Chapter 18:
(polyvore, recover)


Songs for the Chapter:
Farewell - Rosie Thomas
Comes and Goes - Greg Laswell
Farewell - Rihanna
A Little Bit Longer - Jonas Brothers


I sat in silence, no words in my brain, no words in the air. Silence.

The class was stiff and dreary. You could feel the discomfort and awkwardness in the air. No student really knowing how to react to the empty chair besides me. A few reassuring smiles and sympathetic gestures, but nobody really cared. They didn't know him, they didn't know me. And I hate it when someone puts on that fake smile to pity you, when in reality they couldn't care less. The journals weren't helping either. Today's topic: farewell.



Farewell- to express good wishes on parting

Yesterday I could have said farewell to one of my greatest friends. But I didn't. He didn't leave us, no he's too young. He's just taking a toad trip, a long and peaceful ride to a better place. His presence may have left us, but he sure has not. I see him everywhere. His lean body rested against my door frame, his car parked in the school parking lot. And I still hear his voice, each compliment and source of advice echoing in my hollowed out mind. Surely if he had parted I wouldn't be hearing him. His voice telling me stories before bed, and his writings reading aloud in my brain. If he had left us, I wouldn't be this way, I would be much worse.

None of us said goodbye, or have a nice trip. None of us knew he would be on the road so soon. We all venture out sometime, it's a part of nature. And I've never know nature to be so unforgiving and cruel. I, in the slightest, was affected by his charisma. My heart has been smothered to pieces, and I hope for each piece to find a home in the heart of one of his loved ones. We could have said farewell if we knew, and in a way maybe we did. But we were too blinded to see it, so now we are stuck with the burden. And I guess we just have to except that, except that he has ventured outside the nest. It won't be long until we join him, but till that day comes along us, we will forever miss that loving boy. So one might end this with a farewell, but he hasn't left, and neither have I. So I'm leaving this paper without a goodbye, signifying the ones who never got to say farewell, the ones like us. Until we meet again Easton, I'll see you when I get there...



By the time I have signed off from my writing, the salty tears are streaming down my cheeks. My muffled cries heard by everyone, waking them up from their clouded minds. After a minute or two of deep breaths and silent sobs, my wallowing was put to a rest. Not an end, a rest. Until Professor Hayden joined me.

His delicate hands rubbing circles on my back. His eyes wandering over to my journal. I knew his gestures were meant to comfort me, but with each movement I felt worse and worse.

"Paris, sweetie, why don't I have someone come and pick you up. I know what you're going through, and my only words to you are, it gets better with time." My professor pulled his phone out from his pocket. "Who shall I call Miss Paxton?"

Sniffling my nose I reached for my phone. There was really no emotionally stable friend I could call. I almost restrained myself from handing Mr. James Hayden my phone. The numbering ringing twice before I heard the dreaded voice on the other side.

"What?" Harry's tiresome and raspy voice sounded.

"Hi, this is Professor James Hayden-"

"Just get to the point." Harry cut my teacher off.

"Are you able to come and pick up Miss Paris Paxton from class, right now?"

"What happened?" Harry's voice was strict and filled with concern.

"We will talk later Harry, please ju-" I started off but couldn't finish.

"Be there in ten." And that was the end of the conversation.

And less than ten minutes later Harry burst through the doors of my class room. Not even bothering to be polite, he picked me out of everyone, sitting with James. Within seconds two tattooed arms were lifting me from my chair. Although unnecessary, a gentle gesture.

I was hoisted up bridal style and carried out of class with a single word. For those who have never lost a close friend, or experienced a loss in the family, I envy you. Cause let me tell you, it's abhorrent.

The car ride was muted and comforting. I honestly took a risk when dialing Harry, in my mind I knew he wouldn't come. But something out of the ordinary happened and he came. As we pulled up to our misleading building, I let out a long sigh. This place brought back memories, some positive and some negative, but still memories.

My door suddenly opened up, and those two dark arms wrapped around my shaken body, and lifted me out into the fresh autumn air. I was very much capable of walking, but I won't turn down a nice lift.
I didn't have to take two steps all the way up to my room. "We will talk later." Harry whispered and dropped me on my bed. "Just get some sleep or whatever you need, I'll be back to check on you when I'm done."

And as quick as he came, he left.

It was nearly impossible for me to sleep at this time of day. With the sun brightly shinning through my glass walls, I couldn't possible close my eyes and block out the beauty of the city.

I need someone with me. You can't leave me alone with my mind. It eats away at my flaws and imperfections, leaving me with my viewpoint of myself.

Soon enough I was a horrid mess. Hair tangled, clothes crumbled, and bloodshot eyes. And after canceling my normal lunch date with a close friend, I was hungry too. Tip-toeing out of my cave and making my way down the tower of terror. Each floor reminding me he's gone.

