It's Not What It Looks Like

"Tell me you don't love me," he urges again.

Now he's just making fun of me, making me tell him over and over again that I inadvertently still love him. He's rubbing it in my face, saying 'see! you do love me!' Because he's a sick son of a bitch.

I feel the angry fill my entire being and glare into his eyes, "I might not be able to say it now, but I'll be damned if I love you forever."

His face drops and he reaches up for my face, hovering over my cheek with his thumb. He isn't touching me, he knows better. I step back out of his invisible hold and shake my head.

"I'm done Zayn, I'm so done. Please stop this," I beg.

"I'm fixing this Blair! I'm going to end all of this so we can be together!"

WE WILL NEVER BE TOGETHER!! Why doesn't he understand that? Why doesn't he get that the best thing for everyone is for him to marry Perrie and stay out of my life. Everyone can be happy. Why is he torturing me?

I cry out in frustration, "No! We can't! You think that ruining this for them and yourself is how you're going to get me to keep loving you, well it's not. You need to let me go Zayn."

He stares at me with wide eyes, shaking his head. I step forward and throw my arms around his shoulders, letting him hold me one last time.

"You need to let me let you go," I whisper.

"I broke you, didn't I?" he asks.

I move back so that I can see his face and I can feel the hurt radiating off of his body. The tears staining his cheeks remind me that this is what we both need. This was never healthy. This was never love. This was never meant to be. This was two people who thought they were working their emotions out for fun, not for anything real. Yet before we knew it, we were head over heels in love. Jealous, crazy, love.

"No you-" he cuts me off.

"Please don't lie to me," he begs.

I nod solemnly, "Yeah."

I see him look away from me, squeezing his eyes together and biting his lip to stop any unwanted noise from escaping. He looks vulnerable and sad and I need to be fucking stronger. I need to fix this so we can both move on. I need to stop being such a pussy.

I carasse his cheek and move his eyes back to mine, "Hey, it's okay. I'm okay."

"No you aren't. I broke you. I broke the only think I've ever loved," he cried.

My dramatic little Zayn was back. He didn't have a problem with loving. He had a problem with losing. Losing awards, losing footy games, losing me. This was the Zayn I was in love with. The Zayn that I would find crying in hotel rooms over the fact that 'he thought I had left him' when in reality, I was smoking weed in Louis' room next door. Worst of that, I had told him that's what I was doing.

I smile sympathetically, "I may have been broken, but I'm getting a little better everyday. Thanks to you."

He scoffed, "What does that even mean?"

"I was broken but you let me leave. You gave me space and time to heal. One day I'll be totally fine, and so will you. One day we can maybe even be friends."

He walks over to the couch and sits, motioning for me to sit next to him. I sigh and curl up on the other end, making sure we aren't too close.

"Do you remember that night in Oslo?" he asks.

Olso, Norway? I don't remember half of that summer, and I don't think I was ever in Norway.

"I... don't think so?"

"We broke onto the roof of the hotel and got locked out?" he says.

Oh my God, how could I forget.

Flashback:
"Baby, come on! It'll be fun!" Zayn whines, tugging at my wrists.

It's official, he's lost his fucking mind.

"I'm not going on the roof with you Zayn! It's cold and dark and we're not allowed!" I know that all of my reasons are much more valid than 'it'll be fun' so I intend on winning this argument.

He raises his eyebrows at me and scoffs, "Fine stay here with Niall like you always do."

He said the N-word. Now I have to. Fucking great.

"You're such a fucking child," I mumble.

"And you're cheating on me," he retorted.

"And you're ENGAGED!" I screamed back.

He pulls my wrists swiftly and before I know it, we're chest to chest. I can see the hunger and fury in his eyes and I know neither of us are going to last much longer.

"You have two choices. I can take you right here in this hallway and make you scream so loudly your precious little boyfriend hears, or I can take you up to the roof and make love to you..." He kisses my neck and hums in my ear, "All. Night. Long."

I push him back, stomping towards him as we make it to the elevator, "Angry? I like that."

"Shut the fuck up and take me to the roof," I bark, grinning.

-----It's Not What It Looks Like-----

"What do you mean it's LOCKED?!" I screech, half naked with the blanket wrapped around me.

"It's just locked! I didn't shut it all the way! Someone must've shut it," he says, trying to piece everything together.

I sigh at my realization, "Fuck."

"I'm sorry love. I didn't mean to," he pouted.

I laugh, "Zayn I shut the door."

"What?! Are you fucking insane. Why would you shut it!"

"It's a door! I shut doors! Why would I know that when the door shuts it automatically locks!" I yell back.

He rolls his eyes, "Haven't you ever seen the hangover?! Or like, Gossip Girl?!"

"Stop talking like a valley girl. That's TELEVISION!"

He grins and picks me up, throwing me and my blanket over his shoulder, "What are you doing?!"

"Keeping you warm. We're staying here tonight."

-Flashback Ends-
I smile and point at him, "That was YOUR fault!"

He shook his head, not bothering to hide the smug look on his face, "No no no. That was YOUR fault. You're the one who shut the door!"

I laughed, "You're the one who didn't tell me not to! How was I supposed to know?"

He opens his mouth to speak but I cut him off, "Don't you dare say Gossip Girl."

He laughs, "You're the one who made me watch that stupid show anyway!"

I roll my eyes and try to hide my genuine smile, "Did you ever finish the series after I left?"

He nods, "I actually did. You're right, we're definitely Chuck and Blair."

"Yeah except they get their happy ending."

The second the words leave my mouth, I regret them. Why would I say that? What is WRONG with me?!

He sighs and moves towards me. I shuffle farther backwards until I'm at the edge of the couch. He doesn't follow me, or look at me for that matter. He just keeps his place.

"We'll both have our happy ending. It just might not be with eachother."

He stands and moves towards me, leaning over and pressing his lips to my forehead. I cover my mouth, stifling back sobs as he walks to the door and leaves. Just leaves me here. Typical Zayn, always has to make some profound statement then leave to let me mull it over. The second the door shuts, I burst into tears.

"Blair?! Blair calm down. He's gone, it's okay," Bridget says.

But it's not okay. It's not okay that he's gone. It's not okay that my heart is breaking all over again. It wasn't okay then and it's not okay now.

"What can I do? What do you need?" she begs.

"Li-Liam," I sob.

"I need Liam," I say much more firmly.

She purses her lips and holds onto me, "Okay B. We'll get you Liam."

Notes

Hi loves! Here's ch 8. Sorry it's so short :(
Please comment and tell me what you're thinking :)