Beatrice's Point of View

After spending the whole weekend in bed, I finally made an effort to pull myself off it, as the alarm clock rang loudly beside my ear. I tried not to fall apart, when dad wasn’t there to coax me out of bed. After throwing the covers off my body, I pulled my arms above my head, and cracked my knuckles. I threw my hair in a high pony tail, before walking into the bathroom.

I gagged at the sight I saw, after turning the lights on. Mascara from three days ago, was running down my cheeks, leaving faint traces of black, dark bags surrounded my brown eyes. My hair looked like a greasy mess, in it’s ponytail. After taking a quick shower and scrubbing dirt off my face. I pulled out the first thing in my closet. After running a comb through my wet hair, I grabbed my backpack from the bed, not having enough energy or will, for that matter, to put makeup on.

I sighed loudly, as I heard the television in the living room. Trying to avoid my mom and Lottie on the way out, I stealthily made my way past the kitchen, where mom was humming some tune and making lunch for Scarlett. It disgusted me how she pretended that everything was okay, as if dad never existed. I grabbed the house keys from the table beside the door, and walked out of the house. I eyed my car warily, gruesome images built up in my mind, and I hastily looked away.

My hands were reaching for my iPod, when I spotted Harry hurriedly walking down the steps of his own house. His eyes wandered around, until they finally landed on me. He raised a hand in the hair, mouthing a ‘wait up’ to me. He ruffled his curls, before sprinting towards me, one hand on the strap of his bag, to keep it from falling.

I shoved the iPod back in my jeans pocket, and forced a smile towards him. “Hey.”

“Hi,” dimples on either side came into view, green eyes found mine, and his expression turned serious, “how...how have you been?”

I looked away, and blinked back tears, I had never cried in front of anybody. Ever. I looked back at him, and shrugged in response to his question, “same ole’, same ole’.”

He opened his mouth, then thinking better of it flashed me an almost smile. “You aren’t taking your car?” I asked, as we turned the corner.

“Nah, I’m good.”

I stopped and turned around to face him, “Harry, you don’t have to do this. God knows how long I’m gonna--”

I didn’t have to finish the sentence, because Harry was already walking ahead of me, “ya comin’ or not?” he asked turning over. A smile formed on my lips, as I jogged to catch up with him. “Don’t get yourself flattered, Gray. I’m just doing this to stay in shape. Gotta build these up, ya know?” He said flexing his muscles.

I poked his hard muscles, before looking at him with a sly grin. “What ya got in your head?” he asked looking at me with curious eyes, while his index finger tapped my forehead.

“You wanna build your muscles, yeah?” I asked, a smirk forming on my lips. He nodded, his eyes narrowing. “Wonderful! Race you to school!” Before he could process what I said, I took of my bag and dumped it in his arms, and took off running.

The wind whipped my hair, and my feet hit the ground at a steady pace. I looked back to see Harry not far behind, struggling with two bags. I forced my feet to move faster, and pushed my tongue out at him, before turning the block.

I slowed down and rested my hands on my knees after crossing the gates of Holmes Chapel High. Before I knew what was happening, I was lifted off the ground, and placed upon a shoulder like a rag doll. I pounded my fists against Harry’s back to no avail. His grip tightened around my legs, as he walked towards the building.

“Oh! you’re gonna so pay for this, Gray!” Despite the threat I could hear the smile in his voice. I uselessly hit his back repeatedly, begging him to put me back on my feet. That only lasted until the whispers began, about how I could be happy when my dad passed away a week ago. Or what a bitch, I am. Harry gently placed me back on my feet, and green eyes filled with concern, searched my brown ones. I forced a smile towards him, before walking towards my first hour.

As the discussion on Hamlet continued, I played with the pencil in my fingers. Just for a moment, when I had been with Harry, the constant numbness had disappeared filling me with warmth. Now, I was left with the coldness and darkness again. I felt sick, I didn’t like this, whatever this was between us. It wasn’t good. I looked back to find the pair of green eyes already fixed on me. Abruptly, I turned around and raised my hand. “Yes, Ms. Gray? Do you have a question?”

