Engraved (Harry AU)

GUYS MY MOM IS RUSHING ME TO LEAVE MY COMP SO IF SOMETHING SEEMS WRONG SOWWY i'LL FIX IT LATER I SWUR
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Power. That's what everyone craves in their life isn't it? Power gained from money, power gained from connections, power gained from popularity, power gained from your own self indulged vanity....power. Lolita always thought of power as a luxury, a privilege. She has money, yet she still doesn't have that five letter word item. Her family has connections, meaning she technically does as well, but still no power. Popularity? Of course she's popular, but not in the good way. Everyone knows who she is. Damn it she's practically a house hold name in her town, but it's not because everyone wants to sit with her or because she is so loved. No. She's the fool of the God awful place. She's the butt of every joke and insult. And let's not even begin to speak of her 'self indulged vanity'. She is obsessed with her appearance, since it's so horrid and revolting in her eyes. She doesn't even bother picking out appealing outfits anymore, due to her lack of esteem and due to the despicable and annoying voice in her head that always insults her.
"You seriously think that shirt is going to make someone want to talk to you, much less glance at you? Ha! You still and will always portray the ugliest of beings in this place."
"Who told you that looked good? Oh actually wear it! I just want to hear the laughs that are going to appear when people see your weak scarrings on your arms. It'll be so fucking hilarious."
"You look so fucking disgusting, I might puke."
That horrible voice always reminds her of her insecurities, yet she can't rid of it since deep down, even though she doesn't want to admit it...that voice comes from her own soul since in fact she loathes herself the most out of everyone.
And even with that, of course she doesn't have power.
But this time she finally has a chance. She finally can have that power that she has so wanted, needed. In this new world, she can become feared, wanted, special, and just anything. She will stand up straight with confidence and no one will push her around, because this time she will push back. In this new place, time; Lolita won't exist. Like how it should be and how it will be.
"Are you ready?" Nancy questions.
Lolita nods, a little afraid.
"Are you sure it won't hurt?" Lolita asks, holding her hands together out of nervousness.
"You have approximately five minutes left and trust me, it's painless. It's completely different from when you enter this time. It will be like a quick flash."
Lolita just nods in response, just waiting for it to happen. For her to finally go back to her life.
After Nancy talked to Lolita at her office two days ago, Lolita told Nancy about her interaction with her grandfather. Nancy felt that it would be better for Lolita to remain hidden in Nancy's home until the two days were over, so no one will be suspicious if they remember Lolita in the future.
Nancy's house is very comforting. It's a simple beige colored house with two medium sized square windows at the front and a small red brick chimney on the roof. The inside has a lovely plain brown rug, matching the mustard yellow paint colored walls with many paintings hung all around.
Lolita slept on Nancy's cheesy dark green quilted couch at night and during the day, just stared outside the window on her knees, taking in everything as she awaited Nancy to return from work.
Lolita ate mostly cereal and milk when she stayed, and even though she was slightly bored, she has never felt more alive in her life. Someone actually talked to her, laughed with her, and smiled at her. Lolita practically wanted to just cry all the time due to amount of bewildered and joyful feeling she felt in her chest. She now knows how the Grinch felt when his heart started growing. It feels indescribable and Lolita can't wait to return.
Now Lolita is just standing in the middle of Nancy's living room, staring at the roof with her eyes closed, shaking immensely from anticipation as she waits for herself to enter the harsh hell hole she originates from.
"Don't be afraid. It's not going to hurt." Nancy whispers as she places her hand softly on Lolita's shoulder.
Lolita's eyes open as she turns her attention to Nancy, wanting to get a good last look at her.
"That's not what I'm afraid of." She hears her voice respond in a hushed manner.
Lolita isn't afraid of the possible pain, she's afraid of the possibility that this might actually all just be one of her dreams. The ones that tease her and make her believe that something good has actually happened to her , until she awakens making her wish that she could just sleep again and disappear from reality for eternity.
Nancy gives her a soft smile and squeezes Lolita's shoulder.
"Did you feel that?" Nancy mutters.
Lolita nods, causing Nancy to smile.
"Then it's real Lolita. I'm real."
Lolita just chuckles as tears stream down her face.
