I Should've Kissed You
The Journal.
Day 1
Niall.
People say that it takes 21 days to get used to something. I'll prove if that's true or not. I'm writing in this journal to let you know what's happening while you're gone. I slept over at Louis and Harry's last night. All of us miss you so. Liam found the gift you were going to give me. It is the most beautiful necklace I've seen in my entire life. A little silver heart shaped locket with "forever and always" engraved in it. I put your picture inside it.. The boys don't think this is a good idea, talking to you from a journal, but I hope you don't mind. I'll go crazy if I can't somehow talk to you. All I did today was go home and lay on my floor crying and looking through pictures of us. Zayn and Harry came by to check on me. They wanted to grab a bite to eat, but I just didn't feel well enough. You mean the world to me, Niall. You're still my superman.
Talia.
Day 2
Niall.
Liam says he misses you. Paul, too.Today was actually an okay day. This morning I finally got off the floor and cleaned myself up. I know you want me to move on, but it's quite hard to do. Your funeral is tomorrow.. I don't know if I'm ready. I can't help but cry everytime someone says your name. I try not to in public. Your fans are so supportive. One little girl, couldn't have been more than ten, saw me from the street and walked up to my house. "You're Talia?" she asked. I showed a small smile and gave a nod. She looked up at me with big brown eyes and gave me a hug. "You know, Niall and you were so perfect together. Everyone loves you and you're amazing. Please, don't give up." I hugged her as tightly as I could. "I'll try.. Thank you so much for encouraging me." Then, I walked back into my room, put on your purple hoodie, and fell on my bed sobbing. I'm sorry, Niall. I seem so weak. But you were always there to be strong for me.
Talia.
Day 3
Turned on my computer today. I couldn't believe all of the sweet messages on my Twitter. "Niall was so lucky to get to spend time with you" "We love you, Talia" was all I saw. I replied to as many as I could before I broke down. Paul came by to drive me to the funeral. He found me lying in my room and helped me look presentable. We arrived and saw everyone you loved. Niall, you looked so peaceful and happy. For some reason, I keep thinking that I made you unhappy while we were together. Oh well,
Louis tells me that I should stop writing for today. I guess I will. I love you so much, Niall.
Talia.
Day 4
Zayn and the boys made me stay over with them again last night. They wanted to make sure I was "taking care of myself". Harry made me some soup and forced me to eat it. I just couldn't keep it down, though. I excused myself to the bathroom and threw it all up. I stood in front of the bathroom mirror. My long hair looked wild and my eyes were swollen and bloodshot. Niall, how did you ever think I was pretty?
Talia.
Day 5
Today I stayed in my bedroom all day. Just humming your songs, replying to Twitter mentions, or talking to myself. I came across one of your love letters you wrote to me from about a month ago. You told me how lucky you were to have finally found your princess and how much you loved me. As I hugged it, I sat in a ball on my bed, rocking back and forth. Louis came by to check on me in the late afternoon. The boys have a system now that one of them stays over every day to see how I'm doing. Don't get me wrong, they still mourn about you, Niall. They go back and watch old interviews and performances. They love you more than you could imagine.. But imagine this: I loved you a hundred times more than that.
Talia.
Day 6-7
I'm so so sorry Niall. The boys and Paul confiscated this journal yesterday. They think it is unhealthy. So I may not get to write as much as I'd like to. I cleaned up and went to the store with my older brother today. I haven't seen him since I was 16.. He was very comforting though. I guess he does care about me somewhat. A week. A week since you left. Niall, why'd you have to go so soon?
Talia. x
Day 8
I'm laying on the bathroom floor in your hoodie and sweatpants. My stomach just couldn't handle the crackers Zayn gave me this afternoon. I locked the door to have some privacy, but they thought I would try something, so they made me open up. Eleanor and Danielle finally were able to visit today. They were so, so sweet to me. Their arms were open and their ears ready to listen to my sobs. Danielle is spending the night at my place so Louis could go do something fun with Eleanor..
Talia. xx
Day 9
Danielle decided to take me shopping today. We cleaned up and headed for the mall. She cheerfully suggested we go into 'wet seal', and I agreed. She picked out an outfit for me to try on. You would've liked it. A small, green, sleeveless crop top and jean shorts. I tried them on, but they were too big. Danielle was looking worried. I asked her what she was worried about, but she changed the subject. After a few hours, she drove me home and I was alone once again. I wish we were together, Niall.
