I Understand. An AU/punk story.

I follow Zayn back to the top floor where Harry is staying. It's night now, his room is dark except the dim light of the light besides his bed, casting orange shadows down his perfect face. Relief overcomes me when I find him sleeping peacefully, the swelling in his face down drastically, his cuts on the brow bone stitched and covered in small bandages.

His menacing stature is now in a thin hospital gown and the cotton blanket tucked under his hips. He looks so peaceful, with his mouth parted slightly. '

"I'll just wait outside, and let the others know." Zayn whispers. I nod my head and make my way to his bed side while Zayn leaves and closes the door behind him.

I take the soft chair and drag it silently right next to his bed. I feel a little strange being here, but he was in pain and he had been through a lot. Despite the fact we were not together and I was mad at him from keeping things from me, I know I have to be here for him.

I'm beyond exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally. I just want to curl up and sleep on this hospital be next to him. But that is a ridiculous thought and I quickly shake it off.

An hour or so later, the nurse comes back in and checks on him, poking the needles in his arm and playing with the dials on the heart monitor.

"Do you know when he'll wake?" I ask sleepily.

She looks down at me with pity, her dark brown hair is pulled back in to a pony tail, her eyes are blue and bright. An interesting contrast to the dark hair.

"A few hours, its really too hard to say." She says with a genuine smile. I nod and thank her. She leaves a few minutes later. I slump back in the chair and send a mass text to our friends telling them what the nurse said and that they should just go home. They send me goodnight and are you sures and I tell them yes.

My eye lids are so heavy. I turn the TV on, attempting to stay awake but to no prevail. Harry sleeps his medications off as I drop my head next to his arm.

Maybe I'll just rest my eyes...

Just a few moments...

And then I'm out.

-

"Lilian?" I sigh in my sleepy state and keep my eyes closed. "Honey, wake up." A deep voice coos to me. I groan and shake my head. So tired... "You're going to hurt your neck." The voice laughs lightly. I raise my head and find the green eyes blaring in to my own.

"Harry?" I mumble, trying to get my grasp on reality.

"Hey.."He says back, his voice gentle. I wipe the sleep from my eyes and find that I was leaning mot of my upper body on his bed side. It's still dark out and the lamp still barely illuminates the room.

"How long have you been awake? I'm sorry I fell asleep." I yawn, straightening my stiff back as he watches me carefully.

"Just woke up. And it's fine. You said you'd be here. And you are." He smiles bright at me and I nod and look to my feet.

Now what?

"Harry. Can you be honest with me?" I ask quietly, playing with my fingers. He doesn't say anything so I continue. "Why didn't you tell me about Jake."

The silence is unsettling as I wait for the reply.

"Who told you?"

"Our friends. Why didn't you tell me?" I counter, not liking how hes ignoring my desire for him to answer.

"I didn't want to worry you." He sighs, tearing at his roots gently. I rub my eyes gently and groan. Harry was just too difficult. "Are you mad at me?" His voice is so gentle it's more of a whisper.

"No. I'm worried. For you and for me and our friends." I sigh, looking back up at him, leaning my elbows on the bed. His expression is calm, he's probably still calm from the sedation.

"I'm going to take care of you. You know I would never let anything or anyone hurt you."

Except yourself.

He hums, his hand lands on mine softly. Not in a romantic way but in more of a friendly way. I appreciate the gesture. I wasn't used to this side of him.

"Who's going to take care of you?" I snap. He frowns and a light smile comes upon his face.

"I take care of myself." He concludes, a proud look is hung on his face and he wears like a martyr. I roll my eyes and look back to the window. The sun would be rising soon. Another night of no sleep.

"Will he try to hurt me?" I whisper, my voice not sounding like my own for a moment. Bile bubbles in the back of my throat at all of the memories of him coming after me.

"I won't let him. You're not leaving my side. Not anymore." He almost sounds like hes pleading with me.

I nod once, not sure how to respond to that.

"Since we're alone. I think it's time we talk..." He breathes.

I don't answer. I'm not sure where this is going.

"Lilian. I'm sorry about what happened. And if you forgive me like you said you did then I wan't you to let me try again. Let me make this OK. I miss you. I miss you so much. And I love you, I always will." His voice is as gentle as a caress and it warms my insides while making me sick at the same time.


Remember your promise to yourself. Be strong. You can not be with either of them. At least not now.

"Harry.." I start. running my hands together harshly. "I - I miss you too." God damn! What am I doing?! But I can't stop the words.

"Come home with me baby." He coos, trying to reach for my hand.

"But." I interrupt him, pulling my hand back. Sheer humiliation and hurt cross his features and it chills me to the bone. "You hurt me. Bad. You did. Ad it still hurts me, Harry. And I really did mean what I said in that letter. I don't think I can be with anybody right now." My throat burns with self loathing. Why am I saying these things? How can I hurt him this way?

"But, but... you came. And you s-said you were my.. wife." His voice is like a scared little kids. And it hurts me. It hurts that he's hurting but he did this... he made it this way.

"I care about you. But i'm too broken to be with anyone." My voice cracks and the tears prick my eyes before I cans top them. It's silent for a minute. The realization sinking in.

Rejection.

How could expect ti to be so easy?

"Maybe I should go.." I whisper, peeking up at him; he's glaring at the wall. His eyes are red and then it hits me. Harry is on the verge of crying. "Please don't be upset with me." I whimper, instantly going to the edge of his bed. He tries to scoot farther away from me but I put my hand on his shoulder and he goes stiff. "I want you in my life. I swear I do. But I can't have you that way. And I'm sorry to say... Harry... it's your own doing." I remind him softly, treading lightly.

"You don't think I fucking know that?!" He spits at me, whipping his head to scowl at me. I frown but don't reply. His true self resurfacing. The one where he fights fire with fire because he doesn't know any other way to deal with himself.

"I'll leave you be. You can talk to me when you aren't upset." I whisper, standing up next to the bed.

"I won't bother this time." He growl, not looking at me. His words slap my in the face but I ignore them and head to the door.

"Goodnight, Harry." He doesn't reply as I turn and walk down the deserted hallway. It's mostly dark, every other ceiling light it turned off for the sake of the patients sleeping. I sniffle and rub my nose. Poor Harry.

I can't help but see his face. He was crying.. About to cry.. but he was there none the less. Harry Sty;es was crying over me.

Maybe I should back.

Go back and try again.

It would be worth it.....

Wait, wait,wait. I need to breathe. His words mean the world and fog my brain but I know myself well enough to know his mere presence fog all the lines.

I need to think before I act on this.

I press the down button on the elevator and the door opens. I step in with a huge weight on my shoulders.

Good fuck.. Louis.

The doors start to close, as I bring my hand up to rub the bridge of my nose.

The door stops and reopens as a large hand puts it between the metal.

I look up and meet the blue eyes.

Before I can process the stranger, he looks at me. Looks at me like I'm the juiciest piece of meat and I instantly feel like I'm about to hurl.

I'm about to scream but he lunges and his hand flies over my mouth. The tears that I had for Harry fall over mercilessly. He steps in, a terrible smirk on his face as he turns back and presses every single floor on the key pad.

The doors close.

I'm stuck in a metal box with him.

"Don't cry, pretty girl." He coos to me, pressing his hips to mine, shoving my back in to the wall. "We have much to talk about."

Notes