



Thursday evening the girls and I decided that we had rehearsed enough, because we didn’t want to practice everything too much, we all found it quite special and exciting when there were still happening a few unexpected things on stage at our concerts, it made it more entertaining, both for us but hopefully also for the audience. We knew our set of songs really well and were all feeling good about this performance, even Em felt a bit more confident than she used to, or at least she wasn’t loosing hair or something like that.


I had told the girls not to mention anything about the problems between me and Niall to any of the boys, not wanting them to worry about that as well, when we were all busy doing something else, but I had the distinct feeling that Harry already knew, since he was sending me a few weird glances every once in a while when he was visiting.
And this Thursday evening my presumption confirmed when he came in to my room while Aida was Skyping in the living room.


“Hi,” he said as I was folding together some laundry on the bed when he came in closing the door behind him.

“Hi Harry,” I said actually not feeling very surprised that he wanted to talk.

“So… Niall told me about what had happened between you the other day,” he began.

“He did, didn’t he?” I just asked crankily.

“Yes. Just like you probably told Em and Aida,” he said with a bit of reproach in his voice which made me feel bad about my selfish behavior once again. “Niall is my best friend, of course he would tell me stuff like that.”

I was quiet for a bit trying to make my voice manageable enough to talk. “Is he…” I started off shaking slightly, “is he… very upset?”

“No, I mean, it’s not as bad as the first time. But he’s not exactly feeling happy,” he answered.

I nodded noticing the guilt rush over me again. “I know,” I mumbled fumbling around with an oversize white t-shirt in my hands. “I just don’t know what to do, he won’t talk to me.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Harry said.

“Then why doesn’t he pick up his fucking phone?” I asked frustrated with a bit too loud of a voice than I meant to.

“Maybe he just doesn’t want to talk on the phone.”

Harry’s words made me shut my mouth and thing for a few seconds.


“What time is it?” I then suddenly asked him.

“Uhm, about 8 o’clock,” he said looking at his watch.

I reconsidered the idea that I’d gotten a few more times before saying: “I’m going over to Niall’s.”

I threw the laundry back on the bed and went out of the room. When I passed by a smirking Harry he held his hand up to give me a high five.

“That’s my girl,” he said proudly.



“Where are you going?” Em asked me when I rushed past her towards the bathroom.

“Niall,” I quickly said.


She looked at me with surprise, knowing what had happened between us. But then a smile peeped through that surprise, all she and Aida wanted was for me and him to sort things out, I think we were all kind of tired of all the drama, which I had actually never been a fan of, but somehow Niall and I had managed to make this relationship as hard for us to work as possible.
They’d been feeling really sorry for me and him when I’d told them about his reaction.

“That’s what you get from being honest,” I had said with a tired sigh. “Maybe we should all from now on just listen to the niggas.”

My comment had luckily brightened up the depressed atmosphere that I had created moments before, since it was an inside joke of ours saying that Aida was black even though she wasn’t at all, it was only because of her Kosovan-Albanian background that was the reason for her almost black hair and eyebrows, which had always made her stand out a bit among the blond haired and blue eyed Scandinavians in Denmark. So Em and I just thought that that was close enough and so we nicknamed her the nigga of the group, also because she was hilarious at talking with the thickest ghetto accent I’d ever heard.

“Always listen to dem niggas,” she said in that exact way which had made me laugh.


I put on my beloved bordeaux colored jacket in some sort of knitted pattern over my black top and black skinny jeans. I took one quick look in the mirror in the bathroom adjusting the messy bun on the top of my head and checking the thick black eyeliner that Aida had put on me as an experiment to see how it would look with almost no other makeup on. And she seemed quite happy with the result so I had just decided to keep it on. I stuck my feet in to some black leather boots at the door and then hurried towards the tube station.


The energy in my body had started to increase again through the day and I was feeling a bit different, since I didn’t actually feel very sorry for what happened with Eric anymore, I honestly just thought that it was all a complete waste of time.
I knew I wanted to be with Niall and only him and even though he didn’t pick up his phone, I knew he wanted to be with me as well. Or, I was hoping that he would realize that when he saw me. But then again, the fear of rejection just didn’t seem to want to leave the back of my head as I sat in the tube wondering about what to say to him. My foot was stamping rapidly, probably annoying anyone who sat near me, but I couldn’t help it. I was so determined, so ready and so frustrated with all the fuss, I just wanted to get this over with. He had to forgive me.

Or else I wouldn’t know what to do with myself and my miserable existence.



The minutes between the different stops felt like hours making me and my foot go even crazier each time the doors opened and closed. I bit my nails shorter than they already were in the attempt to keep my mind around something else than ways to commit suicide if he would tell me that he didn’t feel the same way as I.

I started to feel my confidence and determination gradually fade away I started to consider the fact that this might be just as bad an idea as it was telling Niall about it in the first place. My feet moved slower and slower in front of each other as I walked from the Liverpool Street Station towards his address and this was actually the first I was hoping to get lost and that way get more time to practice my speech, but of course I had no trouble finding my way now, no of course I didn’t even have to think about where I was going, it was like my feet knew where they had to go, even though in my mind I was feeling too good about it.



