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Lost To You

Chapter 31

~ Audrey's POV ~
*Day Of The Funeral*

I look at my appearance in my closet mirror that I have used ever since I was 7 years old. This mirror was my worst nightmare. It was reflecting all of the memories I have ever experienced in this room. The good. The bad. I have grown to hate this space. It only brings back harsh images of my hell-like childhood. When I arrived at the house, two days ago, my Dad was not even here. He left a note telling me that he was staying with Aunt Lydia to prepare for the funeral that is taking place 20 minutes from now in my back yard. The two days I have been here, I haven't once engaged in conversation with my father. He gave me one glance, and then never made eye contact with me again this morning when I went down to eat some cereal. But it didn't matter because I ended up washing it down the drain. Food hasn't been my number one priority the past couple days. I haven't even had the heart for grieving about my mother's passing. No tears have been cried, and I always find myself thinking about Harry.

Harry.

Ugh.

"Are you ready, Audge Podge?" I turn my head and smile softly at my Uncle Ron.

"Yeah. Do I look presentable?" I question and he walks into my room to look at my outfit.

"You look beautiful, sweet pea." He said and enveloped me in his arms. My Uncle Ron is my closest family member. I tell him anything and everything because I know I can really trust him. In fact, he was one of the first people I confessed my pregnancy to. All he did was smile brightly and suggest names. Kali, or Max. He also threatened to beat up Zachary, but I thought that was unnecessary.

"Is Zachary out there?" I asked while we both made our way to the backyard.

"Yeah...just ignore him, and toss punch on his face if you please." He chuckles and I can't fight the goofy smile from growing on my face.

After minutes of waiting for everyone to arrive we finally start the ceremony. I sat between my Grandma Carol, and Uncle Ron as we watch my mothers close friends and family go up to speak. Cries, and sniffles were heard all around but I stay frozen, and unaffected. How fucked up is this? Once my dad went up to the podium I perched up in my seat and avert my ears to listen closely to his words.

"Well...I always knew this day would come, I just never realized it would arrive so soon." He gulps nervously, "My wife was a special woman...she-she cared for people so much. Too much. Most of you know this but she really was an extraordinary person-" that's when I zoned out. If all he's going to say are lies, then I'd rather not hear it. Yeah, my mother was a nice woman....but she was so controlling and she was kind of a bitch to be honest. She always had to look her best, even at night time. Her pajamas we're starched and ironed every weekend. Ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous.

"But...while I lost a wife, Audrey lost a mother. I can't imagine how she's dealing with all of this. Audrey, would you like to speak?" My breath catches in my throat and my grandmother nudges me with her elbow. I want to run out of there and never look back. Catch a plane back to Hawaii and apologize to Harry...tell him I love him and there is not a thing in the world to change that...But no. Instead I am pushed up to the front of everyone by my Aunt Lydia, who's nails were too long, and dress was too tiny.

My heavy feet struggled to move across the grass and up to the podium. I grip the edge of the dark wood until my knuckles are white. I scan the teary-eyed faces and sigh before bringing my lips closer to the small microphone.

"Obviously, I had not planned on talking..." The words tumbled from my mouth nicer than I anticipated. "I'm not used to public speaking...in fact the thought terrifies me." I swallow the lump forming in my dry throat and continue the unprepared words, "Uhh...where do I start? I g-guess I'll start with what my dad said...my mother was always a caring woman. She never went a day without making sure me and Dad were staying on track, and focused. She could be a real hard ass, but she made it work because it was her way of showing us she cared." A few people let out laughs at my honesty, "Me-me and my mom didn't exactly leave things off on the best note...the last time I saw her was about a month ago. We got into an argument and then I never heard from her again. Her and I were always so stubborn with one another. That's a quality we shared. We would bicker, and fight...but in the end we would always make up. Not this time. No, this time neither of us gave in and apologized. The one time we don't work it out she leaves us...I know things would be different if we weren't complete opposites. But, they're not and now they never will be. I hate that things will be left unsolved between us, but I also know that she is in a better place...she deserves to be in peace and serenity after everything's she's lived through." I took in a sharp breath then stepped down from the podium.

///

I stood in front of my mothers grave. The buried her next to my Grandpa Daniel in the middle of the graveyard. By now grey clouds have covered the late afternoon skies. Just like the movies...after the funeral it begins to pour rain. Everyone has left and I have been standing here staring at my mothers grave just waiting for her death to sink in and hit me like a truck.

Diane Margaret Manville
November 16, 1973 - June 24th, 2013

June 24th....my birthday. That day will forever be known as the day my mothers life ended. It's also the day my mother gave birth to me 20 years ago. The day my life was brought into the world. My mother was only 40 years old when she died...that's young. Too young. She must have been young when she had me. Wait. No. Yes. She was my age? She gave birth to me in 1993 which means she was 20 years old...

