I Understand. An AU/punk story.

"Oh.." My throat constricts tightly as his words process in my mind.

"Please, don't go yet. I know you're upset but please just hear me out." I furrow my brows.

Should I listen to him?

He really didn't deserve me to listen, he has been nothing but an ass for the past weeks on weeks.

Harry takes advantage of my silence, takes my swollen hand in his and begins.

"I care about you. You know that. I mean... I fucking love you, Lilian. We both know I do. I understand you're not ready to forgive me yet for all of the fucked up shit I've done. But I really need you in my life. Even as my friend, girlfriend, fuck buddy, baby mama, I don't care. I just fucking need you." My mouth parts lightly as I think of what to say next but he squeezes my hand tighter and stops me.

"I'm sorry I don't listen, and I'm sorry I'm so god damn irrational and protective but I can't help it. I'm mad about you I -"

"Harry.." His jaw snaps shut and his eyes are wide and vulnerable as he watches me watch him. I really do not know what to make out of this at all.

He loves me.

Did he ever really stop?

Now, I'm not so sure he did.

"I know you care... I forgive you. I do. I should have told you that Louis kissed me first, and I shouldn't have ignored you for so long. I want you in my life... I really do." His chest drops as he lets out a two lung fulls of oxygen.

"But."

He freezes once more and runs his hands through his messy air, the stress obviously not fitting with him very nicely.

"I don't know as what yet..." I say softly.

And I didn't.

I didn't know if I could have him in my life as my boyfriend or whatever we were again, because I don't trust him fully yet. I feel like I'm still in shock about the cheating, and the fight that just happened between the whore monkey is fresh in my mind. I don't want problems like that anymore. I just want a stress less, fun, life. The one a young adult should be living.

"Oh..." His face darkens slightly in concentration as he glares at his bedroom floor.

"Is that a problem?" My voice once again not sounding like my own.

"No, no, not at all. I just wish..." He trails off, his voice fading to nothing. I nod in understanding.

"I still need time. You cheated Harry." I point out, sighing, running my hand through my hair.

"I fucking know I -" I raise my eyebrows at his sudden angry tone and he snaps his jaw shut to stop himself. "Sorry." He breathes, twiddling his thumbs. I nod and examine my hands.

They're beat red and the skin is split lightly over two of my knuckles, the bones swollen.

If this was the damage I did on myself, I can only imagine what her face looks like.

"Look at your hands." He sighs and takes them, recovering them in the ice packets. I shrug, amused by his disapproval.

"She deserved, it was worth it." I shrug, focusing on the feel of his fingertips on my hands. He glares at me from the corner of his eye.

"She was not worth it. You're better than her, Lily. Inside and out. You didn't need to stoop to her level." He scolds. I roll my eyes and snatch my hands away.

"Then she wins." I bite back. It's his turn to roll his eyes.

"Don't be silly."

"Wouldn't dream of it." I sigh and stand up, stretching, I head for his door.

"Where are you going?" He scoffs, I turn around and wrinkle my forehead.

"Home?"

"No. You can stay here."

"Harry. What did I just say -"

"I won't touch you! And besides, I'm too tired to drive." He smiles and kicks his shoes off and undoes his button up shirt as he speaks.

"Harry -"

"Nope, too tired." He stifles a fake yawn and winks at me as he slides his, very, tight jeans from his legs. I groan and cover my eyes as he pulls the quilt back on his bed and crawls under, arms folded beneath his head, ankles crossed.

"Harry you are not to tired to drive me, this is no innapropriate! You said we could be friends now get your damn pats on." I yell at him. Another fake yawn and the light flutter of his eyes closing, is the icing on the cake to him ignoring every word I just said as he pretends to sleep.

I would just walk but my feet hurt and so do my hands. I eye his bed and the small space to his right It looks more than comfortable. With one last irritated roan I make my way to his bedside.

"I have nothing to sleep in!" I pout, crossing my arms over my chest even though he can't see.

"I'm in my boxers." I can practically smell him smirking in the dark room.

"In your dreams." I shake my head an dmake my way to where his dresser sits, pulling out a T shirt and boxers. "Close your eyes."

"Lilian, it's pitch black in here I -"

"Close your eyes or I'll sleep on the couch!" I advice him, sternly.

"Alright.. They're closed." he grumbles a few moments later. I snicker silently and change in to the makeshift pajamas and then head towards his bed.

"No funny business, Harry." I sigh, pulling the blanket back and getting in under the covers. I can feel his heat radiating under the cloth even though he's at least a foot away. It's a good warmth though, one that calms me and persuades me I'm safe, for Harry is very close. And He would never let anyone or anything hurt me.

"Wouldn't dream of it." He chuckles and the blankets shirt and I hear him inch over slightly.

"Harry!" I snap, grabbing a pillow, I stuff it in between us.

"Hey! Come one, let's at least cuddle. It's completely harmless. All friends do it!" He whines. I groan and roll so my back is facing him,

"You are honestly such a child!" I snarl. He protests for a few more minutes but doesn't move the pillow when I ignore him.

Sleep lulls me in to oblivion with ease as his scent on his fluffy pillows fills my nose.

I'm awakened what feels like hours later by the pillow being lifted and his arms ensnaring my waist.

I don't move him though, weather it's becuase i'm too tired or becuase I really want him to touch me I'm not sure. But I sigh in peace as he burries his face in my hair and whisperes goodnight.

Notes