And before I knew it I was standing at the door to the building where all the boys’ apartments were located. I don’t know for how long I was standing there with trembling knees, but if anyone had seen me they’d probably think I was some sort of mysterious and sick rapist.

At some point, I had no idea when, I reached out a shaking hand to push the button to Niall’s home.


“Hello,” a very familiar and beloved voice then came out of the speaker and he had to repeat himself, before I’d pulled myself together to force a word across my mouth that had decided to just hang open for several seconds.

“Hi… Niall,” I said so raspy, it was almost like a whisper and in the beginning I feared that he might haven’t heard me, since the following silence seemed to last forever.

But then the sound of the clock that meant that somebody had opened the front door to the building travelled in my ears and with a movement that was almost desperate I grabbed the handle and went inside. Now I wasn’t having any more trouble and nerves about facing Niall, like I had been for the entire trip over here, now I was literally running up the stairs making my heart complain from the sudden exercise. The door to his apartment was open, but nobody was standing in the doorway, so I just went inside closing it behind me. I looked around searching for his blue eyes while trying to calm down my heaving chest but without succeeding in any of it.


“Niall?” I called out loud and heard a sound from the kitchen. And there they were. The bright blue eyes that matched mine were now drilling through me making me once again feel weak and worthless.

“H-hi,” I stuttered feeling a small and nervous smile on my lips.

“Hi,” he said a lot calmer than me and the well-known warmth in his voice made me relax and remember then sense of secure and happiness it always caused to my mind and heart. And that was really all I needed.


I felt my feet move towards him quickly and before I got to think about my actions I had crashed my lips to his.

His first reaction felt like surprise and like he didn’t really know whether he would let me go this easily or not, but then his arms wrapped around me as well. The kisses we exchanged were violent and forceful like we wouldn’t ever get the chance to do it again. My hands were tangled in his hair as he roughly pulled my jacket off in order to feel me against him better and closer. With one hand holding my face in place around the neck he grabbed my butt to pull me in as close as possible and I felt his bulge pressing against my stomach the energy that had been rushing through my body for an entire week now made me moan in to his mouth in order to being able to cope with it and prevent it from making me go completely crazy.


I felt the two of us move towards his bedroom, I had no idea whether I was the one to push him or if he was dragging me, but it wouldn’t surprise me if it was the first mentioned. I tugged on his shirt pulling it upwards and for only half a second our lips left each other, as soon as the white t-shirt was lying on the floor they were already melting back together like before.

Somehow I managed to throw the leather boots on the floor as well as we were moving across it. My hands were exploring his trimmed torso, it felt so hard and strong, I couldn’t get enough of touching his muscles over and over again. It was only when he took the black top off of me I let my hands leave his body for a brief moment, instantly longing for it again, so I pressed my body against his to feel it even more.

His tongue traced the inside of my bottom lip and I moaned at the intimate way it felt. When he continued down to my jawline placing kisses along it and down my neck all the way to my shoulder he unclipped my bra so that he could continue further down to my breasts. With my eyes closed I concentrated on the shivers and moans his soft lips caused as I pulled the elastic out of my hair letting it fall down. His kisses hadn’t left me any attention for noticing him opening my jeans till they slid down my ankles. I stepped out of them pulling his head up to mine again aching for his lips.


As our making out quickly got back to its steamy and deep level I felt my hand suddenly massaging the outside of Niall’s jeans feeling the bulge growing every second behind it. He now became the one to moan and breathe deeper as I unbuttoned and slid them off him. At this point we’d gotten to the edge of the bed on which he laid me down towering on top of me with my legs wrapped around his waist. He grinded himself against me making my body and mind go almost insane with all the electric shock waves his movements were sending through me.

I tugged on the line of his boxers hinting that I wanted him to remove them fast, I wanted him to hurry, I wanted him more than anything. But instead he decided to pull my underwear off first to caress me with his one hand while the other was brushing up and down the skin between my neck and breasts.

I was moaning enjoying every second of his touch, but I it didn’t quite satisfy my hunger, so I kept tugging onto his boxers, since he had to be the one to get them off, it would be too hard for me. After a few more moments of trying to express my intentions to him he pulled away from my lips looking straight in to my eyes.


“Are you sure?” he asked with a raspy voice, making it almost a whisper. The sound of it turned me on even more than I already was. My vigorous nodding made him smile at first, but then he finally gave in and pulled down his boxers and lying back on top of me.

Notes

Hi guys, I'm sorry for not updating, but I will make two chapters today, hope that will make up for it! Hope you're looking forward to the next one, where hopefully we will experience the first real sex scene!! :-D

I can tell that I got 1 less subscriber, that makes me a bit sad, I don't hope that any of you was disappointed in this story. I know not every chapter is completely action packed, but it wouldn't be very realistic if everything was just hearts and flowers <3 I'm trying to make this realistic, so just bear with me through the chapters that might not suit your taste, I promise you that some place in the story you will find yourself somewhat pleased :-D At least I hope so...
But feel free to leave a comment with a suggestion or ideas that would make YOU read the story! I'll try fit it in as much as possible. You can also send me a message <3

All that being said, I love you guys so much! xoxo