Ashlynn's POV.

I was staring at Harry while he was sleeping as I saw the clock strike 6AM the next day. I didn't sleep. I couldn't. I was scared to. I got up from Harry's bed quietly and careful not to wake him up. I put my shoes on with his red flannel that was fresh with his smell. I grabbed my purse and threw it over my shoulders. I kissed his cheek and stared at him a bit longer before exiting his room and closing the door. I walked down the stairs when I came to the living room where I saw my best friend packing her stuff up back into her suitcase.

"What are you doing?" I asked her realizing how monotone I sounded.

"Going back home with you. I'm not going to let you face all of this alone. You're my best friend." she said causing a tear to run down my cheek.

"What makes you think I'm going home?" I said.

"Oh? That's not what you're doing? You're not going back to your apartment to shower and then to pack and then back to the office to tell them you're taking time off?" shit. She did know me.

"Yeah..I haven't even booked a flight yet. When I do I'll get 2 seats." I told her as she nodded at me when zipping her suitcase.

"Ohkay..well let's go back to your apartment then." She said.

"What about Niall? You're just going to leave?" I asked her concerned for their relationship.

"I'll see him soon silly! I'm on summer. Plus my main priority right now is you." she said as she pulled me into a hug.

We walked to my apartment pap free due to the fact that it was so early. Our walk was silent I don't think either of us knew what to say.

"Have you talked to your mom?" she asked breaking the silence.

My Mom and I were close..she was my other half. She knew everything. But since hearing the news about my Dad..I hadn't talked to her I was scared to.

"Nope. I'll call her whenever we get to the airport..whenever that is." I told Jayci hoping she wouldn't bug me about calling her.

We walked into my apartment as I threw my bag on the floor. I went to my closet to pull my suitcase from the top. I opened it and threw enough clothes in it for 3 weeks. I didn't know how long I had planned to stay in Texas..but I wanted to be prepared for whatever and however long it needed to be.

I was packing my carry on when Jayci walked into my room.

'Is Harry going back with you?" she asked me...I had already thought this one through . The last way I had ever imagined him meeting my family was at my Dad's funeral...I didn't want it to happen that way..I didn't want him to be exposed to that side of my family yet. I trusted him I just wasn't ready for that.

'Uhm. He has to go to New York tomorrow. So probably not. Plus he has studio stuff this week and what not." I told her.

"Oh..are you ohkay with that?" she asked.

" I mean I want him there but he doesn't need to be there and it would be better if he wasn't...plus his job comes first." I told her now upset with the situation.

I had finished packing my things into my suitcase. I then went to the restroom and ran the shower. I washed last night make up off and stripped of my clothes. I got in the shower and shaved my legs and what not. All I could think about was how much damage this little razor could do. And how right now I couldn't feel anything and all I wanted to do was feel something.

As I picked it back up there was a knock on the bathroom door..saving me from my dumb mistake.

'Hey Ash..Harry's here." Jayci told me from the cracked door.

"Ohkay! Thanks! He can come in here if he wants too" I told her. I needed him next to me. Even if I was in the shower. I needed to feel him. I need to feel something.



Harry's POV.

I woke up to an empty bed. As did Niall. The girls were gone. They must of been at Ashlynn's apartment. I grabbed my keys and threw on a shirt and my shoes and headed out the door. I got in my car and drove. When I got to her building I walked to the elevator and clicked on floor 5. Her floor.

I knocked on the door to have Jayci open it.

"Hey harry." she said in a sad tone.

"Hey is she ohkay?" I asked her.

"I mean..I think she's avoiding it right now. She's in the shower." she told me. It's just like Ashlynn to avoid this..only this time I couldn't even blame her. I was even avoiding it.

"Are you ohkay?" she asked me. I wasn't but I couldn't let her know that.

"Yeah..just worried is all." I told half admitted

"Well I'll let her know you're here!" she told me as she walked towards the restroom door in Ashlynn's room.

I looked by the doorway to her and Jayci's bags packed ready to go. I knew she was going to be going home for this..just never realized it was going to be today. I want to be there for her but she has to let me be there for her.

Jayci walked back to where I was in the living room observing me looking at the bags.

"We haven't booked a flight yet. We just want to be ready when we do." she told me reassuringly. I nodded my head in understanding. "Uhm..she said you can go in there if you want to. She literally just got in there so it will probably be at least another 20 minutes before she gets out."

I walked towards the restroom door and knocked slightly.

"You can come in babe!" she told me almost perkily.

