Shadows

I stand awkwardly as Louis dances around me wildly, flailing his arms ridiculously. I blush as people stare and he smiles at me.
"Come on, get into it," he urges and grabs my hands, pulling me closer to his body. He places my hands on his shoulders and slides his down my body slowly until they rest gently on my hips. His demeanor went from goofy to serious in no time at all. He pulls me close so that our chests are touching and I feel my breathing quicken at his proximity. I don't think I've ever been this close to a guy before, well Ricky Manibal pinned me down and tried to kiss me in the third grade but I don't think that really counts.
I look up at Louis through my eyelashes, hoping to appear at least somewhat experienced. Really I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't really date.
"Having fun love?" Louis questions lowly, his lips coming down to kiss my ear.
"Um yeah," I stutter, my voice weak. I can feel him grin as he presses kisses down my neck slowly and deliberately. I look around the room panicked, what the hell is going on? Is he going to try to have sex with me? OHMYGODDD I'm not ready for this!
"Good," he whispers, brushing his lips across my cheek and pulling back to look me in the eyes. "You seem a little nervous," he remarks with a smirk.
I've been figured out. ABORT ABORT. "I don't really go to parties like this," I excuse, removing my hands from his shoulders to gesture around the raging party.
"Yeah that always seemed to be Catherine's thing," Louis muses.
He's right. What the hell am I doing here? Catherine should be here. She would be if she was still alive. My sisters dead and I'm at a party that I sure as hell wouldn't have gone to if she was alive! Wait a minute, my sisters dead and I'm at a party period. I feel my breathing quicken as the realization hits me. Louis says something but I don't hear him. I look at the room with wide eyes, people dancing and laughing as though my sister wasn't dead. I was dancing and laughing as though she wasn't dead. I pull out of Louis's arms and stumble through the crowd. I have to get out of here. It's like ever since they found Catherine's body I've been living in a bubble and coming to this party, it was like I was trying to take Catherine's place once and for all, and the bubble popped. I press my hand to my wildly beating heart and search for Maggie. People give me strange looks but I ignore them. Catherine's been gone for months and I'm feeling the pain I felt right when I found out she was missing all over again.
"Maggie!" I cry out hoarsely, searching for my AWOL friend, but it's no use. The music is too loud and there's too many people.
I sink to the ground in the kitchen, leaning against a cupboard and burying my head in my hands. Suddenly the music seems obnoxiously loud, the conversation ridiculously shallow, and the people convinced that I'm just here to fill Catherine's place at this party.
I feel the tears stream out of my eyes, sliding down my face and most certainly ruining the makeup that Maggie applied so carefully. What does it matter?
I sob into my hands, unable to hold myself together any longer. Maybe it's for the best that this happened here, surrounded by people who are too drunk to remember the crying girl in the kitchen tomorrow morning, as opposed to my parents, and their grief.
I draw my knees up to my chest and feel the short black dress slide lower down my legs, revealing more skin than I would normally be comfortable with. I hide my face in my knees as I cry, my sobs drowned out by the deep bass of the music.
I feel a heavy hand rest on my shoulder but don't even bother to look up, it's probably someone just using my body to help them catch their balance as they stumble in a drunken haze. But to my surprise, the hand doesn't move, and I feel a presence sink to the ground next to me.
I contemplate looking up but before I get a chance the person envelops me in a hug, allowing me to sob into his chest. I don't know how long we sit there like that, his arms wrapped around me, holding me close as I cry into the soft fabric of his t shirt, my arms thrown around his neck. After an indefinite number of moments, he whispers. "Let's get you home."
I nod in agreement and he helps me to my feet. He grabs my heels which at some point I had kicked off my feet. His muscular arm wraps around my shoulders as he leads me through the party, still crying into his shoulder. I feel the cool night air breeze across my bare skin as we walk outside and a shiver sets in.
"Here," Harry says softly, shrugging off his jacket and placing it gently around my shoulders. I know that the cutesy flirty thing to do would be to refuse the jacket until he insists, but this isn't flirty and I am far too exhausted and far too cold to refuse. Plus, I'm not a fool. I know that placing his jacket around my shoulders was due to the sheer fact that I am shivering, I haven't deluded myself into thinking that his kindness is anything other than pitiful sympathy.
He leads me down the street, his arm still around my shoulders as we walk. I try to focus on stopping the tears that well out of my eyes but it's useless. It's like I'm a pipe that's leaking incessantly due to numerous cracks. The leaking is unstoppable until you find every single individual fracture. But with hundreds of cracks, it's pointless. You might as well get a new pipe. Especially if your old one is so cracked that it is just barely holding itself together.
Harry helps me into his black range rover, completely lifting me off the ground and setting me in the car, gently closing door as though I'm a baby animal he's afraid of scaring off or startling. I watch as he jogs around the front of the car before climbing into the drivers seat and starting the car.
"Are you drunk?" I ask before he has a chance to shift the car into drive. He looks over at me with surprise, I don't think he expected me to talk. He doesn't seem drunk, his movement far too graceful, but how would I know? I've never been around Harry when he's drunk, at least not that I know of.
"No," he says solemnly. "You aren't the only one who fake drinks at parties."
With that comment he pulls onto the road and I bring my knees up to my chest again, leaning my head against the cool glass of the window as we drive by the party still raging at Louis's house.
It's like they don't know that inside those very walls, I just broke. They don't realize that my entire life crumbled just minutes ago while they partied and had the times of their lived. My life has come to a standstill, yet theirs goes on. I don't think I've ever felt so small in my life. My breaking so inconsequential to the rest of these people, my presence unnoticed and unmissed.
"Maggie!" I blurt out, lifting my head abruptly.
"What?" Harry asks with furrowed eyebrows, the bright house disappearing as we turn the corner.
"I'm supposed to take Maggie home," I say softly, the burst of energy I felt when I realized my error gone.
"I'll take care of it," Harry says and I nod before leaning my head against the window once more.
What does it matter if I forgot Maggie anyways. She would probably just crash on the couch and wake up in the morning with a hangover. She would be mad at me for a few hours but forget her anger when she tells me about the wild night she had without me, not knowing the nightmares I faced while she partied.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Harry asks hesitantly.
I look at him in surprise. He sounds sincere in his offer, like he actually cares to know why he found me sobbing on the kitchen floor. But I don't feel pressured to tell him what happened. This is the first time since Catherine has been gone when I haven't felt pressured to talk about her, be it by the police or my parents, no matter how pure the intention I've always felt like I didn't really have a choice, they would get the information eventually. But with Harry, I don't feel the pressure. So for once, instead of nodding and explaining what's wrong, I simply shake my head no. Partially because I finally have the option, but also because I don't think I can talk about it without bursting into tears again. I feel like even thinking about the thoughts that forced me into the mess that I currently am in will trigger it again and I've already been a sobbing mess in front of Harry once this evening.
We ride in silence, the night pitch black around us. Eventually I just zone everything out, staring blankly at the clear sky. We come to a stop in my driveway and Harry turns off the car.
"I would ask if you're okay but that's a stupid question because I can clearly see that you're not," he begins softly, turning to look at me with gentle green eyes. "And you might not believe me but eventually you are going to be okay. Because you're strong and you can get through anything that life throws at you. I believe in you, Annie, and I care about you. If you ever need someone to talk to about anything I am here for you."
I feel myself staring into his emerald eyes, his nice words tearing at my heart. I lean across the car and throw my arms around him as another wave of grief hits me.