Mr. Stewart excused me sympathetically , after I told him that I felt sick. I shoved my books in my bag, and walked out of the room, feeling Harry’s green eyes following my every move. I didn’t go to the clinic. I silently walked out of the doors, into the cool Cheshire air. I wandered in the streets for a long time, thinking about dad, about me, and about Harry. After walking for, god knows how long, I found my way back home, and opened the doors.

My bag fell out of my hands at the first sight I witnessed. My mother was pressed against the wall with some guy over her. Anger coursed through my body. It was kind of obvious by her carefree way in the morning that my dad was long forgotten. Through gritted teeth, I glanced at her again, making out with some guy who’s name she didn’t even know. Abandoning the bag at my feet I stormed out of the house, making sure to slam the door on my way out.

“Bea, honey!” I didn’t turn to see my mom, calling out my name. I felt her hand gripping my wrist as she forced me to look at her. I couldn’t though, without hatred for her written across my face. “It’s not what it looked like, sweetie.” I scoffed, pulling my wrist out of her grasp.

“I can’t believe you,” I couldn’t even form the words mom, for the lady standing in front of me. “You…” I turned around before, I could say something I would regret. “Could’ve waited a day or two, before whoring around,” the words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.

A loud sound rang in my ears, that’s when I realized that my mother had slapped me. Her cold glare was fixed on me, “I’m your mother Beatrice. Watch your tongue, your dad wouldn’t approve of this behavior.”

I clenched my fists, to keep from lunging at her, “really?” I scoffed, “and dad would have approved of you fucking another guy, a week after he died,” tears gathered in my eyes, and I furiously blinked them back, “don’t tell me what dad would have approved, mother. I knew him better than you, because you were never around on our family nights, perhaps fucking some other guy every night. And before you remind me that you are my mother, start acting like one!”

Her palm connected with my cheek again, but the heartache I felt was much worse. “Don’t you ever talk to me like that again, you fucking bitch!” My heart stopped, as the words left her mouth, I stared into the blue eyes of the woman, whom I called my mother. “I kept my mouth shut all this time, because Brian didn’t want me telling you this.” A smirk spread across her face.

The words that next left her mouth, left me not just broken, but shattered, wounded for life maybe. I forced a smile at her before turning away. I ran blindly, my feet hurt, cramped up but I didn’t stop. Hot tears streamed down my face, when I finally stopped, I was standing in the middle of a park. I rested my back against a tree, and fell to the grass. Loud sobs racked my body, as I pulled at my hair. Mom’s words replaying in my head.

“Brian wasn’t your father, Beatrice. I don’t even know who your father was, you were a fucking mistake, which I regret every single day. You weren’t even supposed to exist. Didn’t you realize that already? None of us have brown eyes, or hair for that matter! Honey, I’m not at all sorry to inform you that yes, I am a whore, that slept with some guy in her senior year, and got pregnant with you. I met Brian the same year, he fell in love with me. We got married before we had you, of course I wasn’t gonna tell him I wasn’t in love with him; he was taking care of all my expenses. He was smart and rich. What was I losing?”

No, mom didn’t lose anything. But I did, I lost everything, I ever had, everything I ever believed in. I gripped my head as the words rang in my ears over and over again. I don’t remember how long I sat there, or how I got to that alley near the bar.

Hot and sweaty bodies were pressed against mine, loud music rang in my ears. I felt somebody’s hands on my ass, roaming up and down my sides. It felt good, the numbness had disappeared for a while, energy coursed through my body. While, I continued grinding against someone. I was a whore’s daughter after all.

A hot sheen of sweat covered my skin, making my skin look shiny. I pressed against the guy harder, running my hands through his hair. Pressing myself against him, until I could feel his crotch pressed against mine. His lips were over mine, tasted like alcohol, for some weird reason I knew that. Even though I had never had a drink before. His lips then attacked my neck, up to my cleavage, under my ear lobe. Fuck! It felt good.

Moans and groans clouded me, I was pressed against a wall, next. Hands feeling me, touching me in a way, no one had ever touched me before. My hands were tangled in a mess of hair, my eyes closed, while animal-like sounds escaped my throat. What brought me back to reality was the sharp pain that shot through me, leaving my eyes watery. My fingers dug into the back of the guy, who I realized, I didn’t even know. I didn’t even know his eye color, or even hair color for that matter. The pain was becoming stronger with every passing second. “So fucking tight baby!”