Hell no.

I turned on my heel and quickly entered the car my family owns. Richard has been our family chauffeur for as long as I can remember. He is the nicest guy and sometimes after he picked me up from school he took me to ice cream.

"Audrey it's great to see you again." He greets and I smile at him.

"You too. Can you take me home? I need to have a word with my father." I huff and Richard chuckles while putting the car in drive and pulling down the street.

"How are you dealing with all of this?" He questions as the short drive nears it's end.

"I don't feel anything...I haven't even cried about it. I'm numb." I respond and he sends me a sympathetic smile.

"How's that baby boy of yours?" He changes the subject.

"Great! Only four more months left in the pregnancy....I'm literally getting bigger every day." I tell him and the car comes to a haunt in front of my dad's house.

"Thank you Richard. I'll see you soon, yeah?" I lean over and peck his cheek.

"I'll drive you wherever you need to go." He responds and I exit the vehicle. As he drives away I storm inside and slam multiple doors until I'm in the kitchen facing my dad.

"Audrey." He acknowledges and I glare at him icily.

"How old was mom when she got pregnant with me?" I ask harshly. He widens his eyes but stays silent. "God dammit, answer me!" I yell and he sighs.

"I got her pregnant at 19, she had you at 20." He confesses and I nearly lose it.

"So you are telling me to get rid of my child when you got mom pregnant at the same age as me?! How fucked up is that?!" I practically scream.

"Audrey, you got knocked up by someone who you aren't even with anymore. Your mother and I got married." He snaps.

"So?! Every child conceived deserves as much life as the next." I clench my fists and he rolls his eyes.
"You were careless, Audrey. You ruined your future by letting this happen to yourself!" He argues.

"I didn't have a choice!" I screamed and he rolled his eyes again.

"Everyone has a choice!" My father points at me accusingly.

"I didn't know rape was a choice!" I angrily blurt and my hand was quick to come and cover my mouth.

"Zachary wouldn't do that!" He says in disbelief.

"You don't know him as well as you think! You know what? I don't even care if you believe me or not because like you said; I'm not your daughter." Anger bubbles over his features and before I can comprehend my previous words his fist connects with my eye and pain scorches through my body. I look up at him and he his shocked at his own actions.

"A-Audrey I'm-" before he can finish I run up the stairs and into my room, making sure to lock it behind me. My knees buckle and tears fall freely down my cheeks, creating a more intense pain in my left eye.

Oh my god. I reach for my phone and press speed dial #2, in hopes of Deborah picking up.

~ Deborah's POV ~

I sit with Louis, Niall, Zayn, Liam, Harry, and Joseph at their condo as we all eat pizza and have Dumb and Dumber playing as we all talk.

"No way! Vodka and beer? That's nasty ." Niall scrunched his face up in disgust at Louis' story. Everyone was cut off by my phone ringing and I smiled widely at the ID.

"It's Audrey!" I exclaim and answer the call, making sure to put it on speaker phone.

"Hey!" I greet and hear her sobs on the other line.
"D-Deborah..." She chokes out and everyone tenses.
"What's wrong?" I whisper.
"He-oh my god." She let's out another sob and my stomach churns.
"Who? Zachary?" I ask.
"N-no...my dad." She stutters and my eyes scan the room nervously.
"What did he do?" I say.
"We got into an argument and I spilled about Zachary...he thought I was lying and then-" Joseph cut her off.
"Did he hit you?" He snaps.
"Joseph? I th-thought it was only Deborah." She says nervously and I tell the rest of them to say quiet.
"Answer me. Did he hit you?" Joseph repeated and she stayed quiet for a moment.
"Y-yes. I need to leave this house...like, now." She takes in a shaky breath and Harry stands from the couch.
"Audrey, get on a fucking plane right now." I order and she lets out a whimper.
"Is it bad that my eye is swelling?" She questions, and I can hear the worry in her shaky voice.
"How hard did he hit you?" Joseph asks.
"I don't know...I'm still recovering from the last time he did. This time he didn't slap me though." Harry took in a sharp breath after her words and he tugs at his hair in anger.
"Audrey, get on the next plane right away. I'm not fucking with you." Harry says and she goes silent on the other line.
"Oh my god." She whispers and I sigh angrily at Harry. A new round of sobs come from her mouth and my heart hurts for her.
"Aud-" she cuts me off.
"Who else is there?" She asks and I sigh.
"Harry, Louis, Liam, Niall, and Zayn." I respond.
"The whole time?"
"Yes...."
"Shit." She says before ending the call.