Never In a Million Years (Zayn Malik)
Chapter 58
"why did i ever let you go?"
"are you fucking serious?"
i don't know what came over me but i couldn't stop myself.after all these years he bumps in to me and has the nerves to actually ask me that?
ask me the question that has been on my mind since the day he started acting so distant towards me,the question that hasn't left my mind since the day i broke up with him and he didn't bother coming after me.
the question that i never stopped thinking about,
"why did he let me go?"
after that i just....lost it.
"why did you let me go? why did you let me go? i don't know zayn why won't you answer me?i mean after all it was you that left me?"
i was yelling now and i couldn't care less,but Zayn wasn't backing down either.he said not so calmly:
"i left you?!!you were the one that broke up with me on the phone!!!!"
"what did you expect me to do zayn?huh?you ignored me completely,you didn't even call me back after that nor did you even try to explain!you didn't come after me and you acted like i was nothing to you!like you were tired of me!"
the whole cafeteria were looking at us and some even had their phones out filming us.
oh right,Zayn is a celebrity after all.....
he yelled back:
"So you break up with me!!!?i was going through something!i needed you most and you break up with me?"
"oh don't turn this around on me!this is probably something you're coming up with right now!you would've told me if something was wrong-...."
"Josh passed away"
my mouth didn't move after that.it was like i was in shock.and i was.
zayn looked down and said:
"7 months after that he died of lung cancer.he told us,he told us sooner.but there was nothing i could've done for him.he was my friend and i just had to watch him die.he went on our tour with us but after about 20 concerts he just couldn't.i had to say good bye to him and i couldn't even go to his funeral because of the goddamn concerts.i lost my friend and the only one who i thought would've helped me through it gave up on me.i think you are right Anna,we are better off without each other.because obviously you can't handle me in my worst if you couldn't in my sorrow.and yeah,i did let you go,because i loved you.because i thought that was what you wanted.because i knew you were better off without me.and now seeing you after all these years had made me realize something..."
a couple of tears had left his eyes and also mine.
thankfully our waiter had shooed the people with phones out and we were in privacy so no one would see him in this state.
"that i never stopped loving you.i still do.i still love you so much.i'm a 28 year old man who has dreams about his first true love.i know i may look like freak to you after i say this but i always imagined myself with you.i still do.how would have it been like to be with you.how would it have been like to have a family with you.i tried,i tried to move on from you,i tried,i tried so hard so many times but none of them helped.i even looked for you a couple of times,to maybe get you to want me back,to maybe make you mine again,but there was always something stopping me,or in some cases some people reminding me why i let you go the first time."
i couldn't believe what i was hearing.i never felt more selfish.i never felt more guilty.i didn't know what to say.i wanted to tell him i love him too.that he does have a family with my.that i love to be with him.but i had to think about every thing.
i was engaged to Ryan.Zayn would probably hate me for keeping Skye to myself or maybe he won't want anything to do with me.but it's not fair to him.neither of them.Zayn deserves to know and also does Skye.
"skye's 4.i got engaged to Ryan a year a go."
he looked up at me surprised.i saw him frown in confusion but i saw it in his eyes that he was catching on.
"we broke up on august,she was born on April 28th. 8 months later.we didn't see each other the last month but we did before you went on tour.i was so caught up in everything that i didn't even know i was pregnant until the second month.Her full name is Skye Malik King."
i looked up to see him looking at me with nothing but shock with his mouth agape.i told him while letting a tear go:
"Zayn,Skye is your daughter"
he looked at me with disbelief .i knew it.he would hate me.but it had to be done.
"why didn't you tell me?"
i didn't answer because i had nothing to say.he said louder:
"Anna why didn't you fucking tell me?!"
he stoop up throwing two hundred dollar bills on the table and dragging me with him outside.i didn't object knowing it would be no use.i owed him that much.he deserved to know every thing and we needed to be some where more private.
i could feel the anger radiating off of him when i was following him, well more like being dragged by him, just as we walked outside of the cafe, we were met with at least 8 or 9 photographers trying to take pictures of us, but zayn didn't look bothered by them, he just shoved his way out of every one and took us towards what i presume was his car.
he opened the door and i didn't say a word before i got in, he shut the door not so gently and in a second he was in the car as well.
we were both silent the hole drive, to say i wasn't scared was a complete lie.
before i knew it we stopped in front of a hotel which looked like the ones that were way out of my league.
my door was opened by some one and i got out of the car desperately trying to get out of the car to avoid the tension.
only seconds after i was once again being dragged by zayn in to the hotel, the workers greeted us but Zayn didn't even acknowledge them.
