Harry's Point of View

At times I know how to act like a child. Like when I'm losing Fifa I sometimes throw the control and whine because Niall cheated. Or when Lily and Jack don't let me leave the house until all of my homework is done I stomp around-mentally at least. Now is another time I'm acting like a child.

The ride to Doctor Sandra's office was quiet and tense but what was worse was the waiting room. I stood behind Alyssa as she signed us in and then found a seat. I took a seat as well, two seats down from her. Yes, very childish. Besides feeling like shit in general this room is awful. The walls were painted with different Disney characters like Nemo and Pooh Bear. There were kids playing with Lego's and Barney was on the television. If Alyssa weren't so stupid we'd be here for an ultra-sound to see how well our baby is growing and I'd be holding her hand excitedly. Of course now isn't the time for a baby but I'd still be happy.

"Alyssa White and Harry Styles?" a nurse called holding a clip board in her arms. We followed behind her and passed a few rooms until we got to ours. The room was again filled with Disney characters on the walls. "Your doctor will be with you shortly," the nurse smiled and left us alone quietly.

Alyssa was sat on the patience chair and I on a chair in the corner, slouched, crossing my arms. I need this to be over.

"Harry? Could you act a little nicer. You were scaring the kids in the waiting room," I rolled my eyes and huffed.

"Why do you keep rubbing your stomach like that? Are you trying to piss me off?" she abruptly moved her hand away and set it on her thigh. It's so hard to watch her do that knowing she'll be taking some pill to get rid of it today.

There was a knock on the door and a tall woman came in with a different clipboard. Her hair was just as long as Alyssa's but black and her voice was unique, Jamaican maybe?

"Hello, how are you two today? And this must be the father! It's very nice to meet you Harry," her smile quickly faded as she realized my fatherhood is nonexistent. Regardless, she extended her arm for me to shake and I tried to smile, I don't think she was expecting me to be here. "I'm Doctor Sandra and I'll be working with you guys."

She washed her hands thoroughly and continued talking to us, relaxing Alyssa. She's so tense and I can see this really is hard for her. Through all my anger I'm starting to see the pain she's feeling.

"Has Alyssa filled you in on what's happening?"

"I'd like to hear it all from you," my words were sharp and my anger seemed to head back my way.

"Well after the accident we found Alyssa was pregnant. You conceived on October seventeenth and the baby would have been healthy at the time. With the smoking and drinking your baby probably still would have been okay because we caught it so early but the accident was crucial."

I sat up in my chair and tried my best to listen to each word she said. Alyssa was right, there is no good outcome. The moment Alyssa crashed the baby was cut short of oxygen.

"Now I'm guessing you don't agree with the pills?" I shook no, "I told Alyssa this but I'm guessing she didn't tell you," I could feel the skin between my eyebrows scrunch together and I looked at Alyssa who was holding her breath, trying not to cry. Her legs were crossed under the chair and her hands were laced, squeezing against her fingers.

"Can I get you to lay down Alyssa?" every time Doctor Sandra stopped explaining things to me I became more worried. Alyssa was here by herself and she was told all of these things. She didn't have anyone.

Her shirt was pulled up and gel was placed over her belly. I found myself standing and rushing to her side to hold her hand. I know this doesn't hurt but the X-ray is showing what could be a dead baby. She shouldn't have to see this alone.

"So, Harry," she pointed to the screen as I massaged small circles on top of Alyssa's thumb, "do you see this?" I nodded, "this is the baby."

That sure as hell does not look like a baby. It looks like a deformed circle, kind of like the blob Alyssa painted on her wall.

"Do you see where the formation is? It's proximity to her cervix is not healthy. Most babies form a layer between themselves and the mothers organs. There is something called amniotic fluid which keeps the baby and Alyssa safe, almost like a womb in the beginning stages."

I looked at Alyssa but her eye contact left me a long time ago, "I have no idea what any of that means, I'm sorry."

"Alyssa doesn't have to take this pill if she doesn't want to. However, if she doesn't take it the baby will grow slightly but it probably won't develop enough to be delivered."

"But it's possible?" why are they so against keeping it? It has a chance!

"Yes, however," I hate that she keeps fucking stopping and looking at Alyssa. Almost like they're hiding something from me, "this womb won't get any bigger and the baby will get closer and closer to Alyssa's cervix. If the baby stays not only does the baby have a high chance of death, Alyssa has the same possibility."

My heart began to race faster than it did last night when I was screaming at her. I'm such a bastard. Why wouldn't she tell me this? Why would she just keep it to herself?

"Why didn't you tell me that Alyssa? Why?"

"I-I didn't want you to think I was being selfish. And I'm not, I'm doing it for the baby. I just-I want to go on my own terms," her small tears turned into a sob. I'm an ass, a fucking ass.

The doctor handed me a wipe for Alyssa's stomach and gave us a minute. All I could do is apologize. I set her up slowly and pulled her under my arm, kissing her on top of her head.

"I would never think you're selfish for wanting to survive Alyssa, that's crazy baby," my thumb brushed tears from under her eyelids. She flinched for the area is so sensitive now that she's been crying for the past three weeks.

"I was going to tell you but you started saying I was selfish and yelling at me. I knew if I told you I might die you would think I was being even more selfish."

"God, no, I'm such a dick. I'm so sorry, I should've listened to you, I'm so sorry," I didn't know what to do so I apologized. I apologized over and over while holding her in my arms. Her tears were soaking through my shirt and my tears were dropping onto her scalp, "I love you so much Alyssa, I'm so sorry. I could never think you were being selfish for wanting to live."

After we took a few moments to clean ourselves up and stop crying Sandra came back with an envelope and a brown bag. My arm stayed wrapped around Alyssa the whole time; I can't believe how I acted.

