You & I
Chapter 18
Sky's p.o.v
" I love you." He whispered to me making me freeze in my seat.
We had never used that word with each other before and I'm not sure if I want to use it now. I've only said those three words to two guys before and the first ended up raping me and the second...well we lost our baby then he left me, which is something I can't exactly blame him for.
My mind started rushing for things to say but I couldn't find the words to speak. Did I love Niall, yes but not in that sense.
Or I least I don't think I don't.
Urgg this is so confusing.
I loved Niall because his stayed by my side ever since he found out and never once tried to leave me. He has sacrificed his friends and family to run away with me to take care for both his child and myself and I love him for that trust me I do. But at the same time, a part of me still wants Harry.
I know he left me when we lost the baby but, I can't exactly blame him can I? I did sleep with one of his band friends and got pregnant again after we'd lost our baby. All of this emotions were running through my head that I had almost forgotten that Niall was still waiting for me to say something.
But I just didn't know what to say.
" Niall I..." I
" You don't have to say it if you don't mean it." He whispered cutting me off. Just take your time with it and tell if you ever feel the same way." He finished making my eye tear up at the end.
In time I like this, I really feel like I could love Niall. I mean come on who wouldn't? He was nice. sweet, caring, loving and so thoughtful of others. Sure, sometimes he might finish the food in your pantry but who cares right? I really want to love Niall, I really do. But seeing Harry the other day at the mall just triggered some emotions in me I didn't know I still had.
" Niall." I started saying carefully choosing my words as I was about to speak.
" You don't have to say anything." He said again looking down at his shoes.
" No. I want to say this. Niall I can't tell you I love you cause I don't know if I do. A part of me fells very attracted to you in that way but the other still has some feelings for-"
"Harry." He said cutting me off.
I took a deep breath before I continued again. " Yes. But I don't completely love him. I know that when we were going out it was wrong for me at the time since, you know."
" He was in a relationship with your best friend." He correctly said again cutting me off.
"Yes. Look, what I'm trying to say is that it was awfully wrong for Harry and I to go out, we had a special connection that I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to forget about it. He made me feel really loved after Chris and I broke up and even when I was pregnant with his. I'm not going to lie. Sometimes I wonder if he and I would still be together raising a family if that car hadn't hit us in the first place. " I paused letting for all of that sink in.
" So, you still love him?" He asked his voice cracking at the end.
I ignored his question and kept talking. " At the same time that a part of me loves him, another part loves you. Niall, I can't even begin to describe how that part of me loves you."
I saw him flash a smile after I said those words. " Niall, you have been there for me since the very beginning and sometimes I still wake up thinking that this is a dream because never could I have thought that if I ever were to have a baby at such a young age, I'd still have the father by my side. Niall you have now idea how grateful I am to be with and to have you. You always have my back and I know I can always lean on you of I ever need anything."
Looking me straight in the eye he asked, "So, what exactly are you trying to say?"
" What I'm trying to say is that I love you. But I also love Harry. I guess when it comes down to it...I find myself torn between the two of you." I said to him. The last part mostly to myself.
That's what I was. Torn.
I was torn between the father of my child and the heart of a person I had wrongfully stole from someone else.
" Well I appreciate what you've just said and I respect you choice. I don't ever want you to feel pressured to tell me that you love me cause when or if you do, I want you to really mean it. But let me say this to you. Sky Edwards, I love you. I didn't know it till a couple days ago but now I do. And let me tell you that I've never loved another girl like I love you. Sure, like you I still have some feelings for Sammy but, * Sigh*, Sky I love you. And to answer your question from before, I would pick you over Sammy even if she were pregnant with my child. That doesn't mean I wouldn't have helped but I would have chose to be with you." He said with tears in his eyes.
Without thinking I leaned in as far as I could from the passenger seat and kissed him.
Sammy p.o.v
My heart ached with every step I took, one step more painful than the other. Tears were streaming down my face uncontrollably and I didn't bother wiping them away cause more were just going to come and replace the last. I put my hand on my heart as I walked as if I could stop the throbbing I felt in my chest.
