Half A Heart

~ Capri's POV ~

*Flashback*

My doctor's voice broke through. "I know you don't want to do this, Capri, but I need you to. Just one more little push and it'll all be over." He coaxed me, his tone sympathetic as he persuaded me into succumbing to something I don't want to do.

"I can't." I wailed once again. My tears soaked Harry's shirt as I wept against his chest. I squeezed his hand so tightly I constricted the blood flow, my fingernails cutting the skin in the back of his hand. I soon felt him tighten his hold on me. I would give anything to stop this. My life, my soul. Anything to keep the life of my children.

"Shh...baby...shh," Harry begged through a choked whisper at my ear, completely helpless to this situation.

"Yes, you can, Capri. I need you to do this for me," Doctor Reynolds prodded. His voice was both soft and firm. I screamed as my body gave in. I cried out into Harry's tear stained shirt. He clutched me by the back of my head, held me even closer, letting my sobs rend and destroy as they sliced through the room.

I have been waiting this day for seven months, but never like this. I would have loved to be in this delivery room with Harry as he held me while I gave birth to our twins, but that's not the case. This time no joy or cheers were shouted at me, encouraging me, as they should. No, this was silent. Sad. The only thing that was heard were my agonized cries that ripped into nothingness. This time I was giving birth to my children who's life had ended. Alice and Jordan were gone. Gone. And I can never get them back. Stifled air bore down from above, smothering, suffocating, a silence so thick it echoed from the cold, sterile floor.

I could make no sense of this in my chaotic mind, because it was senseless. Wrong. Unimaginable. I kept my face hidden in Harry's chest as if he could shield me from the cruelty that played out before my eyes. When the excruciating pain was over, there were no shrill cries that welcomed my children into this world. There was just an unbearable stillness and the most agonizing pain I'd ever experienced in my life.

On a disposable blue pad, my doctor held Harry and I's lifeless children in both his arms. Blood stained them, covered them whole, these little babies that already held my heart. My vision blurred. They were so small. God, so small. So thin. The cord that was supposed to have sustained their life, but had instead snubbed it out, was still connected to both of their bellies, still connected to me. I searched through the haze as they cut through that damn cord and the nurse took them away while Dr. Reynolds continued to work on me to birth the aftermath of our destruction. And I cried. And cried and cried and wouldn't stop. I had no idea how to stop the pain.

*End Of Flashback*

I dried my body, and dressed. Mindlessly I ran a brush through the long length of my hair. I didn't dare look in the mirror. Inhaling, I searched inside myself for some resemblance of normalcy, and I trained my expression as I left the bathroom and started over to the bed where Harry lay still asleep. My hands landed on the soft comforter and I fisted the sheets as I crawled over and placed either of my legs on both sides of Harry.

"Hmmm?" He mumbles and buries his face into the smush of the feather pillow.

"Babe, your flight leaves in two hours." I tell him and his eyes open to meet mine. A smile spread across his face as he looked at my features.

"When did you get up?" He asks and sits up, placing both his hands on the back of my thighs and hoisting me up with him as I straddle his lap and curl into his bare chest.

"Too early. I got up, showered, dressed, and now I'm waking you up." I inform him, my insides buzzing and jerking form the cool touch of my cold hair along with the heated caress of Harry's skin against my own.

"You didn't have to do all of that..." He trails off as he left a kiss to the top of my head. I shrugged. Avoiding the pain that the memory had brought me. That night had to have been the worst of my entire existence. Nothing will ever beat that one single night and how much pain I went through. "Are you alright?" His voice is thick with worry and I slowly met his gaze.

"Yeah." I breath and he wraps his arms tighter around me. "I'm going to miss you though." I confess and he runs a smooth hand through my damp hair.

"I'll miss you too." He tells me and I sigh in defeat as I get off of him and pull him out of bed. His feet drag across the wooden floor of our bedroom and he goes into the bathroom to shower and dress just as I did minutes ago. I trail down the stairs and into the kitchen where I begin to make the two of us coffee.

