Author's Note

The Dragons Echo, now I am a huge fan of sci-fi stories, hence why I love Game of Thrones and Eragon so much. Your story was the first one I have ever seen that involved "Dragons" and aliens. Most people stick to the boring vampires and demon stories, but you played with a completely different and unique idea. It reminded me a lot like The Host though, which is an amazing story, but you did give it some different aspects like the bracelets and futuristic style life.

It started off really great, with the correct grammar and punctuations, it drew me in and made me want to read more. Yes the first chapter was small, but what really mattered was the fact that you grabbed someone's attention and that is what they teach you in college on stories, always try to grab a readers attention in that first page or two, because if you don't you will lose your reader.

As to the second chapter though, it seemed like you had rushed through it and didn't want to check your work anymore. It went quickly and there were grammar errors everywhere after that first chapter, you started spelling simple words incorrectly, leaving out punctuation here and there. What I like to do with my stories is write them in word, go to spell check, fix my silly mistakes, re-read the chapter a few times, sometimes even have others read it before I post anything. I still find little mistakes, but if you re-read your story just once, you can fix so much.

Detail:

You first chapter was nice with describing, I could see what you wanted your reader to see, but like with the grammar in the second chapter you rushed or over described making the reader skim through it. There are times you want to describe and times you don't want to over describe, example:

My Dad waited on the sofa while watching television projections, its like telivision apart from the images are like out side of the telivison, like 3d, apart from the fact they literaly are out of the screen and you don't need glasses.

you could have left a lot of this out, because you are just confusing the reader with lots of different explanations of one item, you could have tried different ways with it like:

I walked into the room, nervous to put the bracelet on yet again. There my dad sat on the sofa, never looking quite comfortable as he watched people fighting throughout our living room, the television projecting the news into the air, not so much like those old ancient dusty things that people used to call T.V.'s, where beautiful images were caged in a small little box, harsh for human eyes to watch.

With that you can actually describe something without making it sound like you, the author, is trying to explain it. Which I have noticed through out your story, that you have a lot of description being told through Harry's eyes, then you switch it to a style like you are the point of view.

Chapters:

Your chapters are very, very short, and your paragraphs on top of that are even shorter. You like to use a lot of one sentenced paragraphs. What you write isn't bad, it will just look better if you put those one lined sentences together with the other one line sentence to create a paragraph. Yes it is good to switch your length of paragraphs, but not all of them should be one lined ones, unless you are having characters talk a lot.

Realism:

Now since this is a sci-fi story its hard to look on that, but I liked to look at it in the sense if aliens were real, you made it exactly what humans would most likely do. They would freak out and always be suspicious of every little thing, and react the way they do when they find one amongst their race. You did really well there.

Characters:

Your characters don't need to be described in them telling about them, make it stretched out a little, let us learn in a different way than the character saying what they look like and such. You can do simple things like, he walked across a mirror, seeing his hair a little dusty or tousled or something as easy as that. Saying I'm Harry Styles, I'm 19, I live in the future, ect, ect, ect, leaves the reader with no imagination on your character and can't connect to them well.

Last thing, your story is all about aliens, your biggest thing is you spell aliens right one time then wrong the next sentence, then right again, then wrong again. so keep an eye on that. Also, you haven't updated in a long time...

If you fix those things, this story will be amazing, it already catches your eye, it is a different One Direction fan fiction, with a great story line, that needs a little tough loving care! :)

Notes

This review is by the lovely @breeana