Nancy pulls her in for a hug and Lolita doesn't know how to respond, since no one has hugged her in the longest time. She just stands there lifeless and begins to feel guilty for not wrapping her arms around her back, but she can't help it. Her body is completely still and all she can do is stand there paralyzed.
"See you in four years kid." Nancy says as she pulls Lolita away.
Lolita just nods again, not wanting to risk jinxing anything with her spoken words.
Nancy steps back and raises her arm to wave at her with a small smile spread on her lips before she begins to look blurry in Lolita's eyes.
"Tell Rein I say hi." Nancy speaks before Lolita blinks and finds herself laying on the recognizable white tiled floor surface.
Her upper back feels as if it were poked by a sharp stick, but other than that, she feels just fine. The skin on her flesh is perfectly dry and not moist from sweat at all. Lolita is still very confused by this whole situation that she has gotten herself into, but she doesn't care. If this is truly real, it's worth it. It's all going to be worth it.
"How was it?"
She turns her head to the right to see Rein standing right next to her, still wearing the exact same purple collared polo top and the exact same khaki pants with the exact same dark brown flats.
Rein holds her hand out, and pulls Lolita up on her feet.
Lolita wipes the dirt off of her dress before nodding her head as a thanks and meeting her gaze with the blonde woman.
"Nancy says hi." Lolita simply says, trying to hold back her creeping grin.
Rein just smiles and rolls her eyes, obviously wanting more details.
"Did you see him walk?" Rein questions, becoming more serious.
A painful grin reveals itself on Lolita's lips at the memory of her grandfather's legs...moving. That picture will always frame in her mind and she is just grateful that she finally has a joyous memory from her present life.
"Yes. I did."
Rein mirrors Lolita's emotions, causing Lolita to just smile wider.
"It was great Rein. It truly was. I practically embarrassed myself, but I could care less because he was there. He was breathing."
Rein giggles and her eyes then snap wide open as she realizes something.
"I almost forgot! Here, Nancy left this for you." Rein announces before she walks to her overly modern looking counter and grabs a dirty looking envelope.
She hands it to Lolita, her eyes never leaving it as she too is quite curious with what possibly can be inside.
Lolita automatically can tell what it is, as she remembers her and Nancy's conversation about her plan.
"Are you going to open it or should I?" Rein rushes.
Lolita just continues to stare at the envelope that is now in her hold. Her name is written in the middle in clear letters, and she's thankful and surprised that Nancy even remembered to do it. Nancy had to wait four years in order to take a photograph, and to be honest, Lolita thought that the responsibility would slip Nancy's mind and that that would be the first and last time she would ever be able to see her grandfather again.
Her fingertips graze over the slip, and she slowly unseals it by sliding her finger down from inside. She pulls out a small, square polaroid photograph of Nancy. The picture is in faded color, showing the hallway that she walked down...where she met the boy.
She quickly turns the photograph around to see cursive writing written on the back.
'August 5th, 1952 First Day of School. Everything worked out. ~Nancy' it reads.
Lolita wants to just go right now at this moment, but due to the rules, the kill joy of rules, she must wait a day. A dreaded twenty- four hours.
She catches herself re reading the writing about ten more times before Rein snatches it out her grasp.
"I know of your plan. Nancy sent me a letter as well, and I.... just remember the rules okay?" Rein states as she stares at the photograph, tracing her fingers over the writing intently.
"Did Nancy really greet me?" She asks as her eyes finally leave the photograph and meet Lolita's.
Rein hands back the picture to Lolita and Lolita can't help but raise an eyebrow.
"Ya." She simply replies.
Rein glances down at the floor as if it we're there only thing in the room and smiles to herself.
"Oh. Well...um here is the solution and you can take some outfits from the closet if you please. I can always ask Nancy to purchase more for me, so it's no bother."
Lolita just stares at Rein as she approaches her with the pink liquid bottle, along with Lolita's things.
"No it's fine. Actually... I think I actually have some that I've overlooked." Lolita says as she remembers all the horrid and goody goody looking dresses Rein owns from that era. Zoe is not a goody goody, and probably will never be. She doesn't wear dresses.
Lolita grabs her things and goes to the closet to change back into her clothes, before waving bye to Rein and walking back to her car, an evil grin evident on her features.
...