The rest of the building seemed to be in a similar state as I. Girls with make up smeared, and droopy eyes. Boys with messy hair and dirty clothes, the lack of sleep clearly visible. Shuffling down the corridor I notice one room sticking out from the dead. Harry's.

Screams, cries, groans, moans, grunts, and whispers.

Enough to make your stomach churn at first sound. I no longer craved food, now I craved a doctor. Yesterday's dinner slowly rising up in my throat, testing my gag reflects and self-control. Others heard it too, backing down the narrow strip or passing by hurriedly. It sickens me to think that at a time like this, a time where zombies lurked indoors, someone would have the audacity to take advantage of other person. My dinner pushing foreword even more when considering the willing.

"I'll be back to check on you when I'm done."

And for an unknown reason, it hurt. It pained me to think of the devastated boy who keeps stumbling into my path, becoming one of the people everyone tries not to be. The same boy who broke down in front of me after receiving the news of his reputation. The same boy who pleaded me not to believe it, yet proves me time after time it's true. And to think I started to believe his lies. He almost had me too. And that's what hurts the most, the fact that he almost had me wrapped around his finger, believing whatever he said. Whenever people ask why it is so hard to trust, I always respond with the same answer; why is it so hard to keep a promise? Or in this case, why is it so hard to tell the truth?

Shuffling my feet against the cold cement, I headed back towards the stairs. Suddenly I wasn't hungry anymore. In fact, I feel bloated and stuffed, about to burst at any given moment.

And somewhere along those seven flights of stairs I had to climb, I picked up a few followers. By the time I reached my apartment Lou and two others had joined me.

"Why do these things always happen to me?" One of the girls whined and wiped the smudged mascara from under her puffy eyes.

I could hardly block out her sobs from the safety of my door. It was too much to bare. But in that moment where I thought i was drowning I my own mind, I made a decision. I'm not going to mope around all day, no, Easton would hate that. He knew somehow this was meant to be, and if he knew this would happen, he would take in consideration us. I knew he would, and if Easton was here today, he would hate the sorrow we held. Don't we all hate pity?

Today is the last day I let something else take control of my life. And I plan to spend the rest of my evening admiring the beauty everyone is failing to see.

I sat starring out my windows, a blanket wrapped around my exposed shoulders. The sun slowly lowering itself behind the skyline, painting he city a beautiful gold and pink. These are the moments I will forever remember. Those precious moments in life where everything clicks, and the world around you adapted to the change in a mater of seconds. Reflecting whatever decision you had made.

So I snapped a picture. Both mental and digital. To remember the turning point in my life. And I examined the sky more, it's intriguing on how something nature could be so exquisite and perfect.

"I need you." A voice woke my up from my day dreaming.

"Well I certainly don't need you." I took a glance out of my eye, revealing Harry.

"What did I do?"

And that caused a change in me. I was clearly overreacting, after all, who knows what Harry was doing right? It wasn't what I thought he was doing was it?

"I want to talk to Niall."

"Niall? He's with his girl." Harry spit at me, obviously trying to get back and hurt me.

"Then I want to be alone." I didn't bother to even turn and face him.

"What is your problem?" Harry scoffed.

"I don't have a problem, if you have and complaints you can leave, nobody is holding you back."

"You know, I came here to give you something, but clearly you are too busy being a fucking bitch." Harry spat at me.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not the one who lied straight to somebody's face." I sweetly replied, my eye contact never breaking the sunset.

"I never lied." Harry stopped to face me.

"You told me you don't, you know- sleep around- yet today I hear noises coming from your room." I lowered my voice.

"You don't know shit, I didn't do anything." Harry defended.

"Okay." I ended the conversation like that, even though I didn't believe him.

"O-okay? That's all? No snarky ass come back?" Harry seemed a little dumbfounded.

"No. Does everything have to be a fight to you? Now's not the time to be arguing about something pointless, normally these are the times that bring people together." I let out a long sigh.

Silence.

And then there was a tug on my blanket. Harry plopped down besides me, stealing half of my warm cover. "You're right, there's no use in bickering, so... What are we doing?" Harry pulled a slight smile onto his face.

I didn't respond, but motioned towards the window. Soon enough I was slipping into a peaceful nap. Next thing I knew pictures of my brothers flashed through my mind, starting off peaceful but switching into a scary reenactment.

"Stop!" I sat up and shouted.Harry froze, phone in his hand. I must have fallen asleep for a little bit on Harry. "Sorry, did I fall asleep?" I shifted so I wasn't as close to Harry.

Harry nodded and turned his phone to face me. On screen were pictures of my sleeping on Harry's lap with the pretty glow from the sun illuminating my features. Despite my brief nightmare, I still had a grin while I slept. But I couldn't have been out for too long, the sun was still barely visible.

I abruptly stood up, throwing my blanket aside, watching Harry look at me like an attentive child. I had something in mind that would keep me busy and awake for a while, and required a little team work. Yanking blankets and sheets off my bed and pillows from my love seat and bed, I formed a pile of materials.

