Author's Note

Hello! I think I've reviewed one of your stories in the past so you know how it goes. Small to big!

1. Space
So when you write your chapters, a lot is going on. Sometimes I get confused when a new part is starting, such as going from her being in her dorm to the store and back to the dorm. If you add some space between the two sections it will make it clearer for your reader. I do like how you begin using the bold text to start a new section but I would still add an extra space.

2. Harry....Henry?
So this is an easy fix. When she gets to class his name is said and they become partners but at the end of the last chapter you wrote she doesn't know his name. I feel like at this point she would know his name since she's been around his friends and they have said his name multiple times. However, that's your preference.

3. Rush
So you give a LOT of information in each chapter yet it still feels rushed. I feel like it is rushed in the sense that you mention things but don't spend enough time on it. For example, just in the first chapter she moves to the dorm, sees Cameron, goes to the store, comes back to the dorm, go to a bar/club, and then go back to the house. It's a lot of information and I would maybe make it into two chapters? Maybe the move and the dorm for the first and the bar/club in the second.

4. Realism
In general, your plot is realistic. She goes to college and meets Harry. However, a few things just seem a little far-fetched such as her living in the frat house. I could possibly see her living in a sorority but to even have a room in one of those houses you have to be a member of that frat. Also, colleges don't pay for the houses, that's on the frat itself so her dorm bills wouldn't be a part of that. Next is the whole job and CEO thing. I'm not sure if I just don't understand what it is or if it's something you thought of but I think it may need to be more clear. It kind of makes me think that she will be forced to be with Harry. That's just my confusion so it may be perfectly fine.

So those are the main things I picked out. As for the positives:
character descriptions: perfect
summary: perfect
structure/grammar/spelling: perfect

Seriously, this is really good and it just needs a few things here and there. I love the detail you have in your story because I can picture pretty much everything. The chapters are a little lengthy but I much rather read a long chapter then a short one. Keep going because I really think it has great potential!

If you have anymore questions just let me know!

Notes