What It Takes..
My Story.. *Livvie*
When you need to talk to someone don't you expect to talk to your friends well if you do your lucky..
My life is a lie;
For 7 years I never had any friends I was alone didn't have anyone to care about me and to try and make friends i'd lie about it saying my mum was nice, respectful and took care of me that was a lie;
Sometimes on a daily basis I wasn't fed, got beat and was called horrible names no 5 yr old should hear if I had a problem I used to talk to my pillow because I knew it couldn't speak back and I knew I wouldn't be judged.
I used to think having a family was a blessing growing up..
in 15 years I've learnt i'm worthless, I was a mistake and a failure.. never having anyone there growing up showed me that I was destined to be alone..
at the age of 10 I learnt about Cutting, being only ten you tend to lets say 'experiment' I used to sit in my room protesting if I should thinking;
is this going to hurt
will I regret this
will I be judged
will they understand
and later on that night I did, and I thought it was a great feeling although it hurt, it felt like a release..
later on that year I learnt about 'force puking' which makes you lose weight because I was so uptight about my image seeing beautiful girls at my school, I thought it would be a great idea to try this new 'craze' every night I would sit on the sink and puke my guts up and I continued for months after that and was admitted to hospital for anorexia..
once I returned to school word had gone round about my recent visits to the hospital I ws bullied, bashed I was even admitted to hospital for two broken ribs and a ruptured spleen...
at the age of twelve I was still cutting and I had moved to Melbourne *Australia* and attend FHS and made few friends but every night continuous fighting made me cut deeper and before I knew it I tried to kill myself and was in hospital.. a year later I had moved back to Brisbane *Australia* and was home-schooled for half the year and I had stopped cutting which was an improvement..
and now entering to this Year 2013..
I started at MSSC in mid-February and I was happier and I met all my friends who i'm inseparable with.. after awhile I was getting bad grades which causes fights with my mum and I ended up cutting again and now that I have friends they help me out but in my head I tell myself its easier to begin than to quit and as im writing this I want you guys to know depression is never okay but if you do have friends with this ask them each day
"are you okay?"
and if they reply with..
"im okay"
they want you to look them in the eyes and tell them
"tell me the truth...
sometimes people can change but never their feelings..
My life is a lie;
For 7 years I never had any friends I was alone didn't have anyone to care about me and to try and make friends i'd lie about it saying my mum was nice, respectful and took care of me that was a lie;
Sometimes on a daily basis I wasn't fed, got beat and was called horrible names no 5 yr old should hear if I had a problem I used to talk to my pillow because I knew it couldn't speak back and I knew I wouldn't be judged.
I used to think having a family was a blessing growing up..
in 15 years I've learnt i'm worthless, I was a mistake and a failure.. never having anyone there growing up showed me that I was destined to be alone..
at the age of 10 I learnt about Cutting, being only ten you tend to lets say 'experiment' I used to sit in my room protesting if I should thinking;
is this going to hurt
will I regret this
will I be judged
will they understand
and later on that night I did, and I thought it was a great feeling although it hurt, it felt like a release..
later on that year I learnt about 'force puking' which makes you lose weight because I was so uptight about my image seeing beautiful girls at my school, I thought it would be a great idea to try this new 'craze' every night I would sit on the sink and puke my guts up and I continued for months after that and was admitted to hospital for anorexia..
once I returned to school word had gone round about my recent visits to the hospital I ws bullied, bashed I was even admitted to hospital for two broken ribs and a ruptured spleen...
at the age of twelve I was still cutting and I had moved to Melbourne *Australia* and attend FHS and made few friends but every night continuous fighting made me cut deeper and before I knew it I tried to kill myself and was in hospital.. a year later I had moved back to Brisbane *Australia* and was home-schooled for half the year and I had stopped cutting which was an improvement..
and now entering to this Year 2013..
I started at MSSC in mid-February and I was happier and I met all my friends who i'm inseparable with.. after awhile I was getting bad grades which causes fights with my mum and I ended up cutting again and now that I have friends they help me out but in my head I tell myself its easier to begin than to quit and as im writing this I want you guys to know depression is never okay but if you do have friends with this ask them each day
"are you okay?"
and if they reply with..
"im okay"
they want you to look them in the eyes and tell them
"tell me the truth...
sometimes people can change but never their feelings..
Notes
I know this has nothing to do with 1D but I really needed to vent out and if you want to put up anything than please send me your story and i'll post it because I know how it feels to be trapped and you just want to scream for help and this is why I posted thisfor you guys..
all my love
~Livvie
I'm so glad your not dead (wow that sounds really weird) :) I hope you make a full recovery
12/11/13