Lost To You

~ Audrey's POV ~
*Two Weeks Later*

My easel sunk into the sand, I jiggled it. Trying to find a secure place for it to stand. The tops of my paints popped off and I set them in the cups next to all of my brushes. Today, I got out of bed. I looked in the mirror for the first time in weeks. I practiced my fake smile. I showered and dressed. I tried.The warm sand crawled beneath my toes, welcoming my presence as it warmed me. The sun shone out, the waves crashed repeatedly as I hooked up my phone to a speaker so I can fully outcast the rest of the world as I paint. Here. Now.

I exhaled. My lungs thanking me for the fresh air I have given them. I haven't been able to move passed Harry as easily as I thought I could. The ache is still there, and very clear...but despite that, I'm trying to do something for myself. My heart needs a new setting and what better way to do just that here at the beach?

A new song played through the speaker and I smiled lightly. My favorite song. Sunburn by Ed Sheeran. He was my favorite, probably. I hummed along to the song, my brush dragging across the canvas, making lines that connect to make something beautiful. That's what art was. Beauty. And that's was I need. I need something beautiful in my pathetic excuse of a life.

"Audrey?" My brush paused it's movement and I turned my head to be met by a familiar face. A face I still didn't know how to act towards. I just smiled, hid my stuttering pulse.

"Hi, Zayn." He cocked his head to the side, and looked at my work in progress. He studied it, a small smile growing on his face.

"This is really awesome, Audrey. I didn't know you were into this stuff." He was being so casual. So normal, like nothing ever happened. Like he hadn't witnessed me crumble under Harry's grasp.

"Yeah. It was kinda my thing when I was younger...I haven't painted in years." I tell him and he nods, still examining the canvas.

"How are you?" His voice was now low, dangerous as he asked me the one question I didn't know how to answer.

"I-I don't really know. This is the first time I've been out in weeks." I mumble, my nerves getting the better of me. My heart hurts...so so bad. I can't see straight whenever I think of Harry. Because, deep down I know it's my fault. If I hadn't broken up with him in the first place I wouldn't be in this position, I could have avoided this pain altogether.

"I've been meaning to talk to you about Harry." Needles pricked my cold skin as he said his name. I cringed and he placed a hand on my back. "I'm sorry none of us stopped his words sooner. We were all frozen, we were scared. We didn't know what was going to come out of that conversation. I'm so sorry we let Harry say those things to you. So sorry." Water slid down my cheeks and I was quick to wipe them away. Crying was not on my list of things to do today. But, Harry's words have stuck with me...and they will forever. I couldn't have stopped it and neither could they. He said them and now it's over.

"Don't blame yourself please. It's over now...we can't go back and change the things he said. They left his mouth and he can never get them back. I said things, and I can't take those back either..." I sighed, more tears fell and I buried my head in my hands, wishing I could be back at my hotel room and curled in the sheets.

"Hey..." His voice was softer, pleading as I tried to shut out yet another person willing to help me. "Don't cry. I didn't meant to upset you." He placed both hands on either of my shoulders and Zayn hesitantly brought me in for a hug. I found comfort in it. This is the most human contact I have had in about a month. His hand rubbed circles on my back and I choked back a sob that was threatening to break through.

"I'm tired, Zayn." I told him and he tightened his hold on me. He ache remained as I cried to Harry's best friend.

"Tired of what?" His voice was cracked as he asked me, clearly afraid of my answer.

"The pain...I want it to leave." I told him and he nodded against my shoulder.

"I know...." He trailed off and I detached myself from him. I sucked a breath of air and turned my music off.

"Audrey, I'm sorry."

"Don't be...nothing is your fault. I'm sorry I'm crying all over you." I attempted a laugh but it failed miserably. I wiped the remainder of tears from under my eyes and exhaled.

"It's good that you're telling people how you feel. You used to be so bottled up and a few weeks ago was when you exploded. You need to express, Audrey....or else you'll never get passed this." I wanted to scream at him for accusing me of holding in my emotions but he was right. I knew that I don't talk to people as much as I should and he is the only one willing to call me out on it.

"I want to say you're wrong...but I know you're right." He smiled and a I picked up my brush once again.
"Audrey!" A woman voice squealed and I turned around to be met by Perrie, Eleanor, and Louis.

Okay...maybe coming outside today wasn't a good idea. Maybe it never will be. Perrie came running up to me, full speed as she captured me in her arms. I barely know this chick but I guess we're besties now.
"How are you?! I really miss you, Audrey. I know we don't exactly know each other that well but I still care about you an-" Zayn cut off his girlfriend and I had wide eyes, I guess I'm just shocked at her forwardness.

"Babe, giver her some space...you don't want to scare her off." He chuckled lightly and she huffed, brushing her hair out of her face.

"It's nice to see you too." I forced a warm smile, and set my paint brush down once again.

"Did you do this?" Eleanor asked me, pointing to the painting.

"No, babe, she just has a canvas and paints out because she likes it." Louis teased and Eleanor his hit chest playfully.

"It's really good." She complimented and I shook my head.

"I disagree, but thank you." I Turned and began to clean up my paints and place them in my bag when I felt another presence join us. I picked up my phone and checked any messages from Deborah, but none were alerted. I sighed and turned back to the group. I nearly vomited at the person in front of me, his bloodshot eyes met my own, and I instantly looked away.

"Uhh...uhm..." The longest time passed before he dropped his gaze from my face, his attention now trained on the ground. I felt my healing wounds reopen and I closed my eyes as if he wasn't right there.

