Lost To You

~ Audrey's POV ~

Everyone stood and watched as I cried in my best friends arms. It has felt like hours, being here on the floor drowning myself in my own sorrow and tears. I almost dozed off when I felt it. Anxiety ratcheted through me the second I felt him emerge from behind Liam and walk toward me. Sickness crawled, slithered along the wounds that dripped from the surface of my skin. I could sense him, his intent stare as it swept over me. What used to feel like a caress now felt like an intrusion. I pressed my eyes tighter, pretending his presence didn't shake me, praying he would just leave. I couldn't handle him. Couldn't handle his scrutiny, couldn't handle the way he looked at me as if he understood. I couldn't stomach the anger.

I stilled myself, trying to hold in the sob that rattled in my throat. If I just held fast long enough, he would go away. He would give up. He would leave me. This time, that's what I wanted him to do.

"Audrey..."

I swallowed hard, curled in tighter on my friend, couldn't stand the sound of his voice landing against my ears. In my mind, I begged for him to just go. I can't do this with him. Harry just stood there. I could feel his eyes burning a hole into me. Subdued footsteps began to slowly move across the room, and he came around to the side my face had been pointed. Cold gripped me as he approached. My pulse stuttered as I searched for the breath I could never seem to find.

A too-warm hand pressed to my ice-cold cheek. I tried not to cringe, but I couldn't stop the anxiety from seizing me, from yanking at my heart and sinking like a rock to the pit of my stomach. I gagged when he ran his thumb under my eye, his breath spreading over my red face.

"Hey...look at me." His soft plea ended up with a flinch and a quick jerk of my head away from his touch.

"Please, just leave me alone," I begged, turning my face the other direction.

"I have the past three weeks. I called, and texted, I came by here more than enough times. I can't leave you alone any longer." A fresh charge of anger needled into my senses, pricking as pain in the deepest places of my soul.

"Just leave me alone." The words were hard, hoarse as they scrape up my dry throat. Something well in the air made it harder to breathe than it already was. "You weren't supposed to be here. The one day I make it out, you're here to make a reappearance in my life and you need to go." A roil of too many emotions clattered and boiled my blood. Burst free. I pushed out of Deborah's grip, the effort took just about all I had in me. I lifted and stood to level my eyes with Harry.

"You think I don't understand what your feeling?" He said in sheer disbelief. Incredulous laughter shot from my mouth in a contemptuous scoff.

"You? Know what I'm feeling? How?" I tested, my anger obvious through my devastated state.

"I was on the other end of the break up, Audrey." He said as if I didn't know he was half of the relationship we once shared.

"You think this is about the break up? No, this is so much more than that. Some of it's the fact you lied, some of it's my family, some of it's all of my shit with Zachary and I have no idea how to deal with it. So, no. You don't understand one thing that I am feeling. Not one." The words dripped from my mouth as a sneer, his entire face twisted in contention.

"I lied because..." I watched as he became lost in his excuses. I wanted to take that big step and pound whatever feeble lie he had out of him, to demand to know how one could lie about having a girlfriend while I was trying to apologize him.

"Why? I would love to know." His entire body shook, and he blinked as if he couldn't believe the way I was acting. He took his hand up and I flinched before realizing he was only raising it to tame the mess of curls that sat atop his head.

"No...Audrey don't do that. I would never, and you know that." His voice was now low, dangerous as he spoke to me.

"I don't. And I'm still waiting." I fire back and feel my insides rattle with fury, and emotion. Agony contorted his face.

"Just go," this time I choked, a sob breaking free once again because I couldn't understand what was coming from me, but I couldn't stop it. I was hurt. So hurt. "I don't want you here." He dropped his head and shook it, harsh and severe, as if he were grappling to makes sense of what I had said.

"That's what you want?" He shouted as he flung his hand out in my direction. "You think I don't understand what you're feeling? You think you're the only one who has to go through this? You think you're the only person who's hurting? Then fine, do it alone." I was gasping, crying, because his words flew out at me in a constant assault. I couldn't stop the slaughter, the way they took hold and destroyed the last piece of me. "You, Audrey, are the most selfish person I have ever met."

I felt sick, an ache I couldn't understand gutting me, still the words trembled from my mouth "I'm the most selfish person I've ever met too, so we can agree on one thing." His face changed immediately. Regret lacing his beautiful features as he repeated the words he had said in his mind.

"Look. Didn't mean that Aud-" Zayn cut him off.

"Just stop talking." Zayn's words were harsh at his friend and a sob escaped my chapped lips and I flinched at the familiar sting of tears.

"No. I want to know exactly how he feels about me. Tell me everything you hate about me! So go ahead, say whatever you want, I'm listening." I demanded and my hands clenched at my sides until my knuckles turned white in fury.