I felt different these past couple of days. I can't seem to get the feel of his hands off of me, and I have been thinking about the miscarriage a lot. Why? I have no idea what so ever. I don't have that smile that I usually do, or that laugh that a use when Harry says something funny. I'm in shock. So much shock. Harry sees it too, but he refuses to call me out on it. I know him too well.

Minutes later Harry is coming down the stairs with his black duffle bag and a blue beanie covering his wet hair from his shower. He drops the bag to the floor and wraps his arms around me.

"I love you." He says and I kiss the place where his neck meets his jaw.

"I love you." I respond and tears sting my sleep deprived eyes. I don't want him to leave. I don't want to be here in this big house by myself, knowing Grimmy has directions to it. I don't want to be without Harry for more than a day, how can I go weeks at a time? I can't.

"Don't cry...we'll see each other soon. Don't worry." He kissed away the single year that slipped down my cheek and I felt his hands move back to behind my thighs as he lifted me on top of the counter like he usually does.

I tilted my chin up and lifted my mouth to his, the kiss started out slow, soft and tender, flicks of tongue and grazes of teeth, as tender and slow as the movements of his body as he cautiously began to speed the kiss. Pressed together, he kissed me, our mouths filled with longing, and worry. I ran my hands down his back and slipped them into his back pockets. His muscles were rigid and strained as they wound in my wet hair. Tender fingers brushed back the hair clinging to my forehead. Fire singed the fibers of my skin as Harry ran his palms over the exposed skin on my thighs. He momentarily removed his hands from my body to pull mine out of his back pockets. The kiss halted and he nudged my nose with his own. We both were out of breath as he intwines our hands together between our chests. I felt Harry breath me in, felt and impossible connection with this man who stood in front of me. He brought us face to face. His expression was severe, twisted lines of devotion and love.

So beautiful.

He swallowed deeply and shifted. Harry swept a gentle kiss across my lips and I smiled lightly against his mouth.

"I made you coffee." I tell him and he nods, still catching his breath.

"God dammit I'm going to miss you." He mumble and I let my heavy head fall onto his chest.

"I'm going to miss you too. When will I get to see you?" I ask and he wraps his arms around me.

"I'm going to guess about 8 days." He tells me, his voice slightly slower than before.

"What's wrong?" I sense his apprehension and he takes my chin in his thumb and pointer finger to make me meet his gaze.

"How much time do we have until we have to be at the airport?" His eyes told a different story as he looked at me. I nodded as I caught on to what he wanted.

"About an hour. Why do you ask?" I test him and take my bottom lip between my freshly brushed teeth. Mint lingers on my tongue from the toothpaste and Harry's previous kiss.

"Well, since I'm going to be gone for quite a while..." He trailed off and I laughed.

"I'm not having sex with you on the kitchen counter." I tell him and he laughs, throwing his head back and I smile at his reaction.

"No! Well maybe some other time." At first it looked as if he was joking but once I reevaluated his expression he was serious. I gulped.

~ Harry's POV ~

She swept her tongue across her full lips, frowned as if she were searching for something to say. "Come here." She jumped from the counter and pulled me by my arm up the stairs. Shudders wracked through my senses as she guided me into our bedroom and locked the door behind the two of us even though Darcy was with my mother. She came nose to nose, her whispered words were like an embrace as they washed across my face. A growl emanated from somewhere inside me, something that felt free, a possessiveness wringing me tight.

I wrapped my palm around the back of her neck and pulled her to me. My mouth seized her, forceful, needy, demanding. I captured her tongue with mine, stroked and pleaded just as firmly as she undid the buttons on my jeans and I stepped out of them, along with my boxers. A wave of tingles spread my body as she stroked my length.

"God, Capri, do you have any idea what you do to me?" I rhetorically asked her through my aggressive kiss. I flattened myself against her as my back hit the wall of our bedroom. I framed her face in my hands and broke the kiss momentarily, "Do you have any idea how insane you drive me?" I looked down at her, feeling her warmth seeping into me, this girl made me absolutely crazy with myself.