~ Harry's POV ~

God, how much did I love the broken woman who's stood in front of me? For one second, she'd given in and had met my gaze with a shakiness that wouldn't seem to let her to. Wide, intense eyes stared at me from across the short distance between us, it was the shortest amount of time, we'd been frozen, as if the lives we were supposed to be living played in fast forward between us. Or maybe it was on rewind.
Just as soon as she opened her eyes to me, they'd slammed closed, shut it off, blocked me out. She flinched back, as if looking at me caused her physical pain. Who knew one expression could cut me even deeper?

Still, being the dumb ass I am, I'd pressed on, pushed her. "It's been a while, huh?"

"That's the point of no contact." Her voice was laced in agony. Apparently even that was pushing it too far for her. I should have left the moment she was here with my friends. The words had lacked all of the venom that filled the last real interaction we'd had, even if the result of them had still been brutal. Every spoken word since I left her hotel room had been uttered with zero emotion. My heart felt like the life was being squeezed out of it.

"Right." She'd shakes her head, whispered, "I'm sorry." Tears clogged the words, and she stumbled over thoughts in her mind. I wanted so badly to know what she's thinking...to know she still loved me. Even if she said otherwise I wouldn't believe her.

I'd stood in the sand looking at her for what felt like hours, having no idea what direction to turn. Did I force her, risk the possibility of things escalating, blowing up the way they had the day I left? She still belonged to me. Even if she couldn't see it. I exhaled, heavy and hard, stepped back then forward again.
"Look, what I said to you...I didn't me-" she cut me off with a wave if her hand, indicating my silence.
"It's fine, they were probably true anyway." She turned to the canvas, looked at it then took it off the easel and set it in the sand before folding the easel closed.

"Does, uhm...anyone want this? I'm just going to throw it away so..." I looked at the painting. It was beautiful, she put her time and effort I to this piece of art and she throwing it away?

"Why would you want to throw that away?" I whispered and she picked up the canvas to look over her work.

"Because I sure as hell don't want it." I took the white canvas from her hands and examined it myself. It was almost a real picture of a woman covered up with the bright colors to hide the small bit of black paint that was seeping in on the corners of her face. It was beautiful. A statement. Amazing.

"It's amazing." Louis said my thoughts and I nodded in agreement to his observation.

"Yeah, why wouldn't you want to show it off? You clearly have talents." Perrie said and Audrey set her easel in it's case and closed it with a clicking sound.

"How long have you been here?" Zayn asked her and she checked the time on her phone.

"Apparently four hours." She said and I smiled down at the canvas. "Well, I'm gonna go." She mumbled before walking away from us on the beach. The intense longing exploded at my ribs, something that spoke of the regrets that would forever haunt my life, and the hopes that still flamed, slowly burning out. Audrey was every single one of them.

"I haven't seen you smile in weeks. She has a real affect on you, man." Louis said and I nodded.

"I just wish stuff wasn't so shitty between us."

~ Audrey's POV ~

I exhaled. Shutting the hotel suite door behind me, while setting my bag to the side. I saw him. He was right there. Putting life in me just by looking into my broken eyes. He had smiled at me. Complimented me. Apologized to me. I leaned against the door, throwing my head against the wood as tears slipped from my eyes into my shirt.

"Audrey?" Joseph's voice was soft as he approached me. I wiped my tears and sniffled.

"Hey...where's Deborah?" I asked him and he frowned at my appearance.

"She-umm she's at the store." He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around me, comforting me in an odd way, it was an awkward embrace. Not something I would usually feel hugging my best friend.

"Are you alright? What's wrong?" He asked, and I sighed into his chest.

"Harry was at the beach." I told him. I pull away and he widens his eyes.

"Oh...are you okay?" His eyes narrowed at the mention of Harry. What's his problem?

"Surprisingly...yeah. But, I want to see him again," Harry's like my drug. I can't stay away the moment I see him. It's frustrating.

"Really?" He rose his eyebrows in shock. I nodded simply. My eyes looked to the ground as I fiddled with my fingers. Joseph's hands cupped my cheeks and forced me to look at him. "You need to get over him." He said and I shook my head.

"I can't. I won't. I love him." He rolled his eyes before his lips caught with mine, I choked. I don't like Joseph more than a friend....I never have and I never EVER will. He released his hold on me and I stepped back from him.

"No." I shook my head and walked into my room. He did not just kiss me. My heart rate was up, beating heavily against my chest as I wiped Joseph's kiss off my lips. I pulled my suitcase from under the bad and started packing my bags. I don't where I'm going, but I can't stay in this fucking hotel room any longer. Too many bad memories in this very room.

"Audrey-I'm sorry! It wasn't like that! It was an accident." He tried to convince me but I shook my head.
"You don't accidentally kiss your girlfriends best friend! I can't stay here. I'm sorry. You-you..." I shook my head and continued shoving all of my things in my bags and suitcases. This was not happening.

"Audrey! Stop packing! Where will you go?!" He exclaimed and I ignored his presence completely.

"Audrey?" Deborah's voice sounded through the room and I looked up to my best friend.

"I'm leaving this hotel room. You guys need your space...I'm going to get an apartment, actually." I lied to her and she dropped her mouth open.

"Okay..? Don't go too far okay? I still want to see you everyday." She told me and I smiled.

"Of course."

Notes

OOH MYDHDBFJS,A,HFGS,DIJFBVJWDM no no no no
DID YOU JUST FUCKINGMJHJACEVKEYFVLI
HE KISSED HER. HOLY MOYTHER OF HARRY AHHHH

oh, hey darrrr. ❤️ Did you likeeee my chaptereee??

IF YOU DId...

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