Shes Not Afraid
DOH Review: 6.5
Chapters Reviewed: 1-5

Background: In this fan fiction, a former gang leader/member, Charlotte, gets kicked out of her house by her parents. Basically her life sucks right now and she needs to find a new home and get some money. She asks her old friend Claire if she could stay with her. Claire accepts this offer. You don't get introduced to one direction and Harry until the 2nd chapter. Charlotte meets Harry at a bar and they start dirty dancing. Then, she is invited to stay the night with one direction, because she is drunk. She accepts and in the morning she is driven back to her apartment by Harry.


Pros:

• There's a lot of linking pictures into the story. This it worked because it gives the readers a clearer visual
• No grammatical mistakes.
• Good use of relating to the actual song she's not afraid. I recommend relating to the song even more the make the story more unique
• I've never seen the main character like Louis so yay for being original

Cons:

• Chapters are far too long and drawn out
• Some material in the story I've seen in other fan fictions
  • "Dance for me" is in a bunch of stories
  • Charlotte is the name of the main character in "Fallen too Far"
  • Nina is the main character in "Breathe"
• Too many characters on your character list and how many you introduced
  • Normally there should be around 10ish characters including one direction
• Too many concepts introduced too early in the story
  • Use the background throughout the story not all in two chapters

DOH Suggestions:

• connect the song to the story more
• don't introduce anything new for at least 2 chapters (build on what you have now)
• try to sway away from overused fan fiction junk (make this story unique! I believe you can do it)
• Don't bring up any gang flashbacks or members for a while, it's too much information for the readers right now (if you throw out everything, the reader won't care; don't lose innocence just yet)

Notes: I think this story is something. There's a lot of stuff going on too early into the story. But if you focus on that whole Louis/Harry plot and build from there, I think this story could make it to the popular page, if you are really committed. Please contact me before you post a chapter because I would love to read it and give it tips before it is thrown into the public eye.