(Louis’ POV)
After my huge breakdown, after admitting things I’d barely told myself, sharing things I’d thought I’d locked away forever…well, things change a little. For the better, of course. I’m so much closer with the boys, and I literally have no invisible barriers anymore. I feel happier, more free…better. Much better. And with Haz, well. After that we’d gone back to the hotel and quickly stripped each other of our clothes. Though there was something special about it, because…well, it wasn’t sex, or fucking. No, it was making love, and yes that sounds cheesy, but that’s what it was and it was meaningful and perfect and Harry kissed my scars and whispered promises (“You’ll never feel like that again, I won’t let you, I love you so much my brave, brave BooBear.”) as his fingers wandered and small whimpers fell from my mouth. Perfect.
And everything is fabulous for about a week, as we travel around the states, performing, exploring, laughing and loving.
But of course, things come to an end, I suppose.
We’re sat in our hotel room, cuddled up on the couch, watching some crap telly. I’m in Harry’s lap (when am I not) and he’s playing with the hair behind my ear, making me shiver occasionally, which elicits adorable chuckles from him. Liam is texting Danielle, probably something cute, as per usual. Zayn’s lounging around, winking at me occasionally when he notices the effect Harry has on me. Niall’s quite happy to munch on his crisps and make crude comments about the pregnant teenagers on the television program.
“I love you.” Harry whispers in my ear and I blush and fucking giggle, seeing Zayn roll his eyes.
I spin to look at him, eyes alight with honesty. I hope mine look the same because I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.
“I love you.” I smile, and lean in to kiss him softly, lips moving with practised expertise.
Before it can deepen though, my phone rings (Drops Of Jupiter because hello, best song ever) and I have to break away with an apologetic smirk.
I fish the phone out of my pocket and check the caller ID, and my heart stops.
Colin.
My brain goes in circles, starting with what the fuck and moving to why the fuck and ending with what the fuck do I do? Haz obviously feels me stiffen, because he looks at me in a confused way, eyebrows furrowed. I force myself to breathe and realise that I should probably answer.
I mean, I never even texted or called him like I promised. And Sasha did say it was his friend that tried to spread a rumor…right? Fuck it.
“Oi, mute the tv.” I direct at no one in particular, and someone (Niall I think) manages to do so.
I sigh, sending Harry a worried look that obviously only confuses him more, before pressing the answer button and bringing it to my ear.
“Hello?” I answer, heart stuttering because what the fuuuckkk.
“Hey. Um. It’s Colin.” He says on the other end and I sigh at the sound of his voice.
“I got that much.” I respond, maybe a little too harshly, but I just…what am I supposed to do?
“Right. Well, I don’t exactly deserve that snippiness. I mean, not that you’d know. You never called.” Colin says, rudely, and I bite my lip trying not to snap.
“Don’t go blaming this on me, I really thought you were better than that.” I say snidely, sitting up away from Harry to rub at my face tiredly.
“I just…look, Louis, I get it. You’re with Harry and that’s great but about the whole rumor thing, you have to understand, that wasn’t me. Not my fault.” Colin explains.
“Oh? How do I know you’re not lying?” I ask, becoming aware that everyone is watching me intently, especially Harry, who looks incredibly lost. I don’t fill him in.
“Jesus, can you not just trust me?” Colin asks and I snort.
“Don’t be an ass, Colin.” I retort, then realize my mistake as four choruses of ‘Colin!?’ echo around the room.
“Can we just meet up? I’m in Vegas too, for my cousin’s wedding. So could we just talk? I’m not a horrible person, I think you know that much.” Colin suggests and I widen my eyes.
“I just…”
“Please. Just give me a chance to explain myself.” He begs, and I sag in defeat. I might as well, I suppose.
“Fine. Fine, where?” I ask, feeling Harry stiffen. I rub my thumb over his fingers, but he doesn’t reciprocate. That scares me a little.
“Um, how about the coffee shop by my hotel? I can text you the address. When are you not busy doing all your famous stuff?” He asks a little bitterly.
“Colin…” I warn, and he sighs over the phone.
“Sorry. When are you free?” He asks and I smile a little at the obvious apologetic tone.
“Erm, tonight after the concert I suppose. Around, like, 11 or something?” I ask, and then Harry really does go rigid, and guilt washes over me.
I’ve been staring at the floor, purposefully avoiding eye contact but I risk a glance up at Zayn to see a clear look being pointed at me. Be careful. I cluck my tongue, but nod.
“Sounds good. I’ll text you. You’ll reply this time, right?” He asks, a little sarcastic, and a little hopeful.
“Shush.” I tease, but regret it when I realize how stupidly flirty it sounded. “Just send me the address.”
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll see you, Lou.” He says, back to the Colin he was when I met him, and I don’t bother to get annoyed at the shortening of my name.
“Bye.” I say, and end the call. Fucking shit.
When I look up, four pairs of eyes are staring at me. Liam looks utterly wary of the entire situation, confused. Niall seems maybe a little angry, though it’s clear it’s not at me. Zayn’s worried, easy to read. And Harry, my Hazza, just looks….betrayed. I look away again.
