Ohay here is my review:

1: I like your story line!

2: Try to put more details like because first, she was happy then she was mad, then she was happy but then ran away but then they met up and had sex....? Its a bit confusing as to how she changes mood all the time...

3: The sex scene was good but it had too many exclamation marks that weren't in the dialogue....i mean I understand that the dialogue would have exclamation marks cuz its a ...sex scene.... but yea...

4: So far the story is good but just fix that up a bit and it will be amazing!!!!

Notes

As always, luv u!
-Sofi<3