Looking around the room the following day was just as weird as the night before, since I’d only waken up to lots of people making noises around me for the past week.
The first thing I did was to pull the red string to get a nurse to help me out to the bathroom when I felt my bladder complaining.

And that wasn’t the only organ in my body complaining. To my great delight I felt my stomach rumble loudly and I couldn’t help but smile wide like a sad lonely fool.


Getting in to the wheelchair without the help from my two experienced boys didn’t go as quickly as yesterday, but at least the pain had reduced even more overnight so it was actually quite okay – I didn’t have to squeal at all.


“Can I get something to eat sometime?” I asked the nurse as she helped me pulling down the Diaper.

“Lunch is in an hour, then you can just come down the hall to eat,” she said and pointed to the left.

“Thank you,” I said cheerfully.

“Someone is feeling happy today,” the nurse smiled at my foolish behavior.

“I am happy!” I said. “Look, I can even drive the wheelchair myself!” I showed her how I pushed the wheels forward to the sink to wash my hands.

“That’s great,” she replied trying to seem as happy as me.



I rolled out on the hall and over to a sofa arrangement a bit further down where I saw a few people sitting and watching some television. I greeted them all politely; an old lady sitting in an armchair with plastic strings in her nose and a drop standing next to her, a young man that looked like he’d been in an accident like me with his entire right leg wrapped up in plaster and sitting in a wheelchair like mine. And then there was a young girl sitting in the sofa next to me doing a puzzle. I couldn’t quite figure out what was wrong with her, since she didn’t have any physical bruises, except for a pale and very sad face.

In my incredibly positive ecstasy I rolled a bit closer to her.


“Hi,” I said and she looked up at me with a pair of sunken eyes on frightened face.

“Hi,” she said shyly and returned to her puzzle.

“That looks rather difficult,” I kept on.

“It isn’t so bad,” she said without looking up this time.

“What’s your name?” I then tried.

She waited a few seconds before answering: “Cara.”

“Hi, I’m Maja.” I reached out my hand and she shook it a bit reluctantly.


We sat next to each other, me watching television and every once in a while try to help Cara with her puzzle to lighten the mood a bit, though she seemed extremely shy and also somehow scared of me.


When the clock hit twelve a nurse came and told us lunch was ready.

“Want to go to lunch?” I asked the pale girl, who nodded but not looking particularly happy.



I got a bowl of chicken soup sat in front of me on the table that I’d rolled the wheelchair against.

“You don’t want any soup?” I asked Cara who sat across from me but she shook her head.

“I…” she began, “I have to eat something else.”

“Why?” I asked having no clue of what she was talking about, until a plate of some cheese and ham toast was placed in front of her by one of the nurses. It didn’t take me more than a few moments to know why she was here as she poked at the food with a fork.


“How old are you, Cara?” I then asked.

“12. Almost 13,” she said still staring and poking at her food.

I rethought my next question a few times before deciding that it was probably going to be fine with her. “And you’re here because…” I somehow had trouble finishing the sentence, “you have to put on some weight, right?”

She nodded.

“Is it hard?” I asked.

Another nod.

“I can imagine,” I said. I looked around to see if there were any people who could hear us, but it turned out that there wasn’t. “What have they told you?”


Again Cara looked like she was uncomfortable and had to really pull herself together before attempting to answer, and I knew that but at the same time she also looked very lonely.

“That I have anorexia. And that I have to eat more. And that I can only get out of the hospital if I put on weight,” she finally mumbled and looking up at me for the first time since I’d greeted her more than an hour ago.

I nodded. “I see. Some tough news, eh?”

Her sunken eyes and cheeks made me decide to do something that I’d never done before – exposing myself to a more or less stranger. “And between me and you, I have bulimia.”


At first she looked a bit confused and surprised, but then also very relieved actually. “Really?” she asked and I nodded. “Is that why you’re in here?” she asked.

“No, I’m here because I was run over by a car. No, they don’t know anything about that,” I said smiling secretly at her, which seemed to lighten her mood just a bit.

“For how long?” she asked.

“Uhm… about two and a half years I think. What about you?”

“I think maybe… about three.”

“Do you like being in here?” I then asked and she shook her head. “Then have one bite of that toast.”

She wasn’t expecting me to say something like that but ended up smiling a bit and have a tiny bite of the toast.

“One step closer,” I said. She had another and bigger bite.



I ate as much of my soup as I could and even though it was only a couple of spoonfuls I could already feel the energy from the nutrition rushing through my body. Cara ate almost an entire toast that lunch bite by bite and it took her about an hour and a half. Whenever she looked like she thought she’d finished I forced another spoonful of soup in to my system until none of us were capable of consuming anything more.


“Well done!” I said happily but she didn’t look the slightest bit proud or happy about her accomplishment. One the contrary, she behaved even more shy and sad than when I’d met her.

