Author's Note

Okay I finished reading so let's start! Usually I start from small problems to big one's but I want to address something big first.

The amount of authors is way too much. The thing with so many authors is that everyone has a different writing style. Some people use a lot of spacing, like myself, and others prefer to keep their dialogue close together. The problem with this is that each chapter looks so different. If you're going to have this many authors you have to let each other read over the chapters first before posting. It's also hard to read because there are so many stories going on. Each girl is going to have a different story with each guy. That is going to make the story extremely hard to write without merging the characters.

So besides that, here are a few other things to look at:

1. Lyrics
I never recommend typing out all lyrics but if you're going to do it don't do this:
Skylar- Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn my back and slam the door

I want you to tell me who is singing in sentence form.

Skylar began the song,
"Let it go, let it go....."

I can tell you that people will skim over the lyrics so if you want to add the lyrics, add some detail. Tell me where Skylar is standing on the stage and when she flips her hair around.

2. Numbers
Spell out numbers! Unless the number is 7,432,579,765,432 you need to write it out:
5 = five
20 = twenty
100 = one hundred
7:00 = seven o'clock
If it is an odd number such as 7:11 or 3:21, don't worry about it but small numbers should be written out.

3. POV
In chapter seven there is way too much POV changes. In general, you should only have max four POV throughout the whole story. If you do have more you need to give more than a paragraph before switching POV.

4. Grammar/Structure/Spelling
So like I said, with this many authors it's hard to get a feel of the story because of how differently everyone sets up their chapter. Here is the main thing I caught though.

Me and my band, Lost InJustice were going to perform for the VMA'S. It was our dream. "Hey, come on Skylar. Stop playing the piano". Our stylist Becky said. She did all of our outfits. "Ok, I'll stop". Skylar said laughing.
try:
Me and my band, Lost InJustice, were going to perform for the VMA's. It was our dream. "Hey, come on Skylar, stop playing the piano," our stylist Becky said. She did all of our outfits.

"Okay, I'll stop," Skylar said laughing.

So breaking up the dialogue let's us see who is speaking and the punctuation needs to be worked on.

5. Detail
I need detail! All I know from this scene is that they're in a limo:
"I can't believe we won!" Skylar said.
"I know this is unbelievable!" Kayla replied.
"What I can't believe even more is that One Direction nominated US!" Krystal screamed.

"I can't believe we won!" Skylar said as she buckled up next to Kayla.
I pulled my hair away from my face and smiled as Kayla began adding her excitement, "I know, this is unbelievable!"
"What I can't believe even more is that One Direction nominated us!" Krystal screamed. I chuckled to myself and grabbed a bag of skittles from some basket that was fortunately placed in our limo. I'm so hungry.

See how that gives us some information placing us in the limo? Of course there is much more to add such as the temperature, the amount of room they have, and the set up but regardless, detail is very important! I want to be in that limo right next to each of them!

6. And here it comes, realism!
I think the biggest problem I have is that the same thing happens to each girl. They go to the party and get paired up with one of the guys. Could that happen? Maybe. But even if it did happen would they be kissing and dating the first night? If that's going to happen we need background information such as if they have been friends or if they've ever met. From what I can tell this is the first time they've really met. At least that's the impression I found. I could be wrong but that means it needs more depth so your reader isn't confused.

I think that covers it! Just make sure to make it original because as of right now I know exactly what's happening. This many authors is probably not the best idea unless you can all be together in the same room and brainstorm together. Each chapter needs to look the same structurally and their stories need to be different!

Hopefully this has helped and if you have anymore questions message me!

-A

Notes