I sob into his shoulder, soiling his shirt with my tears yet again. His arms tighten around me, pulling me close. He rubs small circles on my back as I cry against him.
"Thank you," I whisper before pulling away slowly, wiping my tears with the back of my hand. As soon as I pull my hand away I notice the watery black mascara and sigh. I'm sure I am quite a sight to behold right now. Harry jogs around the car and opens the passenger door, helping me out and leading me up to the door.
"Are your parents home?" He asks with concern as we stand on the front porch.
"Yeah," I say softly, looking at the closed door. "I'm sorry all I do in front of you is cry."
He looks startled at my comment as we look at each other. He reaches up cautiously and I hold my breath as his fingers gently wipe away the tears that I missed.
"It's okay," he says finally, giving me a sad smile. "I think your time in front of me is split evenly between crying and needing rides."
Oh god he's right. I feel a blush creep up my cheeks but smile at his teasing tone.
"I will stop by tomorrow, okay?" He says genuinely. Suddenly, I'm aware of how close were standing. Certainly not as close as Louis and I were earlier, but pretty close regardless. I can feel his warm breath as he talks to me.
"O-okay," I stutter out. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into one last hug, without my tall heels on I have to stand on my tiptoes to successfully wrap my arms around him.
"Don't forget your shoes Cinderella," he says with a wink. I didn't even notice he was holding them until now. I take them gratefully and shrug off his jacket.
"Thank you," I comment softly as he slides the jacket back on.
"You've already said that," he says sweetly.
I shrug in response and stare down at my toes, covered by the sheer fabric of my nude tights.
"But you're welcome Annie," he says softly and tucks a piece of hair behind my ear before walking back to his car.

Notes

Sorry for lack of updates, been in the hospital again. Anyways, super sad chapter :( let me know what you think!