True love?

I couldn't start to speak. I wanted to tell her so badly, yet no words seemed to define itself and come out of my mouth. Instead I kept quiet. Tessa put her hand on my shoulder and looked me steadily in the eye. Her blue eyes were as always enchanting and gave me courage.

"I'm sorry, it's really hard to tell. So, here it comes:
397 days ago my sister, Lottie, wanted to audition for a ballet school. She was only 10 years old then. I recently got my drivers license and since our parents had to work on that day, I agreed to drive her. It was about 4 o' clock and we still had one hour more to drive. The problem was that she had to audition at 5.15 PM, so we would be too late. When we would arrive she had to register herself and find out in which building she had to audition. Too much to do in those 15 minutes. She kept nagging that it was all my fault because I talked to long with my friends before coming to pick her up. I was getting frustrated. I told her she didn't have to be a brat. It was only because of me she had the chance to audition. That wouldn't shut her up either and she kept asking me to drive faster. It was only the sixth time I drove with drivers license and I told her I wouldn't risk loosing my license already. She said she would never get into that school because I, her big brother, didn't love her enough to sacrifice loosing my license. My exact words in responding that were: Sorry, Lottie, but not everything is about you. Grow up. That's when I saw the truck coming. Normal responses in that moment are to turn the car with the passengers seat to the coming danger, but I didn't do that. I tried to let the truck hit my side, I tried to keep my little sister safe. The truck hit us in the middle of the car, it's front facing us. I heard her yelling my name, and I kept yelling back: Lottie, it'll be allright. Hang on, Lottie! I love you! After a minute everything started to turn black. I remember that my chest hurt and I could't move my legs. But that's it. Two months later I woke up in the hospital. Harry was keeping watch at that time. My mom and dad went home that night to sleep a little, he said. He said- he said- he said that Lottie died in the car. He said that she was still awake when the paramedics came, but she died in the ambulance due to internal bleeding. The nurses came into my room to check on everything. I was okay. Harry also said then that I had been in a coma for two months, and the doctors already believed I wouldn't wake up. The only thing that kept me alive were those machines. After I woke up, I had to lay in that hospital for another month, to revalidate. I had to learn eating and walking and more. My parents and friends came to visit me every day, but I felt miserable. It was my fault my sister died that day and I couldn't even go to her funeral! I let her die and I- I-"

I collapsed. I did my very best. I told Tessa the story, or at least the important stuff. Tessa took gently my face in her hands and stared in my eyes. Our faces were only a few inches parted from each other. She was crying. Her thumb moved over my cheek to wipe a tear off.

"I'm so sorry that had to happen to you, Louis. I'm so sorry you had to loose your sister. Is that the reason you're sometimes staring into space and not talking? That you have this sorrow in your eyes and even when you're smiling, you're not smiling with your heart?"

"Yes, it is, Tess. You've noticed, huh?"

"Of course I did."

"I've been so miserable these past few months, you can't imagine. All I wanted to do was end my life. I don't want to live in a world without my sister. If I didn't have my parents and friends, I would've done it. They never left me alone, especially Harry. Every time I left the house, he mysteriously waited for me outside my house. I bet my parents called him each time I went to get my jacket. He lived next to me, so it was easy for him to get there on time. My parents also grieved, but they did it by remembering her and taking care of me. I heard them crying each night, when they thought I was asleep. They cried and what did I? I got into a depression. Only a month ago I reached my deepest point and tried to jump out of my window. Of course I landed on grass and did not even get a scratch. My dad went all crazy and said he couldn't loose another child and my mother cried and cried. They got into a meeting with my psychologue and she agreed it was best that we moved. Get to know new people, go to a different school, live in a different house, make new friends,.. That's when I met you. You saved me, Tess. Every day I get a bit better. Today I felt happy for a few seconds, but real happy. I smiled because I wanted to smile and not because I had to."

My voice was now only a whisper. Tessa put her forehead against mine and we were breathing the same air. I felt comforted. Something nobody ever could do. My friends always tried, but they never could comfort me like Tessa now did.

"I need you, Tess. Please stay with me."

"Always, Louis. Always. I'm not going anywhere."

I wanted to sit like that forever. Tessa close to me and keeping the bad from the world far from me. After a while Tessa sat differently so that her head was rested against my chest. If someone were to pass by, they would've thought I was comforting Tessa, instead otherwise. Again she knew how to make me as comfortable as was possible. Passer-byes would never look at my face to see if I was crying, they would look at her. I slowly put my head on hers and fell asleep. Drifting in a -for the first time since I woke up- dreamless sleep.

Notes