Zayn looked like he was using everything in him to control himself, but i can't blame him, he just found out he had a daughter. i know he's trying to hold everything in, because if he doesn't, not only his image will be ruined but also i wouldn't be left alone for a while because i was seen with 'The Zayn Malik'.
but i knew once i step inside of that hotel room, all hell would break loose.
we got in the elevator and Zayn pushed the last floors button.
i gulped knowing it's the pent house and that meant no one's going to be on that floor.
which means i'm going to be alone with zayn and he could kill me but still no one would know.
the elevator doors opened and i was jerked outside by zayn once again.
he really needs to stop with the dragging and pushing.
i saw a guy standing behind the only door and by the way he was dressed i could immediately say he was a body guard, so maybe he will help me if things got out of hand-...
"Phil i don't need you here tonight, and don't let any one come upstairs, i don't care who the fuck they are, no one comes here got it?"
i flinched at his tone and i knew he was pissed.
hell he was furious.
the man nodded knowing he should just get away from his boss right now and quickly walked to the elevator but i was standing in Zayns room, well suite , and the door was closed with zayn standing in front of it, so i couldn't see anything anymore.
i expected him to slap me, i expected him to yell at me, to shout at me, to say hurtful words to me, but i never expected him to lean on the door looking straight at my eyes and asking me with a calm voice:
"how could you?"
i was taken aback, i had no idea what to answer him because i had no idea what he was talking about.
so i stuttered out:
"I d-don't know w-what you're t-talking -"
which i came to realize was a very bad idea,
he pushed himself form the door and took long strides towards me until he was standing in front of me making me look up at him while he yelled at me:
"You don't know what i'm talking about!? you his my daughter from for 5 years! i'm his father Annabelle and you hid her away from me! i didn't know anything about her until today and i probably wasn't going to if i didn't see you at the mall with her would've i!!? not only you hid her away from me but you make her believe that some one else i don't want anywhere near her is her father! do you know how that makes me feel Anna?!"
i didn't know what to say because i knew i was wrong, i made a huge mistake and there was no way i could do something to make up for it.
he yelled louder making me flinch:
"DO YOU?!"
i didn't move, i couldn't move.
when he started talking next it felt like my heart was crushed inside my chest:
"you don't know how it feels Anna, you just don't know"
i felt a tear drop on my left cheek and i knew it wasn't mine, i looked up to see him staring down at me silently letting out tears, looking at him like that made a tear slip out of my eye and i couldn't help but think that this probably is the worst feeling i ever had. even worst than the day i knew i would lose him.
do you wanna know why?
because i was the one hurting that day, but now i'm seeing the person i love hurting in front of me because of me.
he continued:
"you don't know how it feels like to know you've lost 4 years of your daughters life, you don't know what it feels like to know you're never going to be the father you've wanted, you don't know what it feels like to miss the only chance you had for a normal life, you don't know what it feels like to lose the person you love, you don't know what it feels like to know you can't have a family with the ones you truly want, you don't know what it feels like to know some one else has the life that could've been your perfect life, you don't know what it feels like to lose,"
i couldn't stand seeing him like this, i felt like someone was blocking my way to breath, he looked broken, he looked like he'd gave up, i was seeing the most beautiful human being in front of me slowly breaking apart.
and i had no idea what to do.
but it didn't stop right there.he said:
"i never stopped loving you, you know. "
he caressed my cheek with his left hand smiling slightly and i found myself leaning in to his touch, it was weird i still felt the sparks i felt 5 years a go when he touched me.
before i could stop myself i said:
"Me neither."
i gasped when i said that, and Zayns thumb stopped moving on my cheek.i could tell he was just as shock as i was about this.
i guess he didn't expect me to say this, i didn't either.
but i knew it was the truth, there's not a day that goes by that i don't think about it.
i looked straight in to his eyes, seeing what i've been craving to see in these past 5 years, seeing the boy i fell in love with.
i didn't think about Ryan, i didn't think about all the complications it was going to make, i didn't think about anything and for once i tried to go with my heart,
so i wrapped my hands around his neck pulling him down to myself and locking my lips with his.
he was shocked maybe because he never expected me to do this either.but after a moment he moved his lips with mine and i couldn't help but think how right it felt like.
before it could get any further Zayn stopped and panted:
"you're engaged"
"to the wrong person"
"it's wrong"
"not after i call it off"
"you would?"
"how could i not"
"will you regret it?"
"Never in a million years"
THE END
"are you fucking serious?"
i don't know what came over me but i couldn't stop myself.after all these years he bumps in to me and has the nerves to actually ask me that?
ask me the question that has been on my mind since the day he started acting so distant towards me,the question that hasn't left my mind since the day i broke up with him and he didn't bother coming after me.
the question that i never stopped thinking about,
"why did he let me go?"
after that i just....lost it.