“Want to come with me in to my room and talk?” I asked. It took her several moments to decide whether she wanted to do that, but suddenly I found her pushing me and my wheelchair down the hall towards my room.



“How did this begin for you?” I asked once she’d sat down in the big armchair in there. I’d placed myself in front of her.

“I thought I was fat, you know… a lot bigger than the other girls in my school. And then it just happened gradually, I started eating less and less.”

“When you can’t control your mind you can always control your body,” I replied and she nodded. That young girl really looked like she thought she was all on her own with this disease and I could actually for once relate to what she was going through.

“I wish I had been able to eat less at any point,” I said. “But no. Instead I unfortunately found a way to eat all the time without putting on too much weight. Once you try it you just know that you’re capable of it. And that’s when it goes wrong.”


All this stuff I had talked to people with before, like my closest friends, my mum and my psychologist but I’d never felt so comfortable telling anyone about it as I did with Cara – cause just like me she knew exactly what I was going through and there weren’t any signs of judgment in her eyes, not even the slightest. And as much as my friends would understand, accept and respect me for everything I am, this was the first time that I’d felt truly accepted sitting in front of a girl, whose view of me didn’t change just because I tent to throw up what I eat.


“Do you play music?” she suddenly asked pointing at the guitar that Niall had left on the chair.

“Not the guitar, just a few chords. Mostly violin and piano,” I said.

“But can you play on that?” she asked.

“Not very good,” I kept saying but she stood up and picked up the guitar from the chair and handed it to me.

“I like music. Can you play something for me?” she said and I couldn’t help but smile at her. But the smile quickly faded as I desperately searched through my mind to find out if I knew any songs that a 12 year old girl might know and like.



Ironically enough… it was only One Direction that popped in to my mind. I thanked my former obsessed fandom for the fact that I actually knew how to play a few of their songs on it. I started playing the intro to What Makes You Beautiful and Cara’s eyes immediately lid up as I sang the first verse.

“Sing along!” I laughed when we came to the chorus and we both sang at the top of our voices. The pale and shy girl began looking happier and happier for each note she hit and each chord that I played. And right then and there I was having one of the most delightful moments of my life; at a hospital in London East End, sitting alone in a wheelchair playing the guitar and singing with an unhappy 12 year old girl that I hardly knew. But the fact that I felt I might have saved just one person’s mood that day made that moment so special and worth remembering.


“Another one!” she exclaimed and I laughed as I started playing the finger playing for Little Things and once again her eyes shone brighter than ever and this time I let her sing most of the song alone since it sounded like she’d listened almost just as much as I. She wasn’t much of a singer, but her bright face made her performance one of the most touching that I’d ever witnessed.


“You like One Direction?” I asked her when we’d finished the song and she nodded vigorously.

“Yeah, me too,” I replied.


Later that afternoon when she’d left my room and I was once again on my own I had an idea. I quickly grabbed my phone and texted Niall:


Hi Niall, can you do me a favor? Xoxo Maja


Even though he was at the studio recording it didn’t take him more than a few minutes to answer me back:


Of course! Anything you need!


I smiled as I revealed my idea for him:


Can you make all the boys and yourself come here tomorrow at the same time or something? Maybe in the evening when you’re done recording. There’s a girl that I would like you all to meet.



I think so. I’ll just ask them now then.



I waited a few moments for his answer, which - just like the rest of his messages – I received a lot quicker than I expected.


We’ll come by in the late afternoon tomorrow.


I smiled widely at his answer while texting him back.


Yay, that’s great! Looking forward to see you all!


I put away the phone and decided to give a trip to the toilet on my own a go, since I felt quite tired of having sit up all afternoon and that I would probably drift off the sleep as soon as I lied down in my bed.

The visit to the toilet went beyond expectation. With a little effort and a few more minutes I actually managed to pull on and off my Diaper, even though it was rather difficult with a knee wrapped in plaster. I got a nurse helping me back in bed afterwards where I, as predicted, fell asleep immediately.


When I woke up probably a few hours later it was time for some dinner that consisted of a thin round of Spaghetti Bolognese. Having gotten used to Aida’s great version with lots of vegetables and different flavors this one seemed a bit boring, so I ended up only eating a few bites of that as well – not that I was capable of eating more than that since I’d overstuffed myself at lunch to make Cara do the same.

She was nowhere to be seen at that time though, so I just sat eating on my own – but only until Em and Aida surprised me after a few minutes by stopping by to see if I was okay.


“Girls!” I exclaimed realizing that I’d already missed them just by being on my own for one day.

“Yo nigga,” Aida said doing a hand gesture before hugging me and I laughed at her using the usual greeting between us like everything was completely normal. Em kissed and brushed my cheek before they drove me back to my room.

“So how was your day on your own?” she asked sitting down on the sofa.

“Rather good,” I said happily. “I can pee all by myself now!”


They both laughed at my proud and silly face.

“Well that’s good to hear,” Aida smiled.