The rest of the day Lolita spent her time by going to several thrift shops, buying many 50's looking clothing that suit both the time period and Zoe's taste, going to a coin collector and trading her dollars for coins and bills that are obsolete now, but are useful for the time period she now adores.
Most teens would always try to hide things from their mothers, fathers, and siblings; but Lolita's family is different. Her mother and father are either always working or are just on their very overly priced cellular devices, while her fourteen year old sister is always over one of her plastic looking friends house, most likely talking about things only popular eighth graders talk about.
So when Lolita enters her home, she greets her now mute grandmother, who just stays rested in her bed waiting to die, and scurries herself upstairs to quickly complete her homework like she usually does.
The rest of the night for Lolita was spent watching many 50's based movies like Grease, and observing every little last thing to try to make herself believable. Lolita has always been a pretty good actress, always successfully hiding her feelings from her family, so this can't be much more difficult. With all the material she learned by looking up many 50's style hair tutorials on YouTube, she has never felt more prepared in her life. The despicable feeling in her chest is fading slightly as she falls asleep with the photograph that Nancy sent her in her right hand and her fingers crossed on her left.
'You can do this.' She repeats repetitively in her mind before she finally dreams of her and her grandfather reading 'Winnie the Pooh' to the ducks by the pond, like how they used to and maybe will again soon. Soon.
...
School is a time of hiding and each day when Lolita walks through the double doors, she feels as if she's committing suicide, waiting to be butchered alive by the many pointy sharp words and pushes that she receives from the savages that live among her.
Before her grandfather passed away, she had friends. Her two best friends, Beth and Marshall were everything to her and she thought that she was everything to them as well. They were the three musketeers and they shared almost everything in common. They would laugh together, smile together, listen to music together, watch horrible movies together, and just everything simple teenagers would do to pass the time. No matter what they did, as long as they were together, everything was perfect...every moment cherished. But when her grandfather died, she shut them out for a while. Beth would try to come to her house and comfort her with their favorite candy, sour patches, and with sad music so they could both just cry together, but Lolita just wanted to disappear and didn't want to bring Beth along with her on the ride of depression and self loathing suffocation.
Marshall...well Lolita had always been in love with Marshall, with his nice and fluffy light brown hair that would sometimes fall over his blue eyes. He would call her everyday and would even sneak through her window with flowers and blankets, but Lolita shut him out as well. She knew Marshall felt the same and she knew that he deserved better, someone as magnificent and unique as he.
Beth and Marshall soon gave up on her, not knowing what else to do. Marshall ended up moving with his parents to California, while Beth joined the cheerleading squad, got pregnant, and has ever since been ruined. Beth is now homeschooled, and from time to time, Lolita would walk through her neighborhood, contemplating with herself whether or not she should talk to Beth again, maybe even help with the baby. The baby's name is Kyle, and by what she has heard, he is adorable.
But she is still fucked up, and she doesn't want to bring Beth into her shit. Besides, like Marshall, Lolita doesn't deserve to know Beth. Lolita doesn't deserve anyone and that's why she is so determined to go to this new time. She can be someone else, and people will be ignoring her not because they hate her, but because they fear her. The only people she will have contact with are her grandfather and Nancy and that's more than enough for her.
The school day mostly consisted of her staring at the clock throughout each class and tapping her fingers on her desk, as if it would help the clock go by faster. For lunch she didn't even eat, due to her turning stomach and impatient nerves, that were just making her even more worked up then she already is.
Questions kept on going through her mind. Questions of doubt and fear.
'What if it doesn't work?'
'What if I ruin everything?'
'What if I just let people step all over me again?'
'What if my grandpa hates me?'
'Just what if...'
Daryl of course threw crumpled up pieces of paper at her like the immature child that he is, but she didn't even notice until he confronted her about it. He screamed at her in front of everyone, trying to make her feel misery and anguish toward herself. Trying to make her feel guilty about not paying attention to his abuse, and that's the thing that confuses her the most.
He's the pastor's son, and his father is probably one of the happiest and most respectful people she has ever spoken to, yet his son acts like a deranged emotional cannibal, wanting to eat her insides, just to spit them out.
That experience along with the others that have occurred with Daryl, caused her to run to the ladies with the razor blade she always carries with her in her pocket and create markings on her screaming skin.