"why did you let me go? why did you let me go? i don't know zayn why won't you answer me?i mean after all it was you that left me?"
i was yelling now and i couldn't care less,but Zayn wasn't backing down either.he said not so calmly:
"i left you?!!you were the one that broke up with me on the phone!!!!"
"what did you expect me to do zayn?huh?you ignored me completely,you didn't even call me back after that nor did you even try to explain!you didn't come after me and you acted like i was nothing to you!like you were tired of me!"
the whole cafeteria were looking at us and some even had their phones out filming us.
oh right,Zayn is a celebrity after all.....
he yelled back:
"So you break up with me!!!?i was going through something!i needed you most and you break up with me?"
"oh don't turn this around on me!this is probably something you're coming up with right now!you would've told me if something was wrong-...."
"Josh passed away"
my mouth didn't move after that.it was like i was in shock.and i was.
zayn looked down and said:
"7 months after that he died of lung cancer.he told us,he told us sooner.but there was nothing i could've done for him.he was my friend and i just had to watch him die.he went on our tour with us but after about 20 concerts he just couldn't.i had to say good bye to him and i couldn't even go to his funeral because of the goddamn concerts.i lost my friend and the only one who i thought would've helped me through it gave up on me.i think you are right Anna,we are better off without each other.because obviously you can't handle me in my worst if you couldn't in my sorrow.and yeah,i did let you go,because i loved you.because i thought that was what you wanted.because i knew you were better off without me.and now seeing you after all these years had made me realize something..."
a couple of tears had left his eyes and also mine.
thankfully our waiter had shooed the people with phones out and we were in privacy so no one would see him in this state.
"that i never stopped loving you.i still do.i still love you so much.i'm a 28 year old man who has dreams about his first true love.i know i may look like freak to you after i say this but i always imagined myself with you.i still do.how would have it been like to be with you.how would it have been like to have a family with you.i tried,i tried to move on from you,i tried,i tried so hard so many times but none of them helped.i even looked for you a couple of times,to maybe get you to want me back,to maybe make you mine again,but there was always something stopping me,or in some cases some people reminding me why i let you go the first time."
i couldn't believe what i was hearing.i never felt more selfish.i never felt more guilty.i didn't know what to say.i wanted to tell him i love him too.that he does have a family with my.that i love to be with him.but i had to think about every thing.
i was engaged to Ryan.Zayn would probably hate me for keeping Skye to myself or maybe he won't want anything to do with me.but it's not fair to him.neither of them.Zayn deserves to know and also does Skye.
"skye's 4.i got engaged to Ryan a year a go."
he looked up at me surprised.i saw him frown in confusion but i saw it in his eyes that he was catching on.
"we broke up on august,she was born on April 28th. 8 months later.we didn't see each other the last month but we did before you went on tour.i was so caught up in everything that i didn't even know i was pregnant until the second month.Her full name is Skye Malik King."
i looked up to see him looking at me with nothing but shock with his mouth agape.i told him while letting a tear go:
"Zayn,Skye is your daughter"
he looked at me with disbelief .i knew it.he would hate me.but it had to be done.
"why didn't you tell me?"
i didn't answer because i had nothing to say.he said louder:
"Anna why didn't you fucking tell me?!"
he stoop up throwing two hundred dollar bills on the table and dragging me with him outside.i didn't object knowing it would be no use.i owed him that much.he deserved to know every thing and we needed to be some where more private.
i could feel the anger radiating off of him when i was following him, well more like being dragged by him, just as we walked outside of the cafe, we were met with at least 8 or 9 photographers trying to take pictures of us, but zayn didn't look bothered by them, he just shoved his way out of every one and took us towards what i presume was his car.
he opened the door and i didn't say a word before i got in, he shut the door not so gently and in a second he was in the car as well.
we were both silent the hole drive, to say i wasn't scared was a complete lie.
before i knew it we stopped in front of a hotel which looked like the ones that were way out of my league.
my door was opened by some one and i got out of the car desperately trying to get out of the car to avoid the tension.
only seconds after i was once again being dragged by zayn in to the hotel, the workers greeted us but Zayn didn't even acknowledge them.
Zayn looked like he was using everything in him to control himself, but i can't blame him, he just found out he had a daughter. i know he's trying to hold everything in, because if he doesn't, not only his image will be ruined but also i wouldn't be left alone for a while because i was seen with 'The Zayn Malik'.
but i knew once i step inside of that hotel room, all hell would break loose.
we got in the elevator and Zayn pushed the last floors button.
i gulped knowing it's the pent house and that meant no one's going to be on that floor.
which means i'm going to be alone with zayn and he could kill me but still no one would know.
the elevator doors opened and i was jerked outside by zayn once again.
he really needs to stop with the dragging and pushing.
i saw a guy standing behind the only door and by the way he was dressed i could immediately say he was a body guard, so maybe he will help me if things got out of hand-...