“No,” I responded and they both looked at me very confused. “What’s good to hear is that you and Harry are together!” I then exclaimed, which made them both smile again.

“Yeah,” Aida said blushing, ”I am.”

“How does it feel?” I asked feeling incredibly curious since we hadn’t had a single chance to talk together without all the others at any point while I’d been in the hospital.

“Incredibly relieving,” she admitted. “It just feels so right and relaxed to be around him, he’s such a good friend.”

“And? What is he more?” I teased.

“Cute,” she blushed.

“And?” Em then played along.

“Hot.”

“And?”

“Naughty.”

“And?”

“An amazing kisser.”


At that point I wasn’t able to keep up my teasing façade as I had to bite my lip at the thought of such a great kisser.

“How did it finally happen between you two anyway?” I asked.

Her cheeks once again turned deep red. “Uhm… It was the day of the accident and we were both really upset like everybody else. Him because he thought that he was the reason for all this and me just because I worried about you all the time and you didn’t seem to wake up at any point, which made it all much worse. I think it was… the following day. Yeah. We went out to get some food, but as we left the hospital there were loads of people outside asking us about our relationship and so on. I tried to ignore them and keep on walking not wanting to think too much about it. But as we were finally alone in the parking lot he pulled me in for a hug. I thought it was just to comfort each other and lesson some of the worries, but when he pulled away he just you know… kissed me.”

“Oh my God,” I gushed as she continued:

“And said something like he was sorry for his behavior and that he actually really liked me. That he wanted to be with me.”

“That is awfully perfect,” I kept gushing. “And? What did you say?”

“I… kissed him again. And said that I felt the same way.”

“Oh yay, this is amazing!” I exclaimed. “Have you guys done anything else than kissing?”

“Uhm…” She looked like she didn’t know how to put it. “No, not sex. You know just… really steamy make out sessions.”

“Oh my God, this is too good!” I exclaimed smiling widely. “I would’ve moved forward in my chair but that’s not really possible for me, because of this knee.”

Aida smiled as she said: “I do want to take it slow with him as well as he does, it’s just… I don’t think I can handle it much longer.”

“What do you mean?” Em asked suddenly looking a bit concerned.

“He… turns me on. Like makes me crazy every time I look at him, one time I even found myself tugging on to this fucking pillow when we sat and talked just here,” she said holding up the pillow that lied on the left side of the sofa.

“I know how you feel,” Em then nodded and now I turned towards her.

“No you don’t,” Aida said. “You’ve at least had sex with your boyfriend.”

“I know,” she smiled, “but that is actually the problem. It was so good, so it seems like I want him more and more for each time. I’m telling you girls… that boy… Oh sweet Jesus.”


Just like when she’d told us about this the first time I now also had to bite my fist in order not to squeal too loud, which made her laugh.


“But what about you and Niall, Maja?” Aida asked me suddenly pulling me out of my own thoughts.

“Well I’m not exactly in the condition of having much sex right now, I would say,” I said. “Guess my little stunt in the traffic last week has made it all more difficult for us to get our hungers satisfied.”

Aida nodded at me with wide eyes remembering all the times that she’d wanted to do that exact thing.




"My hair is so greasy, I would love to get it washed but I can’t do it by myself and the nurses always tell me it can wait a bit," I sighed a few minutes later.

“We can wash it,” Em said. “Come on, it’ll be fun!”

“What… Okay then!” I exclaimed feeling so grateful that they wanted to do this for me. They then drove me towards the bathroom and inside the shower.

“Ok, ready?” Aida asked.

“Fucking ready,” I said leaning my head back and closing my eyes in pleasure as the hot water hit my scalp. It might just be my imagination but at one point I thought that I could literally feel the dirt getting washed out of my hair and down in the drain.


“I have a question for you,” I began feeling a bit insecure. “Do you get any hates?”

“Loads,” Aida immediately responded.

“Already?” Em asked.

“It’s Harry Mother Fucking Styles,” I replied still sitting with my eyes closed.

“Ok, I see,” Em admitted. “At first it wasn’t so bad, but at this point there are quite a lot.”

“Well… How do you handle it then?” I asked wanting some advice before I could fully be with a guy like Niall.

“Liam is just… worth it,” she simply answered. “He confirms to me every day why I chose to be with him and then I actually don’t think that much about it.”

“And you, Aida?” I asked.

“I honestly couldn’t care less,” was all she said.

“Man, you’re good…” I gushed.

“No I mean, I just don’t want to spend any of my time on people who don’t like me – they’re simply not my kind of people then.”

“God, I wish everything in my world was as simple…” I said again admiring my friend’s ability to be herself no matter what people thought.

“That is what’s holding you back, isn’t it? You know… the hates?” Em asked and I nodded the best I could sitting in my rather weird position.

“I love you guys so much,” I groaned as Em massaged the shampoo in to my head and they laughed.

“Small joys of life,” Aida said.

Notes

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