She always carries a razor with her, just in case she messes up and wants to punish herself. It always serves its purpose and even though it breaks her skin as much as it breaks her heart, it brings her slight relief. And that is one of Lolita's addictions... relief and cutting.
Right after school, she grabbed a cigarette from her loved pack in her bag and lit it up as she walked in her car. This time the smoke swirled in a mystic way as it released from her lips, making her smile because this time the soul was dancing as it left.
Tears were streaming down her face as she drove, earning many strange glares from vehicles beside her. As the free souls escaped her lips, she began to wonder if she was worthy of this gift. This gift of being able to go to the past, to start a new life. Even though she spent her own money for this privilege, she felt guilty. Maybe she isn't even worthy enough to see her grandfather...
But then her grandfather's words began to explode in her mind like shooting fireworks on New Years eve.
'Lolita sometime in the future, you may feel as if you're a caged animal and everyone's eyes are on you along with their sick conniving laughter and thoughts. But what you have to remember is that they themselves feel caged, and they think of themselves as an animal and that is the reason for their fake laughter and horrible comments. They're just envious of your being... They want to be human like you because it is better to be caged as human then to be caged knowing that you forever shall be an animal. An animal disguised as something they want to be.'
Her grandfather's wise words would always get her thinking when she was a child, and she could never truly understand them, but now...they are her greatest treasure. her selfishness and drive to meet him again and to hear his advice is giving Lolita hope as well as her answer to her own crazed and dark thoughts. She has to meet him. She just has to.
Right when she gets home, she right away showers, dresses herself up, grabs a bag and puts in all that is necessary, the picture, the solution, and takes a deep breath before saying the two words that will forever be etched in her brain like a tattoo.
"Tollite me." she mutters before taking another deep breath and closing her eyes considerably tight.
Even though she can't see it, she feels different colored lights emitting all around her. She places her hands on her chest as her heart begins to beat slower and slower. Deep breaths escape her mouth, trying to rid of the cement she feels is in her throat.
She has never felt such a sensation before, and wants so dearly to never feel it again, due to its life drowning manner, but she must. She must be a fighter for this part and she tries her best.
Her right hand lowers to her upper left arm, sinking its finger nails into the flesh deeply to help her eyes fight the urge of opening. Her teeth are biting her bottom lip hard to the point of swollenness and if she doesn't succeed soon, her body will surely give out, as she begins to feel her forehead soak from her own sweat.
Utter relief is spread throughout her body as she feels her heart begin to race back to normal and her knees hit a surface quite abruptly.
She may get a scratch or even small bruises on her knees, but It will be worth it. As her eyes reveal themselves slowly, she can't help the smile that creeps on her lips. It worked again. It actually worked.
Lolita gets herself up and takes a deep breath, her eyes beginning to roam her surroundings with a hint of glow in them.
This is the start of something great, she feels as if her life is actually going to get better.
"Move out of the way."
Her knees hit the floor once again and this time she groans a little in pain before her head snaps up and she sees a man with dark brown curly hair and devilishly beautiful emerald green eyes scowl at her, before he finally saunters off without another word.
Dick.
"Hey dick why don't you watch where you're going!" She feels herself yell back in response. Her eyes widening soon after she analyzes the words that escaped her soul.
She actually spoke her mind. Holy shit.
She picks herself up again, stuffing the picture in her pocket and grabbing her bag that has fallen.
Her whole body freezes once she sees him stop and turn around. He stomps his way back to her, his eyes never leaving her own and she feels herself beginning to act into her character.
'Zoe doesn't take shit from anyone.' She reminds herself.
"What did you say to me? I don't think I heard correctly." he says, intimidating Lolita.
Lolita feels her cheeks redden slightly as she observes the rude stranger more. He's wearing a big light denim colored jean jacket with a black T-shirt beneath, black leather pants, and black converse. His hair is gelled back, most likely done with grease, a few curls escaping on the sides, and a brown beat up looking journal in his right hand. He is very attractive, but first she can't get attached to anyone, and second he's a total jerk wad. Just great, another Daryl to have to deal with, she thinks to herself.
Why does every good looking guy have to be a douche.
His face is only inches away from hers and she takes this as a great opportunity to introduce Zoe.
She goes to her bag and grabs a lighter and a cigarette before lighting it up and placing it in her lips, his eyes still angrily on hers.