“So you’re meeting up with that Colin ass?” Niall asks, and I bite my cheek.
“He’s not…apparently it was just his friend, or something. He just wants to have a chance to explain, you know? He feels bad.” I try to explain, but Niall just raises an eyebrow, clearly not believing me.
“This might not be a good idea…” Liam warns, and I feel anger bubble inside me.
“You think I don’t know that? I know it’s entirely possible he did start the rumor, but I owe him. I promised him I’d text and call and I did neither. And yes, that’s because I have Harry but I can at least go hear him out.” I argue, maybe a little too loudly.
Liam sighs, but nods anyways. “Yeah, alright.”
“Just don’t let him get any more shit on you, yeah? We don’t need bad press.” Niall says, and I nod.
“I know.” I grumble.
“I don’t think bad press is what you should be worried about…” Zayn trails off, looking pointedly at Harry.
I glance up and see my gorgeous boyfriend fiddling with his hands. His face looks sullen, defeated even. He’s lost his spark, his…Harry-ness. His lip is caught between his teeth, eyes downcast, posture upset. He’s just…not himself.
“Hazza?” I ask, reaching out to put a hand on his. He jumps a little, and that really can’t be a good thing.
“S’fine.” He mumbles.
“No, it’s really not. If you don’t want me to go, I won’t, you hear?” I ask, squeezing his fingers. He doesn’t look at me.
“Said it’s fine.” He says shortly, and okay, clearly it’s not.
“Harry, for the love of god, give me your attention, I’m your boyfriend.” I snap, and he does meet my gaze, his own normally inviting green eyes a little distant.
“I know.” He says softly.
“So, if you’re not okay with this, then it’s not happening. I only agreed because I feel like a prick for never calling him. He was sweet.” I say, and regret it instantly when Harry jerks his eyes away. “As a friend, darling. I was just hoping to be nice.”
“You are nice. You should go.” Harry suggests, and I raise my eyebrows.
“Not if you don’t want me to.” I say adamantly.
“I do. It could be good for you. You liked him. He was sweet.” Harry tells me, looking up with a hesitancy that catches me off guard.
“As a friend.” I remind him.
“Yeah.” Harry says, and then sighs. “I’m serious Lou, it’s fine.”
“You sure?” I ask, doubtful. But Harry’s got a small smile on his face, so I manage a grin as well.
“Positive. Now c’mon, we need to head down for sound check in a minute anyways.” He suggests, standing up and offering me a hand.
I take it, and he hauls me up off the couch with a low chuckle. We all stand up and get rid of our garbage, grabbing anything else we need and heading out the door.
I hold Harry’s hand all the way to the venue, but it seems less playful than usual. He’s holding onto me as though I might disappear. I try to reassure him I’m not, dancing on stage with him, answering twitter questions about our relationship. But he still seems off.
I hope that stops.
***********************************************************************
"Hey." I say with an instant grin as I amble to the back of the coffee shop, spotting Colin easily.
I know I should remain, like, somewhat cold towards him but I just…can’t. He’s such a kind, warm person that I find myself settling into an easygoing mood immediately.
"Hey Louis." He greets, gesturing the seat across the small table, which I take with a small laugh.
"How’s life?" I ask with a bit of humor, and he laughs.
"Life is interesting, though I’m sure not as much as yours. You and Harry are everywhere, can’t seem to get away from you." He explains, though I can’t tell if he’s teasing.
"You’re not-"
"No, I don’t take it personally and I’m not upset. In fact, I’m really happy for you." Colin assures me, and I sigh with relief. "How’s that going, by the way? You guys happy together and all that?"
"Yeah." I smile, blushing. "Really good."
"Good." Colin says, taking a sip of his coffee. I reach across and steal a cookie from his plate and he rolls his eyes fondly.
"So? Care to explain, like you wanted to?" I suggest, hoping the mood of friendliness doesn’t change.
"Right, so that wasn’t me. Basically what happened was that I was a little broken up that you never called-"
"I’m sorry-"
"Lou, shut it. It’s fine. I was more annoyed than anything. So I explained it to my friend Mike, who didn’t believe me at first, cause at that point the world thought you were straight, and hello, you’re a celebrity. But once I convinced him, he was kind of pissed off. He’s a bit like my big brother, super protective, y’know? So he said that if you didn’t end up calling, then I should tattle on you to management, which of course I said no to because I like you and respect you. But then he went and did it anyways, and didn’t tell me until after. I’m seriously sorry Louis, honestly, I was so mad that I locked him out of our flat that night. Idiot slept in the hallway." He finishes, chuckling a little.
And okay, I’m angry at this Mike guy, but it seems like Colin cares about him, and I suppose I understand where he’s coming from. So whatever.
"Forget about it, yeah? It didn’t do any harm, never even got out, thanks to management. It made me and Harry stronger, ended up helping us come out. So it was a good thing, really." I say, smiling.