Talia.
Day 10-11
Yesterday Eleanor took me to get our nails done. She's such a sweetie. Lottie and Fizzy called today and asked if I cared to go swimming with them. I couldn't refuse. They'd be disappointed. I drove to their house and greeted everyone. I mostly sat in the sun, but I did swim a bit, just to humor them.
Talia.
Day 12-13
Niall.
People are talking. The media is getting pictures of me. They're saying I'm not mentally stable. They just don't understand us. I write to you because I need you here. Yes, I know you're gone, but what's the harm in still talking like you're not? Harry came over to stay the night and supervise me. I was watching X-Factor video diaries when he walked in. He teared up, but my tears were long gone, and now it was just body-racking sobs. He walked over and hugged me while I crumpled to the floor. I couldn't stop shaking enough to sleep, so Harry gave me a few sleeping pills. He made sure to put them back where I couldn't get to them, though. But I could really use a long, long sleep.
Talia. x
Day 14
Oh goodness. Two weeks since you left us. I'm so sorry, Niall, but I can't bring myself to visit your grave yet. Tomorrow. I promise, tomorrow. Paul is coming to take my journal away now. I love and miss you so much.
Talia.
Day 15-16
Niall.
I went to your grave today. I know I can't sing very well, but I sang you a song. I'm sorry I started crying during the second verse. I should've been stronger.
Talia.
Day 17-18
Everything seems so useless. If you aren't here, then what is my life even about? I don't know what to do with myself.
Talia. x
Day 19-20
Today I lay on a couch with Eleanor, Danielle, Zayn, Liam, Harry, and Louis watching old interviews and performances of yours. We all laughed, cried, and hugged. Anyway, I've got to decide what my letter's going to say. Better go now.. Talk to you soon.
Talia.
Day 21
Today's the day, Niall. Please don't be disappointed in me. I just want us to be together. I swiped Harry's sleeping pills from his apartment. I'm sitting in my bed, now, holding my favorite picture of you. Not sure how many pills will do the trick, took a few just now.
Please, don't be angry with me.
I just can't do it without you.
These words are getting a bit blurry.. Will you sing for me when I see you next? Please?
This is the last pill, Niall. I love you so much. Can't wait to see you.
Niall.
People say that it takes 21 days to get used to something. I'll prove if that's true or not. I'm writing in this journal to let you know what's happening while you're gone. I slept over at Louis and Harry's last night. All of us miss you so. Liam found the gift you were going to give me. It is the most beautiful necklace I've seen in my entire life. A little silver heart shaped locket with "forever and always" engraved in it. I put your picture inside it.. The boys don't think this is a good idea, talking to you from a journal, but I hope you don't mind. I'll go crazy if I can't somehow talk to you. All I did today was go home and lay on my floor crying and looking through pictures of us. Zayn and Harry came by to check on me. They wanted to grab a bite to eat, but I just didn't feel well enough. You mean the world to me, Niall. You're still my superman.
Talia.
Day 2
Niall.
Liam says he misses you. Paul, too.Today was actually an okay day. This morning I finally got off the floor and cleaned myself up. I know you want me to move on, but it's quite hard to do. Your funeral is tomorrow.. I don't know if I'm ready. I can't help but cry everytime someone says your name. I try not to in public. Your fans are so supportive. One little girl, couldn't have been more than ten, saw me from the street and walked up to my house. "You're Talia?" she asked. I showed a small smile and gave a nod. She looked up at me with big brown eyes and gave me a hug. "You know, Niall and you were so perfect together. Everyone loves you and you're amazing. Please, don't give up." I hugged her as tightly as I could. "I'll try.. Thank you so much for encouraging me." Then, I walked back into my room, put on your purple hoodie, and fell on my bed sobbing. I'm sorry, Niall. I seem so weak. But you were always there to be strong for me.
Talia.
Day 3
Turned on my computer today. I couldn't believe all of the sweet messages on my Twitter. "Niall was so lucky to get to spend time with you" "We love you, Talia" was all I saw. I replied to as many as I could before I broke down. Paul came by to drive me to the funeral. He found me lying in my room and helped me look presentable. We arrived and saw everyone you loved. Niall, you looked so peaceful and happy. For some reason, I keep thinking that I made you unhappy while we were together. Oh well,
Louis tells me that I should stop writing for today. I guess I will. I love you so much, Niall.
Talia.