"I'm done. I've tried to tell you but you are being a stubborn bitch and I can't take it. This is why I'm with Ashely. She's simple and a good lay...that's exactly what you wanted right? For me to have people I can fuck? Well guess what? You got just that, Audrey." He looked at me, his throat bobbed heavily as he swallowed. I buried myself deeper in my despair as I unclenched my soar hands.

"How many times do I have to tell you? I ended things for you. I didn't end things because I won't have sex with you! That doesn't even make sense, Harry." I desperately sucked at the stifled air, it hurt as it expanded in my lungs.

"Whatever. I'm just done. I'm done with you, I'm done with Zachary, I'm done with that bastard child of yours-" he stops himself from finishing his sentence as he caught his words.

"That's it. You. Get the hell out right now. You crossed a fucking line, and I won't allow it. Leave." Deborah demands and I freeze. Bastard child? Really? Does he not understand how hard I'm trying to give this baby life, regardless of Zachary's absence?

"God! I didn't mean that! I love that baby, I'm sorry." He tugged the roots of his hair vigorously and I removed my hand from over my mouth to answer him.

"O-okay." I whispered and his head snapped up to look at me as if he didn't believe my words.

"What?"

"I said; okay." I clarified and he furrowed his eyebrows together in confusion as I gathered my thoughts. It's not okay, but I can't bring myself to say anything.

"That's it? You don't have anything else to say to me?" I immediately let my gaze fall to the floor and I took in a sharp breath.

"No. You're done and so am I." The second those words toppled from my mouth his demeanor changed completely. Realization hit him and he widened his eyes at me. Like, he didn't mean anything he said and he still wants me. As if.

"Fine." His response surprised me. He's agreeing to closure? He's agreeing to letting each other go completely?

"This," I gestured between the two of us, "is over. No more calls, no more texts, no more parties, you can't come here while I'm here. No contact what so ever. You stay away from me and I will stay away from you." He blanched at the words, as if I had slapped him across the face.

"Is that what you want?"

No.

"Yes." Confused tears fell when the response left my mouth. What am I doing? I'm pushing away the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. Lifting my face to the ceiling, where the single bulb glared I gasped viciously as tears continued there journey to my sweater. And for the first time in weeks, I wanted something other than to hide and sleep away the pain. I wanted to breath.

"No contact ever again, forget completely?" I cringed. No. I don't want him to leave me. I don't want him to forget. But I need him to leave, and I need him to forget. I'll never forgive myself for doing this, ruining the love of my life because the way my words form in my sentences.

"Audrey, you don't have to answer him." My best friend assured. She was testing, preventing, protecting.
"No contact. Forget completely." I forced out the agreement and I felt my knees wobble, threatening to give out beneath me as they did before.

"And what if I refuse?" He challenged, his eyebrows furrowed and a slight smirk trying not to showcase itself as snarky.

"I hate you." The words were venom in my mouth as they poured out unexpectedly. How did something so great turn into something so awful? How could I be so cruel to him? After all, he did nothing. I am a bitch. A selfish bitch and he knows it. Everyone knows it.

"Yeah, that's pretty obvious." His statement slammed into me and I whimpered at the harshness of his clippy tone. This was not happening. It's not real. "You wanna know something, Audrey?" I closed my eyes, and swallowed three times before returning my gaze to his. "You are infuriating. Maybe that's why your dad hit you. Maybe he just was so done with your shit he got angry and hit you. Ever thought about that? Have you ever thought that maybe it was your fault, not his?" I choked as he threw his words at me as if they meant nothing. "Maybe Zachary raped you and left you for a reason. Maybe he was just as I done as I am right now." I fell to the ground, my emotions getting the better of my as I cradled my head in both hands, I cried to nothing. No one was going to defend me this time, and I was okay with that. I deserved every single one of his words and they knew that.

"Yeah, cry. Scream, throw a fit for all I care! I don't understand how I could have ever loved you-" Harry was soon cut off. I'm thankful that his harsh words have stopped.

"She's heard enough, Harry! Look at her!" Liam yelled in my defense and I opened my mouth to scream but nothing came out. I was silent. Muted by his honest insults.

"Don't worry. I was just leaving." He snapped and I lifted my head to look at Harry. This man was my world...and it was slowly crashing down around me. Encasing me in it's broken pieces and I can't find the courage to leave my confines. "Any last words for me?" He sarcastically asked and it felt as if he kicked me in the stomach.

I shook my head, declining his harsh offer. My tongue tied as I gasped and sobbed into my knees. "Don't be a coward! Say it! Say something!" He screamed at me, penetrating my ears further. I gagged as I felt his presence right beside me, suffocating, watching.

"I don't hate you." It was a whisper but he heard it clear as day. Footsteps stomped to the door and he slammed it closed, leaving me a sobbing mess on the ground. Broken. Hurt. Hated.

"Audrey-" Niall started but I stopped him with my hand.

"Go. All of you...just go."

Notes

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HARRREEHHHHHH! Well, that suxxx.

Another chapter like the last one....you like it?

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