"We're going to make a fort." And that's all it took to lure the inner child out of the rigged Harry everyone knew.

Thirty minutes and forty words later, our kingdom was built. With chairs as supporting walls and canopies of my sheets. Pillows lining the sides and my fluffy comforter doubling as carpet. Natural lighting was dim, being the only source of light coming from the exit, which faced my window wall. Luckily I had taken my battery powered strand of Christmas lights with me in the move, it now lined our sides.

"Teamwork!" Harry gave me a high five as we admired our living space.

While camping out in our cove, we supplied ourselves with limited resources. A stack of my favorite books, a sketch book and colored pencils, an empty journal, my laptop, some gold fish and juice boxes. So you could say we were living the life.

"I hear you write?" It seemed like a good time to bring this up, just maybe not in the best way.

"Oh yeah, says who?" Harry snickered and tried to ignore it.

"Easton." And there came one of many awkward moments.

"Yeah, I enjoy reading and writing." Harry didn't look up for the picture he was drawing.

Our brief conversation ending soon and we soon slipped back into a relaxing silence as we both worked on our master pieces. Each conveyed a story, but one had words.

The Few, The Only
The words never meant so much
Those two little words
Meaning more that life itself
The few and only
The end of it all
I'm gone

I etched the words in thin, messy lines, like rough bark on a tree. Meanwhile Harry sketched a piece of art work.

"Let me hear it." Harry didn't evert his gaze up to me even once.

"Just read it for yourself." I politely handed him my quick poem and took his drawing.

I was amazed by his skill. The most lavish and detailed piece of clockwork I have ever seen in graphite. Each gear was sharp and distinct. Completed with a beautifully drawn sun and moon upon the pocket watch. With a strand of words scribbled in.

I need to stop, but I don't know how.

I love art nearly as much as reading and writing, but not quite. I love how a picture speaks a thousands words. How you can interoperate the piece with just a few seconds of looking it over. You can't do that with books, that privilege is only kept by art.

"You like it?" Harry had a sparkle in his eye after watching my reaction.

"Yeah." My voice was hushed.

"Your words and my picture go together." Harry noted.

"How so?" I didn't truly understand what he meant.

"You'll understand later."

"Then why bring it up now?" I questioned.

"Because." Harry had a humble smile and took his artwork back from me.

"Pass me some Goldfish please!" I held a fake and overly large smile.

"Open." Harry grabbed a large handful of fish.

"Oh god." I muttered and opened my mouth, but closed my eyes.

Harry tossed four Goldfish at me, all of which made it into my mouth. Surprised, I opened my eyes to make sure he hadn't cheated. And sure enough, as I pealed one eye open, Harry sat only centameters away.

"Ah!" I screamed and fell backwards.

"Come on love, I didn't scare you that bad did I?" Harry giggled.

"I defiantly was not expecting that." I placed my hand over my heart to monitor my erratic heart.

"Calm down, I didn't even do anything." Harry chuckled.

"You almost gave me a heart attack!" I scolded him.

"Whatever." Harry laughed and inhaled some fish.

And the rest of the night continued on like this. We wrote or drew on our own and connected every ten minutes of so. Each time I was somehow harassed.

"I-I'm getting sleepy." I yawned.

Harry had a small smile and dragged my laptop over to him. "Come here." He tugged on my shirt.

I let out a sigh and scooted over by him. I don't really know why I held so many things against Harry, yet here I treat him just like I would Niall or Easton. My eyes literally rolled into the back of my head when I saw what was on screen.

"Netflix, really?"

"What? I want to watch a good film."

"Titanic?"

"It's a good film!" Harry defended.

"Yes, a great film to fall asleep to. Now good night." I snuggled up in my blankets.

"Oh no. You're watching this with me." Harry pulled me closer to him, so we were almost on top of each other.

Normally I would have squirmed and wiggled away, but Harry made a good pillow, I must admit. "You're lucky you are comfortable to sit by." I made a dull expression and rested my head against his shoulder.
After the first four minutes I could already feel my eyelids getting heavy. Kate Winslow hadn't even met damn Leonardo DiCaprio and I was already bored with the movie. I've seen this too many times for me to be interested at this hour.

Slowly, second by second I slipped into a peaceful sleep. And just as I lost conciseness, I felt two arms wrap tightly around my waist and pull me in tight. With a head resting against mine, I was finally able to sleep.


Polyvore Link: right here

Notes

Last update before I leave tomorrow to go to Mexico!! Spring break has finally come bitches!! But to dull my excitement, I found out my math teacher Mr. Abbott is also staying at the EXACT same resort. And let me tell you, this please is pretty damn high end and expensive. he's pretty nerdy and we just found out he has a tattoo, so now everyone in my hour is teasing me about getting matching tattoos. Talk about awkward, like I'm going to see him on the beach. Ew.

anyway, ew.

Hope you liked it!
xoxo
-E


P.s. The more comments, reads, or votes, the faster I update.