"Phil i don't need you here tonight, and don't let any one come upstairs, i don't care who the fuck they are, no one comes here got it?"
i flinched at his tone and i knew he was pissed.
hell he was furious.
the man nodded knowing he should just get away from his boss right now and quickly walked to the elevator but i was standing in Zayns room, well suite , and the door was closed with zayn standing in front of it, so i couldn't see anything anymore.
i expected him to slap me, i expected him to yell at me, to shout at me, to say hurtful words to me, but i never expected him to lean on the door looking straight at my eyes and asking me with a calm voice:
"how could you?"
i was taken aback, i had no idea what to answer him because i had no idea what he was talking about.
so i stuttered out:
"I d-don't know w-what you're t-talking -"
which i came to realize was a very bad idea,
he pushed himself form the door and took long strides towards me until he was standing in front of me making me look up at him while he yelled at me:
"You don't know what i'm talking about!? you his my daughter from for 5 years! i'm his father Annabelle and you hid her away from me! i didn't know anything about her until today and i probably wasn't going to if i didn't see you at the mall with her would've i!!? not only you hid her away from me but you make her believe that some one else i don't want anywhere near her is her father! do you know how that makes me feel Anna?!"
i didn't know what to say because i knew i was wrong, i made a huge mistake and there was no way i could do something to make up for it.
he yelled louder making me flinch:
"DO YOU?!"
i didn't move, i couldn't move.
when he started talking next it felt like my heart was crushed inside my chest:
"you don't know how it feels Anna, you just don't know"
i felt a tear drop on my left cheek and i knew it wasn't mine, i looked up to see him staring down at me silently letting out tears, looking at him like that made a tear slip out of my eye and i couldn't help but think that this probably is the worst feeling i ever had. even worst than the day i knew i would lose him.
do you wanna know why?
because i was the one hurting that day, but now i'm seeing the person i love hurting in front of me because of me.
he continued:
"you don't know how it feels like to know you've lost 4 years of your daughters life, you don't know what it feels like to know you're never going to be the father you've wanted, you don't know what it feels like to miss the only chance you had for a normal life, you don't know what it feels like to lose the person you love, you don't know what it feels like to know you can't have a family with the ones you truly want, you don't know what it feels like to know some one else has the life that could've been your perfect life, you don't know what it feels like to lose,"
i couldn't stand seeing him like this, i felt like someone was blocking my way to breath, he looked broken, he looked like he'd gave up, i was seeing the most beautiful human being in front of me slowly breaking apart.
and i had no idea what to do.
but it didn't stop right there.he said:
"i never stopped loving you, you know. "
he caressed my cheek with his left hand smiling slightly and i found myself leaning in to his touch, it was weird i still felt the sparks i felt 5 years a go when he touched me.
before i could stop myself i said:
"Me neither."
i gasped when i said that, and Zayns thumb stopped moving on my cheek.i could tell he was just as shock as i was about this.
i guess he didn't expect me to say this, i didn't either.
but i knew it was the truth, there's not a day that goes by that i don't think about it.
i looked straight in to his eyes, seeing what i've been craving to see in these past 5 years, seeing the boy i fell in love with.
i didn't think about Ryan, i didn't think about all the complications it was going to make, i didn't think about anything and for once i tried to go with my heart,
so i wrapped my hands around his neck pulling him down to myself and locking my lips with his.
he was shocked maybe because he never expected me to do this either.but after a moment he moved his lips with mine and i couldn't help but think how right it felt like.
before it could get any further Zayn stopped and panted:
"you're engaged"
"to the wrong person"
"it's wrong"
"not after i call it off"
"you would?"
"how could i not"
"will you regret it?"
"Never in a million years"
THE END
Notes
OH MY GOD!!! IT'S OVER!!!
sorry it wasn't a very good ending since i have so much on my hands right now but i promise you the epilogue i'm going to right for it is going to kinda make up for it, but don't expect it to be soon cause it wont'.
i'm so grateful you read my story and you were with me through all the shitty chapters and the good one, this is my first story so yeah it means a lot.
i love you all.
and don't forget, there's going to be one more chapter. not a part of the story but it'll show some time after this, you're gonna love it.
make me happy with your comments on my last (kinda) chapter. it's mean too much for me.
With love
/
Anoosha
this is such a good story ! :D i love itt! pls write the next kinda chapter soon! PLS PLS write a second one!! xxxx
4/19/14