The Wall Flower

--Carrie’s POV:

After stepping into the Styles house half an hour ago, I took the liberty of sitting on the couch and staying out of everyone’s way. Harry was currently in the shower, Gemma was just finishing getting ready and cleaning up this morning’s breakfast dishes, Anne was frantically making driving arrangements for Harry’s old grandmother, and Robin had just joined me on the quiet couch and out of the chaotic mess of the rest of the house. To say that this morning in their house was chaotic was nothing compared to the car ride. The 3 hour ride to London, Anne kept reassuring Harry, who was sitting next to me, that he would do fine and had nothing to worry about. And Harry had long stopped listening and kept bouncing his leg up and down, whistling, or looking out the window to distract himself from his nerves. Even Gemma, who was constantly picking on her younger brother, had seen how nervous he was, and when his jittery-ness would get out of hand would calm him down and made sure he was drinking plenty of water. Everyone seemed to be in frantics, even Robin and Des, who were both so laid back, had looked like they hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep last night. As for me, I knew that if I let Harry know how nervous I was for him, he would freak out even more, so I made my best effort to distract him from where we were going and would start asking random questions, which seemed to help, even if it only was for a few seconds. On the inside, I was terrified. I had known Harry had been offered a full scholarship to the University in Lacrosse, and knew that if he didn’t make it through the X Factor, would have nothing to do until next fall where he could start a year later than everyone else in our class. No matter how smart he was or how good he was in sports, I knew universities around here didn’t allow late admissions. Did I believe Harry could make it? Of course. Did I support Harry’s decision? Undoubtedly. But that still didn’t change the fact that I thought he was crazy for not signing up for classes at all.




--Harry’s POV:

I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t even close my eyes anymore. I knew I was being stupid; I didn’t sign up for college just to prove myself to Robin, and for what? If I didn’t make it through, what was I going to do for a year? Work for Robin, no thanks. All my friends would be attending university or working and then there was Carrie. Carrie was going to school in London and would leave in the fall. Maybe if things didn’t work out I could move there and we could finally start dating like I always hoped.

Flashback*********

I watched her as she fell apart in my arms and cried. It was 7th grade and we had just gotten to her house after her mother’s funeral. I remembered when we were seven and my parents had split up, it was traumatizing but not as bad as Carrie’s situation now. After Mary had been born, Carrie’s mom had gotten cancer 5 months later, and for 5 years was fighting it before cancer finally won her over. Everyone said it was peaceful ,since she had been off the chemo for a while she wasn’t sick, but even I knew that cancer was never peaceful.
End of flashback*************


As I lay awake, that is one of the memories that comes to mind, I didn’t understand why Carrie had trusted me while she was in her most vulnerable state when I had already been bullying her for years. And then I remembered why she never trusted me after that.

Flashback***********

Carrie pulled herself from my arms and started apologizing.

“Sorry,” she says.

“What for?” I ask

“My mom wouldn’t want me to cry. She always said it made you look weak. And here I am, 3 days after she died and I’m already disobeying something she had told me her whole life.” She said starting to cry harder. “How am I going to know what to do without her here to tell me? How will I know which song to do my next solo to, how am I going to know whether the blue ribbon or the green ribbon will match my outfit, how will I know how to do anything without her to tell me right from wrong.”

I was speechless. Hell, I didn’t know, all I knew is I couldn’t tell her that.

“Don’t say that, Carrie, you still have Tatum, she’ll know what ribbon matches each outfit. And Gemma, you know she thinks of you as her own little sister and will always help you. You’ll always have people that love you. You have Tatum, your dad, and Laden and Mary who look up to you so much. Plus my mother and sister love you so much. And Carrie, no matter how bad everything is, always know that I-“ I start to say but am interrupted by knocking on the door.

“Harry, your mother wants you to go home for dinner.” Carrie’s aunt says, and walks down the stairs.

“It’ll be okay, Carrie, I’ll be back I promise,” I say as she starts to tell me not to leave. “I just have to go to dinner and I’ll be back, just leave your window open and I’ll be back before you know it.”



And instead I hung out with Jules.

End of Flashback*****

Carrie needed me and I wasn’t there. So that’s why she hated me so much more than Jules or William. I couldn’t even keep a promise to her as simple as that. My mom walked in and I closed my eyes pretending to be sound asleep. I could feel the bed dip as she sat down, and she ran her fingers from my forehead down my cheek, like she used to when I was little and ill. After a while she gently shook me awake and after opening my eyes, I could tell she didn’t sleep well.

My mother. The only rational person about this whole situation. She said I should sign up for schooling and the X Factor, why didn’t I listen? I already knew why, because if I had, I thought I would admit that I knew I might not make it, and I couldn’t give Robin that satisfaction of being right. But now I could see all the trouble this was doing for my mother. She worried that I wouldn’t make it, and I can’t blame her. Seeing the pitied look she gave me made me regret not listening to her.

“Ready for your big day?” She said giving me a small smile. I nodded and she stood up leaving me in my room to process everything.

I faintly hear the door open and lose and the chatter from downstairs and take that as my que to get ready. Now or never. I tell myself.

Notes

Here ya go, hopefully I can update again either today or tomorrow, love y'all so much .xx

mwah!