Day 4
Zayn and the boys made me stay over with them again last night. They wanted to make sure I was "taking care of myself". Harry made me some soup and forced me to eat it. I just couldn't keep it down, though. I excused myself to the bathroom and threw it all up. I stood in front of the bathroom mirror. My long hair looked wild and my eyes were swollen and bloodshot. Niall, how did you ever think I was pretty?
Talia.
Day 5
Today I stayed in my bedroom all day. Just humming your songs, replying to Twitter mentions, or talking to myself. I came across one of your love letters you wrote to me from about a month ago. You told me how lucky you were to have finally found your princess and how much you loved me. As I hugged it, I sat in a ball on my bed, rocking back and forth. Louis came by to check on me in the late afternoon. The boys have a system now that one of them stays over every day to see how I'm doing. Don't get me wrong, they still mourn about you, Niall. They go back and watch old interviews and performances. They love you more than you could imagine.. But imagine this: I loved you a hundred times more than that.
Talia.
Day 6-7
I'm so so sorry Niall. The boys and Paul confiscated this journal yesterday. They think it is unhealthy. So I may not get to write as much as I'd like to. I cleaned up and went to the store with my older brother today. I haven't seen him since I was 16.. He was very comforting though. I guess he does care about me somewhat. A week. A week since you left. Niall, why'd you have to go so soon?
Talia. x
Day 8
I'm laying on the bathroom floor in your hoodie and sweatpants. My stomach just couldn't handle the crackers Zayn gave me this afternoon. I locked the door to have some privacy, but they thought I would try something, so they made me open up. Eleanor and Danielle finally were able to visit today. They were so, so sweet to me. Their arms were open and their ears ready to listen to my sobs. Danielle is spending the night at my place so Louis could go do something fun with Eleanor..
Talia. xx
Day 9
Danielle decided to take me shopping today. We cleaned up and headed for the mall. She cheerfully suggested we go into 'wet seal', and I agreed. She picked out an outfit for me to try on. You would've liked it. A small, green, sleeveless crop top and jean shorts. I tried them on, but they were too big. Danielle was looking worried. I asked her what she was worried about, but she changed the subject. After a few hours, she drove me home and I was alone once again. I wish we were together, Niall.
Talia.
Day 10-11
Yesterday Eleanor took me to get our nails done. She's such a sweetie. Lottie and Fizzy called today and asked if I cared to go swimming with them. I couldn't refuse. They'd be disappointed. I drove to their house and greeted everyone. I mostly sat in the sun, but I did swim a bit, just to humor them.
Talia.
Day 12-13
Niall.
People are talking. The media is getting pictures of me. They're saying I'm not mentally stable. They just don't understand us. I write to you because I need you here. Yes, I know you're gone, but what's the harm in still talking like you're not? Harry came over to stay the night and supervise me. I was watching X-Factor video diaries when he walked in. He teared up, but my tears were long gone, and now it was just body-racking sobs. He walked over and hugged me while I crumpled to the floor. I couldn't stop shaking enough to sleep, so Harry gave me a few sleeping pills. He made sure to put them back where I couldn't get to them, though. But I could really use a long, long sleep.
Talia. x
Day 14
Oh goodness. Two weeks since you left us. I'm so sorry, Niall, but I can't bring myself to visit your grave yet. Tomorrow. I promise, tomorrow. Paul is coming to take my journal away now. I love and miss you so much.
Talia.
Day 15-16
Niall.
I went to your grave today. I know I can't sing very well, but I sang you a song. I'm sorry I started crying during the second verse. I should've been stronger.
Talia.
Day 17-18
Everything seems so useless. If you aren't here, then what is my life even about? I don't know what to do with myself.
Talia. x
Day 19-20
Today I lay on a couch with Eleanor, Danielle, Zayn, Liam, Harry, and Louis watching old interviews and performances of yours. We all laughed, cried, and hugged. Anyway, I've got to decide what my letter's going to say. Better go now.. Talk to you soon.
Talia.
Day 21
Today's the day, Niall. Please don't be disappointed in me. I just want us to be together. I swiped Harry's sleeping pills from his apartment. I'm sitting in my bed, now, holding my favorite picture of you. Not sure how many pills will do the trick, took a few just now.
Please, don't be angry with me.
I just can't do it without you.
These words are getting a bit blurry.. Will you sing for me when I see you next? Please?
This is the last pill, Niall. I love you so much. Can't wait to see you.
well I don't want to basically write your story for you but they should find her dead
6/19/13