Half A Heart

I swiped the blush brush across my cheek bone and rubbed it in. I was nervous for today. After Harry and I's Chat at the store a few days ago, we agreed to get me on birth control so we don't take any more chances. Today we had an appointment with my doctor about it.

I checked the clock Harry had hung on our bathroom wall. It read 3:30. My appointment was at 4:10.

" Are you ready? You looked beautiful." Harry moaned. He hated waiting for me to get ready. I snapped my blush shut and put it with the rest of my makeup.

" Yeah just let me spray some perfume on." I sighed, walking across the bathroom to where I kept my sprays. I picked out Harry's favorite scent of mine.

" Okay, let's go." I smiled. As we walked into the living room, I grabbed my purse and Harry put his wallet in his back pocket and grabbed his keys.

" You really do look beautiful. And there's no need to be nervous." Harry gave my thigh a reassuring squeeze once we sat in the car. He can always sense what in feeling or what I'm thinking.

" I don't know. I'm just not too keen on my doctor looking at my... Well... You know. At least it's a woman." I inhaled a deep breath.

" Hey, I'll be next to you the whole time." He laced my fingers with his.

" I love you." I smiled.

" I love you." He looked back to the road.
•••••
We walked inside the clinic and there were posters up on the wall about Health problems and other issues that the minority of people had. Harry hadn't let go of my hand yet, and which I'm glad of.

" Hi, do you have an appointment scheduled?" The secretary smiled at me from behind the desk.

" Yes. Uhm, my name is Maria Summers." I peaked over the desk. She nodded and typed something on the computer.

" Alright. Dr. Phyllis will be with you shortly. You can wait in there." She pointed towards the waiting room. Dr. Phyllis?

" Uhm Ma'am, there must be a mistake. I have an appointment with Dr. Libby." I informed. She's hooked her head.

" Mrs. Libby is out today. She's sick. So Dr. Phyllis is filling in for her." She nodded and went back to her computer. Great. Now someone I didn't know would be going through my vagina.

" Great." I muttered to Harry as we sat down in the waiting room.

" Hey, babe it's fine. It doesn't matter." He said. I nodded and looked at the kids in the seat beside us. They were ripping pages out of the magazines that were there to pass time and screaming and running around like chickens with their head cut off.

Their mother just sat there. Ugh.

" Our kids will never act like this." I whispered into Harry's ears. He nodded.

" Never."
•••••
As we sat in the hospital room, waiting for the doctor to come back. Harry reached up for my hand.

" That wasn't so bad now was it? He'll come back with types of birth controls that will suit your body best and then we can leave. " he stood up and kissed my cheek before sitting back down.

I just wanted to get out of here.

He ran the first mandtitory exam, but then he kept coming back and running more tests than I expected and I have no idea why.

Suddenly the door clicked open and in came Dr. Phyllis with his clip board and laptop.

He sat the laptop on te counter before taking a seat on the stool and scooting closer, going through his clipboard.

" Erm... Miss Summers. We have good news, and then we have bad news. But I guess in the end, it's all bad." His deep voice broke the silnce. Harry's grip on my hand tightend.

" Well? What is it?" I asked. He cleared his throaght.

" We can't give you any type of birth control right now." He said. My eyebrows furrowed.

" What? why?" I asked.

He flipped through his clipboard.

" Because you are already pregnant." He said. My eyes widened and I saw Harry's jaw drop from the corner of my eyes. All the blood rushed from his hand, because it was suddenly cold.

" I'm sorry?"

" But there is also something you don't know." He added, his eyebrows raising.

" What? What is it? Stop the suspense and just give it to me!" I'm trying not to raise my voice.

" You can't carry a baby for a full term. Your body will naturally aport the baby because you have a heart shaped uterus, causing you to not be able to give birth. So tell me, how many times before have you guys not used protection?" He asked.

Tears brimmed at at my eyes. This was too much to handle.

" We've never used condoms." Harry answered for me. I'm scared if I talked then I would start crying.

" Well, then you have probably been pregnant before. You just didn't know. How is your cycle?" He asked me. I cleAred my throaght.

" My period has never been on a certain schedule... But my mom's never had been either so it was genetics. I could go a month with out being on it, and then Have it, but then have it a different date the next time. " I informed.

" Then you could never tell if you are late or not. I'm so sorry Miss Summers, but you will probably never be able to have children. But that doesn't mean you can't adopt? Or have a surrogate? There are many options. "

There they were. I needed to leave.

" Thanks Dr. Phyllis. You were great. Thanks for telling us." I held in the tears.

he nodded and Harry and I walked out. He grabbed my hand.

" Maria I-"

" I don't want to talk about it right now." I said.
•••••
When we got home I ran upstairs and crawled into bed. I couldn't face the world right now. I was just given the worst news of my life.

How many times have I been pregnant then?

How many babies has my body killed?

And the the fact that I am pregnant right now, kills me.

Notes