"Are you sure? Cause I felt so bad, and I would have called earlier but I didn’t know what to say, didn’t know if you’d even answer." Colin rambles and I smirk.
He blushes, and I wanna pinch his cheek. “I’m full of surprises.” I joke.
"Mm, I’m sure. So we’re okay? Cause if we are, I’d actually really like to be friends, but only if that’s okay." He asks, as if I’m above him. I snort.
"Of course it is, idiot. We’re friends. Just don’t go blabbering to Mike again and it’s all good. Though, I might have to meet him. Seems a lot like Zayn." I say, reaching out to take another cookie.
"Oh yeah, how are things with the guys? I only ever met Zayn. I’d like to be friends with them too, you guys seem cool. Although I have a feeling Harry might not be a fan." Colin tells me, wincing.
"Mm, I dunno. He should be fine. Although he seemed kind of upset when you called, knowing I agreed to meet you. I just…he seemed off. Like, he was still Harry, he just…his movements were different." I explain poorly.
"Movements?" Colin asks curiously, and suddenly I’m thankful I have an outsider to talk to.
"Yeah he, like, he was holding my hand differently. Like he didn’t wanna let go. And then he wasn’t touching me as much during the concert. Well, he did, but it was for less time than usual, which is totally weird because he’s such a cuddly, touchy-feely person. I just dunno what to say to him, how to make it better." I vent, rubbing tiredly at my eyes.
"You two are something else. Well, I think he’s just feeling kind of…he’s probably worried I’ll replace him." Colin says, and my heart sinks.
"He knows I’d never…" I trail off. Did he?
"I’m sure he’ll be fine Louis, just give him time. When you get back to the hotel, explain that I’m just a friend, kiss him, and then ravish the hell out of him." Colin laughs. "He’ll be alright."
"Yeah." I sigh. "You’re right."
"Always am, that’s something you’ll learn." He winks, sipping his coffee again.
"Oi, watch the cheek." I chuckle softly, feeling myself relax.
"You British are weird, man. We don’t talk like that here." Colin comments and I slap him lightly.
"That’s because we’re better than you. We have class." I tease, making Colin roll his eyes.
"Uhuh, sure, that’s what it is." He scoffs. "You guys call suspenders braces."
"Au contraire, you call braces suspenders.” I correct cheekily.
And before I know it we’ve launched into stories about friends, family and school, and we’re laughing and making rude comments. Turns out Colin’s incredibly witty, could rival even me and Zayn, and is quick to make stupid puns (“So then he told me he liked my stubble like the lovable idiot he is, and-” “Oh my god.” “What?” “Beard. He wanted you to have a beard.”). We both have a good time, honestly. I like hearing about Colin’s life, his mates, his crazy adventures, and he likes to listen to me as well.
Soon though, my phone buzzes and I pause to see Liam’s name.
"One second, yeah?" I say, and Colin nods, still smiling.
"Hey?" I half ask.
”Shit Louis, you fucked up.” Comes not Liam’s voice, but Zayn’s.
"What?" I ask, worried.
”Harry’s gone.” He says, and my heart stops.
"Harry’s gone?" I ask, seeing Colin look scared as well. "What the fuck?"
”He left, you know how he used to be, running away to think? He’s clearly not okay with the whole Colin thing. Snuck out of the hotel room, we don’t know where he is." Zayn explains and I swear I might have died.
"Fucking hell, did you call him?" I ask immediately, and Colin’s motioning for a check, and I manage a weak nod.
”Phone’s off. Fuck Louis, we don’t know where he is, Paul’s having a freakout, we don’t… Shut up Niall, I know you’re worried, don’t you think I am? Hell." Zayn’s rambling and I begin to shake.
"Shit. Fuck. Dammit, okay, I’m coming back. Meet me across from the hotel, I don’t wanna deal with fans right now. We’ll split up and find him." I order, then hang up and rush out of the coffee shop.
Though, Colin follows and I look at him questioningly.
"I’m helping you, Lou. I can drive us, I know the backstreets, I have an uncle who lives around here. C’mon." He says, much like Haz did only a while ago.
Fuck it.
**********************************
(Harry’s POV)
I wander down another street, trying not to let myself fall deeper in the trap, hate myself more, want to cry more. Because really, I feel like a fucking idiot. And I can’t even blame Louis, I can’t. Sure, they’re just friends now. But Colin was Louis’ first male crush, first male kiss, first…only male dance. Hell, we haven’t even slow danced yet. Is our relationship dwindling? I thought we were stronger than ever. But then Colin calls and Louis drops everything to go talk to him, doesn’t even notice how upset I am. I mean, yeah I covered it up. I had to. But I thought he’d know me well enough to see through it. Apparently not.
Yet, still, I can’t be mad at him. This is on me.
And as I jog down another street, ducking my head as I pass teenage girls, I bite back a sob that threatens to escape.
Why would Louis want me after all, when he can have Colin? Perfect Colin. I’m nothing.
Makes sense.