"Okay, I have a few things for you. Here is the last pill that I want you to take now, if that's what you've decided on," I nodded quickly and gave it to Alyssa. As much as I want this baby they're both right, it won't survive. And Alyssa, I need her. "I have a prescription for you in this bag. You're probably going to be nauseous for the next few days. It'll feel like the flu but a little bit worse," she handed the bag to me and held the envelope tight to her chest.

"I don't know if you want this but these are the two sonograms we have. Some parents like to keep them even though their child was a stillborn."

I took the envelope from her as well and grinned, "thank you."

My head was spinning with more questions and I'm sure she'll hate me but I need to know.

"Is Alyssa going to be okay?"

"Yes, we'll make one more appointment for next week to make sure everything went okay but you should be healthy. Do stay away from the alcohol and drug use though, that is never a good idea."

I smiled and pulled Alyssa in for one more kiss on the cheek before Sandra left the room and we were free to go.

"Do you think it would've been a girl or a boy?" Alyssa was looking at the sonograms as I drove us back home. She still looks awful and I know once I'm alone I'll probably cry more. She's already let me know if I apologize one more time she'll punch me in the soft spot so I stopped, happy that her sense of humor seems to be coming back.

"Boy," she said after a few minutes, "I think it would've been a boy."

"Tucker," she looked at me confused as I smiled, "I think we should name him Tucker."

"He's dead Harry."

"He wasn't for over two months. What about Christopher?" Alyssa finally smiled and traced her fingers over the deformed circle I'd like to call my baby.

"A boy in my first grade class was named Christopher. He spit on me and made me sick for two weeks," I formed an 'o' and she laughed, "what about Rhylie?"

Rhylie, I like that, "Rhylie Owen?"

"Rhylie Owen Styles-White," Alyssa said in a mater-of-fact way.

"I like that," when we hit a red light I leaned over and pecked her nose, "I'm such a dick Alyssa, I promise I'll never make you feel like that ever again."

"I'm just glad your back and we're okay. We're okay, right?"

"Of course we are."

After pulling into the driveway Alyssa headed to her room with the prescription and I sat on the couch with Jack to watch ESPN. A few minutes later Lily sat down with Jack and his arm wrapped around her. I want that with Alyssa, I want to do that out in the open so badly.

Alyssa's Point of View

I'm going to do it, I'm going to tell my parents about Harry and I. Well, we're going to tell them; I'm not going behind his back anymore. Now that he's no longer upset with me I fell safe, like I have someone going through this with me. It would've killed me if he called me selfish one more time. And now we have Rhylie, I bet he'd be so beautiful.

The new pills I have to take make me feel sick just thinking about them. For the next week I'm in for lots of throw up, fevers, and a long term stomach ache. I suppose I can deal with the affects, it just sucks knowing the reason for this pain is because my baby is slowly dying inside of me.

Marilyn is the only one who knows, the only one I trust with this information. I've never been so happy for her to be thousands of miles away because I probably would be crying even more if she were here. Our Skype call lasted longer than usual as I had to show her my sonograms and let her know that she would've been his godmother.

"On a lighter note, I have a boyfriend," I laughed at the screen Marilyn was whispering through. I don't know why but it seems ever since I found out about this baby my hand has found it's way to rub my stomach every chance it gets. Almost like it's a magnet.

"And who is this boyfriend? Is he hot?"

"Fucking sexy!" Marilyn exploded. I laughed louder and fell back onto my pillows before slowly pulling myself back up. I'm so tired of this stupid cast and I cant wait for January twenty-seventh when I get it off.

"What's his name?"

"Edward, and he's so adorable! He's like a part time model or something like that," Marilyn continued and gave me the juicy details of their sex life. She even gave me the drama going around her high school even though I don't know any of them. They sound almost ten times worse then Amber and her posy if that's possible; good thing I'm stuck in this little town.

Once our conversation was over I found my way to the balcony and wrapped a blanket around my body to keep warm. It isn't as cold today but the winter air still likes to nip at my skin. The stars were beautiful, dancing around the moon and shining brighter than ever.

"Hey," Harry's voice filled my ears.

"What are you doing out here," I asked as he picked me up and sat in my chair, cradling me.

"I missed you. ESPN isn't nearly as beautiful," I giggled, nuzzling my head into the crook of his neck.

"What time is it?"

"Nine-ish. Niall wants us to hang out but I told him not tonight, maybe tomorrow," which means no.

"Harry, go! you haven't seen them since the beginning of December. That's like a month," I sighed against his skin knowing he won't budge.

"Like I said, maybe tomorrow."

I decided against arguing and just enjoying being in his arms. We sat in silence, listening to the trees wrestle each other and the crickets from the pond not too far away sing in the night. The air smelt of smoke from a bonfire, my favorite smell, and Harry smelt even better; a manly fruity scent. And yes, I do believe it's possible to be manly and fruity at the same time.

"Alyssa?"

"Hmm," I felt my eyes becoming heavy and his voice just soothed my mind even more.

"Can I feel? I know he's slowly leaving but can I?" I smiled and sat up, opening the blanket for Harry to feel his small body unfortunately sinking. I feel at peace knowing this is not painful for Rhylie at all but it does suck knowing our creation is gone.

"I'm sure he's beautiful," I ran my fingers through Harry's hair as he kept his ear close to my belly. I don't know what he was listening for but when he came back to my gaze he was smiling and a tear was struggling down his cheek.

"He's definitely a momma's boy," I laughed, throwing my head back before Harry picked me up and brought us back into my room. He set me on my bed and grabbed one of my books, My Sister's Keeper, and laid his head on my chest so he could rest his hand on my stomach.

"Read to me?" he whispered, taking in as much time he has with Rhylie Owen Styles-White as he can.

Notes

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