I lay in bed, my eyes staring at the ceiling. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t talk. I had been in bed for a good four days now not that I was keeping track of time because the days rolled into each other as though they were one. I was used to my phone buzzing, but now lost count of the amount of missed calls and messages I got. Even the door bell rang countless times, but mum was away on a business trip and there was no way I was answering it. I hadn’t gone to school, and as long as my mum was away, it would stay that way. After the first day, the pain and anger and sadness left my body, and now I felt nothing, just like when I had seen Harry leave the pub that night. It was almost worse because not feeling anything was like I wasn’t even living. I was breathing, but barely. I could finally relate to what I had seen on tumblr so many times in the past. “I’m drowning, and you’re standing three feet away screaming ‘learn how to swim’”. Oh how accurate it was.

I hadn’t even realised I was asleep until a sound at my window woke me. I looked over to see my window being wedged open. See, usually I would get a sharp object and try and fight off whoever was intruding but I seriously couldn’t care less if I died. I just lay there watching the figure climb into my bedroom. It wasn’t until I saw who it was, that it bothered me.

“Get out” I cried to Harry as my voice cracked in pain.

“No.” He replied “You haven’t been answering any of my texts or calls. You got me worried. Look, Luce, Niall told me..”

I cut him off “You fucked my best friend, and you fucked me over, do you think I could ever forgive you for that? Get the fuck out of my room Harry!” I screamed. The curse words no longer felt wrong. They were necessary.

“Let me explain!” he retorted.

“If you don’t leave in the next 10 seconds, I’m calling the cops” I cried, my voice burning as I forced the words from my throat. The hot tears made their way down my cheeks. “You broke my heart Harry.” I lost it.

“I’m sorry. I have never been so sorry in my entire life. I have never regretted anything more. Can you just listen to me, and hear it from my point of view?!” His voice was desperate. “I saw that Jack guy all over you, and it made me sick. I thought it was just him being forceful, but then you wrapped your arms around his hips and suddenly everything became uncertain and I couldn’t handle it. It hurt so much. I guess I was just overtaken by jealousy and rage. I needed to drink. You know, to forget it all. I rang Niall, and he said he would meet me at the pub later. When I was there, Tabby was sitting at the bar alone. She comforted me, and we both drank a lot. I guess I was just looking for a cheap fuck. You know, to get rid of the pain and to forget about you. I knew that what I was doing was wrong but it wasn’t until I heard you, that I really felt the guilt. Your voice sobered me up instantly, and I pushed Tabby off instantly. You cleared my head, and I realised what I was doing. I tried to follow you but Niall pushed me away and warned me to stay away. It hurt so badly to have my best mate, force me away from my girlfriend just because I had hurt her so much. Lucy, I love you. I am so utterly in love with you, and I never want to lose you.” He looked at me, to study my reaction.

I just didn’t know what to say or do. This was too much to take in. He hurt me beyond imagination. Not only had he cheated on me, but he had cheated on me with my best friend. In one action I had lost two of the most important people in my life. In a way the whole thing was just a big confusion and a huge mess, but I just couldn’t see him in the same way. No matter what he had thought he saw, it didn’t excuse him for what he did and I knew that. I just couldn’t be intimate in the same way after seeing what I had. His words had made me melt. But I had to remain strong- I couldn’t let me guard down.

“I just need some space Harry. I just need some time to think.” I replied. “Can you please just go.”

Harry looked defeated. He leant towards me and left a lingering kiss on my forehead.
“I love you, my beautiful.”

I closed my eyes. I assumed he left the way he came. The cool night air settled once again in my room and I knew that I was alone. He was gone, and I could finally think straight again without his dominating scent destroying my senses.

Notes

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