I could hear my name being called being me but I ignored and kept walking. I couldn't, no, I didn't want to face Harry right now. Not after what he did to me.
" Sammy stop. Please listen to me." He kept yelling behind me but I didn't bother stopping.
I just kept walking not wanting to listen to him. What could he possibly say to make me feel better at a time like this.
" Sammy please stop. Listen to me please." He said again. This time he took me by the wrist and forcefully turned me spun me around making me face him .
" What Harry?" I asked him not really wanting to get into this now.
" I thought you wanted me.Why are you mad at me?" He said completely oblivious to the fact that he just ruined not only my life but my relationship too.
" Seriously Harry. You don't know why I'm mad at you." I asked feeling the anger take over my body.
" Yes! I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO BE WITH ME." He yelled at me making me flinch a bit at the loudness of his voice.
" *Scoff*, You thought I wanted you. That's the best you got?" I sarcastically said to him.
" Yes Sammy that's the best I got. You can't just tell me that you had no feelings for me when we slept together." He said his voice a bit calmer this time.
" See. That's the thing Harry. That. Us sleeping together was a mistake. It never should have happened. " I notice the painful expression on Harrys' face as I talked but I kept on going.
" I thought I still loved you but...turns out I didn't. Harry, I can't even begin to describe the pain that you made me feel during the time that were together and even now. Every time I let you in my life you come in and screw everything up. I loved you Harry. I really did. I probably loved you more than life itself. I gave everything to you. My mind, my soul,my body and do you know how you repaid me? Huh?
You repaid me by sleeping with my best friend. Yea, after everything that we'd been through that's what you chose to do. Fuck, and here I was freaking out when I slept with Niall one time, ONE FREAKING TIME and I was scared to tell you cause I thought you were going to leave me. You have no idea how many time I cried myself at night because you weren't there. After all the bullshit you put me through, I thought I'd never fall in love again. You made me feel like I was a worthless piece of trash. You chewed me up and spat me out like I was poison in your mouth. And you made me feel ugly.
I can't believe I even contemplated suicide because of you. And you know who was surprisingly during those dark days of mine?" I said shouting at him with tears in my eyes.
" Let me guess. Chris." He said with annoyance in his tone.
" Yes Harry, Chris. He was there for me more than you ever have and I loved him for that. He actually cares about me and makes me feel special. And you ruined that for me, like everything else. Couldn't you have done it to someone else."
" HE RAPED YOUR BEST FRIEND SAMMY. WHAT KIND OF MAN DOES THAT!"
I was going to say something but nothing came. He was right. Chris did rape Sky but..
" She's not my best friend. She was never my best friend." I whispered looking at the ground.
" That doesn't change the fact he raped her Sammy. Look, I know what we did was wrong but being raped is never okay. I'm not going to tell you that I'm sorry for what I did back there cause I'm not. Sammy I. I love you and I'm not going to let you slip out of my hand again." He said this time with tears in his eyes.
Wiping the tears off of my face I said, " If you love me then you'll leave right now.".
"Sammy pleas-"
" If you love me then you'll leave me and never come back. If were mean to be then I'll come back to you. So please just leave."
He slowly nodded his head and turn around to leave. I sigh and turn around going back to walking where ever my feet were leading me.
" Sammy." I heard Harry yelling behind me. I turn around to find me running to me. I stood there not knowing what to do. He stopped in front of me his 6'1 body towering over my 5'6 one.
" Can I kiss you one last time?' He asked so vulnerably.
Every part of me wanted to say but I couldn't find myself to shake my head in disagreement. I slowly nodded and he bend down to give me the most passionate kiss I'd ever been given.
" I love you." He said before turning away and leaving me standing there my eyes still closed.
Really enjoying reading this fanfic! Can't wait to read more! Hope all is well! ^-^ :) ♡♥
3/14/15