When I review stories, I don't go through every chapter analyzing each sentence, I pick a couple random chapters and read any part to sort of get a feel for the story. Your story is good however there is definitely room for improvement, e.g. try to use words appropriately because it come across as a malapropism - the incorrect use of words - which can be embarrassing.
That was my only critique and otherwise the story's great :)

Stay Awesome,
Suman Xx