Smoke releases from her mouth, hitting his face and she just smiles, her red lips revealing her teeth. She tip toes on her toes and places her lips against his ear.
"Why don't you watch where you're going...dick" She whispers before pushing her head back and staring at him.
Her satisfied smirk disappears once she notices how his features have softened and he's just staring at her with very observant eyes.
"What's ya name?" He asks.
Lolita looks around, freaking out in her mind before she composes herself and smiles again.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" she responds before taking another blow of the cigarette in her hand, beginning to walk passed him.
She feels herself spin around when he taps her shoulder oh so lightly. Her eyebrow raises at his action and he just mirrors her expression before grabbing the cigarette from her hand and placing it in his own lips, making her feel uneasy. Fuck. She doesn't think she can pull this off much longer.
He mimics her actions from before, blowing the gray crumbled up air into her face, before chuckling, revealing his dimples that make him resemble a small cute child. But this man is not just a child... he seems more like the spawn of satan that is trying to test Lolita and her patience.
"Thanks for the cig." he whispers before winking and walking off.
She doesn't know what just happened and what else to do, so she just rolls her eyes and shrugs, soon turning around once again and walking towards the office to see Nancy.
...
Nancy was happy to see her. Nancy's face has aged a little, but she still has the same thin figure and welcoming face. She is now the official principal of this ward and she couldn't look any more pleased with herself, even though she's known about it practically her whole life.
Nancy talked about what has happened to her over the four years and even gave Lolita a quick tour of the school during first block. Apparently Nancy has told everyone that her niece Zoe will be transferring to this school for her senior year this year, A.k.a Lolita, and that everyone is excited to see me. I feel awfully bad for them.
Nancy is such a sweet woman and Lolita is beginning to wonder why she has had no relationships so far and has not gotten married. For all Lolita knows, Nancy could be already married but just doesn't want to speak of it, but then again....she doesn't have a ring on her finger. And Lolita doesn't want to feel intrusive, so she decides to not question her about it.
Lolita is quite excited for her schedule, since her fourth period is chemistry taught by her grandfather of course. Nancy actually did promote him and she explained to Lolita how happy he was and how the staff even threw a small celebration for him.
The smile on Lolita's face is wide and most likely will stay that way, until she leaves Nancy and walks to her class. But even though she won't be showing her actual emotion, she knows and can sense the true happiness she feels within her and that sensation feels fucking amazing.
Nancy told her to meet her at the office after school each day so they can go home together, and Lolita is actually glad that she gets to stay with Nancy after school as well. Her sister has never walked into her room and spoken to her, or even just speak to her in general and she feels thankful as well as excited that she is going to have a roommate in a way and is going to get to experience things like that.
After they both said their goodbyes, Lolita looks at her schedule and heads off to her second period, algebra, room 212. Here it goes.
Once she finds the door with the matching numbers, she takes a deep breath and places her hand on the door knob, staring at it for a while. She feels absolutely terrified. New people terrify her.
Her hand finally moves and when the room reveals itself to her, along with outdated looking students, she stands up straight and moves her hips uncaringly, trying to enter the room in a hypnotic way.
All eyes on her and by the scowls coming from the girly girls in the stereotypical poodle skirts and scarves and the winks and wolf whistles from the preppy looking boys...she can tell that Zoe will be noticed.
"Hello! You must be our new student, Ms. Zoe Bender." An elderly women wearing a dark brown suit and triangular shaped specs announces.
She ignores all the eyes in the room and just walks to an empty seat all the way at the back, simply nodding before sitting herself down.
"Oh great another quiet one. Well you might be a little shy now, but I know that you will soon make friends." The old women who Lolita is guessing is named Mrs. Kale, according to her schedule states.
Lolita can't help but feel a little uneasy again at the word 'another'. So she's not the only 'Zoe' here.
When Mrs. Kale begins to introduce the first lesson to the class, the door opens once again.
Everyone's head turns toward the door and Lolita's whole body freezes.
"Oh Mr. Styles! Nice for you to finally show up." The woman says, sarcasm suffocating her words.
He blows smoke from the same cigarette he stole from Lolita earlier, a red lipstick stain still on the top and he just shrugs before walking to the other end of the class and sits himself down.
Her eyes never leave the sight of him and his beauty, until he catches her action and winks. Making her as well as Zoe both gag.

Notes