But the pleasure that spread through me afterwards, was worth it. As the guy left the room, weight of what had happened came to me. I lost my virginity to a guy, who’s name I didn’t know. I had always thought I would make love someone who I knew I would spend my life with. But I had just fucked someone, the numbness came back as the buzz vanished. I collected my belongings and stepped out of the room. Tears that I hadn’t realized were rolling down my cheeks. I angrily swiped them away with the back of my hands, and made my way out of the club.

I sat by the curb, trying to keep myself together. The activities that happened in the past half an hour replaying in my head. I brought my knees closer to my chest and bit harshly on my lip to keep from crying. I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder, and I shied away. “Tris?” Harry’s warm voice rang in my ears. I looked up to find tender jade eyes, looking worriedly at me.

“What are you doin’ here baby?” His arm gently wrapped around my side, anxiousness etching his face. A frown formed on his lips, when I failed to reply, the crease between his eyebrows deepened, and he carefully picked me up. Without a word he carried me towards our houses. His eyes finding mine every other second. He placed me on my feet at my front porch, while I clung to him tightly. “Tris?” He whispered gently untangling my arms from behind his neck.

I shook my head rapidly, “I don’t want to go there,” I whispered, my voice a hoarse whisper. He looked at me through quizzical eyes, but held my hand and led me towards his house.

“Sweetie, what took you so long?” Anne's sweet voice rang in the house, when we walked in. She came out of the kitchen wiping her hands on her apron, before her eyes fell on me. “Tris!” Her arms wrapped around me in a warm embrace. I forced a smile towards her.

“Mum, we’re going to our room, we’ll talk later.” Anne nodded, and Harry led me towards the stairs. He softly told me to sit on the bed, and undid my converse laces. His voice was gentle, as if one harsh word would break me, like I was a glass doll. Maybe I was. He offered me Gemma’s old t-shirt and his boxers, and ushered me in his bathroom.

I tried to compose myself in the bathroom, I brushed my hair, trying to make it even, and scrubbed my face, until I looked presentable.

“I thought you’d like to eat,” Harry explained as he set a bowl of soup in front of me. I shook my head and turned away. His hand wrapped around my wrist, gently but firmly. “Let me rephrase that; I knew wouldn’t want to eat, but no one says no to Styles.”

“No,” I muttered.

After making a huge show of being hurt. He forcefully placed me back on the bed, and baby-fed me the whole soup. “That’s my good girl.” I rolled my eyes and settled back in the bed. “I’ll take the couch. Tell me if you need something okay?” I nodded reluctantly, for some unknown reason I wanted him to be here with me.

Crackling rung the house, as thunder struck. I shrieked and landed in Harry’s arms. A deep chuckle erupted from his throat, and I blushed furiously after my childish action. “Someone’s scared of thunders, yeah?” I tried to cover my face behind the curtain of my hair. But that was pushed away, by Harry’s fingers. A smile formed on his lips. Lightning struck again, and I tightened my arms around Harry’s waist. “Jesus Tris!” He sounded exasperated but he was fighting off a smile.

“Stay with me?” I whispered, looking anywhere but at him.

“You savior is here, mademoiselle.” I giggled, as he covered himself with the comforter. I buried my face in his chest. He smelled faintly like the woods, fresh leaves. He smelled like warmth and comfort.

Notes

Nope, I'm not dead. lol. I just had exams. Still have them actually. Tomorrow, World Civilizations and English. But I never study for the first one, and ah...well for the second one I'll just work on it after. Sorry for such a long wait. And, thanks a ton for the 15 votes in only two chapters, 1 chapter, actually. Anyway, I hope y'all are enjoying the story. It's gonna be really different from what I usually write. So, I would love to get your feedback. Comment, Vote and Subscribe, please? Keep me motivated to writing this story.

**Here's a link to Tris's outfit if you wanna see it -- polyvore**
I also realized that the link to the tattoo wasn't working so, I updated it. It should be working now.

Check out my other story Sad, Beautiful, Tragic, and those of you who read it. I should be updating soon. Friday, at the most. I'm almost done with the chapter. Luv y'all and Stay Beautiful xx

ask.fm :)