"I missed waking up to you this morning." I told her as I sat on the vanity counter.

"Sorry baby..you just looked so peaceful. I didn't want to to wake you. I had some stuff I needed to do." she told me Stuff to do? At 6AM? More like she didn't sleep at all last night and was waiting for a semi appropriate time to leave. "Hey Harry..have you showered yet?" she asked me. What kind of question was that? Did I smell?

"Nope. Why?" I asked her nervously.

"Want to take one now?" she asked me almost causing me to fall off the vanity of her straight forwardness. Play it off Harry. Be cool.

"But you're in there now ya nut!" silly girl.

"That's the point Styles." what the fuck.

"Uhh.." is all I could form.

"Never mind. Silly idea I guess." she said. What was I doing? Just because you shower together doesn't mean you do it in the shower. "Sorry for asking." she apologized...don't be sorry Ashlynn. Just the fact that you took me by surprise was uncomfortable enough.

I stood up off the vanity and stripped of my clothes. I pulled the curtain back a bit to expose my beautiful girlfriend perfectly naked.


Ashlynn's POV.


I asked Harry to take a shower with me and he basically blew me off. i was desperate for his body next to mine. But that isn't happening.

"Sorry for asking." I told him clearly making him uncomfortable.

I stood towards the shower head when I heard a bit of the curtain behind me open. He was getting in with me and I couldn't even process a normal thought.

I felt his strong arms wrap around my stomach and his lips kissing my neck slowly. He knew what I wanted and needed. I turned around facing him wrapping my arms around his strong back and looked up at him and smiled.

"Hi." was all I could manage to say.

He stood there arms wrapped around me staring at me and all the parts of my body he had never seen before.

"You're perfect." was all he could manage to say as his eyes met mine once again. Little did he know..he was the perfect one. The way his muscles protruded from his arms. The way he smiled at me. The way his jaw line made perfect sense.

"I love you" I said to him as a tear ran down my cheek as we stood under the water.

"Why did you want me in here with you?" he asked getting straight to the point. I looked down at my feet knowing I need to be open with this man I was so in love with.

"I needed to feel something. Ever since yesterday when Jayci told me about my Dad...I've felt nothing. And I was shaving my legs before you got here and it's like the razor was screaming at me to use it. Then Jayci knocked on the door. And I realized there was a better way I could feel things..it was you." I paused as he stroked my wet hair back behind my ear. " I love you Harry Styles."

"Do you feel something..or are you still numb?" he asked me.

"I feel everything right now." I admitted.

"What do you feel?" he was pushing it.

"I feel like I want you to push me up against this shower wall and kiss me." and he did. He grabbed my hips and pushed me against the wall under the shower head. One hand on my butt the other on my neck pulling me in for my lips to touch his. And they did. Harry Styles was a passionate kisser. Someone who took his time with relaying his feelings to you when he kissed you and touched your body. I felt safe and wanted and like he was my forever.

He pulled away and left me breathless.

"What else do you feel?" He asked me now eye brows furrowed.

"I feel tired. Like i haven't slept...I feel happy that he's gone." Oops..there's another honest truth. The look he gave me killed me. Like he was disappointed in me for saying that.

"What else?" he knew there was more.

"I feel angry that he hated me..I feel sad that he's dead...I feel selfish that I'm ohkay with it. I feel like this horrible person. He was supposed to be there for me. He wasn't ya know?" I cried when he grabbed me and wrapped his arms around me again...


Harry's POV.

She broke..she needed to before she went home. I didn't want her breaking down with her family and lashing out like I know she would. So I did what a good boyfriend would do. I pushed her till she finally said everything she needed to say.

Although we were standing underneath the shower head I could tell the second she started crying. I pulled her tightly into my chest as she cried..as she balled and screamed and cursed. He was gone..and she just realized it.

"Look at me. " I told her calmly before she declined. "No Ashlynn..look at me." She looked up at me finally. "I'm never going anywhere. Do you understand that?" I asked her hoping she realized how much I really did love her. She shrugged her shoulders not totally aware.

" People always say that..then they leave." she told me. It broke my heart when she talked like this. I grabbed her hand and placed it to my chest so she could feel my heartbeat.

"Do you feel that? Do you feel my heart beating?" she nodded. "Do you feel how fast it's beating?" I asked her another question. She nodded her head again. "That's cause of you. I'm not going anywhere." I told her pulling her hips into mine.

"Promise?" she asked looking up at me with tears still running down her face.

"I promise..a thousand times I promise." I reassured her.

Notes

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