"It's no different than what you do to me." The buzz in my bones awakened, quickened to a roar. Emotion swelled, thickened as it travelled through my chest, evidence of this love that thrived, one that gave me breath.

I moved to trail my nose from high up on her cheek and down. Nudging her jaw, I sought out the soft skin if her neck, kissed her, adored her, traveled up to find the lobe of her ear, I drew it between my teeth and released it. Her hands worked on my hardening erection as my hands roamed, skimming down the small of her back and to her bottom. She writhed. Capri suddenly dropped to her knees.

Fuck.

There was no stopping it, the desire that slammed me, knocked the breath from my lungs as she swirled her tongue around my tip before she took my whole.

"Shit, Capri..." My head hit the wall. I grasped her by the head, my fingers buried in her hair. Pressing my thumbs into her jaw, I made a vain attempt to stop her assault. But it felt too damned good. My hands picked up her rhythm, guiding her as she worked me into a frenzy that I was helpless to stop.

What she couldn't take of me in her mouth she took in her hand. And she was making these little noises that were quickly pushing me to the brink, winding me even further.

"Uhh...." Her speed increased, soon following my pulse as she bobbed relentlessly. "That-that feels incredible." I grunted. Too good. Pleasure coiled. "Fuck." I hissed as I gripped her by the hair. "Look at me." I demanded and her eyes shot open to peer at me from her position on the ground. I was aching, hard, straining, burning. I took in a sharp breath, my body rocking against her mouth as her eyes bore into mine.

She swallowed around me, and that was all it took. I snapped as I was hit with a pleasure. It could only be found in Capri. I throbbed and jerked as I came into her, Capri's actions slowing down as she welcomed my high. Gasping, I searched for breath as she came eye level with me.

My smile bled soft as I looked at her. "That was..." I blinked, realizing there were no words. No words for this amazing woman who was my heart. Instead I brushed the hair out of her face, gently tucked it behind her ear, and cupped her cheek. I ran my thumb along the apple of her cheek. My other hand slightly lifted the end of her black v-neck over her hips. I flattened my palm over her growing belly and she left out a sigh as she closed her eyes, leaning her head into my hand that stayed the side of her face.

"You are so sexy. Watching you grow round with my child. There is nothing in this world more beautiful than you." Her smile was almost sad as she looked at me, with trembling fingers, she reached out and traced my bottom lip.

"I love you, so much." I kissed her lips before crossing the room to pull my pants back over my bare half. She stood frozen, staring at the wall with a blank expression on her face. Cheeks red, knuckles white, eyebrows furrowed, legs stiff.

"Capri?" She turned, her shirt still up over her hips from moments ago. Visibly, she was nervous about something.

"I don't want you to leave me." She choked a sob as tears spilled over her slightly red cheeks from our previous actions. I sighed, knowing how this would effect her.

"I'm just going on tour, Capri. I'm not leaving you. I could never leave you." I said, hoping my words had some sort of reassurance.

"I just...I'll miss you too much, Harry." She fell backwards onto the bed and faced the ceiling, her tears pooling on the white comforter. I shuffled to her, and repeated her actions to hover over my beautiful girlfriend. She looked at me. So intense, and earth-shattering I lost my breath for what felt like the billionth time since I met this girl.

"I'll miss you more, and you know it. I call you every night, we'll face time and I will see you again in 8 days. A week and one day." My hand burned as I held hers above her head, I'd taken her hand to give her reassurance because she was a crying mess under me, as if we were getting ready to enter a place where all of her nightmares were bred.

"Promise?" I squeezed her hand for comfort, a simple gesture to remind her I was there. But turns out I'm the one that's not ready to let go.

"Promise."

Notes

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I WANT AND WHO I WANT TO BE. OH OH NO OH NO OH NO NO!

hai debo❤️

So, this chapter was different...could you tell? It did take me longer, and more thought was out into it but I kind of like all the description and stuff. BUT I write for my viewers, so tell me what you thought of this chapter, and I'll make a unanimous desicion. Yeah? Yeah.

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